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Unknown |
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Miscellaneous |
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Railroad Bill And The Kitten |
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Railroad Bill and the Kitten |
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SOURCE: Bob Pfeffer |
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SOURCE'S SOURCE: Andy Breckman |
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TEXT: |
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Railroad Bill was a hard livin' man |
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He used to take his women two at a time |
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Everyone agreed he was the baddest engineer |
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That'd ever driven down the Santa Fe line |
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His name was known from the folks back home |
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To the tippy-top of telegraph hill |
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And all the little boys, when they were sneakin' cigarettes |
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They used to dream about the Railroad Bill |
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[SPOKEN: Stay with me here |
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One day Bill was walkin' along |
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And he saw a kitten stuck in a tree |
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When he saw what was the matter he ran to get a ladder |
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To set that kitty-cat free |
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And Bill said, \"No, ain't gonna do it |
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Ain't gonna climb up no tree |
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This is a stupid, stupid song and no folksinger's |
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Gonna make a fool outa me.\" |
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I said, one day Bill was walkin' along |
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And he saw a kitten stuck in a tree |
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When he saw what was the matter he ran to get a ladder |
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To set that kitty-cat free |
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And Bill said, \"No, ain't gonna do it |
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Ain't gonna do what you said |
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This is an asinine song. As far as I'm concerned |
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That cat can stay there till it's dead.\" |
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I said, wait a minute, Bill, you can't argue with me |
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For God's sake, I just made you up |
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I got the pen in my hand, I want you up in that tree |
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I want that cat unstuck |
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Bill said, \"No, I hate cats |
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Ain't gonna climb for no cat.\" |
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He said, \"Why don't you have me save some beautiful girl |
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Whos's been tied down on the railroad track?\" |
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I said maybe there'll be room in the eighth or ninth verse |
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But right now I want you up in that tree |
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I'm the writer, God damn, I got the pen in my hand |
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And you're supposed to listen to me |
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He said, \"You asshole. Why should I listen to you |
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You should be listenin' to me instead.\" |
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He said, \"I'm a railroad man and if I was real |
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I would separate your face from your head.\" |
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You ungrateful brute, I cried, you push me too far |
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I gotta show you I can do as I please |
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So an earthquake came and it shook the whole terrain |
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And it brought Railroad Bill to his knees |
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And then a tidal wave broke and everything got soaked |
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And Bill was almost completely washed away |
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And then a big green monster from the planet Neptune |
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Landed and bit Railroad Bill on the leg |
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I got the pen in my hand. I can do what I want |
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I'm a bright new young talent on the rise |
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So get your ass up that tree or I swear you ain't |
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Gonna get outa my folksong alive |
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He said, \"You don't scare me. |
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You might be crazy but you don't scare me |
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And if you don't leave me alone I'm gonna tell everybody |
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Where you stole this melody.\" |
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But before he could speak his tongue fell out |
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And he could not make a sound |
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Suddenly he jumped on top of me and he grabbed me by the neck |
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And he pulled me to the ground |
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And he hit me in the stomach, and he hit me in the face real hard |
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And I think he almost broke my nose |
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But just then a lightning bolt came outa nowhere, hit him right between the |
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[eyes |
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And killed him instantly |
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[Heh, heh |
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Well the cat came down from the tree |
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Had a bowl of warm milk, went to sleep for the night |
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Railroad Bill is survived by a wife and three small children |
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Dear God, I love to write |
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@outlaw @animal |
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filename[ RRBILLKT |
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RPf |
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===DOCUMENT BOUNDARY=== |
