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Well I went down to Mos Eisley for a converter |
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Hell you know how hot it gets on Tatooine |
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Well then I saw that there cantina |
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I'll go in for an Orangina |
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I heard it was rough, but how bad could it be? |
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Well I walked through the door, and the music stopped (dead... [Gulp]) |
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All manner of men and beasts were staring at me |
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Seems just one week before, |
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Their Twi'lek slave girl walked out the door |
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And I guess I was the next best thing they'd seen |
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I lost more than my heart in that Cantina |
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I left my manhood there on Tatooine |
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Son, it don't mean you're weak |
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If you turn the other cheek |
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But if you spread 'em both for Jabba, son, you ain't a man |
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Old Hammerhead, he fixed his mind to screw me |
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whipped out his tool and nailed me to the bar |
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My anus, he destroyed. Now i got me Hemmeroids |
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They had to wrench him off my nuts with a gaffi bar |
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I was hit over the head by ol' Han Solo |
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I'd have never guessed that pirate was a homo |
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I woke up next to Chewbacca |
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I was smeared in Wookiee ca-ca |
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And what they did to my poor nipples was a no-no |
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I lost more than my heart in that Cantina |
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I left my manhood there on Tatooine |
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Son, it don't mean you're weak |
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If you turn the other cheek |
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But if you spread 'em both for Jabba, son, you ain't a man |
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Ol' Salacious Crumb's so small ya can't detect him |
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before I knew it he shoved himself straight in my rectum |
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and then, just to be heinous, he screamed real loud out of my anus |
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now i got an a-hole car alarm and I cant disconnect him |
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Oh Greedo greedily grabbed his green weenie |
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And he yanked that sucker 'til it wasn't so teeny |
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He pulled me into Jabba's hut |
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He stared intently at my butt |
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And then he oo-ta-too-ta'ed me with his zucchini |
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I lost more than my heart in that Cantina |
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I left my manhood there on Tatooine |
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Son, it don't mean you're weak |
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If you turn the other cheek |
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But if you spread 'em both for Jabba, son, you ain't a man |
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Take it away, boys... |
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(band instrumental) |
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Well the guy walked up and said, "My friend doesn't like you." |
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(I said, "Sorry.") |
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He said "I don't like you either, you better watch yourself." |
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(I think his name was Tom Waits) |
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Then some old dude who taught Vader |
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Chopped his arm off with a saber |
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That later made for one red hot anal invader |
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I was broken on the floor beat to a stupor |
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Then I was saved; there at the door were ten stormtroopers |
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But then my hope faded away |
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I didn't know they cloned 'em gay |
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And they each took turns stormtroopin' me in the pooper |
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I lost more than my heart in that Cantina |
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I left my manhood there on Tatooine |
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Son, it don't mean you're weak |
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If you turn the other cheek |
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Which is why I still go there every week. |