| [00:06.404] | 李：朋友们，陈涌泉老师是我们相声界里最有学问的人。 |
| [00:12.480] | 陈：谈不上有学问就是多读了几年书。 |
| [00:15.823] | 李：您这是客气， |
| [00:16.988] | 陈：不是。 |
| [00:17.820] | 李：陈老，学生我有一事不明，要在老师面前领教一二，不知肯其~赐教否？ |
| [00:28.362] | 陈：哎呦！瞧这份折腾的。(对观众） |
| [00:30.512] | 陈：有话请讲当面，何言领教二字。 （转而对金斗） |
| [00:34.093] 李：昨日夜间，偶见一物。其毛灰，其腿短，其齿利，其嘴尖，其尾长，其骨软，[00:44.093] | 蹲在地上，抱爪妙算 ，爬柱上墙，如走平川，昼伏夜出，群居繁衍， |
| [00:50.093] | 虽屡灭而不绝者， |
| [00:57.249] | 此~何物也？ |
| [00:59.868] | 陈：嗯，此乃老鼠也。 |
| [01:05.081] | 李：哎呀，您这学问够大的啊。 |
| [01:07.658] | 陈：就这学问呐，一只老鼠也至于这么大惊小怪的。 |
| [01:11.389] | 李：陈老师，你千万不要小瞧这只老鼠， |
| [01:14.357] | 陈：哦 |
| [01:14.930] 李：它深入千家万户，饱览人间百态，品尝美味佳肴，窥探个人隐私，上至富丽堂[01:24.930] | 皇的宾馆，下至黎民百姓的宅院。来去自由，进出方便，它可以说是不折不扣、 |
| [01:32.930] | 名副其实 |
| [01:33.567] | 的 |
| [01:34.854] | 陈：什么呀 |
| [01:36.015] | 李：地下侦探。 |
| [01:37.800] | 陈：好么，这耗子比特务还厉害。 |
| [01:39.606] | 李：哎，你要办点什么坏事瞒不过这耗子 |
| [01:42.586] | 陈：你怎么知道的呢? |
| [01:44.368] 李：昨天晚上有两只耗子在我床底下有一番对话，让我给听见了。我把它翻译过来[01:50.368] | 这么一琢磨，真是令人回味，发人深省啊 |
| [01:55.915] | 陈：你能不能把它们的谈话内容给我讲讲啊 |
| [01:58.858] | 李：可以啊，不过我一人儿讲不大方便 还得请您啊帮个忙 |
| [02:02.933] | 陈：我能帮什么忙啊? |
| [02:04.508] | 李：由现在起咱们两个人就是两只耗子。 |
| [02:08.273] | 陈：哎。这不行 |
| [02:10.785] | 李：怎么了 |
| [02:12.181] | 陈：这谈话内容我不知道啊 |
| [02:13.225] | 李：那没关系啊，我说什么你跟着我来啊 |
| [02:15.826] | 陈：那好 |
| [02:16.967] | 李：现在开始 |
| [02:17.644] | 陈：可以 |
| [02:18.985] | （两人皆蹲而垂爪，作耗子状） |
| [02:21.470] | ！#@￥%%#%* |
| [02:26.230] | 陈：好么，你瞧我们俩这闹耗子呢。你倒是说话呀。 |
| [02:29.756] | 李：哎呦~这不是光大哥吗。 |
| [02:32.911] | 陈：哎。你怎么叫我光大哥呀。 |
| [02:37.298] | 李：因为现在你这只耗子呀正打着光棍呢?，所以我叫你光大哥。 |
| [02:42.863] | 陈：那我老伴呢？ |
| [02:44.054] | 李：让耗子夹子给打死了。 |
| [02:45.637] | 陈：嘿，您瞧我这倒霉劲儿的。 |
| [02:48.109] | 李：哎呦，这不是光棍大哥吗 |
| [02:51.259] | 陈：是我呀，这不是寡大妹子吗 |
| [02:55.780] | 李：这寡大妹子是怎么回事？ |
| [02:57.478] | 陈：因为你不是寡妇吗。 |
| [03:00.671] | 李：我是寡妇。 |
| [03:01.843] | 陈：对了 |
| [03:02.858] | 李：那我丈夫呢？ |
| [03:03.705] | 陈：叫猫给吃了。 |
| [03:06.612] | 李：各位朋友您听啊，这两只耗子，它是光棍，我是寡妇。看来往后有戏啊。 |
| [03:14.735] | 陈：对，我们俩早晚凑一块儿去。 |
| [03:17.858] | 李：哎呦~这不是光棍大哥吗 |
| [03:21.368] | 陈：这不是寡妇妹子吗 |
| [03:23.141] | 李：是我呀。光棍大哥， |
| [03:25.362] | 陈：哎 |
| [03:26.263] | 李：没想到一场灭鼠运动，把咱俩闹的是东逃西窜，天各一方啊。 |
| [03:33.183] | 陈：哎呦，我说大妹子 |
| [03:34.507] | 李：什么事儿啊?哥哥 |
| [03:35.684] | 陈：寡妇妹子，我真想你啊 |
| [03:37.312] | 李：我也天天想你呀，我非常想你，我相当想你，我太想你了。 |
| [03:45.312] | 我想你想的呀，都想不起来了。 |
| [03:49.514] | 陈：噢，你把我忘了 |
| [03:51.538] | 李：你怎么了，这耗子不是撂爪就忘吗? |
| [03:55.091] | 陈：你看我把这茬儿给忘了 |
| [03:57.084] | 李：光大哥，你再想我的时候你就呼我啊 |
| [04:00.945] | 陈：呼你，我怎么呼你啊 |
| [04:02.904] | 李：我腰里有bb机啊 |
| [04:05.900] | 陈：哦，你都混上bb机了啊 |
| [04:07.816] | 李：这有什么呀，现在人类都发了，咱们耗子不也得跟着新潮吗 |
| [04:14.755] | 陈：对….咱们的生活比过去可好多了啊。 |
| [04:18.237] | 李：可是咱们的孩子可比以前变多了 |
| [04:21.206] | 陈：哪儿点变了 |
| [04:22.565] | 李：你就拿咱们小时候来说吧，能偷点半拉嗖窝头吃，那都跟过年似的， |
| [04:28.165] | 陈：真是 |
| [04:29.116] | 李：可是现在我那几个孩子啊，什么包子、饺子全吃腻了，非要吃西餐。 |
| [04:35.323] | 陈：吃西餐？吃什么呀? |
| [04:38.285] | 李：跟我说非要吃什么三明基、肯德治 |
| [04:41.120] | 陈：什么呀。那叫三明治，肯德基。 |
| [04:44.411] | 李：啊对对对，三明治，肯德基。这么说你吃过啊 |
| [04:48.652] | 陈：我还没尝过呢 |
| [04:50.928] | 李：光棍大哥，顶可气的就是我们那三丫头 |
| [04:55.777] | 陈：怎么了? |
| [04:56.578] 李：那天早晨对着镜子这么一照啊，发现自己脸上有几根白毛， [04:59.578] | 硬说自己是荷兰种， |
| [05:05.889] | 陈：是啊。哎呦，寡大妹子 |
| [05:08.311] | 李：什么事儿啊，光大哥哥 |
| [05:10.092] | 陈：你是不是跟那荷兰鼠同居过呀? |
| [05:16.535] | 李：暧，你这是怎么说话。我这点事还瞒得了你嘛。甭说荷兰鼠，连米老鼠 |
| [05:26.535] | 我都没碰过呀，谁不知道我是有名的贞洁烈鼠啊。 |
| [05:30.707] | 陈：那叫贞洁烈女 |
| [05:33.416] | 李：废话，我不是只母耗子吗。 |
| [05:35.594] | 陈：嗯对对，贞洁烈鼠。 |
| [05:37.673] | 李：这两天三丫头跟我是又哭又闹哇 |
| [05:40.289] | 陈：闹什么呀 |
| [05:42.100] | 李：让我给她盗个护照 |
| [05:42.855] | 陈：干吗呀 |
| [05:44.233] | 李：好上荷兰找她爸爸去。 |
| [05:45.401] | 陈：哪儿找去 |
| [05:46.682] | 李：这孩子不是倒霉催的吗， |
| [05:48.172] | 陈：可不是吗? |
| [05:49.201] | 李：为了给自个儿打扮像成一个洋耗子，也不知道从哪儿偷来那么一盒一盒的 |
| [05:55.201] | 化妆品啊，什么这个丝呀，内个露呀，内个蜜呀，这个宝呀…… |
| [05:59.201] | 哎呦一个劲儿的往脸上拽呀 |
| [06:02.256] | 陈：哎哟，咱们本来就长得贼眉鼠眼的，再抹也不好看不了呀 |
| [06:08.122] 李：谁说不是啊，第二天起来对这镜子这么一照，坏了。内小脑袋肿得跟猪头似[06:18.122] | 的。后来一化验才知道感情这些化妆品都是假货， |
| [06:21.749] | 陈：哎呦，这假货可真坑人那 |
| [06:24.132] | 李：就是 恩 话又说回来了，这假货不一定都坏呀， |
| [06:28.236] | 陈：怎见得啊? |
| [06:28.981] | 李：你就拿那假耗子药来说吧，我认为呀都不错， |
| [06:31.888] | 陈：怎么不错 |
| [06:33.517] | 李：那天我吃了两片假耗子药，以为完了， |
| [06:37.286] | 陈：那可不是吗 |
| [06:38.052] | 李：活不了了 |
| [06:39.005] | 陈：当然了 |
| [06:39.915] | 李：结果你猜怎么着?没事 |
| [06:42.516] | 陈：没事 |
| [06:44.523] 李：假耗子药往嘴里这么一搁，那是脆吧唧儿的，酸吧唧儿的，甜吧唧儿的，辣吧[06:50.523] | 唧儿的，嘎嘣……那 个好吃呀 就跟那个小米锅巴似的 |
| [06:57.806] | 陈：是啊，有那么好吃呢 |
| [07:00.313] 李：现在我是吃上瘾了，我这么给你说吧，我现在要是一天不吃着假耗子药我是浑[07:07.313] | 身没劲儿，眼泪鼻涕全下来 |
| [07:10.266] | 陈：哎呦你这跟犯大烟瘾一洋啊 |
| [07:13.792] | 李：这个东西没想到那么好吃，嘎嘣嘎嘣，可好吃了 |
| [07:16.834] | 陈：哎呀，寡大妹子啊 |
| [07:20.040] | 李：什么事儿啊，光大哥哥 |
| [07:21.256] | 陈：既然这么好吃，我能不能尝尝啊 |
| [07:24.338] | 李：行，明天我带你吃个够 |
| [07:26.516] | 陈：哪有这玩意儿啊 |
| [07:28.377] | 李：陈涌泉他们家就有 |
| [07:29.891] | 陈：你怎么知道的? |
| [07:32.562] | 李：我那窝就在他们家啊 |
| [07:34.748] | 陈：这母耗子是我们家的！ |
| [07:37.756] | 陈：哎呀，寡大妹子啊 |
| [07:39.303] | 李：什么事儿啊，光大哥哥 |
| [07:40.898] | 陈：你有几个小耗子呀? |
| [07:43.514] | 李：唉。别提了。一说这事我就脸红。 |
| [07:47.635] | 陈：噢，还害臊呢。 |
| [07:48.804] | 李：我跟我那口子结婚这几年没干别的。净下了小耗子。 |
| [07:53.122] | 陈：哦。是啊。你下了多少 |
| [07:55.723] | 李：不多，一窝就下了十九个。 |
| [07:59.613] | 陈：霍，一共下了几窝啊 |
| [08:02.240] | 李：才下了七窝 |
| [08:03.887] | 陈：嚯！那得有多少啊 |
| [08:06.188] | 李：反正有一百多个吧。差不多这条胡同的小耗子都是我下的 |
| [08:11.796] | 陈：是吗?哎呦，你那么多小耗子你认得清楚吗 |
| [08:15.836] | 李：他有记号啊。他们每人都穿一背心儿。上面写着“别理我，烦着呢”。那都是 |
| [08:23.088] | 陈：是呀。哎呦，我说寡大妹子啊， |
| [08:26.076] | 李：什么事儿啊，光大哥哥 |
| [08:27.742] | 陈：你怎么不搞计划生育啊 |
| [08:29.756] | 李：我还计划生育呢。现在我都绝育了。 |
| [08:32.998] | 陈：怎么还绝育了? |
| [08:35.426] | 李：唉。别提了。我们那个房主为了让他的猫保持优美的线条， |
| [08:39.426] | 结果呢不让他的猫下小猫了。 |
| [08:43.183] | 陈：怎么办呢 |
| [08:44.242] | 李：用十片避孕药和一把棒子面蒸了一个窝头。给猫蒸的猫食， |
| [08:49.242] | 没想到这猫食让我给吃了。 |
| [08:54.474] | 陈：这不麻烦吗 |
| [08:57.321] | 李：要您说啊我这瘦小枯干的身体吃十片避孕药，我受得了吗？ |
| [09:02.663] | 陈：那那儿受得了。 |
| [09:04.184] | 李：我还能生吗 |
| [09:05.531] | 陈：那还生什么啊 |
| [09:06.738] | 李：现在我整一个内分泌紊乱。四五天呐，我都起不来床了。 |
| [09:16.215] | 陈：这招谁惹谁了 |
| [09:17.943] | 李：你说这猫主缺德不缺德啊？ |
| [09:20.577] | 陈：真够缺德的。 |
| [09:21.929] | 李：他损不损？ |
| [09:23.015] | 陈：太损了！ |
| [09:24.149] | 李：谁说不是啊 |
| [09:25.283] | 陈：这猫主是谁啊 |
| [09:26.436] | 李：陈涌泉 |
| [09:27.779] | 陈：啊？！我多咱干过这缺德事了。 |
| [09:32.024] | |
| [09:32.690] | 陈：哎呀，我说寡大妹子啊 |
| [09:34.010] | 李：什么事儿啊，光棍大哥 |
| [09:35.488] | 陈：要说你这孩子还真够时髦的 |
| [09:37.818] | 李：那当然了，这年头儿撑死胆大的饿死胆小的 |
| [09:41.804] | 陈：怎么见得啊 |
| [09:43.382] | 李：就拿我们那小五，我那五儿子来说吧 |
| [09:46.367] | 陈：怎么了 |
| [09:47.323] | 李：尽是绝的 |
| [09:48.004] | 陈：有什么 |
| [09:48.851] | 李：最近跟猫交上朋友了 |
| [09:50.217] | 陈：啊！跟猫叫上朋友，那猫可不是咱们不共戴天之敌呀 |
| [09:55.310] | 李：谁说不是啊，但是小五他能侃啊 |
| [09:58.479] | 陈：能侃 |
| [10:00.376] | 李：给猫侃晕了 |
| [10:01.476] | 陈：哦 |
| [10:02.500] | 李：昨天上午在我那窝里请猫吃饭 |
| [10:04.048] | 陈：把猫弄家里了！这不是作死吗？ |
| [10:09.060] | 李：小哥儿几个把猫围在当间儿，我们小五就说话了 |
| [10:12.570] | 陈：他怎么说的啊 |
| [10:14.675] | 李：哎，哎，哎。猫，猫爷爷…… |
| [10:24.420] | 陈：猫爷爷，还真下本的 |
| [10:26.688] | 李：我谢谢您的，啊光，啊光光光，光临，我们这几个无名鼠辈， |
| [10:46.688] | 希望您要高高高…高抬贵爪 |
| [10:50.895] | 陈：什么叫高抬贵爪啊 |
| [10:52.845] | 李：就是别……吃小耗子 |
| [10:57.381] | 陈：这猫能不吃耗子吗 |
| [10:59.099] | 李：谁说不是啊 |
| [11:00.465] | 陈：那猫什么态度 |
| [11:01.997] | 李：zzz.啊~喵~~~ |
| [11:06.243] | 陈：啊这是只懒猫 |
| [11:09.339] | 李：这样做不好吧啊~ |
| [11:14.559] | 李：要掌握原则啦啊~ |
| [11:19.370] | 李：要注意影响嘛啊~ |
| [11:23.654] | 陈：这猫的官气可还不小，看那意思要白费事 |
| [11:27.803] | 李：谁说的，我们家小五有绝的 |
| [11:28.848] | 陈：什么绝的啊 |
| [11:29.675] | 李：他把几个小蜜给找来了 |
| [11:33.132] | 陈：小蜜！？什么叫小蜜啊？（就是傍家儿） |
| [11:37.317] | 李：哎呦，连小蜜你都不懂啊，小蜜就是几只小母耗子， |
| [11:38.863] | 陈：哦，你们小五的女朋友（字面意思） |
| [11:41.112] | 李：比女朋友又近 |
| [11:42.172] | 陈：哦对象 |
| [11:43.090] | 李：又没对象那么好 |
| [11:44.045] | 陈：那是什么呢？ |
| [11:45.133] | 李：就是它们在一块儿净搞猫腻~ |
| [11:47.311] | 陈：什么叫猫腻啊 |
| [11:48.569] 李：哎呦，这几个小蜜打扮的花枝招展，进了洞之后这个给猫敬酒，那个给他捋胡[11:54.569] | 子，这个陪他吃饭，那个给他点烟，吃完了之后又跟他跳舞，又跟他拥抱， |
| [12:01.673] | 还跟他飞吻，一会儿的功夫你再看这只猫啊 |
| [12:04.866] | 陈：怎么样啊? |
| [12:06.011] | 李：两只眼睛眯成一条线了，胡子也搭拉下来了，舌头也短了，脚底也拌蒜了， |
| [12:10.011] | 当时就改口了 |
| [12:12.946] | 陈：猫怎么说的啊 |
| [12:14.250] | 李：没事，咱是一家人 |
| [12:22.865] | 陈：哦。一家人了 |
| [12:24.375] | 李：以后我绝不吃小耗子 |
| [12:28.437] | 陈：再吃呢? |
| [12:29.535] | 李：再吃小耗子，老鼠爷爷， |
| [12:31.998] | 陈：老鼠爷爷！ |
| [12:33.310] | 李：我是你儿子。 |
| [12:34.401] | 陈：嗨，这叫什么辈儿啊? |
| [12:36.549] | 李：哎，光棍儿大哥你说我们家小五怎么样啊 |
| [12:39.169] | 陈：还真有两下子 |
| [12:40.338] | 李：那当然了 |
| [12:41.867] | 陈：这他都是那学来了的呢 |
| [12:43.136] | 李：这都是跟人学的。这就叫挨金似金，挨玉似玉。提出这个人的名字， |
| [12:45.136] | 在坐的各位没有不知道的 |
| [12:50.632] | 陈：谁啊？ |
| [12:51.425] | 李：陈涌泉呐。 |
| [12:54.150] | 陈：还是我啊！ |
| [00:06.404] | li: peng you men, chen yong quan lao shi shi wo men xiang sheng jie li zui you xue wen de ren. |
| [00:12.480] | chen: tan bu shang you xue wen jiu shi duo du le ji nian shu. |
| [00:15.823] | li: nin zhe shi ke qi, |
| [00:16.988] | chen: bu shi. |
| [00:17.820] | li: chen lao, xue sheng wo you yi shi bu ming, yao zai lao shi mian qian ling jiao yi er, bu zhi ken qi ci jiao fou? |
| [00:28.362] | chen: ai you! qiao zhe fen zhe teng de. dui guan zhong |
| [00:30.512] | chen: you hua qing jiang dang mian, he yan ling jiao er zi. zhuan er dui jin dou |
| [00:34.093] 李：昨日夜间，偶见一物。其毛灰，其腿短，其齿利，其嘴尖，其尾长，其骨软，[00:44.093] | dun zai di shang, bao zhao miao suan , pa zhu shang qiang, ru zou ping chuan, zhou fu ye chu, qun ju fan yan, |
| [00:50.093] | sui lv mie er bu jue zhe, |
| [00:57.249] | ci he wu ye? |
| [00:59.868] | chen: , ci nai lao shu ye. |
| [01:05.081] | li: ai ya, nin zhe xue wen gou da de a. |
| [01:07.658] | chen: jiu zhe xue wen na, yi zhi lao shu ye zhi yu zhe me da jing xiao guai de. |
| [01:11.389] | li: chen lao shi, ni qian wan bu yao xiao qiao zhe zhi lao shu, |
| [01:14.357] | chen: o |
| [01:14.930] 李：它深入千家万户，饱览人间百态，品尝美味佳肴，窥探个人隐私，上至富丽堂[01:24.930] | huang de bin guan, xia zhi li min bai xing de zhai yuan. lai qu zi you, jin chu fang bian, ta ke yi shuo shi bu zhe bu kou |
| [01:32.930] | ming fu qi shi |
| [01:33.567] | de |
| [01:34.854] | chen: shen me ya |
| [01:36.015] | li: di xia zhen tan. |
| [01:37.800] | chen: hao me, zhe hao zi bi te wu hai li hai. |
| [01:39.606] | li: ai, ni yao ban dian shen me huai shi man bu guo zhe hao zi |
| [01:42.586] | chen: ni zen me zhi dao de ne? |
| [01:44.368] 李：昨天晚上有两只耗子在我床底下有一番对话，让我给听见了。我把它翻译过来[01:50.368] | zhe me yi zuo mo, zhen shi ling ren hui wei, fa ren shen xing a |
| [01:55.915] | chen: ni neng bu neng ba ta men de tan hua nei rong gei wo jiang jiang a |
| [01:58.858] | li: ke yi a, bu guo wo yi ren er jiang bu da fang bian hai de qing nin a bang ge mang |
| [02:02.933] | chen: wo neng bang shen me mang a? |
| [02:04.508] | li: you xian zai qi zan men liang ge ren jiu shi liang zhi hao zi. |
| [02:08.273] | chen: ai. zhe bu xing |
| [02:10.785] | li: zen me le |
| [02:12.181] | chen: zhe tan hua nei rong wo bu zhi dao a |
| [02:13.225] | li: na mei guan xi a, wo shuo shi mo ni gen zhe wo lai a |
| [02:15.826] | chen: na hao |
| [02:16.967] | li: xian zai kai shi |
| [02:17.644] | chen: ke yi |
| [02:18.985] | liang ren jie dun er chui zhao, zuo hao zi zhuang |
| [02:21.470] | ! |
| [02:26.230] | chen: hao me, ni qiao wo men lia zhe nao hao zi ne. ni dao shi shuo hua ya. |
| [02:29.756] | li: ai you zhe bu shi guang da ge ma. |
| [02:32.911] | chen: ai. ni zen me jiao wo guang da ge ya. |
| [02:37.298] | li: yin wei xian zai ni zhe zhi hao zi ya zheng da zhe guang gun ne?, suo yi wo jiao ni guang da ge. |
| [02:42.863] | chen: na wo lao ban ne? |
| [02:44.054] | li: rang hao zi jia zi gei da si le. |
| [02:45.637] | chen: hei, nin qiao wo zhe dao mei jin r de. |
| [02:48.109] | li: ai you, zhe bu shi guang gun da ge ma |
| [02:51.259] | chen: shi wo ya, zhe bu shi gua da mei zi ma |
| [02:55.780] | li: zhe gua da mei zi shi zen me hui shi? |
| [02:57.478] | chen: yin wei ni bu shi gua fu ma. |
| [03:00.671] | li: wo shi gua fu. |
| [03:01.843] | chen: dui le |
| [03:02.858] | li: na wo zhang fu ne? |
| [03:03.705] | chen: jiao mao gei chi le. |
| [03:06.612] | li: ge wei peng you nin ting a, zhe liang zhi hao zi, ta shi guang gun, wo shi gua fu. kan lai wang hou you xi a. |
| [03:14.735] | chen: dui, wo men lia zao wan cou yi kuai er qu. |
| [03:17.858] | li: ai you zhe bu shi guang gun da ge ma |
| [03:21.368] | chen: zhe bu shi gua fu mei zi ma |
| [03:23.141] | li: shi wo ya. guang gun da ge, |
| [03:25.362] | chen: ai |
| [03:26.263] | li: mei xiang dao yi chang mie shu yun dong, ba zan lia nao de shi dong tao xi cuan, tian ge yi fang a. |
| [03:33.183] | chen: ai you, wo shuo da mei zi |
| [03:34.507] | li: shen me shi er a? ge ge |
| [03:35.684] | chen: gua fu mei zi, wo zhen xiang ni a |
| [03:37.312] | li: wo ye tian tian xiang ni ya, wo fei chang xiang ni, wo xiang dang xiang ni, wo tai xiang ni le. |
| [03:45.312] | wo xiang ni xiang de ya, dou xiang bu qi lai le. |
| [03:49.514] | chen: o, ni ba wo wang le |
| [03:51.538] | li: ni zen me le, zhe hao zi bu shi liao zhao jiu wang ma? |
| [03:55.091] | chen: ni kan wo ba zhe cha er gei wang le |
| [03:57.084] | li: guang da ge, ni zai xiang wo de shi hou ni jiu hu wo a |
| [04:00.945] | chen: hu ni, wo zen me hu ni a |
| [04:02.904] | li: wo yao li you bb ji a |
| [04:05.900] | chen: o, ni dou hun shang bb ji le a |
| [04:07.816] | li: zhe you shen me ya, xian zai ren lei dou fa le, zan men hao zi bu ye de gen zhe xin chao ma |
| [04:14.755] | chen: dui. zan men de sheng huo bi guo qu ke hao duo le a. |
| [04:18.237] | li: ke shi zan men de hai zi ke bi yi qian bian duo le |
| [04:21.206] | chen: na er dian bian le |
| [04:22.565] | li: ni jiu na zan men xiao shi hou lai shuo ba, neng tou dian ban la sou wo tou chi, na dou gen guo nian shi de, |
| [04:28.165] | chen: zhen shi |
| [04:29.116] | li: ke shi xian zai wo na ji ge hai zi a, shen me bao zi jiao zi quan chi ni le, fei yao chi xi can. |
| [04:35.323] | chen: chi xi can? chi shen me ya? |
| [04:38.285] | li: gen wo shuo fei yao chi shen me san ming ji ken de zhi |
| [04:41.120] | chen: shen me ya. na jiao san ming zhi, ken de ji. |
| [04:44.411] | li: a dui dui dui, san ming zhi, ken de ji. zhe me shuo ni chi guo a |
| [04:48.652] | chen: wo hai mei chang guo ne |
| [04:50.928] | li: guang gun da ge, ding ke qi de jiu shi wo men na san ya tou |
| [04:55.777] | chen: zen me le? |
| [04:56.578] 李：那天早晨对着镜子这么一照啊，发现自己脸上有几根白毛， [04:59.578] | ying shuo zi ji shi he lan zhong, |
| [05:05.889] | chen: shi a. ai you, gua da mei zi |
| [05:08.311] | li: shen me shi er a, guang da ge ge |
| [05:10.092] | chen: ni shi bu shi gen na he lan shu tong ju guo ya? |
| [05:16.535] | li: ai, ni zhe shi zen me shuo hua. wo zhe dian shi hai man de le ni ma. beng shuo he lan shu, lian mi lao shu |
| [05:26.535] | wo dou mei peng guo ya, shui bu zhi dao wo shi you ming de zhen jie lie shu a. |
| [05:30.707] | chen: na jiao zhen jie lie nv |
| [05:33.416] | li: fei hua, wo bu shi zhi mu hao zi ma. |
| [05:35.594] | chen: dui dui, zhen jie lie shu. |
| [05:37.673] | li: zhe liang tian san ya tou gen wo shi you ku you nao wa |
| [05:40.289] | chen: nao shen me ya |
| [05:42.100] | li: rang wo gei ta dao ge hu zhao |
| [05:42.855] | chen: gan ma ya |
| [05:44.233] | li: hao shang he lan zhao ta ba ba qu. |
| [05:45.401] | chen: na er zhao qu |
| [05:46.682] | li: zhe hai zi bu shi dao mei cui de ma, |
| [05:48.172] | chen: ke bu shi ma? |
| [05:49.201] | li: wei le gei zi ge er da ban xiang cheng yi ge yang hao zi, ye bu zhi dao cong na er tou lai na me yi he yi he de |
| [05:55.201] | hua zhuang pin a, shen me zhe ge si ya, nei ge lu ya, nei ge mi ya, zhe ge bao ya |
| [05:59.201] | ai you yi ge jin er de wang lian shang zhuai ya |
| [06:02.256] | chen: ai yo, zan men ben lai jiu zhang de zei mei shu yan de, zai mo ye bu hao kan bu liao ya |
| [06:08.122] 李：谁说不是啊，第二天起来对这镜子这么一照，坏了。内小脑袋肿得跟猪头似[06:18.122] | de. hou lai yi hua yan cai zhi dao gan qing zhei xie hua zhuang pin dou shi jia huo, |
| [06:21.749] | chen: ai you, zhe jia huo ke zhen keng ren na |
| [06:24.132] | li: jiu shi en hua you shuo hui lai le, zhe jia huo bu yi ding dou huai ya, |
| [06:28.236] | chen: zen jian de a? |
| [06:28.981] | li: ni jiu na na jia hao zi yao lai shuo ba, wo ren wei ya dou bu cuo, |
| [06:31.888] | chen: zen me bu cuo |
| [06:33.517] | li: na tian wo chi le liang pian jia hao zi yao, yi wei wan le, |
| [06:37.286] | chen: na ke bu shi ma |
| [06:38.052] | li: huo bu liao le |
| [06:39.005] | chen: dang ran le |
| [06:39.915] | li: jie guo ni cai zen me zhao? mei shi |
| [06:42.516] | chen: mei shi |
| [06:44.523] 李：假耗子药往嘴里这么一搁，那是脆吧唧儿的，酸吧唧儿的，甜吧唧儿的，辣吧[06:50.523] | ji er de, ga beng na ge hao chi ya jiu gen na ge xiao mi guo ba shi de |
| [06:57.806] | chen: shi a, you na me hao chi ne |
| [07:00.313] 李：现在我是吃上瘾了，我这么给你说吧，我现在要是一天不吃着假耗子药我是浑[07:07.313] | shen mei jin r, yan lei bi ti quan xia lai |
| [07:10.266] | chen: ai you ni zhe gen fan da yan yin yi yang a |
| [07:13.792] | li: zhe ge dong xi mei xiang dao na me hao chi, ga beng ga beng, ke hao chi le |
| [07:16.834] | chen: ai ya, gua da mei zi a |
| [07:20.040] | li: shen me shi er a, guang da ge ge |
| [07:21.256] | chen: ji ran zhe me hao chi, wo neng bu neng chang chang a |
| [07:24.338] | li: xing, ming tian wo dai ni chi ge gou |
| [07:26.516] | chen: na you zhe wan yi er a |
| [07:28.377] | li: chen yong quan ta men jia jiu you |
| [07:29.891] | chen: ni zen me zhi dao de? |
| [07:32.562] | li: wo na wo jiu zai ta men jia a |
| [07:34.748] | chen: zhe mu hao zi shi wo men jia de! |
| [07:37.756] | chen: ai ya, gua da mei zi a |
| [07:39.303] | li: shen me shi er a, guang da ge ge |
| [07:40.898] | chen: ni you ji ge xiao hao zi ya? |
| [07:43.514] | li: ai. bie ti le. yi shuo zhe shi wo jiu lian hong. |
| [07:47.635] | chen: o, hai hai sao ne. |
| [07:48.804] | li: wo gen wo na kou zi jie hun zhe ji nian mei gan bie de. jing xia le xiao hao zi. |
| [07:53.122] | chen: o. shi a. ni xia le duo shao |
| [07:55.723] | li: bu duo, yi wo jiu xia le shi jiu ge. |
| [07:59.613] | chen: huo, yi gong xia le ji wo a |
| [08:02.240] | li: cai xia le qi wo |
| [08:03.887] | chen: huo! na de you duo shao a |
| [08:06.188] | li: fan zheng you yi bai duo ge ba. cha bu duo zhe tiao hu tong de xiao hao zi dou shi wo xia de |
| [08:11.796] | chen: shi ma? ai you, ni na me duo xiao hao zi ni ren de qing chu ma |
| [08:15.836] | li: ta you ji hao a. ta men mei ren dou chuan yi bei xin er. shang mian xie zhe" bie li wo, fan zhe ne". na dou shi |
| [08:23.088] | chen: shi ya. ai you, wo shuo gua da mei zi a, |
| [08:26.076] | li: shen me shi er a, guang da ge ge |
| [08:27.742] | chen: ni zen me bu gao ji hua sheng yu a |
| [08:29.756] | li: wo hai ji hua sheng yu ne. xian zai wo dou jue yu le. |
| [08:32.998] | chen: zen me hai jue yu le? |
| [08:35.426] | li: ai. bie ti le. wo men na ge fang zhu wei le rang ta de mao bao chi you mei di xian tiao, |
| [08:39.426] | jie guo ne bu rang ta de mao xia xiao mao le. |
| [08:43.183] | chen: zen me ban ne |
| [08:44.242] | li: yong shi pian bi yun yao he yi ba bang zi mian zheng le yi ge wo tou. gei mao zheng de mao shi, |
| [08:49.242] | mei xiang dao zhe mao shi rang wo gei chi le. |
| [08:54.474] | chen: zhe bu ma fan ma |
| [08:57.321] | li: yao nin shuo a wo zhe shou xiao ku gan de shen ti chi shi pian bi yun yao, wo shou de liao ma? |
| [09:02.663] | chen: na na er shou de liao. |
| [09:04.184] | li: wo hai neng sheng ma |
| [09:05.531] | chen: na hai sheng shen me a |
| [09:06.738] | li: xian zai wo zheng yi ge nei fen mi wen luan. si wu tian na, wo dou qi bu lai chuang le. |
| [09:16.215] | chen: zhe zhao shui re shui le |
| [09:17.943] | li: ni shuo zhe mao zhu que de bu que de a? |
| [09:20.577] | chen: zhen gou que de de. |
| [09:21.929] | li: ta sun bu sun? |
| [09:23.015] | chen: tai sun le! |
| [09:24.149] | li: shui shuo bu shi a |
| [09:25.283] | chen: zhe mao zhu shi shui a |
| [09:26.436] | li: chen yong quan |
| [09:27.779] | chen: a?! wo duo za gan guo zhe que de shi le. |
| [09:32.024] | |
| [09:32.690] | chen: ai ya, wo shuo gua da mei zi a |
| [09:34.010] | li: shen me shi er a, guang gun da ge |
| [09:35.488] | chen: yao shuo ni zhe hai zi hai zhen gou shi mao de |
| [09:37.818] | li: na dang ran le, zhe nian tou er cheng si dan da de e si dan xiao de |
| [09:41.804] | chen: zen me jian de a |
| [09:43.382] | li: jiu na wo men na xiao wu, wo na wu er zi lai shuo ba |
| [09:46.367] | chen: zen me le |
| [09:47.323] | li: jin shi jue de |
| [09:48.004] | chen: you shen me |
| [09:48.851] | li: zui jin gen mao jiao shang peng you le |
| [09:50.217] | chen: a! gen mao jiao shang peng you, na mao ke bu shi zan men bu gong dai tian zhi di ya |
| [09:55.310] | li: shui shuo bu shi a, dan shi xiao wu ta neng kan a |
| [09:58.479] | chen: neng kan |
| [10:00.376] | li: gei mao kan yun le |
| [10:01.476] | chen: o |
| [10:02.500] | li: zuo tian shang wu zai wo na wo li qing mao chi fan |
| [10:04.048] | chen: ba mao nong jia li le! zhe bu shi zuo si ma? |
| [10:09.060] | li: xiao ge er ji ge ba mao wei zai dang jian er, wo men xiao wu jiu shuo hua le |
| [10:12.570] | chen: ta zen me shuo de a |
| [10:14.675] | li: ai, ai, ai. mao, mao ye ye |
| [10:24.420] | chen: mao ye ye, hai zhen xia ben de |
| [10:26.688] | li: wo xie xie nin de, a guang, a guang guang guang, guang lin, wo men zhe ji ge wu ming shu bei, |
| [10:46.688] | xi wang nin yao gao gao gao gao tai gui zhao |
| [10:50.895] | chen: shen me jiao gao tai gui zhao a |
| [10:52.845] | li: jiu shi bie chi xiao hao zi |
| [10:57.381] | chen: zhe mao neng bu chi hao zi ma |
| [10:59.099] | li: shui shuo bu shi a |
| [11:00.465] | chen: na mao shen me tai du |
| [11:01.997] | li: zzz. a miao |
| [11:06.243] | chen: a zhe shi zhi lan mao |
| [11:09.339] | li: zhe yang zuo bu hao ba a |
| [11:14.559] | li: yao zhang wo yuan ze la a |
| [11:19.370] | li: yao zhu yi ying xiang ma a |
| [11:23.654] | chen: zhe mao de guan qi ke hai bu xiao, kan na yi si yao bai fei shi |
| [11:27.803] | li: shui shuo de, wo men jia xiao wu you jue de |
| [11:28.848] | chen: shen me jue de a |
| [11:29.675] | li: ta ba ji ge xiao mi gei zhao lai le |
| [11:33.132] | chen: xiao mi!? shen me jiao xiao mi a? jiu shi bang jia r |
| [11:37.317] | li: ai you, lian xiao mi ni dou bu dong a, xiao mi jiu shi ji zhi xiao mu hao zi, |
| [11:38.863] | chen: o, ni men xiao wu de nv peng you zi mian yi si |
| [11:41.112] | li: bi nv peng you you jin |
| [11:42.172] | chen: o dui xiang |
| [11:43.090] | li: you mei dui xiang na me hao |
| [11:44.045] | chen: na shi shen me ne? |
| [11:45.133] | li: jiu shi ta men zai yi kuai er jing gao mao ni |
| [11:47.311] | chen: shen me jiao mao ni a |
| [11:48.569] 李：哎呦，这几个小蜜打扮的花枝招展，进了洞之后这个给猫敬酒，那个给他捋胡[11:54.569] | zi, zhe ge pei ta chi fan, na ge gei ta dian yan, chi wan le zhi hou you gen ta tiao wu, you gen ta yong bao, |
| [12:01.673] | hai gen ta fei wen, yi hui er de gong fu ni zai kan zhe zhi mao a |
| [12:04.866] | chen: zen me yang a? |
| [12:06.011] | li: liang zhi yan jing mi cheng yi tiao xian le, hu zi ye da la xia lai le, she tou ye duan le, jiao di ye ban suan le, |
| [12:10.011] | dang shi jiu gai kou le |
| [12:12.946] | chen: mao zen me shuo de a |
| [12:14.250] | li: mei shi, zan shi yi jia ren |
| [12:22.865] | chen: o. yi jia ren le |
| [12:24.375] | li: yi hou wo jue bu chi xiao hao zi |
| [12:28.437] | chen: zai chi ne? |
| [12:29.535] | li: zai chi xiao hao zi, lao shu ye ye, |
| [12:31.998] | chen: lao shu ye ye! |
| [12:33.310] | li: wo shi ni er zi. |
| [12:34.401] | chen: hai, zhe jiao shen me bei r a? |
| [12:36.549] | li: ai, guang gun er da ge ni shuo wo men jia xiao wu zen me yang a |
| [12:39.169] | chen: hai zhen you liang xia zi |
| [12:40.338] | li: na dang ran le |
| [12:41.867] | chen: zhe ta dou shi na xue lai le de ne |
| [12:43.136] | li: zhe dou shi gen ren xue de. zhe jiu jiao ai jin shi jin, ai yu shi yu. ti chu zhe ge ren de ming zi, |
| [12:45.136] | zai zuo de ge wei mei you bu zhi dao de |
| [12:50.632] | chen: shui a? |
| [12:51.425] | li: chen yong quan na. |
| [12:54.150] | chen: hai shi wo a! |
| [00:06.404] | lǐ: péng yǒu men, chén yǒng quán lǎo shī shì wǒ men xiàng sheng jiè lǐ zuì yǒu xué wèn de rén. |
| [00:12.480] | chén: tán bù shàng yǒu xué wèn jiù shì duō dú le jǐ nián shū. |
| [00:15.823] | lǐ: nín zhè shì kè qì, |
| [00:16.988] | chén: bú shì. |
| [00:17.820] | lǐ: chén lǎo, xué shēng wǒ yǒu yī shì bù míng, yào zài lǎo shī miàn qián lǐng jiào yī èr, bù zhī kěn qí cì jiào fǒu? |
| [00:28.362] | chén: āi yōu! qiáo zhè fèn zhē téng de. duì guān zhòng |
| [00:30.512] | chén: yǒu huà qǐng jiǎng dāng miàn, hé yán lǐng jiào èr zì. zhuǎn ér duì jīn dòu |
| [00:34.093] 李：昨日夜间，偶见一物。其毛灰，其腿短，其齿利，其嘴尖，其尾长，其骨软，[00:44.093] | dūn zài dì shàng, bào zhǎo miào suàn , pá zhù shàng qiáng, rú zǒu píng chuān, zhòu fú yè chū, qún jū fán yǎn, |
| [00:50.093] | suī lǚ miè ér bù jué zhě, |
| [00:57.249] | cǐ hé wù yě? |
| [00:59.868] | chén: , cǐ nǎi lǎo shǔ yě. |
| [01:05.081] | lǐ: āi yā, nín zhè xué wèn gòu dà de a. |
| [01:07.658] | chén: jiù zhè xué wèn nà, yì zhī lǎo shǔ yě zhì yú zhè me dà jīng xiǎo guài de. |
| [01:11.389] | lǐ: chén lǎo shī, nǐ qiān wàn bú yào xiǎo qiáo zhè zhǐ lǎo shǔ, |
| [01:14.357] | chén: ó |
| [01:14.930] 李：它深入千家万户，饱览人间百态，品尝美味佳肴，窥探个人隐私，上至富丽堂[01:24.930] | huáng de bīn guǎn, xià zhì lí mín bǎi xìng de zhái yuàn. lái qù zì yóu, jìn chū fāng biàn, tā kě yǐ shuō shì bù zhé bù kòu |
| [01:32.930] | míng fù qí shí |
| [01:33.567] | de |
| [01:34.854] | chén: shén me ya |
| [01:36.015] | lǐ: dì xià zhēn tàn. |
| [01:37.800] | chén: hǎo me, zhè hào zǐ bǐ tè wù hái lì hài. |
| [01:39.606] | lǐ: āi, nǐ yào bàn diǎn shén me huài shì mán bù guò zhè hào zǐ |
| [01:42.586] | chén: nǐ zěn me zhī dào de ne? |
| [01:44.368] 李：昨天晚上有两只耗子在我床底下有一番对话，让我给听见了。我把它翻译过来[01:50.368] | zhè me yī zuó mo, zhēn shì lìng rén huí wèi, fā rén shēn xǐng a |
| [01:55.915] | chén: nǐ néng bù néng bǎ tā men de tán huà nèi róng gěi wǒ jiǎng jiǎng a |
| [01:58.858] | lǐ: kě yǐ a, bù guò wǒ yī rén ér jiǎng bù dà fāng biàn hái de qǐng nín a bāng gè máng |
| [02:02.933] | chén: wǒ néng bāng shén me máng a? |
| [02:04.508] | lǐ: yóu xiàn zài qǐ zán men liǎng gè rén jiù shì liǎng zhǐ hào zǐ. |
| [02:08.273] | chén: āi. zhè bù xíng |
| [02:10.785] | lǐ: zěn me le |
| [02:12.181] | chén: zhè tán huà nèi róng wǒ bù zhī dào a |
| [02:13.225] | lǐ: nà méi guān xì a, wǒ shuō shí mǒ nǐ gēn zhe wǒ lái a |
| [02:15.826] | chén: nà hǎo |
| [02:16.967] | lǐ: xiàn zài kāi shǐ |
| [02:17.644] | chén: kě yǐ |
| [02:18.985] | liǎng rén jiē dūn ér chuí zhǎo, zuò hào zǐ zhuàng |
| [02:21.470] | ! |
| [02:26.230] | chén: hǎo me, nǐ qiáo wǒ men liǎ zhè nào hào zǐ ne. nǐ dǎo shì shuō huà ya. |
| [02:29.756] | lǐ: āi yōu zhè bú shì guāng dà gē ma. |
| [02:32.911] | chén: āi. nǐ zěn me jiào wǒ guāng dà gē ya. |
| [02:37.298] | lǐ: yīn wèi xiàn zài nǐ zhè zhǐ hào zǐ ya zhèng dǎ zhe guāng gùn ne?, suǒ yǐ wǒ jiào nǐ guāng dà gē. |
| [02:42.863] | chén: nà wǒ lǎo bàn ne? |
| [02:44.054] | lǐ: ràng hào zǐ jiā zi gěi dǎ sǐ le. |
| [02:45.637] | chén: hēi, nín qiáo wǒ zhè dǎo méi jìn r de. |
| [02:48.109] | lǐ: āi yōu, zhè bú shì guāng gùn dà gē ma |
| [02:51.259] | chén: shì wǒ ya, zhè bú shì guǎ dà mèi zǐ ma |
| [02:55.780] | lǐ: zhè guǎ dà mèi zǐ shì zěn me huí shì? |
| [02:57.478] | chén: yīn wèi nǐ bú shì guǎ fù ma. |
| [03:00.671] | lǐ: wǒ shì guǎ fù. |
| [03:01.843] | chén: duì le |
| [03:02.858] | lǐ: nà wǒ zhàng fū ne? |
| [03:03.705] | chén: jiào māo gěi chī le. |
| [03:06.612] | lǐ: gè wèi péng yǒu nín tīng a, zhè liǎng zhǐ hào zǐ, tā shì guāng gùn, wǒ shì guǎ fù. kàn lái wǎng hòu yǒu xì a. |
| [03:14.735] | chén: duì, wǒ men liǎ zǎo wǎn còu yí kuài ér qù. |
| [03:17.858] | lǐ: āi yōu zhè bú shì guāng gùn dà gē ma |
| [03:21.368] | chén: zhè bú shì guǎ fù mèi zǐ ma |
| [03:23.141] | lǐ: shì wǒ ya. guāng gùn dà gē, |
| [03:25.362] | chén: āi |
| [03:26.263] | lǐ: méi xiǎng dào yī chǎng miè shǔ yùn dòng, bǎ zán liǎ nào de shì dōng táo xī cuàn, tiān gè yī fāng a. |
| [03:33.183] | chén: āi yōu, wǒ shuō dà mèi zǐ |
| [03:34.507] | lǐ: shén me shì ér a? gē ge |
| [03:35.684] | chén: guǎ fù mèi zǐ, wǒ zhēn xiǎng nǐ a |
| [03:37.312] | lǐ: wǒ yě tiān tiān xiǎng nǐ ya, wǒ fēi cháng xiǎng nǐ, wǒ xiāng dāng xiǎng nǐ, wǒ tài xiǎng nǐ le. |
| [03:45.312] | wǒ xiǎng nǐ xiǎng de ya, dōu xiǎng bù qǐ lái le. |
| [03:49.514] | chén: ō, nǐ bǎ wǒ wàng le |
| [03:51.538] | lǐ: nǐ zěn me le, zhè hào zǐ bú shì liào zhǎo jiù wàng ma? |
| [03:55.091] | chén: nǐ kàn wǒ bǎ zhè chá ér gěi wàng le |
| [03:57.084] | lǐ: guāng dà gē, nǐ zài xiǎng wǒ de shí hòu nǐ jiù hū wǒ a |
| [04:00.945] | chén: hū nǐ, wǒ zěn me hū nǐ a |
| [04:02.904] | lǐ: wǒ yāo lǐ yǒu bb jī a |
| [04:05.900] | chén: ó, nǐ dōu hùn shàng bb jī le a |
| [04:07.816] | lǐ: zhè yǒu shén me ya, xiàn zài rén lèi dōu fā le, zán men hào zǐ bù yě de gēn zhe xīn cháo ma |
| [04:14.755] | chén: duì. zán men de shēng huó bǐ guò qù kě hǎo duō le a. |
| [04:18.237] | lǐ: kě shì zán men de hái zi kě bǐ yǐ qián biàn duō le |
| [04:21.206] | chén: nǎ ér diǎn biàn le |
| [04:22.565] | lǐ: nǐ jiù ná zán men xiǎo shí hòu lái shuō ba, néng tōu diǎn bàn lǎ sōu wō tóu chī, nà dōu gēn guò nián shì de, |
| [04:28.165] | chén: zhēn shì |
| [04:29.116] | lǐ: kě shì xiàn zài wǒ nà jǐ gè hái zi a, shén me bāo zi jiǎo zi quán chī nì le, fēi yào chī xī cān. |
| [04:35.323] | chén: chī xī cān? chī shén me ya? |
| [04:38.285] | lǐ: gēn wǒ shuō fēi yào chī shén me sān míng jī kěn dé zhì |
| [04:41.120] | chén: shén me ya. nà jiào sān míng zhì, kěn dé jī. |
| [04:44.411] | lǐ: a duì duì duì, sān míng zhì, kěn dé jī. zhè me shuō nǐ chī guò a |
| [04:48.652] | chén: wǒ hái méi cháng guò ne |
| [04:50.928] | lǐ: guāng gùn dà gē, dǐng kě qì de jiù shì wǒ men nà sān yā tou |
| [04:55.777] | chén: zěn me le? |
| [04:56.578] 李：那天早晨对着镜子这么一照啊，发现自己脸上有几根白毛， [04:59.578] | yìng shuō zì jǐ shì hé lán zhǒng, |
| [05:05.889] | chén: shì a. āi yōu, guǎ dà mèi zǐ |
| [05:08.311] | lǐ: shén me shì ér a, guāng dà gē ge |
| [05:10.092] | chén: nǐ shì bú shì gēn nà hé lán shǔ tóng jū guò ya? |
| [05:16.535] | lǐ: ài, nǐ zhè shì zěn me shuō huà. wǒ zhè diǎn shì hái mán dé le nǐ ma. béng shuō hé lán shǔ, lián mǐ lǎo shǔ |
| [05:26.535] | wǒ dōu méi pèng guò ya, shuí bù zhī dào wǒ shì yǒu míng de zhēn jié liè shǔ a. |
| [05:30.707] | chén: nà jiào zhēn jié liè nǚ |
| [05:33.416] | lǐ: fèi huà, wǒ bú shì zhǐ mǔ hào zǐ ma. |
| [05:35.594] | chén: duì duì, zhēn jié liè shǔ. |
| [05:37.673] | lǐ: zhè liǎng tiān sān yā tou gēn wǒ shì yòu kū yòu nào wa |
| [05:40.289] | chén: nào shén me ya |
| [05:42.100] | lǐ: ràng wǒ gěi tā dào gè hù zhào |
| [05:42.855] | chén: gàn má ya |
| [05:44.233] | lǐ: hǎo shàng hé lán zhǎo tā bà bà qù. |
| [05:45.401] | chén: nǎ ér zhǎo qù |
| [05:46.682] | lǐ: zhè hái zi bú shì dǎo méi cuī de ma, |
| [05:48.172] | chén: kě bú shì ma? |
| [05:49.201] | lǐ: wèi le gěi zì gě ér dǎ bàn xiàng chéng yí gè yáng hào zǐ, yě bù zhī dào cóng nǎ ér tōu lái nà me yī hé yī hé de |
| [05:55.201] | huà zhuāng pǐn a, shén me zhè gè sī ya, nèi gè lù ya, nèi gè mì ya, zhè gè bǎo ya |
| [05:59.201] | āi yōu yí gè jìn ér de wǎng liǎn shàng zhuāi ya |
| [06:02.256] | chén: āi yō, zán men běn lái jiù zhǎng de zéi méi shǔ yǎn de, zài mǒ yě bù hǎo kàn bù liǎo ya |
| [06:08.122] 李：谁说不是啊，第二天起来对这镜子这么一照，坏了。内小脑袋肿得跟猪头似[06:18.122] | de. hòu lái yī huā yàn cái zhī dào gǎn qíng zhèi xiē huà zhuāng pǐn dōu shì jiǎ huò, |
| [06:21.749] | chén: āi yōu, zhè jiǎ huò kě zhēn kēng rén nà |
| [06:24.132] | lǐ: jiù shì ēn huà yòu shuō huí lái le, zhè jiǎ huò bù yí dìng dōu huài ya, |
| [06:28.236] | chén: zěn jiàn de a? |
| [06:28.981] | lǐ: nǐ jiù ná nà jiǎ hào zǐ yào lái shuō ba, wǒ rèn wéi ya dōu bù cuò, |
| [06:31.888] | chén: zěn me bù cuò |
| [06:33.517] | lǐ: nà tiān wǒ chī le liǎng piàn jiǎ hào zǐ yào, yǐ wéi wán le, |
| [06:37.286] | chén: nà kě bú shì ma |
| [06:38.052] | lǐ: huó bù liǎo le |
| [06:39.005] | chén: dāng rán le |
| [06:39.915] | lǐ: jié guǒ nǐ cāi zěn me zhāo? méi shì |
| [06:42.516] | chén: méi shì |
| [06:44.523] 李：假耗子药往嘴里这么一搁，那是脆吧唧儿的，酸吧唧儿的，甜吧唧儿的，辣吧[06:50.523] | jī ér de, gā bēng nà gè hǎo chī ya jiù gēn nà gè xiǎo mǐ guō bā shì de |
| [06:57.806] | chén: shì a, yǒu nà me hǎo chī ne |
| [07:00.313] 李：现在我是吃上瘾了，我这么给你说吧，我现在要是一天不吃着假耗子药我是浑[07:07.313] | shēn méi jìn r, yǎn lèi bí tì quán xià lái |
| [07:10.266] | chén: āi yōu nǐ zhè gēn fàn dà yān yǐn yī yáng a |
| [07:13.792] | lǐ: zhè gè dōng xī méi xiǎng dào nà me hǎo chī, gā bēng gā bēng, kě hǎo chī le |
| [07:16.834] | chén: āi yā, guǎ dà mèi zǐ a |
| [07:20.040] | lǐ: shén me shì ér a, guāng dà gē ge |
| [07:21.256] | chén: jì rán zhè me hǎo chī, wǒ néng bù néng cháng cháng a |
| [07:24.338] | lǐ: xíng, míng tiān wǒ dài nǐ chī gè gòu |
| [07:26.516] | chén: nǎ yǒu zhè wán yì ér a |
| [07:28.377] | lǐ: chén yǒng quán tā men jiā jiù yǒu |
| [07:29.891] | chén: nǐ zěn me zhī dào de? |
| [07:32.562] | lǐ: wǒ nà wō jiù zài tā men jiā a |
| [07:34.748] | chén: zhè mǔ hào zǐ shì wǒ men jiā de! |
| [07:37.756] | chén: āi yā, guǎ dà mèi zǐ a |
| [07:39.303] | lǐ: shén me shì ér a, guāng dà gē ge |
| [07:40.898] | chén: nǐ yǒu jǐ gè xiǎo hào zǐ ya? |
| [07:43.514] | lǐ: āi. bié tí le. yī shuō zhè shì wǒ jiù liǎn hóng. |
| [07:47.635] | chén: ō, hái hài sào ne. |
| [07:48.804] | lǐ: wǒ gēn wǒ nà kǒu zi jié hūn zhè jǐ nián méi gàn bié de. jìng xià le xiǎo hào zǐ. |
| [07:53.122] | chén: ó. shì a. nǐ xià le duō shǎo |
| [07:55.723] | lǐ: bù duō, yī wō jiù xià le shí jiǔ gè. |
| [07:59.613] | chén: huò, yī gòng xià le jǐ wō a |
| [08:02.240] | lǐ: cái xià le qī wō |
| [08:03.887] | chén: huò! nà de yǒu duō shǎo a |
| [08:06.188] | lǐ: fǎn zhèng yǒu yī bǎi duō gè ba. chà bù duō zhè tiáo hú tòng de xiǎo hào zǐ dōu shì wǒ xià de |
| [08:11.796] | chén: shì ma? āi yōu, nǐ nà me duō xiǎo hào zǐ nǐ rèn de qīng chǔ ma |
| [08:15.836] | lǐ: tā yǒu jì hào a. tā men měi rén dōu chuān yī bèi xīn ér. shàng miàn xiě zhe" bié lǐ wǒ, fán zhe ne". nà dōu shì |
| [08:23.088] | chén: shì ya. āi yōu, wǒ shuō guǎ dà mèi zǐ a, |
| [08:26.076] | lǐ: shén me shì ér a, guāng dà gē ge |
| [08:27.742] | chén: nǐ zěn me bù gǎo jì huà shēng yù a |
| [08:29.756] | lǐ: wǒ hái jì huà shēng yù ne. xiàn zài wǒ dōu jué yù le. |
| [08:32.998] | chén: zěn me hái jué yù le? |
| [08:35.426] | lǐ: āi. bié tí le. wǒ men nà gè fáng zhǔ wèi le ràng tā de māo bǎo chí yōu měi dí xiàn tiáo, |
| [08:39.426] | jié guǒ ne bù ràng tā de māo xià xiǎo māo le. |
| [08:43.183] | chén: zěn me bàn ne |
| [08:44.242] | lǐ: yòng shí piàn bì yùn yào hé yī bǎ bàng zi miàn zhēng le yí gè wō tóu. gěi māo zhēng de māo shí, |
| [08:49.242] | méi xiǎng dào zhè māo shí ràng wǒ gěi chī le. |
| [08:54.474] | chén: zhè bù má fán ma |
| [08:57.321] | lǐ: yào nín shuō a wǒ zhè shòu xiǎo kū gān de shēn tǐ chī shí piàn bì yùn yào, wǒ shòu de liǎo ma? |
| [09:02.663] | chén: nà nà ér shòu de liǎo. |
| [09:04.184] | lǐ: wǒ hái néng shēng ma |
| [09:05.531] | chén: nà hái shēng shén me a |
| [09:06.738] | lǐ: xiàn zài wǒ zhěng yí gè nèi fēn mì wěn luàn. sì wǔ tiān nà, wǒ dōu qǐ bù lái chuáng le. |
| [09:16.215] | chén: zhè zhāo shuí rě shuí le |
| [09:17.943] | lǐ: nǐ shuō zhè māo zhǔ quē dé bù quē dé a? |
| [09:20.577] | chén: zhēn gòu quē dé de. |
| [09:21.929] | lǐ: tā sǔn bù sǔn? |
| [09:23.015] | chén: tài sǔn le! |
| [09:24.149] | lǐ: shuí shuō bú shì a |
| [09:25.283] | chén: zhè māo zhǔ shì shuí a |
| [09:26.436] | lǐ: chén yǒng quán |
| [09:27.779] | chén: a?! wǒ duō zá gàn guò zhè quē dé shì le. |
| [09:32.024] | |
| [09:32.690] | chén: āi yā, wǒ shuō guǎ dà mèi zǐ a |
| [09:34.010] | lǐ: shén me shì ér a, guāng gùn dà gē |
| [09:35.488] | chén: yào shuō nǐ zhè hái zi hái zhēn gòu shí máo de |
| [09:37.818] | lǐ: nà dāng rán le, zhè nián tou ér chēng sǐ dǎn dà de è sǐ dǎn xiǎo de |
| [09:41.804] | chén: zěn me jiàn de a |
| [09:43.382] | lǐ: jiù ná wǒ men nà xiǎo wǔ, wǒ nà wǔ ér zi lái shuō ba |
| [09:46.367] | chén: zěn me le |
| [09:47.323] | lǐ: jìn shì jué de |
| [09:48.004] | chén: yǒu shén me |
| [09:48.851] | lǐ: zuì jìn gēn māo jiāo shàng péng yǒu le |
| [09:50.217] | chén: a! gēn māo jiào shàng péng yǒu, nà māo kě bú shì zán men bù gòng dài tiān zhī dí ya |
| [09:55.310] | lǐ: shuí shuō bú shì a, dàn shì xiǎo wǔ tā néng kǎn a |
| [09:58.479] | chén: néng kǎn |
| [10:00.376] | lǐ: gěi māo kǎn yūn le |
| [10:01.476] | chén: ó |
| [10:02.500] | lǐ: zuó tiān shàng wǔ zài wǒ nà wō lǐ qǐng māo chī fàn |
| [10:04.048] | chén: bǎ māo nòng jiā lǐ le! zhè bú shì zuō sǐ ma? |
| [10:09.060] | lǐ: xiǎo gē ér jǐ gè bǎ māo wéi zài dāng jiàn ér, wǒ men xiǎo wǔ jiù shuō huà le |
| [10:12.570] | chén: tā zěn me shuō de a |
| [10:14.675] | lǐ: āi, āi, āi. māo, māo yé ye |
| [10:24.420] | chén: māo yé ye, hái zhēn xià běn de |
| [10:26.688] | lǐ: wǒ xiè xiè nín de, a guāng, a guāng guāng guāng, guāng lín, wǒ men zhè jǐ gè wú míng shǔ bèi, |
| [10:46.688] | xī wàng nín yào gāo gāo gāo gāo tái guì zhǎo |
| [10:50.895] | chén: shén me jiào gāo tái guì zhǎo a |
| [10:52.845] | lǐ: jiù shì bié chī xiǎo hào zǐ |
| [10:57.381] | chén: zhè māo néng bù chī hào zǐ ma |
| [10:59.099] | lǐ: shuí shuō bú shì a |
| [11:00.465] | chén: nà māo shén me tài dù |
| [11:01.997] | lǐ: zzz. a miāo |
| [11:06.243] | chén: a zhè shì zhǐ lǎn māo |
| [11:09.339] | lǐ: zhè yàng zuò bù hǎo ba a |
| [11:14.559] | lǐ: yào zhǎng wò yuán zé la a |
| [11:19.370] | lǐ: yào zhù yì yǐng xiǎng ma a |
| [11:23.654] | chén: zhè māo de guān qì kě hái bù xiǎo, kàn nà yì sī yào bái fèi shì |
| [11:27.803] | lǐ: shuí shuō de, wǒ men jiā xiǎo wǔ yǒu jué de |
| [11:28.848] | chén: shén me jué de a |
| [11:29.675] | lǐ: tā bǎ jǐ gè xiǎo mì gěi zhǎo lái le |
| [11:33.132] | chén: xiǎo mì!? shén me jiào xiǎo mì a? jiù shì bàng jiā r |
| [11:37.317] | lǐ: āi yōu, lián xiǎo mì nǐ dōu bù dǒng a, xiǎo mì jiù shì jǐ zhǐ xiǎo mǔ hào zǐ, |
| [11:38.863] | chén: ó, nǐ men xiǎo wǔ de nǚ péng yǒu zì miàn yì sī |
| [11:41.112] | lǐ: bǐ nǚ péng yǒu yòu jìn |
| [11:42.172] | chén: ó duì xiàng |
| [11:43.090] | lǐ: yòu méi duì xiàng nà me hǎo |
| [11:44.045] | chén: nà shi shén me ne? |
| [11:45.133] | lǐ: jiù shì tā men zài yí kuài ér jìng gǎo māo nì |
| [11:47.311] | chén: shén me jiào māo nì a |
| [11:48.569] 李：哎呦，这几个小蜜打扮的花枝招展，进了洞之后这个给猫敬酒，那个给他捋胡[11:54.569] | zi, zhè gè péi tā chī fàn, nà gè gěi tā diǎn yān, chī wán le zhī hòu yòu gēn tā tiào wǔ, yòu gēn tā yōng bào, |
| [12:01.673] | hái gēn tā fēi wěn, yī huì ér de gōng fū nǐ zài kàn zhè zhǐ māo a |
| [12:04.866] | chén: zěn me yàng a? |
| [12:06.011] | lǐ: liǎng zhī yǎn jīng mī chéng yī tiáo xiàn le, hú zǐ yě dā la xià lái le, shé tou yě duǎn le, jiǎo dǐ yě bàn suàn le, |
| [12:10.011] | dāng shí jiù gǎi kǒu le |
| [12:12.946] | chén: māo zěn me shuō de a |
| [12:14.250] | lǐ: méi shì, zán shì yī jiā rén |
| [12:22.865] | chén: ó. yī jiā rén le |
| [12:24.375] | lǐ: yǐ hòu wǒ jué bù chī xiǎo hào zǐ |
| [12:28.437] | chén: zài chī ne? |
| [12:29.535] | lǐ: zài chī xiǎo hào zǐ, lǎo shǔ yé ye, |
| [12:31.998] | chén: lǎo shǔ yé ye! |
| [12:33.310] | lǐ: wǒ shì nǐ ér zi. |
| [12:34.401] | chén: hāi, zhè jiào shén me bèi r a? |
| [12:36.549] | lǐ: āi, guāng gùn ér dà gē nǐ shuō wǒ men jiā xiǎo wǔ zěn me yàng a |
| [12:39.169] | chén: hái zhēn yǒu liǎng xià zǐ |
| [12:40.338] | lǐ: nà dāng rán le |
| [12:41.867] | chén: zhè tā dōu shì nà xué lái le de ne |
| [12:43.136] | lǐ: zhè dōu shì gēn rén xué de. zhè jiù jiào āi jīn shì jīn, āi yù shì yù. tí chū zhè gè rén de míng zì, |
| [12:45.136] | zài zuò de gè wèi méi yǒu bù zhī dào de |
| [12:50.632] | chén: shuí a? |
| [12:51.425] | lǐ: chén yǒng quán nà. |
| [12:54.150] | chén: hái shì wǒ a! |
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