[00:00.000]There's a little town that's sweet and cozy.
[00:06.641]If you need a place to get away.
[00:12.943]Every street is clean and every face is rosy.
[00:19.665]And every teenage girl goes all the way.
[00:25.923]And just as Spring is springy, Autumn's autumny.
[00:32.884]And everybody laughs when I say sodomy.
[00:41.774] 
[00:43.413]"Sodomy" is a funny word.
[00:44.960]And they say Family Guy is smart comedy.
[00:47.384]Hehehehehehehe, yeah right.
[00:49.569]Frickin' douche bags.
[00:50.906]What the hell do they know?
[00:52.014] 
[00:53.467]Come and take a holiday in Quahog.
[00:57.834]Come and take a Quahog holiday !
[01:01.863]They make corndogs at the grocery store.
[01:06.004]And last week we shipped out all the poor.
[01:10.804]I get wasted every single evening.
[01:14.870]D.U.I. means Drink Up If you please.
[01:19.429]They serve booze at Sunday mass after you pray.
[01:23.323]It's a gas, I dare say.
[01:25.270]Hop a jet plane straightaway.
[01:28.149]And take a Quahog holiday!
[01:30.647] 
[01:30.754]Peter, they don't serve booze at Sunday mass;
[01:33.085]that's communion wine.
[01:34.184]Well, whatever it is,
[01:34.990]that jackass reverend wouldn't refill my mug last week.
[01:37.528]I said to him, "Listen, buddy,
[01:39.148]if I'm not wasted by the time we get to the last hymn,
[01:41.586]it's gonna be a personal slight to Jesus."
[01:43.391]What happened?
[01:44.135]They escorted me out.
[01:45.005] 
[01:46.813]You know, folks, Quahog really is a wonderful town.
[01:49.479]There's so much to do.
[01:50.940]You can have a picnic on the village green,
[01:52.969]spend a day at the beach.
[01:54.378]Go to the mall !
[01:55.062]Or just hang around and shoot the shit.
[01:56.940]Or, if you're dyslexic, toosh the tish.
[01:59.105]Oh, that's wonderful, Brian, make fun of learning disabilities.
[02:02.461]You know, sometimes, I have no idea who the deuce you are.
[02:06.497] 
[02:07.610]Hey, it's Cleveland and Quagmire !
[02:10.063]Hey, can we jump in for a verse ?
[02:13.085]Yeah, knock yourselves out, fellas.
[02:14.563]Heh, heh, heh, all right.
[02:16.350] 
[02:18.413]Come and take a holiday in Quahog.
[02:21.017]And we mean every single day.
[02:22.911]Come and take a Quahog holiday !
[02:25.339]Oh yes, a happy holiday.
[02:27.350]We drink just like fish when we go out.
[02:31.375]Even though it gives me nasty gout.
[02:35.776]It's a town a single guy can thrive in.
[02:40.172]Till his pubic hair is old and grey !
[02:44.599]Gig, gig, giggity, gig, gig, giggity, gay,
[02:48.420]giggity, giggity, gig, gig, giggity, gig gay
[02:50.639]It's a party every day.
[02:53.226]So take a Quahog holiday!
[02:55.785] 
[02:56.052]Hey, look, everybody, it's Mayor Adam West !
[02:59.295]Hello everyone !
[03:01.400]I was in the neighborhood and I heard singing.
[03:04.153]Any time I hear singing, I have to join in.
[03:07.741] 
[03:08.394]Come and take a holiday in Quahog.
[03:12.863]Come and take a Quahog holiday.
[03:17.314]Sure, the local crooks may never rest,
[03:21.423]But they don't dare screw with Adam West !
[03:25.841]Every day you're cleaning up our city.
[03:30.213]Everything from crime to tooth decay !
[03:34.768]I'll teach any thug that crime won't ever pay.
[03:38.593]Then I'll lock them away and I call it a day
[03:43.102]And take a Quahog holiday !
[03:45.995] 
[03:46.354]When I grow up, I want to be just like you, Mr. West.
[03:50.094]Well, thank you son.
[03:51.178]However, I should warn you that if you succeed in becoming exactly like me all the way down to the molecular level,
[03:57.125]it could upset the material constant of the universe.
[03:59.759]In which case I'd have to destroy you to ensure the physical integrity of the fabric of space and time.
[04:04.757]I think my brain just peed itself.
[04:07.783] 
[04:08.702]All right, what do you say we wrap this thing up, folks ?
[04:11.305]Come and take a holiday in Quahog !
[04:16.009]Come and take a Quahog holiday.
[04:20.472]We think evolution's right as rain.
[04:23.730]Yes, not like Southern folks who've gone insane!
[04:29.091]We've got every color and religion.
[04:33.467]Noone beats you silly if you're gay !
[04:37.944]If you feel your crazy life slippin' away.
[04:41.954]Pack your bags and don't delay !
[04:43.922]And come join us here today !
[04:46.592]And take a Quahog holiday.
[04:51.022]And take a Quahog holiday !
[04:56.009]Holiday !