[00:10.000]I was lonelier than Kunta Kinte at a Merle Haggard concert
[00:13.000]That night I strolled on into Uncle Limpy's Hump Palace lookin' for love.
[00:19.000]It had been a while.
[00:21.000]In fact, three hundred and sixty-five had come and went
[00:24.000]since that midnight run haulin' hog to Shakey Town on I-10.
[00:28.000]I had picked up this hitchhiker that was sweatin' gallons
[00:31.500]through a pair of Daisy Duke cut-offs and one of those Fruit Of The Loom tank-tops.
[00:36.000]Well, that night I lost myself to ruby red lips,
[00:40.000]milky white skin and baby blue eyes.
[00:44.800]name was Russell.
[00:45.700]Yes, a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin'
[00:55.000]Yes, a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin'
[01:04.000]Well I find it's quite a thrill
[01:08.800]When she grinds me against her will
[01:13.000]Yes a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin'
[01:24.000]Well, faster than you can say, "shallow grave",
[01:27.500]this pretty little thing come up to me and starts kneadin' my balls
[01:30.000]like hard-boiled eggs in a tube sock.
[01:33.500]Said her name was Bambi and I said, "Well that's a coincidence darlin',
[01:38.000]cause I was just thinkin' about skinnin' you like a deer."
[01:41.000]Well she smiled, had about as much teeth as a Jack-O-Lantern,
[01:45.500]and I went on to tell her how I would wear her face like a mask
[01:48.500]as I do my little kooky dance.
[01:51.000]And then she told me to shush.
[01:53.000]I guess she could sense my desperation.
[01:56.000]Course, it's hard to hide a hard-on when you're dressed like Minnie Pearl.
[02:00.000]Yes, a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin'
[02:09.000]Yes, a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin'
[02:18.000]Well I find it's quite a thrill
[02:23.000]When she grinds me against her will
[02:27.800]Yes, a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin'
[02:38.000]So, Bambi's goin' on about how she can make all my fantasies come true.
[02:42.800]So I says, "Even this one I have where Jesus Christ
[02:46.500]is jackhammering Mickey Mouse in the doo-doo hole
[02:48.800]with a lawn dart as Garth Brooks gives birth to something
[02:51.300]resembling a cheddar cheese log with almonds on Santa Claus's tummy-tum?"
[02:55.300]Well, ten beers, twenty minutes and thirty dollars later
[02:58.800]I'm parkin' the beef bus in tuna town if you know what I mean.
[03:02.000]Got the nailer back at her trailer.
[03:04.700]Heh. That rhymes.
[03:07.800]I have to admit it was even more of a turn-on
[03:10.300]when I found out she was doin' me to buy baby formula.
[03:14.000]Yes, a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin'
[03:23.000]Yes, a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin'
[03:32.000]Well I find it's quite a thrill
[03:37.000]When she grinds me against her will
[03:41.700]Yes, a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin'
[03:52.000]Day or so had passed when I popped the clutch,
[03:54.400]gave the tranny a spin and slid on into
[03:56.800]The Stinky Pinky Gulp N' Guzzle Big Rig Snooze-A-Stop.
[04:00.200]There I was browsin' through the latest issue of "Throb",
[04:03.500]when I saw Bambi starin' at me from the back of a milk carton.
[04:08.800]Well, my heart just dropped.
[04:10.200]So, I decided to do what any good Christian would.
[04:14.000]You can not imagine how difficult it is to hold a half gallon of moo juice
[04:18.500]and polish the one-eyed gopher when your doin' seventy-five
[04:20.800]in an eighteen-wheeler.
[04:22.800]I never thought missing children could be so sexy.
[04:26.200]Did I say that out loud?
[04:28.000]Yes, a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin'
[04:37.000]Yes, a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin'
[04:46.000]Well I find it's quite a thrill
[04:50.800]When she grinds me against her will
[04:55.700]Yes, a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin'
[05:05.000]END