| [00:10.000] |
I was lonelier than Kunta Kinte at a Merle Haggard concert |
| [00:13.000] |
That night I strolled on into Uncle Limpy's Hump Palace lookin' for love. |
| [00:19.000] |
It had been a while. |
| [00:21.000] |
In fact, three hundred and sixty-five had come and went |
| [00:24.000] |
since that midnight run haulin' hog to Shakey Town on I-10. |
| [00:28.000] |
I had picked up this hitchhiker that was sweatin' gallons |
| [00:31.500] |
through a pair of Daisy Duke cut-offs and one of those Fruit Of The Loom tank-tops. |
| [00:36.000] |
Well, that night I lost myself to ruby red lips, |
| [00:40.000] |
milky white skin and baby blue eyes. |
| [00:44.800] |
name was Russell. |
| [00:45.700] |
Yes, a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin' |
| [00:55.000] |
Yes, a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin' |
| [01:04.000] |
Well I find it's quite a thrill |
| [01:08.800] |
When she grinds me against her will |
| [01:13.000] |
Yes a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin' |
| [01:24.000] |
Well, faster than you can say, "shallow grave", |
| [01:27.500] |
this pretty little thing come up to me and starts kneadin' my balls |
| [01:30.000] |
like hard-boiled eggs in a tube sock. |
| [01:33.500] |
Said her name was Bambi and I said, "Well that's a coincidence darlin', |
| [01:38.000] |
cause I was just thinkin' about skinnin' you like a deer." |
| [01:41.000] |
Well she smiled, had about as much teeth as a Jack-O-Lantern, |
| [01:45.500] |
and I went on to tell her how I would wear her face like a mask |
| [01:48.500] |
as I do my little kooky dance. |
| [01:51.000] |
And then she told me to shush. |
| [01:53.000] |
I guess she could sense my desperation. |
| [01:56.000] |
Course, it's hard to hide a hard-on when you're dressed like Minnie Pearl. |
| [02:00.000] |
Yes, a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin' |
| [02:09.000] |
Yes, a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin' |
| [02:18.000] |
Well I find it's quite a thrill |
| [02:23.000] |
When she grinds me against her will |
| [02:27.800] |
Yes, a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin' |
| [02:38.000] |
So, Bambi's goin' on about how she can make all my fantasies come true. |
| [02:42.800] |
So I says, "Even this one I have where Jesus Christ |
| [02:46.500] |
is jackhammering Mickey Mouse in the doo-doo hole |
| [02:48.800] |
with a lawn dart as Garth Brooks gives birth to something |
| [02:51.300] |
resembling a cheddar cheese log with almonds on Santa Claus's tummy-tum?" |
| [02:55.300] |
Well, ten beers, twenty minutes and thirty dollars later |
| [02:58.800] |
I'm parkin' the beef bus in tuna town if you know what I mean. |
| [03:02.000] |
Got the nailer back at her trailer. |
| [03:04.700] |
Heh. That rhymes. |
| [03:07.800] |
I have to admit it was even more of a turn-on |
| [03:10.300] |
when I found out she was doin' me to buy baby formula. |
| [03:14.000] |
Yes, a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin' |
| [03:23.000] |
Yes, a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin' |
| [03:32.000] |
Well I find it's quite a thrill |
| [03:37.000] |
When she grinds me against her will |
| [03:41.700] |
Yes, a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin' |
| [03:52.000] |
Day or so had passed when I popped the clutch, |
| [03:54.400] |
gave the tranny a spin and slid on into |
| [03:56.800] |
The Stinky Pinky Gulp N' Guzzle Big Rig Snooze-A-Stop. |
| [04:00.200] |
There I was browsin' through the latest issue of "Throb", |
| [04:03.500] |
when I saw Bambi starin' at me from the back of a milk carton. |
| [04:08.800] |
Well, my heart just dropped. |
| [04:10.200] |
So, I decided to do what any good Christian would. |
| [04:14.000] |
You can not imagine how difficult it is to hold a half gallon of moo juice |
| [04:18.500] |
and polish the one-eyed gopher when your doin' seventy-five |
| [04:20.800] |
in an eighteen-wheeler. |
| [04:22.800] |
I never thought missing children could be so sexy. |
| [04:26.200] |
Did I say that out loud? |
| [04:28.000] |
Yes, a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin' |
| [04:37.000] |
Yes, a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin' |
| [04:46.000] |
Well I find it's quite a thrill |
| [04:50.800] |
When she grinds me against her will |
| [04:55.700] |
Yes, a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin' |
| [05:05.000] |
END |
