|
These are the tales, the freaky tales... |
|
The tales that I tell so well... |
|
I met this girl, her name was Joan |
|
She loved the way I rocked the microphone |
|
When I met Joan, I took her home |
|
She was just like a doggy all on my bone |
|
I met another girl, her name was Ann |
|
All she wanted was to freak with a man |
|
When I met Ann, I soked her pans |
|
We ended up freakin' by garbage can |
|
The next young freak I met was Red |
|
I took her to the house and she gave me head |
|
She likes to freak was all she said |
|
We jumped in the sheets and we broke my bed |
|
There's another girl, her name is Mary |
|
Talked about sex and the girl acted scary |
|
I heard she was freakin' for my homeboy Jerry |
|
Took her to the house and I popped that cherry |
|
Young and tender, sweet Denise |
|
Get her in the bed and the girl's a beast |
|
I tell you, homeboy, If you get a piece |
|
She only talks about signin' a lease |
|
I met this tender, her name was Lori |
|
And a X-rated movie wouldn't tell her story |
|
She had a twinsister, her name was Lisa |
|
And just like Lori, she's a real dick pleaser |
|
My girlfriend's name was Michelle, I freaked her well |
|
Her pussy got hotter than flames in hell |
|
I geed this girl, her name was Tammy |
|
I didn't wanna do it cause the bitch was flammy |
|
She had a best friend, her name was Jane |
|
I pulled to the side and I spitted that game |
|
I met a lot of freaks in my lifespine |
|
Freaked one night with a girl named Pam |
|
The very next day I saw her with her man |
|
One week passed and I was in her again |
|
I had an old tender, her name was Janie |
|
She was thirty-two and I was only eighteen |
|
She likes to freak, she's just a fiend |
|
It really didn't matter when I saw her in jeans |
|
I wanna big freak, fat and slobby |
|
I kick on back and I watch her mouth |
|
Two tons of fun, big mama jama |
|
A country-girl from Alabama |
|
I met this girl, her name was Betty |
|
Her pussy got wet and it smelled like death |
|
I was tired as hell, I was drippin' sweat |
|
But I was all up in her tryin' to hold my breath |
|
Bake and shake us, I met this freak in Vegas |
|
She said her name was Donna |
|
She was a pitty little freak from China |
|
I said I don't pimp or gigolo |
|
I'm havin' so much money that I don't need a hoe |
|
You can break yourself but you can't break me |
|
You never met a player like $hort, baby |
|
I knew a dick sucker named Betty-Jo |
|
Took her to my home and we did it on the floor |
|
The girl got freaky and I tell you more: |
|
She was down on her knees beggin' to blow |
|
She's like another freak named Ren` |
|
You get her alone and she'll make your day |
|
Like Burger King, she knows the play |
|
But a freak like Ren`, you can have it your way... |
|
These are the tales, the freaky tales... |
|
These are the tales that I tell so well... |
|
I met this girl, thick as hell |
|
Only sixteen, said her name was Linell |
|
I took her to my house, I could not wait |
|
Her shit was much tighter than Central Safe |
|
Let me tell you this since we talkin' young |
|
I met another girl, said her name was Yvonne |
|
Always talkin' about havin' fun |
|
Once again in the bed I got it goin' on |
|
I'm Sir Too $hort, couldn't be no punk |
|
I try to get funky like female funk |
|
So when you see me comin' or see me goin' |
|
I keep my money, let the hoes keep throwin' |
|
I once met a tender, she did it for free |
|
On the Foothill bust number forty-three |
|
All the way on the back she was workin' me |
|
Had my big beatbox and I was jammin' the beat |
|
I met this freak named aunt Winell |
|
Macked on the baby like an ice-cold vet |
|
Everythin' she had is what I get |
|
Cause I'm Too $hort, baby, I don't play that shit |
|
I met another freak, her name was Rita |
|
Baby thought that $hort just might eat her |
|
I told her like this, she can suck my peter |
|
Or even go home cause I knew I didn't need her |
|
Scratched her name off my telephone book |
|
Never again I took a second look |
|
Cause the next young freak, her name was Sharon |
|
She kept lookin', well, I kept stairin' |
|
Her booty was stuffed in the jeans she was wearin' |
|
She never left, she cutted out |
|
I know you all know what I'm talkin' about |
|
There's a freak named Shane, such a sinner |
|
She smokes that pipe and she's gettin' thinner |
|
Shane is cool but her mind is gone |
|
One fat rock and it's goin' on |
|
She had another buddy, came by my place |
|
Thick ass bitch, said her name was Grace |
|
She walked in the door wearin' a lace |
|
You shoulda seen that look that was on my face |
|
She's like this tender named Belinda |
|
Homeboys call her Belinda the Blender |
|
She gave head like she made it up |
|
She was twenty years old with a big round butt |
|
Had a girl slick like olive oil |
|
Her father was rich and the girl was spoiled |
|
When she got mad he blood would boil |
|
But I rapped her off like I'm lookin' a toy... |
|
These are the tales, the freaky tales... |
|
The tales that I tell so well... |
|
Shockedy life, Friday night, it's goin' on Too $hort |
|
Three weeks ago I met this freak |
|
She followed me around like Mary's sheep |
|
I hitted around the corner and when she came |
|
I grabbed her by the arm and I asked her name |
|
She said it was Nina and her man's in Santa Rita |
|
I took her to my home and homeboy, I geed her |
|
Set her on the way the very next way |
|
Playboy $hort was ready to play |
|
I bumped to this girl, her name was Roseanne |
|
We hitted the motel and got it goin' on |
|
Holiday Inn to the break of dawn |
|
When I took baby home, I freaked her mom |
|
I knew this tender named Shanie |
|
I took her to the house and let her freak on me |
|
Baby was a fan, she loved my beat |
|
But I wouldn't raise my leg to let her kiss my feet |
|
I met this freak named Yolanda |
|
Rolled baby doll like a brand new Honda |
|
I was on top and she was up under |
|
The bed hitted the wall and it sounded like thunder |
|
I once had a datewith girl named Kitty |
|
She was so fine with big fat tiddies |
|
All night long she was actin' shitty |
|
So i macked on baby like I was Frank Nitti |
|
There's another girl, her name is Rose |
|
I use to roll baby like brand new Volvos |
|
I never saw Rose wearin' clothes |
|
She's a pimp house pet, ready to pose |
|
I was ridin' down the street when I met Janet |
|
Her booty was bigger than the whole damn planet |
|
Ass everywhere, I just can't stand it |
|
Tried to poem it but I could not manage |
|
I had this freak, her name was Bunny |
|
Said I was the only man who ever called her honey |
|
Everythin' I did to her was funny |
|
I macked on bunny and I took her money |
|
Eight tonight a date with Shirlie |
|
She was really short and her hair was curly |
|
If you saw baby you liked this girlie |
|
She was so fine I went to get her early |
|
Shirlie was freakin' like a girl named Rachel |
|
Her bite was vicious and it sure was fatal |
|
She liked to kiss all on my neval |
|
Those are her lips on top of my label |
|
I knew another freak, her name was Candy |
|
Real big lips and they came in handy |
|
I smooth got worked and it was so dandy |
|
I hooked the brood up with my homeboy Randy |
|
He did me a favor in return |
|
Gave me a lizard, said her name was Laverne |
|
Baby got tossed and I got it on |
|
I grabbed the mic and started to sing my song |
|
My young homeboy heard me rap |
|
And said he had way more freaks than that |
|
So I told him like this: they might be freakin' |
|
But, boy, you never had that T-P-Treatment... |
