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[Featuring: Christian Borle] |
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[Male Ensemble:] |
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A studio executive has no beliefs |
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That's the way of a studio system |
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We bow to every rear of all the studio chiefs |
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And you can bet your ass we've kissed 'em |
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Even the birds in the Hollywood hills |
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Know the secret to our success |
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It's those magical words that pay the bills: |
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Yes, yes, yes, and yes |
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[A bunch of scuffling about Darryl Zanuck coming] |
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[Tom:] Gentlemen! Take a memo. |
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Today the Trades are all aglow |
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With grosses for our Miss Monroe |
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The things those vermin mustn't know |
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Is what she puts us through |
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She makes directors wait all day |
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One line per hour is all she'll say |
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And still, she thinks we're gonna pay |
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She needs a talking to |
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Tomatoes like her must be put in their place |
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If she don't shape up soon, she'll soon be walking |
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'Cause the buck stops with me |
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([Ensemble:] Yes you're right, we agree!) |
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Uh, don't say yes until I finish talking |
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She's got them all tied up in knots |
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Makes each producer faint in plots |
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She thinks she's queen and calls the shots |
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As she sits on a throne |
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She needs to learn she's only skin |
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The next girl's waiting for a spin |
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I made a star of Rin Tin Tin |
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And paid him with a bone |
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Tomatoes like her |
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Well, they're easy to find |
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We throw them out as soon as they start squawking |
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So, get me some younger dish |
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([Ensemble:] We concur, as you wish!) |
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Hey! Don't say yes until I finish talking |
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And while you got me on a roll |
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Let's find a role for Nat King Cole |
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Tell Lankowitz his script is trite |
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A little lower, to the right |
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I think that Brando is mis-cast |
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That television just won't last |
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That I'm the king of Hollywood |
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([Ensemble:] All hail the king!) |
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Oh, that feels good |
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Which brings me back to that dumb blonde |
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To her demands, I now respond |
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Some buy her act, but I'm not conned |
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You better fall in line |
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You're too bazooms and nuts to boot |
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I'll keep you in a bathing suit |
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When you stop bringing in the loot |
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Well, go back to the vine |
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Tomatoes like you |
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They all whither and die |
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My powers, though, will never be diminished |
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So don't bring me to my boiling point |
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You're just a broad, I own the joint |
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I'm in control, you're just a face |
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So allow me to cut to the chase |
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I'll make another movie star |
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Can someone light my damn cigar? |
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And then say "yes" |
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Cause yes, men |
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I'm finished |
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[Ensemble:] |
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YES! |
