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There's a little town that's sweet and cozy. |
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If you need a place to get away. |
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Every street is clean and every face is rosy. |
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And every teenage girl goes all the way. |
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And just as Spring is springy, Autumn's autumny. |
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And everybody laughs when I say sodomy. |
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|
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"Sodomy" is a funny word. |
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And they say Family Guy is smart comedy. |
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Hehehehehehehe, yeah right. |
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Frickin' douche bags. |
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What the hell do they know? |
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|
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Come and take a holiday in Quahog. |
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Come and take a Quahog holiday ! |
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They make corndogs at the grocery store. |
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And last week we shipped out all the poor. |
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I get wasted every single evening. |
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D.U.I. means Drink Up If you please. |
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They serve booze at Sunday mass after you pray. |
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It's a gas, I dare say. |
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Hop a jet plane straightaway. |
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And take a Quahog holiday! |
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|
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Peter, they don't serve booze at Sunday mass; |
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that's communion wine. |
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Well, whatever it is, |
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that jackass reverend wouldn't refill my mug last week. |
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I said to him, "Listen, buddy, |
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if I'm not wasted by the time we get to the last hymn, |
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it's gonna be a personal slight to Jesus." |
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What happened? |
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They escorted me out. |
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|
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You know, folks, Quahog really is a wonderful town. |
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There's so much to do. |
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You can have a picnic on the village green, |
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spend a day at the beach. |
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Go to the mall ! |
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Or just hang around and shoot the shit. |
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Or, if you're dyslexic, toosh the tish. |
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Oh, that's wonderful, Brian, make fun of learning disabilities. |
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You know, sometimes, I have no idea who the deuce you are. |
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|
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Hey, it's Cleveland and Quagmire ! |
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Hey, can we jump in for a verse ? |
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Yeah, knock yourselves out, fellas. |
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Heh, heh, heh, all right. |
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|
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Come and take a holiday in Quahog. |
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And we mean every single day. |
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Come and take a Quahog holiday ! |
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Oh yes, a happy holiday. |
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We drink just like fish when we go out. |
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Even though it gives me nasty gout. |
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It's a town a single guy can thrive in. |
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Till his pubic hair is old and grey ! |
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Gig, gig, giggity, gig, gig, giggity, gay, |
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giggity, giggity, gig, gig, giggity, gig gay |
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It's a party every day. |
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So take a Quahog holiday! |
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|
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Hey, look, everybody, it's Mayor Adam West ! |
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Hello everyone ! |
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I was in the neighborhood and I heard singing. |
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Any time I hear singing, I have to join in. |
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|
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Come and take a holiday in Quahog. |
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Come and take a Quahog holiday. |
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Sure, the local crooks may never rest, |
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But they don't dare screw with Adam West ! |
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Every day you're cleaning up our city. |
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Everything from crime to tooth decay ! |
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I'll teach any thug that crime won't ever pay. |
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Then I'll lock them away and I call it a day |
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And take a Quahog holiday ! |
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|
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When I grow up, I want to be just like you, Mr. West. |
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Well, thank you son. |
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However, I should warn you that if you succeed in becoming exactly like me all the way down to the molecular level, |
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it could upset the material constant of the universe. |
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In which case I'd have to destroy you to ensure the physical integrity of the fabric of space and time. |
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I think my brain just peed itself. |
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|
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All right, what do you say we wrap this thing up, folks ? |
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Come and take a holiday in Quahog ! |
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Come and take a Quahog holiday. |
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We think evolution's right as rain. |
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Yes, not like Southern folks who've gone insane! |
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We've got every color and religion. |
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Noone beats you silly if you're gay ! |
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If you feel your crazy life slippin' away. |
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Pack your bags and don't delay ! |
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And come join us here today ! |
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And take a Quahog holiday. |
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And take a Quahog holiday ! |
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Holiday ! |
