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Ho ho ho! |
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Play it Grandpa. |
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(Yeah, play it!) |
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Let's tell them a little story |
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about what happened this Christmas. |
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(Yeah, tell them!) |
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Christmas Eve |
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I didn't get much sleep |
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I kept hearing things |
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heavy breathing from the chimney... |
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who could it be? |
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(I'll tell you what it was...) |
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(What happened then, Ben?) |
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(Yeah, what happened?) |
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Well, I went back to sleep... |
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(You went back to sleep?!) |
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(Shit!) |
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Tired man, went back to sleep. |
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and in the morning |
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I couldn't believe my eyes |
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a whale of a corpse with a long, white beard |
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was dangling over the fire |
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(ha ha ha!) |
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oh, Santa, he's a big, fat **** |
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went down the chimney, got his fat ass stuck |
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oh, honey call the lawyers fast, |
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'cause Mrs. Claus is gonna sue my ass |
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hey, hey, hey! |
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(hey!) |
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Okay Grandpa, step up. |
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Sing in this thing right here. |
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Tell them what you saw, |
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tell them what you saw, Grandpa! |
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I gotta tell you folks |
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he wasn't wearing no clothes |
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(No clothes?!) |
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he must have rubbed a whole gallon of Crisco |
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from his back, down to his toes |
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while I was talking to the cops outside, |
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the dog was lickin' Crisco off of his thighs |
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they hauled him away in a double-wide |
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what a sad, sad way to die |
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Santa, he's a big, fat **** |
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went down the chimney, got his fat ass |
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oh, honey call the lawyers fast, |
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Mrs. Claus is gonna sue our ass |
