[00:04.87] |
Album:Straight Outta Lynwood |
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Jillian was her name |
[00:10.58] |
She was sweeter than aspartame |
[00:14.08] |
Her kisses reconfigured my DNA |
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And after that I never was the same |
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And I loved her even more |
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Than Marlon Brando loved souffle |
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She was gorgeous, she was charming |
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Yeah, she was perfect in every way |
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Except she was always using the word "infer" |
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When she obviously meant "imply" |
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And I know some guys would put up with that kind of thing |
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But frankly, I can't imagine why |
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And I told her, I said |
[00:51.87] |
"Hey! Are we playing horseshoes, honey? |
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No, I don't think we are! |
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You're close! (Close!) |
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But no cigar!" |
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Yankovic-Close But No Cigar |
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Then I met sweet young Janet |
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Prettiest thing on the planet |
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Had a body hotter than a habanjero |
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She had lips like a ripe pomegranate |
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And I was crazy like Manson about her |
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She got me all choked up like Momma Cass |
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She had a smile so incredibly radiant |
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You had to watch it through a piece of smoked glass |
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I thought after all these years of searching around |
[01:39.40] |
I'd found my soulmate finally |
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But one day I found OUT she actually owned a copy |
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Of Joe Dirt on DVD |
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Oh, no! I said |
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"Hey! Are we lobbing hand grenades, kiddo? |
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No I don't think we are! |
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You're close! (Close!) |
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Oh, so very close! (Close!) |
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Yeah, baby, you're close! (Close!) |
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So close! |
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But no cigar!" |
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(Oh, yeah!) |
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(Oh, no!) |
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(Oh, yeah!) |
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(Oh, no!) |
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(ALL RIGHT!) |
[02:30.69][Hand claps, trumpet solo] |
|
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Julie played water polo |
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She wore a ribbon on her left manolo |
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She had me sweating like Nixon every time she was near |
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My heart was beating like a Buddy Rif solo |
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And she was everything I've dreamed of |
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She moved right up to #1 on my list |
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And did I mention she's a world famous billionare |
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Bikini supermodel astrophysicist |
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Yeah, she was so pretty she made Charlize Theron |
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Look like a big fat slobbering pig |
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The only caveat is one of her earlobes |
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Was just a little tiny bit too big |
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I said |
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"Hey! Are we doing government work here? |
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No I don't think we are! |
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You're close! (Close!) |
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So very, very close! (Close!) |
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Aaw, baby, you're close! (Close!) |
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So close! |
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But no cigar!" |
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Missed it by that much! (No cigar!) |
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Ah, yeah! Ah, right! (No cigar!) |
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Really, really, really close! (No cigar!) |