| [00:08.91] | Look |
| [00:10.95] | They say the universe, it works in a strange way |
| [00:14.22] | And it must be true because, |
| [00:16.19] | We ain't from the same background or same place |
| [00:19.29] | But me and Lesley ended up on that same train |
| [00:21.84] | I'm talking everyday, I used to wake up around seven or eight |
| [00:26.73] | To catch the 9:06 from Norbury Station |
| [00:29.58] | Two different worlds in the same location and- |
| [00:32.57] | One day we ended up speaking |
| [00:34.88] | And I would talk about college, she would talk about meetings |
| [00:38.41] | And how she's planning on leaving |
| [00:40.37] | How she hates what she does but she needs it |
| [00:43.02] | I asked her what she was doing, it's the weekend |
| [00:45.73] | And she said, she said |
| [00:48.63] | I don't know myself |
| [00:51.10] | I don't know myself no more |
| [00:54.54] | She used to be the life of the party for true |
| [00:57.02] | And now she going out hardly ever |
| [00:59.68] | Her man got her in the yard forever |
| [01:01.55] | And her friends wanna help but it's hard to tell her |
| [01:04.36] | Hard to let her know that her man's possessive and aggressive |
| [01:07.14] | And she can't even see it, |
| [01:09.99] | But for them it's clear as day, she's in a situation |
| [01:12.99] | Her friend Hannah had a man that was manipulative |
| [01:15.67] | So, she could see it from a mile off |
| [01:18.22] | Turtleneck jumpers, makeup around the eye spots |
| [01:20.88] | All the signs were there |
| [01:22.45] | But Lesley made it seem a light affair |
| [01:25.08] | Said it wasn't right to share |
| [01:26.49] | Her boyfriend, he was a mystery man |
| [01:28.52] | I didn't know much about him, but he's been in the can |
| [01:31.20] | Name's Jason, he's a bad boy with no reasoning |
| [01:34.13] | To be honest, I don't know what Les' sees in him |
| [01:37.08] | 'Cause she's a good girl with a sweet heart |
| [01:39.85] | But they've both got demons and a deep past |
| [01:42.68] | You know opposites attract, apparently |
| [01:45.22] | I never heard her talk about her family ever, uh-uh |
| [01:48.63] | He was all that she had |
| [01:50.00] | Until they had an argument and he stopped calling her back |
| [01:52.67] | And I don't know if there was more to the story than that |
| [01:55.41] | 'Cause she plays things down but according to that |
| [01:58.13] | He went missing one day in the morning he ran |
| [02:00.77] | She's doing overtime, struggling affording the flat |
| [02:03.49] | 'Til she, lost her job it ****** all of her plans |
| [02:06.17] | Couldn't pay the rent, borrowing and calling for cash |
| [02:08.97] | But Hannah she was there for her, cared for her |
| [02:12.63] | When I saw Les' she told me |
| [02:14.86] | I don't know myself |
| [02:17.21] | I don't know myself no more |
| [02:20.74] | Les' saying, "I got nothing to live for |
| [02:22.60] | It's been raw, but David, I ain't never been this poor |
| [02:25.36] | There's no income, my boyfriend left me |
| [02:28.17] | So how the **** am I going to survive when this kid's born?" |
| [02:30.80] | I said, "It's a blessing as mad as it is |
| [02:33.37] | And Les', I never even knew that you were having a kid" |
| [02:35.90] | Bro, she's four months pregnant, young and neglected |
| [02:38.97] | Single but I don't think she wants to accept it |
| [02:41.64] | So she's still texting exes trying to get this |
| [02:44.33] | Back on track but I don't think that she gets it |
| [02:46.94] | It's emotional obsession, clinical depression |
| [02:52.47] | Life is a lesson |
| [02:53.73] | And you ain't got to sit and cry |
| [02:57.80] | And Lesley, living in this gift called life |
| [03:00.52] | There's no better gift than the gift of life |
| [03:02.98] | So, can you handle it? |
| [03:08.59] | I don't know myself |
| [03:11.11] | I don't know myself no more |
| [03:14.55] | But that changed her perspective |
| [03:16.88] | Late in December, her baby's expected to drop |
| [03:20.01] | She's accepted, excited, electric, pumped |
| [03:22.65] | Only got to wait a few months |
| [03:24.61] | Her and Hannah had lunch |
| [03:25.95] | Told her she's pregnant |
| [03:27.51] | And they're the closest of bredrins |
| [03:30.24] | So she didn't stunt to tell her, I think that it's an error |
| [03:33.18] | You ain't a mum for a day, you're a mum forever |
| [03:35.82] | Whatever, and you and Jason break up whenever |
| [03:38.45] | If I'm honest that's something you should have done together |
| [03:41.19] | She doesn't know that her and Jason are going out again |
| [03:43.76] | And Jason doesn't know that Lesley's carrying a child for them |
| [03:46.49] | She had daydreams of settling down with Jason, |
| [03:49.25] | Better 'cause now they're together it's wild |
| [03:51.60] | Feeling like she needs to call her friends |
| [03:53.44] | And tell 'em 'cause while she's letting him down |
| [03:55.31] | But most of them are never around |
| [03:56.88] | She calls Hannah the next day |
| [03:58.41] | Still tryna figure out the best way to tell her |
| [04:03.22] | That she's getting back together with an ex-flame |
| [04:05.52] | So she left her a voicemail |
| [04:08.04] | Like "Yo Hannah, it's Les' can you call me back? |
| [04:10.84] | I wanna talk about the baby, you, me, Jason, all of that |
| [04:16.24] | I've been feeling like I need to get my aura back |
| [04:18.97] | I used to be so ******* confident |
| [04:21.60] | But these days, I swear that-" |
| [04:24.29] | I don't know myself |
| [04:26.62] | I don't know myself no more |
| [04:30.07] | It's 3:30 Lesley was meant to get a scan |
| [04:32.80] | But today I think she's going home early |
| [04:34.87] | Tryna talk to Jason, tell him 'bout the kid |
| [04:37.37] | Addressing any reservations |
| [04:38.85] | Have that conversation |
| [04:40.20] | Middle of the summer and it's raining |
| [04:42.27] | Waiting at the train station |
| [04:44.22] | Hella cancellations |
| [04:45.59] | So she gets a taxi, sitting in a backseat |
| [04:48.30] | Blue jean jacket and a maxi |
| [04:50.36] | Actually, tired and her legs are aching |
| [04:52.72] | Touched the destination |
| [04:54.03] | Way faster than the cab driver's estimation |
| [04:56.77] | She put the key in the door |
| [04:58.97] | She, couldn't believe what she see on the floor |
| [05:01.42] | Some size five trainers, raging |
| [05:04.09] | Tears in her eyes, but it's cool |
| [05:06.07] | 'Cause they must be the neighbors |
| [05:07.39] | And Jason's in the bedroom fully naked |
| [05:09.86] | Lesley running up the stairs but she's making noise |
| [05:13.23] | And she can hear Jason's voice |
| [05:15.16] | Saying "Hide in the closet" |
| [05:16.56] | But he's made his choice |
| [05:17.88] | So, she bursts in saying |
| [05:19.13] | "What kind of person would cheat on his pregnant girlfriend?" |
| [05:23.21] | Jason, saying "What the ****, |
| [05:24.91] | You're pregnant? What the ****? |
| [05:26.28] | You weren't even gonna tell me, I mean what the ****? |
| [05:29.11] | What do you want from us? |
| [05:30.33] | Nah, you ain't in love, you just wanna love" |
| [05:34.39] | Lesley telling Jason, "I don't wanna love |
| [05:37.14] | I don't want a you and I, I don't want an us |
| [05:39.91] | And also, I don't wanna talk loads |
| [05:42.48] | One more line before I dash like Morse code" |
| [05:45.26] | Open the wardrobe |
| [05:46.49] | And Jason's on the edge |
| [05:50.33] | "I just wanna see if she was prettier than me, slimmer than me |
| [05:53.72] | Maybe your baby's similar to me |
| [05:55.36] | Maybe you wanted someone thicker than me, fitter than me |
| [05:58.97] | To satisfy you quicker than me |
| [06:00.72] | I got your baby in my stomach and you did this to me |
| [06:03.34] | What did I ever do to you for you to finish with me? |
| [06:06.18] | I didn't believe my girls but they were thinking of me |
| [06:08.80] | And give it to me, the wardrobe, give me the key" |
| [06:11.57] | I was pulling up the door but Jason's bigger than me |
| [06:14.37] | Literally, I remember viscerally |
| [06:16.79] | Jason pulling from behind me now he's gripping on me |
| [06:19.55] | White flashes, eye gashes, when he's hitting me, see |
| [06:22.34] | I just wanted to disappear I wasn't living for me |
| [06:24.96] | Physically I shut the ******* doors quick as can be |
| [06:27.77] | He's outside asking why I made him do what he did |
| [06:30.30] | Using a kick to open up the room that I'm in |
| [06:32.97] | I'm feeling afraid, barricaded, with a chair in the handle |
| [06:35.76] | I'm hearing sirens but I just wanna run away but I can't |
| [06:38.51] | Jason's gone by the time police are comin' |
| [06:40.98] | They saw that ain't no one else in the house |
| [06:42.75] | And feds are running through the door shouting |
| [06:44.30] | "'We have reports of an argument with a woman' |
| [06:46.78] | There's blood all over the floor |
| [06:47.99] | And it's splattered onto the wall |
| [06:49.43] | Les-ley's on the bed and she's tryna speak to the feds |
| [06:52.14] | She's deep in the stress and his meter's above her head |
| [06:54.82] | If anything, she couldn't even say anything |
| [06:57.79] | But she's got this really sharp pain where her belly is |
| [07:00.65] | So, they call an ambulance, Lesley didn't plan for this |
| [07:03.30] | Police are in the room tryna find the missing piece of the puzzle |
| [07:06.27] | Until they stumble on something that's kind of random |
| [07:08.38] | It's a phone in the wardrobe |
| [07:11.53] | They had five missed phone calls from Jason |
| [07:16.07] | And also a couple other numbers |
| [07:17.98] | So they thinking that it's no help |
| [07:19.47] | Until they play the voicemail like |
| [07:22.40] | "Yo Hannah, it's Les' can you call me back? |
| [07:25.01] | I wanna talk about the baby, you, me, Jason, all of that |
| [07:30.62] | I've been feeling like I need to get my aura back |
| [07:33.17] | I used to be so ******* confident |
| [07:35.77] | But these days, I swear that-" |
| [07:38.59] | I don't know myself |
| [07:40.80] | I don't know myself no more |
| [07:44.11] | She felt sick to her stomach, she started panicking |
| [07:46.37] | Mind rattling, tryna understand what Hannah did |
| [07:49.14] | Battling the shame 'cause the situation embarrassing |
| [07:51.74] | She's tryna fathom it betrayed by her own garrison |
| [07:54.52] | Meanwhile, she's on the bed tryna manage this |
| [07:57.33] | Piercing pain in the stomach, she couldn't handle it |
| [07:59.86] | Now she's waiting for an ambulance |
| [08:04.88] | Look |
| [08:05.72] | And I know she's strong, but when I heard about |
| [08:08.78] | What happened I was over-shocked |
| [08:10.29] | Her nose was gone, her jaw line shattered and rocked |
| [08:13.17] | They said her baby was the reason she was holding on |
| [08:15.63] | She dozing off, doctors getting no response |
| [08:18.44] | Her heart rate slowing down and they don't know what's wrong |
| [08:21.16] | Picked her up, got her out the home |
| [08:23.25] | And onto the stretcher for good measures but she fading out, oh |
| [08:27.03] | She took damage to the brain |
| [08:28.61] | And now she's in a coma as we speak |
| [08:30.57] | But I ain't sure if she can make it out |
| [08:32.86] | You see this time that I'm taking out |
| [08:34.38] | To tell you the story is more than a song or track |
| [08:37.18] | It's a message to a woman with a toxic man |
| [08:39.83] | I'm begging you to get support if you're lost or trapped |
| [08:42.49] | I understand that I can never understand |
| [08:45.17] | And I ain't saying that it's easy but it must be right |
| [08:47.94] | Some of your sisters, aunties, mums or wives |
| [08:50.83] | Are ****** aside and they will never touch on why |
| [08:53.29] | I'm touched 'cause I've seen women that I love though like- |
| [08:56.07] | Cry little red tears through a bloodshot eye |
| [08:58.84] | This ****'s awful, no matter what culture it ain't normal |
| [09:01.83] | Men try and twist it, make it seem like it's your fault |
| [09:04.51] | In that train full of people that you're taking |
| [09:07.51] | How many Lesleys are running from their Jasons? |
| [09:18.53] | Angel without wings |
| [09:22.87] | Like the day without the night to bring her peace |
| [09:28.75] | A song without a voice |
| [09:31.67] | A spark without a flame |
| [09:34.40] | A child without a name |
| [09:38.10] | Oh, it's just wrong |
| [09:41.39] | Like an ocean without a shore |
| [09:44.38] | A soldier without a war |
| [09:47.43] | How can we do this anymore? |
| [09:51.58] | A song without a voice |
| [09:54.40] | A spark without a flame |
| [09:57.30] | A child without a name |
| [10:01.09] | Oh, it's just wrong |
| [10:22.44] | Well, we've made a massive amount of progress |
| [10:26.14] | In this last year, haven't we? |
| [10:27.73] | Feels like a long journey |
| [10:31.88] | And I must say it's been a pleasure, |
| [10:34.59] | To watch you mature and grow in thought |
| [10:37.72] | And in your career and life |
| [10:39.95] | You've opened up immensely |
| [10:42.95] | I'd be lying if I said I wouldn't miss these sessions |
| [10:46.95] | But you know, you can never stop learning about yourself |
| [10:54.11] | So you're always welcome |
| [10:56.86] | I'm just happy you're at a place now |
| [10:59.87] | Where you feel you understand your emotions |
| [11:04.57] | And are in control |
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