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I was takin' a trip out to LA, |
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toolin' along in my Chevrolet, |
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tokin' on a number and diggin' on the radio |
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jes' as I cross the Mississippi line |
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I heard that highway start to whine |
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and I knew that left rear tire was about to go |
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well the spare was flat and I got uptight |
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'cause there wasn't a fillin' station in sight |
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so I jes' limped down the shoulder on the rim |
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I went as far as I could and when I stopped the car |
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it was right in front of this little bar |
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a kind of a redneck lookin' joint called the Dew Drop Inn |
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well I stuffed my hair up under my hat |
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and told the bartender that I had a flat |
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and would he be kind enough to give me change for a one |
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there was one thing I was sure proud to see |
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there wasn't a soul in the place 'cept for him an' me |
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and he just looked disgusted an' pointed toward the telephone |
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I called up the station down the road a ways |
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and he said he wasn't very busy t'day |
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and he could have somebody there in jest 'bout ten minutes or so |
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he said now you jes' stay right where yer at and I didn't bother |
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tellin' |
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the durn fool I sure as hell didn't have anyplace else to go |
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I jes ordered up a beer and sat down at the bar |
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when some guy walked in an' said who owns this car |
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with the peace sign the mag wheels and four on the floor |
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well he looked at me and I damn near died |
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and I decided that I'd jus wait outside |
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so I layed a dollar on the bar and headed for the door |
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jes' when I thought I'd get outta there with my skin |
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these five big dude come strollin' in |
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with this one old drunk chick and some fella with green teeth |
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an' I was almost to the door when the biggest one |
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said you tip your hat to this lady son |
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an' when I did all that hair fell out from underneath |
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now the last thing I wanted was to get into a fight |
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in Jackson Mississippi on a Saturday night |
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'specially when there was three of them and only one of me |
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well they all started laughin' and I felt kinda sick |
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and I knew I'd better think of somethin' pretty quick |
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so I jes' reached out an' kicked ol' green-teeth right in the knee |
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he let out a yell that'd curl your hair |
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but before he could move I grabbed me a chair |
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and said watch him folks 'cause he's a thouroughly dangerous man |
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well you may not know it but this man's a spy |
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he's an undercover agent for the FBI |
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and he's been sent down here to infiltrate the Ku Klux Klan |
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he was still bent over holdin' on to his knee |
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but everyone else was lookin' and listenin' to me |
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and I layed it on thicker and heavier as I went |
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I said would you beleive this man has gone as far |
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as tearin' Wallace stickers off the bumpers of cars |
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and he voted for George McGoveren for president |
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well he's a friend of them long-haired hippie type pinko fags |
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I betcha he's even got a Commie flag |
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Tacked up on the wall inside of his garage |
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he's a snake in the grass I tell ya guys |
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he may look dumb but that's jus a disguise |
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he's a mastermind in the ways of espionage |
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they all started lookin' real suspicious at him |
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and he jumped up an' said jes' wait a minute jim |
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you know he's lyin' I've been livin' here all of my life |
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I'm a faithfull follower of Brother John Burch |
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and I belong to the Antioch Baptist Church |
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and I ain't even got a garage you can call home and ask my wife |
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then he started sayin' somethin' 'bout the way I was dressed |
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but I didn't wait around to hear the rest |
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I was too busy movin' and hopin' I didn't run outta luck |
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and when I hit the ground I was makin' tracks |
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and they were jes' takin' my car down off the jacks |
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so I threw the man a twenty an' jumped in an' fired that mother up |
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Mario Andretti woulda sure been proud |
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of the way I was movin' when I passed that crowd |
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comin' out the door and headin' toward me in a trot |
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an' I guess I shoulda gone ahead an' run |
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but somehow I couldn't resist the fun |
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of chasin' them jes' once around the parkin' lot |
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well they're headin' for their car but I hit the gas |
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and spun around and headed them off at the pass |
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well I was slingin' gravel and puttin' a ton of dust in the air |
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well I had them all out there steppin' an' a fetchin' |
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like their heads were on fire and their asses was catchin' |
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but I figured I oughta go ahead an split before the cops got there |
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when I hit the road I was really wheelin' |
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had gravel flyin' and rubber squeelin' |
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an' I didn't slow down 'til I was almost to Arkansas |
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I think I'm gonna re-route my trip |
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I wonder if anybody'd think I'd flipped |
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if I went to LA via Omaha! |
