[00:04.87]Album:Straight Outta Lynwood
[00:07.78]Jillian was her name
[00:10.58]She was sweeter than aspartame
[00:14.08]Her kisses reconfigured my DNA
[00:17.87]And after that I never was the same
[00:21.95]And I loved her even more
[00:25.31]Than Marlon Brando loved souffle
[00:28.49]She was gorgeous, she was charming
[00:32.01]Yeah, she was perfect in every way
[00:36.14]Except she was always using the word "infer"
[00:40.02]When she obviously meant "imply"
[00:43.94]And I know some guys would put up with that kind of thing
[00:47.40]But frankly, I can't imagine why
[00:50.67]And I told her, I said
[00:51.87]"Hey! Are we playing horseshoes, honey?
[00:55.18]No, I don't think we are!
[00:58.02]You're close! (Close!)
[01:00.34]But no cigar!"
[01:03.76]Yankovic-Close But No Cigar
[01:07.00]Then I met sweet young Janet
[01:09.43]Prettiest thing on the planet
[01:13.12]Had a body hotter than a habanjero
[01:17.49]She had lips like a ripe pomegranate
[01:20.82]And I was crazy like Manson about her
[01:23.97]She got me all choked up like Momma Cass
[01:28.35]She had a smile so incredibly radiant
[01:31.44]You had to watch it through a piece of smoked glass
[01:35.62]I thought after all these years of searching around
[01:39.40]I'd found my soulmate finally
[01:42.55]But one day I found OUT she actually owned a copy
[01:46.99]Of Joe Dirt on DVD
[01:49.81]Oh, no! I said
[01:50.96]"Hey! Are we lobbing hand grenades, kiddo?
[01:54.89]No I don't think we are!
[01:57.32]You're close! (Close!)
[01:59.75]Oh, so very close! (Close!)
[02:03.92]Yeah, baby, you're close! (Close!)
[02:07.01]So close!
[02:08.94]But no cigar!"
[02:15.99](Oh, yeah!)
[02:19.63](Oh, no!)
[02:22.30](Oh, yeah!)
[02:25.09](Oh, no!)
[02:26.71](ALL RIGHT!)
[02:30.69][Hand claps, trumpet solo]
[02:35.66]Julie played water polo
[02:37.97]She wore a ribbon on her left manolo
[02:42.16]She had me sweating like Nixon every time she was near
[02:46.00]My heart was beating like a Buddy Rif solo
[02:49.91]And she was everything I've dreamed of
[02:53.42]She moved right up to #1 on my list
[02:56.96]And did I mention she's a world famous billionare
[03:00.65]Bikini supermodel astrophysicist
[03:04.34]Yeah, she was so pretty she made Charlize Theron
[03:07.94]Look like a big fat slobbering pig
[03:11.57]The only caveat is one of her earlobes
[03:15.66]Was just a little tiny bit too big
[03:18.72]I said
[03:19.89]"Hey! Are we doing government work here?
[03:23.31]No I don't think we are!
[03:25.89]You're close! (Close!)
[03:28.35]So very, very close! (Close!)
[03:32.25]Aaw, baby, you're close! (Close!)
[03:36.07]So close!
[03:37.21]But no cigar!"
[03:39.76]Missed it by that much! (No cigar!)
[03:42.22]Ah, yeah! Ah, right! (No cigar!)
[03:45.89]Really, really, really close! (No cigar!)