| 说上一段单口相声。过去我不是说相声的，我小时候家里没辙，念了几天书，就给我找了个学徒的地方。头一回是古玩铺，论起来古玩铺有真学头，里边学问不少，我学了一年多，别的没学会，就学会了抱孩子。家里看我整天给师娘抱孩子，什么也学不到，就托人送我去学厨子，就是现在说的炊事员，又是一年多，我就学会了剥葱剥蒜！后来，我觉着说相声不错，正巧我的老师就住在我们一条胡同，我就跟家里说：“我去说相声。”可是老师不收，后来怎么又收了呢？因为有这么一件事情，老师看着我够说相声的材料，又非收我这个徒弟不可。 发生件什么事呢？在我们住的胡同口有个木器铺，卖桌椅板凳，掌柜的有个外号叫“老白干”，一来说他好喝酒，喝得还挺凶。起来就喝，喝了就醉，醉了就睡，睡醒了去耍，输了回来心里懊糟，得喝；赢了钱心里痛快，更得喝。二来是说这个掌柜的待人比白干还辣，二锅头才六十五度，他这老白干足够一百零八度，对人甭提多苛刻啦。 他柜上本来有两个人替他干活，从正月初一干到腊月三十也挣不了几个钱，每天还吃不饱。就这样，老白干还觉着不上算，想来想去，想找个徒弟，就把工人散了。老白干为什么散工人，找徒弟呢？因为用徒弟只管吃穿，不给工钱，吃的是剩粥烂菜，穿的是他的破烂衣裳，一个徒弟按规矩要学三年零一节，其实有一年来的，徒弟就能干活，剩下的两年全是给他白干，而且徒弟还能伺候他。他找徒弟的贼心还挺大，老怕徒弟偷他，桌椅板凳，当然是谁也嚼不动啃不动，他最怕偷他酒喝。所以他找徒弟除了条件挺苛刻以外，还要当面考问。老白干考徒弟的方法很简单，可是挺特别，来了好几个都没考上。 头一个是他本家给荐来的。他问：“你愿意在我这儿学徒吗？”“是，愿意。”“我给你看样东西。”老白干说着就回身从柜橱里提溜瓶儿白酒出来，冲小孩一举：“你看这是什么？”小孩一看瓶签写着山西汾酒，就说：“是山西汾酒。” “啊，认识酒，还知道产地！”老白干心说：不要。小孩又说了句：“这是著名的老白干。” 啊，刚来就叫我外号！更不要啦。 介绍人把小孩领回去还直抱怨：“你怎么当面儿叫掌柜的外号？他还能收你！”您说这小孩够多冤！ 过了几天又有人给他荐了一个来，老白干还问那句：“你愿意在我这学徒呀？”“愿意。”“我给你看样东西。”老白干这回从柜橱里拎瓶黄酒出来：“你看这是什么？”“是陈绍，又叫花雕。”“啊！酒的小名你知道，大名你也知道。不要！不要！”介绍人心说：这掌柜的又喝多了吧！怎么答对了倒不要？ 就他这考法，一连几个都没考上。后来这件事就传到我耳朵里了。我就跟家里人说：“我上木器铺学徒。”家里说：“那可不行，老白干对工人那么辣，上他那儿学徒，谁也受不了。”我说：“我能受得了。”“他可不管饱吃！”我说：“那没关系。”“他得考。”我说：“我去了，一考就中。”家里见我非去不可，就托人把我荐去了。我跟介绍人到了木器铺之后，对我也还是那一套。 “你愿意在我这儿学徒吗？” “啊。” “受得了吗？” “我没享过福。” “我给你样东西瞧瞧。”说着也从柜橱里提溜出一瓶白干酒：“这是什么？” 我看了看瓶签儿一摇头：“不知道。” “嗯！有点儿意思。”又回手拿出瓶黄酒来；“这是什么？” 我还是一摇头：“不知道。” “嗯！”老白干把瓶盖打开，把酒瓶往我胸前一举：“你问闻是什么？” 我伸着鼻子一闻，一皱眉头，往后一退。 “闻闻是什么？ “马尿！” “好！好！就是你，可找着好徒弟了！好极了！” 介绍人在旁边又气又笑，心说：这老白干是什么毛病？把酒当马尿，骂了你，你倒要了，真是什么人都有。 从这以后，我就在木器铺学上徒了。这家伙是够厉害的，我起五更，睡半夜，还没吃过饱饭。老白干又好打牌，每天不过十二点不回来，我得给等门。他半夜回来，我就得给他拢火沏茶，他还说费煤：“你来这么几天，烧多少煤球儿啦！得省着点儿。”我说：“唉。” 有一天，他傍天亮回来的，我没给拢火，过去一看，老白干躺在床上睡得挺香，嘴里还红中、白板的说着梦话，我走过去：“掌柜的！掌柜的！您醒醒！”老白干一翻身揉了揉眼睛：“什么事呀？”我说：“掌柜的您不是让我省着点烧煤吗！刚才我拢火数了数一共烧了四十八个煤球。”“嗐！这事你告诉我干吗，成心捣乱。去！去！”从这儿起他再也不说费煤了。 这天老白干赢了钱，买了只老母鸡、一块火腿、两瓶酒回来，打算大吃大喝一顿。等他刚睡醒觉，牌友儿就来找他去打牌，他赢了钱，正惦记着要，就跟牌友儿去了。临走的时候对我说：“我打牌去了，明儿早晨回来。在柜上好好看门儿。看见了吗？这是块火腿，你把它挂在墙上，留神别让猫偷去。”“唉！” “还有后院那只老母鸡，千万别让隔壁那条大黄狗叼去！”“唉！”说着又一指柜门：“我柜里有两瓶东西，要特别注意，那是——两瓶——毒药。一瓶红砒霜；一瓶绿砒霜。吃了就死，千万别动！”“唉。”“记住了吗？”记住了。”说完他就走了。 等他走之后，我准知道他得天亮回来，我一想：我这徒弟也就学到这儿啦，没法再往下学啦。我到后院把老母鸡逮着，托着火腿奔了胡同里一个饭铺，我常到这个饭铺给老白干叫饭，跟他们都熟，进门我说：“掌柜的，我们掌柜的说啦，最近来了批木料，用完了，给你们留个墩子。我们掌柜的说，有只老母鸡，让您给收拾收拾，还有块火腿，请您给剁一剁。” “好！行！行！”饭铺掌柜的贪图个墩子，把鸡和火腿接过去，当时就把鸡给宰了，毛也腿净了，膛也开了，还给剁成了块儿，火腿也给剁开了。我拿回去之后，就焖鸡，蒸火腿，一会儿的工夫，火腿也烂了，鸡也熟了，我把两瓶酒拿出来，一瓶“状元红”，一瓶“葡萄绿”，我是连吃带喝，不大会儿就是碗干，碟儿净，瓶子空。把家什收拾好，骨头一扔，酒瓶子往地下一倒，躺在老白干的铺上就呼呼地睡起来。 天快亮的时候，老白干输得精光，带着一肚子气回来了。一进门，就闻见酒气扑鼻，走到里边，见我躺在床上睡得正香，俩空酒瓶子倒在地上，抬头看墙上，火腿没啦。跑到后院，一找老母鸡也没影了。老白干这个气；“噢！你全给开啦！”走过来就给我一巴掌：“起来！醒醒！起来！”我坐起来一揉眼，见是老白干，我就假装哭上啦：“掌柜的您可回来啦？”“我不回来还死在外边，你还哭哪！” “掌柜的，您听我说。” “说什么呀！我的鸡哪？” “是呀，您听我说呀！您走之后，我正看着买卖，就听后院鸡叫，我跑去一看，是隔壁的大黄狗把鸡叼去啦。我当然得追去啦，可是没追上；等我回来一看，谁知火腿又让猫偷去啦。我一想：鸡和火腿都丢了，您回来非打我不可，我可怎么办哪？这时候我想起您说的两瓶毒药来啦，我想，我就药死了吧！我先把那瓶绿的喝下去啦，谁知道一点儿事都没有，我就又把那瓶红的喝啦。掌柜的您可别打我呀！” 老白干一听这气呀，他也不好说那是酒啦，气得直跺脚：“嘿！好！——你呀！——你好！” 这时候我还气他，我说：“掌柜的两瓶毒药我都喝了怎么还不死呢？” “嘿！不死——不死，那是药力不够！” “药力不够，您再给我来两瓶得啦！” |
| shuo shang yi duan dan kou xiang sheng. guo qu wo bu shi shuo xiang sheng de, wo xiao shi hou jia li mei zhe, nian le ji tian shu, jiu gei wo zhao le ge xue tu de di fang. tou yi hui shi gu wan pu, lun qi lai gu wan pu you zhen xue tou, li bian xue wen bu shao, wo xue le yi nian duo, bie de mei xue hui, jiu xue hui le bao hai zi. jia li kan wo zheng tian gei shi niang bao hai zi, shen me ye xue bu dao, jiu tuo ren song wo qu xue chu zi, jiu shi xian zai shuo de chui shi yuan, you shi yi nian duo, wo jiu xue hui le bo cong bo suan! hou lai, wo jue zhe shuo xiang sheng bu cuo, zheng qiao wo de lao shi jiu zhu zai wo men yi tiao hu tong, wo jiu gen jia li shuo:" wo qu shuo xiang sheng." ke shi lao shi bu shou, hou lai zen me you shou le ne? yin wei you zhe me yi jian shi qing, lao shi kan zhe wo gou shuo xiang sheng de cai liao, you fei shou wo zhe ge tu di bu ke. fa sheng jian shen me shi ne? zai wo men zhu de hu tong kou you ge mu qi pu, mai zhuo yi ban deng, zhang gui de you ge wai hao jiao" lao bai gan", yi lai shuo ta hao he jiu, he de hai ting xiong. qi lai jiu he, he le jiu zui, zui le jiu shui, shui xing le qu shua, shu le hui lai xin li ao zao, de he ying le qian xin li tong kuai, geng de he. er lai shi shuo zhe ge zhang gui de dai ren bi bai gan hai la, er guo tou cai liu shi wu du, ta zhe lao bai gan zu gou yi bai ling ba du, dui ren beng ti duo ke ke la. ta gui shang ben lai you liang ge ren ti ta gan huo, cong zheng yue chu yi gan dao la yue san shi ye zheng bu liao ji ge qian, mei tian hai chi bu bao. jiu zhe yang, lao bai gan hai jue zhe bu shang suan, xiang lai xiang qu, xiang zhao ge tu di, jiu ba gong ren san le. lao bai gan wei shi me san gong ren, zhao tu di ne? yin wei yong tu di zhi guan chi chuan, bu gei gong qian, chi de shi sheng zhou lan cai, chuan de shi ta de po lan yi shang, yi ge tu di an gui ju yao xue san nian ling yi jie, qi shi you yi nian lai de, tu di jiu neng gan huo, sheng xia de liang nian quan shi gei ta bai gan, er qie tu di hai neng ci hou ta. ta zhao tu di de zei xin hai ting da, lao pa tu di tou ta, zhuo yi ban deng, dang ran shi shui ye jue bu dong ken bu dong, ta zui pa tou ta jiu he. suo yi ta zhao tu di chu le tiao jian ting ke ke yi wai, hai yao dang mian kao wen. lao bai gan kao tu di de fang fa hen jian dan, ke shi ting te bie, lai le hao ji ge dou mei kao shang. tou yi ge shi ta ben jia gei jian lai de. ta wen:" ni yuan yi zai wo zhe er xue tu ma?"" shi, yuan yi."" wo gei ni kan yang dong xi." lao bai gan shuo zhe jiu hui shen cong gui chu li di liu ping er bai jiu chu lai, chong xiao hai yi ju:" ni kan zhe shi shen me?" xiao hai yi kan ping qian xie zhe shan xi fen jiu, jiu shuo:" shi shan xi fen jiu." " a, ren shi jiu, hai zhi dao chan di!" lao bai gan xin shuo: bu yao. xiao hai you shuo le ju:" zhe shi zhu ming de lao bai gan." a, gang lai jiu jiao wo wai hao! geng bu yao la. jie shao ren ba xiao hai ling hui qu hai zhi bao yuan:" ni zen me dang mian r jiao zhang gui de wai hao? ta hai neng shou ni!" nin shuo zhe xiao hai gou duo yuan! guo le ji tian you you ren gei ta jian le yi ge lai, lao bai gan hai wen na ju:" ni yuan yi zai wo zhe xue tu ya?"" yuan yi."" wo gei ni kan yang dong xi." lao bai gan zhe hui cong gui chu li lin ping huang jiu chu lai:" ni kan zhe shi shen me?"" shi chen shao, you jiao hua diao."" a! jiu de xiao ming ni zhi dao, da ming ni ye zhi dao. bu yao! bu yao!" jie shao ren xin shuo: zhe zhang gui de you he duo le ba! zen me da dui le dao bu yao? jiu ta zhe kao fa, yi lian ji ge dou mei kao shang. hou lai zhe jian shi jiu chuan dao wo er duo li le. wo jiu gen jia li ren shuo:" wo shang mu qi pu xue tu." jia li shuo:" na ke bu xing, lao bai gan dui gong ren na me la, shang ta na er xue tu, shui ye shou bu liao." wo shuo:" wo neng shou de liao."" ta ke bu guan bao chi!" wo shuo:" na mei guan xi."" ta de kao." wo shuo:" wo qu le, yi kao jiu zhong." jia li jian wo fei qu bu ke, jiu tuo ren ba wo jian qu le. wo gen jie shao ren dao le mu qi pu zhi hou, dui wo ye hai shi na yi tao. " ni yuan yi zai wo zhe er xue tu ma?" " a." " shou de liao ma?" " wo mei xiang guo fu." " wo gei ni yang dong xi qiao qiao." shuo zhe ye cong gui chu li di liu chu yi ping bai gan jiu:" zhe shi shen me?" wo kan le kan ping qian er yi yao tou:" bu zhi dao." " ! you dian er yi si." you hui shou na chu ping huang jiu lai" zhe shi shen me?" wo hai shi yi yao tou:" bu zhi dao." " !" lao bai gan ba ping gai da kai, ba jiu ping wang wo xiong qian yi ju:" ni wen wen shi shen me?" wo shen zhe bi zi yi wen, yi zhou mei tou, wang hou yi tui. " wen wen shi shen me? " ma niao!" " hao! hao! jiu shi ni, ke zhao zhao hao tu di le! hao ji le!" jie shao ren zai pang bian you qi you xiao, xin shuo: zhe lao bai gan shi shen me mao bing? ba jiu dang ma niao, ma le ni, ni dao yao le, zhen shi shen me ren dou you. cong zhe yi hou, wo jiu zai mu qi pu xue shang tu le. zhe jia huo shi gou li hai de, wo qi wu geng, shui ban ye, hai mei chi guo bao fan. lao bai gan you hao da pai, mei tian bu guo shi er dian bu hui lai, wo de gei deng men. ta ban ye hui lai, wo jiu de gei ta long huo qi cha, ta hai shuo fei mei:" ni lai zhe me ji tian, shao duo shao mei qiu er la! de sheng zhe dian er." wo shuo:" ai." you yi tian, ta bang tian liang hui lai de, wo mei gei long huo, guo qu yi kan, lao bai gan tang zai chuang shang shui de ting xiang, zui li hai hong zhong bai ban de shuo zhe meng hua, wo zou guo qu:" zhang gui de! zhang gui de! nin xing xing!" lao bai gan yi fan shen rou le rou yan jing:" shen me shi ya?" wo shuo:" zhang gui de nin bu shi rang wo sheng zhe dian shao mei ma! gang cai wo long huo shu le shu yi gong shao le si shi ba ge mei qiu."" hai! zhe shi ni gao su wo gan ma, cheng xin dao luan. qu! qu!" cong zhe er qi ta zai ye bu shuo fei mei le. zhe tian lao bai gan ying le qian, mai le zhi lao mu ji yi kuai huo tui liang ping jiu hui lai, da suan da chi da he yi dun. deng ta gang shui xing jue, pai you er jiu lai zhao ta qu da pai, ta ying le qian, zheng dian ji zhe yao, jiu gen pai you er qu le. lin zou de shi hou dui wo shuo:" wo da pai qu le, ming er zao chen hui lai. zai gui shang hao hao kan men er. kan jian le ma? zhe shi kuai huo tui, ni ba ta gua zai qiang shang, liu shen bie rang mao tou qu."" ai!" " hai you hou yuan na zhi lao mu ji, qian wan bie rang ge bi na tiao dai huang gou diao qu!"" ai!" shuo zhe you yi zhi gui men:" wo gui li you liang ping dong xi, yao te bie zhu yi, na shi liang ping du yao. yi ping hong pi shuang yi ping lv pi shuang. chi le jiu si, qian wan bie dong!"" ai."" ji zhu le ma?" ji zhu le." shuo wan ta jiu zou le. deng ta zou zhi hou, wo zhun zhi dao ta de tian liang hui lai, wo yi xiang: wo zhe tu di ye jiu xue dao zhe er la, mei fa zai wang xia xue la. wo dao hou yuan ba lao mu ji dai zhe, tuo zhao huo tui ben le hu tong li yi ge fan pu, wo chang dao zhe ge fan pu gei lao bai gan jiao fan, gen ta men dou shu, jin men wo shuo:" zhang gui de, wo men zhang gui de shuo la, zui jin lai le pi mu liao, yong wan le, gei ni men liu ge dun zi. wo men zhang gui de shuo, you zhi lao mu ji, rang nin gei shou shi shou shi, hai you kuai huo tui, qing nin gei duo yi duo." " hao! xing! xing!" fan pu zhang gui de tan tu ge dun zi, ba ji he huo tui jie guo qu, dang shi jiu ba ji gei zai le, mao ye tui jing le, tang ye kai le, huan gei duo cheng le kuai er, huo tui ye gei duo kai le. wo na hui qu zhi hou, jiu men ji, zheng huo tui, yi hui er de gong fu, huo tui ye lan le, ji ye shu le, wo ba liang ping jiu na chu lai, yi ping" zhuang yuan hong", yi ping" pu tao lv", wo shi lian chi dai he, bu da hui er jiu shi wan gan, die er jing, ping zi kong. ba jia shi shou shi hao, gu tou yi reng, jiu ping zi wang di xia yi dao, tang zai lao bai gan de pu shang jiu hu hu di shui qi lai. tian kuai liang de shi hou, lao bai gan shu de jing guang, dai zhe yi du zi qi hui lai le. yi jin men, jiu wen jian jiu qi pu bi, zou dao li bian, jian wo tang zai chuang shang shui de zheng xiang, lia kong jiu ping zi dao zai di shang, tai tou kan qiang shang, huo tui mei la. pao dao hou yuan, yi zhao lao mu ji ye mei ying le. lao bai gan zhe ge qi" o! ni quan gei kai la!" zou guo lai jiu gei wo yi ba zhang:" qi lai! xing xing! qi lai!" wo zuo qi lai yi rou yan, jian shi lao bai gan, wo jiu jia zhuang ku shang la:" zhang gui de nin ke hui lai la?"" wo bu hui lai huan si zai wai bian, ni hai ku na!" " zhang gui de, nin ting wo shuo." " shuo shi mo ya! wo de ji na?" " shi ya, nin ting wo shuo ya! nin zou zhi hou, wo zheng kan zhe mai mai, jiu ting hou yuan ji jiao, wo pao qu yi kan, shi ge bi de dai huang gou ba ji diao qu la. wo dang ran de zhui qu la, ke shi mei zhui shang deng wo hui lai yi kan, shei zhi huo tui you rang mao tou qu la. wo yi xiang: ji he huo tui dou diu le, nin hui lai fei da wo bu ke, wo ke zen me ban na? zhe shi hou wo xiang qi nin shuo de liang ping du yao lai la, wo xiang, wo jiu yao si le ba! wo xian ba na ping lv de he xia qu la, shei zhi dao yi dian er shi dou mei you, wo jiu you ba na ping hong de he la. zhang gui de nin ke bie da wo ya!" lao bai gan yi ting zhe qi ya, ta ye bu hao shuo na shi jiu la, qi de zhi duo jiao:" hei! hao! ni ya! ni hao!" zhe shi hou wo hai qi ta, wo shuo:" zhang gui de liang ping du yao wo dou he le zen me hai bu si ne?" " hei! bu si bu si, na shi yao li bu gou!" " yao li bu gou, nin zai gei wo lai liang ping de la!" |
| shuō shàng yī duàn dān kǒu xiàng sheng. guò qù wǒ bú shì shuō xiàng sheng de, wǒ xiǎo shí hòu jiā lǐ méi zhé, niàn le jǐ tiān shū, jiù gěi wǒ zhǎo le gè xué tú de dì fāng. tóu yī huí shì gǔ wán pù, lùn qǐ lái gǔ wán pù yǒu zhēn xué tóu, lǐ biān xué wèn bù shǎo, wǒ xué le yī nián duō, bié de méi xué huì, jiù xué huì le bào hái zi. jiā lǐ kàn wǒ zhěng tiān gěi shī niáng bào hái zi, shén me yě xué bú dào, jiù tuō rén sòng wǒ qù xué chú zǐ, jiù shì xiàn zài shuō de chuī shì yuán, yòu shì yī nián duō, wǒ jiù xué huì le bō cōng bō suàn! hòu lái, wǒ jué zhe shuō xiàng sheng bù cuò, zhèng qiǎo wǒ de lǎo shī jiù zhù zài wǒ men yī tiáo hú tòng, wǒ jiù gēn jiā lǐ shuō:" wǒ qù shuō xiàng sheng." kě shì lǎo shī bù shōu, hòu lái zěn me yòu shōu le ne? yīn wèi yǒu zhè me yī jiàn shì qíng, lǎo shī kàn zhe wǒ gòu shuō xiàng sheng de cái liào, yòu fēi shōu wǒ zhè gè tú dì bù kě. fā shēng jiàn shén me shì ne? zài wǒ men zhù de hú tòng kǒu yǒu gè mù qì pù, mài zhuō yǐ bǎn dèng, zhǎng guì de yǒu gè wài háo jiào" lǎo bái gàn", yī lái shuō tā hǎo hē jiǔ, hē dé hái tǐng xiōng. qǐ lái jiù hē, hē le jiù zuì, zuì le jiù shuì, shuì xǐng le qù shuǎ, shū le huí lái xīn lǐ ào zāo, dé hē yíng le qián xīn lǐ tòng kuài, gèng dé hē. èr lái shì shuō zhè gè zhǎng guì de dài rén bǐ bái gàn hái là, èr guō tóu cái liù shí wǔ dù, tā zhè lǎo bái gàn zú gòu yī bǎi líng bā dù, duì rén béng tí duō kē kè la. tā guì shàng běn lái yǒu liǎng gè rén tì tā gàn huó, cóng zhēng yuè chū yī gàn dào là yuè sān shí yě zhēng bù liǎo jǐ gè qián, měi tiān hái chī bù bǎo. jiù zhè yàng, lǎo bái gàn hái jué zhe bù shàng suàn, xiǎng lái xiǎng qù, xiǎng zhǎo gè tú dì, jiù bǎ gōng rén sàn le. lǎo bái gàn wèi shí me sǎn gōng rén, zhǎo tú dì ne? yīn wèi yòng tú dì zhǐ guǎn chī chuān, bù gěi gōng qián, chī de shì shèng zhōu làn cài, chuān de shì tā de pò làn yī shang, yí gè tú dì àn guī jǔ yào xué sān nián líng yī jié, qí shí yǒu yī nián lái de, tú dì jiù néng gàn huó, shèng xià de liǎng nián quán shì gěi tā bái gàn, ér qiě tú dì hái néng cì hou tā. tā zhǎo tú dì de zéi xīn hái tǐng dà, lǎo pà tú dì tōu tā, zhuō yǐ bǎn dèng, dāng rán shì shuí yě jué bù dòng kěn bù dòng, tā zuì pà tōu tā jiǔ hē. suǒ yǐ tā zhǎo tú dì chú le tiáo jiàn tǐng kē kè yǐ wài, hái yào dāng miàn kǎo wèn. lǎo bái gàn kǎo tú dì de fāng fǎ hěn jiǎn dān, kě shì tǐng tè bié, lái le hǎo jǐ gè dōu méi kǎo shàng. tóu yí gè shì tā běn jiā gěi jiàn lái de. tā wèn:" nǐ yuàn yì zài wǒ zhè ér xué tú ma?"" shì, yuàn yì."" wǒ gěi nǐ kàn yàng dōng xī." lǎo bái gàn shuō zhe jiù huí shēn cóng guì chú lǐ dī liū píng ér bái jiǔ chū lái, chōng xiǎo hái yī jǔ:" nǐ kàn zhè shì shén me?" xiǎo hái yī kàn píng qiān xiě zhe shān xī fén jiǔ, jiù shuō:" shì shān xī fén jiǔ." " a, rèn shi jiǔ, hái zhī dào chǎn dì!" lǎo bái gàn xīn shuō: bú yào. xiǎo hái yòu shuō le jù:" zhè shì zhù míng de lǎo bái gàn." a, gāng lái jiù jiào wǒ wài hào! gèng bú yào la. jiè shào rén bǎ xiǎo hái lǐng huí qù hái zhí bào yuàn:" nǐ zěn me dāng miàn r jiào zhǎng guì de wài hào? tā hái néng shōu nǐ!" nín shuō zhè xiǎo hái gòu duō yuān! guò le jǐ tiān yòu yǒu rén gěi tā jiàn le yí gè lái, lǎo bái gàn hái wèn nà jù:" nǐ yuàn yì zài wǒ zhè xué tú ya?"" yuàn yì."" wǒ gěi nǐ kàn yàng dōng xī." lǎo bái gàn zhè huí cóng guì chú lǐ līn píng huáng jiǔ chū lái:" nǐ kàn zhè shì shén me?"" shì chén shào, yòu jiào huā diāo."" a! jiǔ de xiǎo míng nǐ zhī dào, dà míng nǐ yě zhī dào. bú yào! bú yào!" jiè shào rén xīn shuō: zhè zhǎng guì de yòu hē duō le ba! zěn me dá duì le dào bú yào? jiù tā zhè kǎo fǎ, yī lián jǐ gè dōu méi kǎo shàng. hòu lái zhè jiàn shì jiù chuán dào wǒ ěr duǒ lǐ le. wǒ jiù gēn jiā lǐ rén shuō:" wǒ shàng mù qì pù xué tú." jiā lǐ shuō:" nà kě bù xíng, lǎo bái gàn duì gōng rén nà me là, shàng tā nà ér xué tú, shuí yě shòu bù liǎo." wǒ shuō:" wǒ néng shòu de liǎo."" tā kě bù guǎn bǎo chī!" wǒ shuō:" nà méi guān xì."" tā dé kǎo." wǒ shuō:" wǒ qù le, yī kǎo jiù zhōng." jiā lǐ jiàn wǒ fēi qù bù kě, jiù tuō rén bǎ wǒ jiàn qù le. wǒ gēn jiè shào rén dào le mù qì pù zhī hòu, duì wǒ yě hái shì nà yī tào. " nǐ yuàn yì zài wǒ zhè ér xué tú ma?" " a." " shòu de liǎo ma?" " wǒ méi xiǎng guò fú." " wǒ gěi nǐ yàng dōng xī qiáo qiáo." shuō zhe yě cóng guì chú lǐ dī liū chū yī píng bái gàn jiǔ:" zhè shì shén me?" wǒ kàn le kàn píng qiān ér yī yáo tóu:" bù zhī dào." " ! yǒu diǎn ér yì sī." yòu huí shǒu ná chū píng huáng jiǔ lái" zhè shì shén me?" wǒ hái shì yī yáo tóu:" bù zhī dào." " !" lǎo bái gàn bǎ píng gài dǎ kāi, bǎ jiǔ píng wǎng wǒ xiōng qián yī jǔ:" nǐ wèn wén shì shén me?" wǒ shēn zhe bí zi yī wén, yī zhòu méi tóu, wǎng hòu yī tuì. " wén wén shì shén me? " mǎ niào!" " hǎo! hǎo! jiù shì nǐ, kě zhǎo zháo hǎo tú dì le! hǎo jí le!" jiè shào rén zài páng biān yòu qì yòu xiào, xīn shuō: zhè lǎo bái gàn shì shén me máo bìng? bǎ jiǔ dāng mǎ niào, mà le nǐ, nǐ dào yào le, zhēn shì shén me rén dōu yǒu. cóng zhè yǐ hòu, wǒ jiù zài mù qì pù xué shàng tú le. zhè jiā huo shì gòu lì hài de, wǒ qǐ wǔ gēng, shuì bàn yè, hái méi chī guò bǎo fàn. lǎo bái gàn yòu hǎo dǎ pái, měi tiān bù guò shí èr diǎn bù huí lái, wǒ dé gěi děng mén. tā bàn yè huí lái, wǒ jiù dé gěi tā lǒng huǒ qī chá, tā hái shuō fèi méi:" nǐ lái zhè me jǐ tiān, shāo duō shǎo méi qiú ér la! dé shěng zhe diǎn ér." wǒ shuō:" āi." yǒu yì tiān, tā bàng tiān liàng huí lái de, wǒ méi gěi lǒng huǒ, guò qù yī kàn, lǎo bái gàn tǎng zài chuáng shàng shuì dé tǐng xiāng, zuǐ lǐ hái hóng zhōng bái bǎn de shuō zhe mèng huà, wǒ zǒu guò qù:" zhǎng guì de! zhǎng guì de! nín xǐng xǐng!" lǎo bái gàn yī fān shēn róu le róu yǎn jīng:" shén me shì ya?" wǒ shuō:" zhǎng guì de nín bú shì ràng wǒ shěng zhe diǎn shāo méi ma! gāng cái wǒ lǒng huǒ shù le shù yī gòng shāo le sì shí bā gè méi qiú."" hài! zhè shì nǐ gào sù wǒ gàn má, chéng xīn dǎo luàn. qù! qù!" cóng zhè ér qǐ tā zài yě bù shuō fèi méi le. zhè tiān lǎo bái gàn yíng le qián, mǎi le zhǐ lǎo mǔ jī yí kuài huǒ tuǐ liǎng píng jiǔ huí lái, dǎ suàn dà chī dà hè yī dùn. děng tā gāng shuì xǐng jué, pái yǒu ér jiù lái zhǎo tā qù dǎ pái, tā yíng le qián, zhèng diàn jì zhe yào, jiù gēn pái yǒu ér qù le. lín zǒu de shí hòu duì wǒ shuō:" wǒ dǎ pái qù le, míng ér zǎo chén huí lái. zài guì shàng hǎo hǎo kān mén ér. kàn jiàn le ma? zhè shì kuài huǒ tuǐ, nǐ bǎ tā guà zài qiáng shàng, liú shén bié ràng māo tōu qù."" āi!" " hái yǒu hòu yuàn nà zhǐ lǎo mǔ jī, qiān wàn bié ràng gé bì nà tiáo dài huáng gǒu diāo qù!"" āi!" shuō zhe yòu yī zhǐ guì mén:" wǒ guì lǐ yǒu liǎng píng dōng xī, yào tè bié zhù yì, nà shi liǎng píng dú yào. yī píng hóng pī shuāng yī píng lǜ pī shuāng. chī le jiù sǐ, qiān wàn bié dòng!"" āi."" jì zhù le ma?" jì zhù le." shuō wán tā jiù zǒu le. děng tā zǒu zhī hòu, wǒ zhǔn zhī dào tā dé tiān liàng huí lái, wǒ yī xiǎng: wǒ zhè tú dì yě jiù xué dào zhè ér la, méi fǎ zài wǎng xià xué la. wǒ dào hòu yuàn bǎ lǎo mǔ jī dǎi zhe, tuō zháo huǒ tuǐ bēn le hú tòng lǐ yí gè fàn pù, wǒ cháng dào zhè gè fàn pù gěi lǎo bái gàn jiào fàn, gēn tā men dōu shú, jìn mén wǒ shuō:" zhǎng guì de, wǒ men zhǎng guì de shuō la, zuì jìn lái le pī mù liào, yòng wán le, gěi nǐ men liú gè dūn zǐ. wǒ men zhǎng guì de shuō, yǒu zhǐ lǎo mǔ jī, ràng nín gěi shōu shi shōu shi, hái yǒu kuài huǒ tuǐ, qǐng nín gěi duò yī duò." " hǎo! xíng! xíng!" fàn pù zhǎng guì de tān tú gè dūn zǐ, bǎ jī hé huǒ tuǐ jiē guò qù, dāng shí jiù bǎ jī gěi zǎi le, máo yě tuǐ jìng le, táng yě kāi le, huán gěi duò chéng le kuài ér, huǒ tuǐ yě gěi duò kāi le. wǒ ná huí qù zhī hòu, jiù mèn jī, zhēng huǒ tuǐ, yī huì ér de gōng fū, huǒ tuǐ yě làn le, jī yě shú le, wǒ bǎ liǎng píng jiǔ ná chū lái, yī píng" zhuàng yuán hóng", yī píng" pú táo lǜ", wǒ shì lián chī dài hē, bù dà huì ér jiù shì wǎn gàn, dié ér jìng, píng zi kōng. bǎ jiā shí shōu shí hǎo, gú tou yī rēng, jiǔ píng zi wǎng dì xià yī dào, tǎng zài lǎo bái gàn de pù shàng jiù hū hū dì shuì qǐ lái. tiān kuài liàng de shí hòu, lǎo bái gàn shū dé jīng guāng, dài zhe yī dǔ zi qì huí lái le. yī jìn mén, jiù wén jiàn jiǔ qì pū bí, zǒu dào lǐ biān, jiàn wǒ tǎng zài chuáng shàng shuì dé zhèng xiāng, liǎ kōng jiǔ píng zi dào zài dì shàng, tái tóu kàn qiáng shàng, huǒ tuǐ méi la. pǎo dào hòu yuàn, yī zhǎo lǎo mǔ jī yě méi yǐng le. lǎo bái gàn zhè gè qì" ō! nǐ quán gěi kāi la!" zǒu guò lái jiù gěi wǒ yī bā zhǎng:" qǐ lái! xǐng xǐng! qǐ lái!" wǒ zuò qǐ lái yī róu yǎn, jiàn shì lǎo bái gàn, wǒ jiù jiǎ zhuāng kū shàng la:" zhǎng guì de nín kě huí lái la?"" wǒ bù huí lái huán sǐ zài wài biān, nǐ hái kū nǎ!" " zhǎng guì de, nín tīng wǒ shuō." " shuō shí mǒ ya! wǒ de jī nǎ?" " shì ya, nín tīng wǒ shuō ya! nín zǒu zhī hòu, wǒ zhèng kàn zhe mǎi mài, jiù tīng hòu yuàn jī jiào, wǒ pǎo qù yī kàn, shì gé bì de dài huáng gǒu bǎ jī diāo qù la. wǒ dāng rán dé zhuī qù la, kě shì méi zhuī shàng děng wǒ huí lái yī kàn, shéi zhī huǒ tuǐ yòu ràng māo tōu qù la. wǒ yī xiǎng: jī hé huǒ tuǐ dōu diū le, nín huí lái fēi dǎ wǒ bù kě, wǒ kě zěn me bàn nǎ? zhè shí hòu wǒ xiǎng qǐ nín shuō de liǎng píng dú yào lái la, wǒ xiǎng, wǒ jiù yào sǐ le ba! wǒ xiān bǎ nà píng lǜ de hē xià qù la, shéi zhī dào yì diǎn ér shì dōu méi yǒu, wǒ jiù yòu bǎ nà píng hóng de hē la. zhǎng guì de nín kě bié dǎ wǒ ya!" lǎo bái gàn yī tīng zhè qì ya, tā yě bù hǎo shuō nà shi jiǔ la, qì dé zhí duò jiǎo:" hēi! hǎo! nǐ ya! nǐ hǎo!" zhè shí hòu wǒ hái qì tā, wǒ shuō:" zhǎng guì de liǎng píng dú yào wǒ dōu hē le zěn me hái bù sǐ ne?" " hēi! bù sǐ bù sǐ, nà shi yào lì bù gòu!" " yào lì bù gòu, nín zài gěi wǒ lái liǎng píng dé la!" |
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