| [00:01.66] | Oh, hey, you guys? |
| [00:03.06] | I couldn't get a reservation for the night of my birthday.. |
| [00:06.07] | so we'll have to do dinner Thursday night. |
| [00:08.40] | - Thursday? But that's Halloween. - So? - |
| [00:13.71] | It's just spooky, that's all. |
| [00:16.81] | So, is Mike coming to dinner? |
| [00:18.78] | No. It's my first birthday with a boyfriend, and he has to work. |
| [00:22.72] | I'd get mad at him, but I think it's too soon to show my true colors. |
| [00:28.49] | I would make the reservation for five. One of us has to stay with Emma. |
| [00:32.16] | - Which one of us should go to dinner? - Rachel! - |
| [00:36.63] | Actually, I was thinking maybe both of us could go. |
| [00:40.87] | Oh. Yeah. |
| [00:43.74] | Thanks. I'll put a lot of extra thought into your gift. |
| [00:47.91] | All right, so great, we can all go now. |
| [00:50.28] | That is fun! Hey! You know what? |
| [00:52.91] | We all haven't been together, the six of us, in such a long time. |
| [00:56.82] | What are you talking about? We're together now. |
| [00:59.25] | Mon? Chandler's not here. |
| [01:05.53] | Oh, dear God. |
| [01:08.60] | The One With Phoebe's Birthday Dinner |
| [01:54.31] | |
| [01:56.31] | Hello. It's nice to see our team together for the first time. |
| [01:59.45] | Now, before we get started, are there any questions? |
| [02:03.05] | - Yes. Ken, is it? - That's right. |
| [02:04.95] | Is it true the reason you're in Tulsa is, you fell asleep in a meeting.. |
| [02:08.49] | and took the job without realizing what you were saying yes to? |
| [02:13.50] | Well, don't believe everything you hear, Ken. |
| [02:16.73] | But yeah, that's true. |
| [02:19.67] | All right, let's get started by taking a look at last quarter's figures. |
| [02:26.17] | Claudia, aren't you supposed to blow smoke up the boss's ass? |
| [02:31.21] | - I'm sorry. Does the smoke bother you? - No. I smoked for years. Then I quit. - |
| [02:37.22] | Right now, I can't remember why. |
| [02:40.32] | You're not allowed to smoke in this office, right? |
| [02:42.86] | Yes, in Oklahoma it's legal to smoke in offices with 15 people or less. |
| [02:46.59] | - Would you like one? - Would Joey like two pizzas? - |
| [02:52.60] | You don't know what I'm talking about. |
| [02:55.34] | All right, look. I don't smoke anymore. |
| [02:57.44] | But if the rest of you want to light up, go ahead, it's fine. |
| [03:04.15] | So, you all smoke, then? |
| [03:06.65] | You know, it's almost rude that I'm not smoking. |
| [03:09.95] | - That's not true. If you don't want.. - Ken, please! |
| [03:15.62] | No, I can't. I can't smoke. If I smoke, my wife would kill me. |
| [03:18.93] | I'm sorry, but isn't your wife back in New York? |
| [03:23.23] | I've always liked you, Ken. |
| [03:31.54] | Trick or treat. |
| [03:35.84] | - Hey. - And "treat" it is. |
| [03:40.48] | Wow. So glad I changed. |
| [03:43.32] | I almost wore my threadbare robe that can't contain my breasts. |
| [03:49.36] | This is not what I'm wearing. I'm ovulating.. |
| [03:51.63] | and Chandler's gonna be home. So, I thought we would try before dinner. |
| [03:56.50] | Oh, I thought we'd all go over together. |
| [03:58.43] | All right, I'll just meet you there at dinner. |
| [04:01.17] | Unless, I mean, if it helps, I could stay and watch. |
| [04:07.28] | - No! - Well, I didn't want to anyway. - |
| [04:09.84] | You know, just thought I'd be polite and offer. |
| [04:15.28] | Wait, does this mean you'll be late? |
| [04:17.19] | We haven't seen each other in over a week. |
| [04:19.25] | We'll probably be the first ones there. |
| [04:22.19] | Okay. See you there. Happy humping. |
| [04:26.49] | Hey. Well, hey! |
| [04:28.36] | Wow, somebody smoked out here? |
| [04:33.64] | My God, don't people know you're not allowed to smoke in public spaces? |
| [04:37.37] | Actually, in Oklahoma smoking's legal in offices with fewer than 15 people. |
| [04:43.71] | Oh, you smoked. |
| [04:45.71] | No. I just happen to know a lot of trivia about smoking in different states. |
| [04:50.62] | For example, in Hawaii, cigarettes are called lei-lana-lukus. |
| [04:56.59] | - Oh, Chandler, you stink of cigarettes! - Do you think Monica will smell it? - |
| [05:01.33] | Are you kidding? That woman has the nose of a bloodhound. |
| [05:05.03] | And the breasts of a Greek goddess. |
| [05:11.84] | |
| [05:14.64] | I'm gonna go. |
| [05:20.45] | Okay. Something to cover the smell. |
| [05:27.16] | Oven cleaner. |
| [05:34.10] | Unscented. |
| [05:38.20] | Welcome home. |
| [05:41.50] | I've missed you. |
| [05:43.87] | - You want to join me in the bedroom? - No, thanks, I'm good. - |
| [05:48.94] | Okay. So you want to play it that way, do you? |
| [05:53.65] | Well, you know what, actually, I just got off a plane.. |
| [05:56.45] | so I'm feeling gross. I should take a shower. |
| [05:58.95] | - Come here, you don't need a shower. - All right, the truth is.. - |
| [06:02.86] | I soiled myself during some turbulence. |
| [06:09.60] | What do I smell? I smell smoke. |
| [06:12.97] | Did you smoke? |
| [06:15.30] | Yes. But I just had one. |
| [06:18.34] | Two. |
| [06:19.97] | Two tiny cigarettes. Okay, five. |
| [06:24.41] | A pack. Two pack.. A carton. |
| [06:28.48] | Three big fat cartons in two days! |
| [06:32.75] | But it's over. I've made a decision, I'm not gonna smoke anymore. |
| [06:40.13] | Well, those are for you. |
| [06:43.93] | All right. Well, we'll just see you when you get here. Bye. |
| [06:48.20] | Oh, that was my mom. She's stuck in terrible traffic. |
| [06:51.34] | That is now the third sign that I should not leave Emma. |
| [06:54.28] | - What are the other two? - Well, the first one is, I don't want to. - |
| [06:57.48] | And second one, I'm not going. |
| [07:01.18] | I know this is the first time we're leaving the baby. |
| [07:03.89] | I know how hard it is for you. But.. |
| [07:06.09] | But everything's gonna be fine. I mean, my mom is gonna be with her. |
| [07:09.39] | - She's great with kids. - She is? - |
| [07:11.73] | Yeah. |
| [07:14.16] | What about Monica? |
| [07:15.80] | You only hear Monica's side of that. Okay, that little fatso was a terror! |
| [07:22.70] | - I just don't think I can do it. - Know what? You can and you should. - |
| [07:27.48] | Really, it will be good for you. |
| [07:29.61] | In fact, you know what? |
| [07:31.25] | Go ahead to the restaurant, and I will wait for my mom.. |
| [07:34.08] | and then I'll meet you there. No, no, really, you should go. Go out. |
| [07:37.95] | Really, the world is your oyster. Kick up your heels. Paint the town red! |
| [07:45.33] | - You need to learn some new slang. - I'm serious. Come on, you should go. - |
| [07:49.93] | Here. No, just go. |
| [07:52.93] | - Well.. - No, no! You know what? |
| [07:55.07] | You're not getting back in there! The baby's fine. Now, scram! |
| [08:00.24] | Yeah, hit the bricks! |
| [08:03.74] | Tell your story walking! |
| [08:07.52] | I was just going to say that I left my keys. |
| [08:13.82] | Holy moley, are we in a pickle now! |
| [08:20.63] | Where is everyone? They're 40 minutes late. |
| [08:24.20] | - I know. - I'm starving. - |
| [08:26.33] | I knew we were coming here tonight. I ate nothing all day. |
| [08:29.24] | What about me? I only had one lunch today. |
| [08:33.14] | So, are we expecting the rest of our party shortly? |
| [08:36.24] | Yes, they are expected presently. Yeah. |
| [08:38.75] | Their arrival is in the offing. |
| [08:42.78] | Right. We have a table for two available. |
| [08:44.99] | - Perhaps you'd.. - No, they're coming. - |
| [08:46.82] | We're waiting right here. |
| [08:49.26] | Joseph! |
| [08:52.83] | One needn't worry. They shan't be long. |
| [08:56.30] | It's just that we do have some large parties waiting. |
| [08:59.93] | Oh, one really does have a stick up one's ass, doesn't one? |
| [09:06.44] | Why would you start smoking again? It's so bad for you. |
| [09:09.91] | It's only been two days. That's not enough time to.. |
| [09:15.78] | That's totally unrelated. |
| [09:18.72] | How can you smoke in this day and age? Have you not seen that ad? |
| [09:22.09] | Where the little kid walks through Grandpa? It's chilling! |
| [09:26.03] | I messed up. It was a meeting. Everybody was smoking. |
| [09:29.06] | So what? Don't you have any willpower? |
| [09:31.40] | Willpower? I've watched home movies of you eating Ding Dongs.. |
| [09:34.47] | without taking the tinfoil off! … |
| [09:38.57] | You said that was sexy! |
| [09:42.81] | Okay, look, can we just drop this? I'm not gonna smoke again. |
| [09:46.58] | That's right, because I forbid you to smoke again. |
| [09:49.32] | You forbid me? |
| [09:51.55] | I've flown a long way to see my loving wife. |
| [09:53.96] | Is she here, by the way? |
| [09:56.09] | Chandler, don't joke with me. Okay? I'm very, very upset right now. |
| [10:02.26] | - Is this the most upset you could be? - I think so. - |
| [10:05.47] | Well, then I might as well.. |
| [10:07.77] | do this. |
| [10:19.91] | Not really sure what to do now. |
| [10:23.95] | I'll tell you what we're gonna do. |
| [10:26.62] | We're already late for Phoebe's birthday dinner. |
| [10:29.36] | So you're going to put out that cigarette.. |
| [10:31.53] | we're gonna put this fight on hold, and go have sex. |
| [10:34.50] | Fine. What? |
| [10:37.53] | What, do you have cigarettes in your ears? |
| [10:40.87] | Sex! This is the last day I'm ovulating. If we don't do it.. |
| [10:43.87] | we're gonna have to wait until next month! |
| [10:46.71] | You're serious? |
| [10:48.88] | - Oh, yeah! - All right, fine, I'll do it, but no talking! |
| [10:52.61] | - And no cuddling. - And no kissing your neck. - |
| [10:55.75] | Oh, good! I hate it when you do that! |
| [11:00.96] | And lots of kissing your neck! |
| [11:05.09] | Okay, well, the super's not home. |
| [11:06.96] | But my mother's gonna be here, and she has the key. |
| [11:09.73] | I can't wait that long. You have to do something. Knock that door down! |
| [11:13.17] | I would, but I bruise like a peach. |
| [11:17.77] | Besides, you know, everything's gonna be fine. The baby's sleeping. |
| [11:21.91] | - What if she jumps out of the bassinet? - Can't hold her head up, but jumped. - |
| [11:27.18] | Oh, my God! I left the water running! |
| [11:29.28] | You did not leave the water running. Please, pull yourself together, okay? |
| [11:33.39] | - Well, did I leave the stove on? - You haven't cooked since 1996. - |
| [11:38.16] | Is the window open? If the window's open a bird could fly in and.. |
| [11:41.80] | My God, you know what? I think you're right. |
| [11:44.00] | - Listen. - What? What? |
| [11:45.47] | A pigeon. No. No, wait, no. An eagle flew in! |
| [11:51.04] | Landed on the stove and caught fire! |
| [11:56.18] | The baby, seeing this, jumps across the apartment to the mighty bird's aid. |
| [12:02.28] | The eagle, however, misconstrues this as an act of aggression.. |
| [12:05.42] | and grabs the baby in its talon. |
| [12:07.29] | Meanwhile, the faucet fills the apartment with water. |
| [12:10.69] | Baby and bird, still ablaze, are locked in a death grip.. |
| [12:14.36] | swirling around the whirlpool that fills the apartment! |
| [12:20.74] | Boy, are you gonna be sorry if that's true. |
| [12:27.71] | - Hello. - Hi. |
| [12:29.64] | It's been an hour. |
| [12:31.71] | The maitre d' asked if you'd reconsider switching to a smaller table. |
| [12:36.02] | Maybe we should just eat now. |
| [12:37.69] | You can't order until the entire party's arrived. Restaurant policy. |
| [12:41.52] | Well, how about this? Another table leaves, right.. |
| [12:44.59] | but there's still some food left on their plates. |
| [12:47.83] | Okay, what's the restaurant's policy about people eating that? |
| [12:51.50] | - It's frowned upon. - But it happens. - |
| [12:57.94] | - All right, I got to go to the bathroom. - You can't go. - |
| [13:00.64] | No, no, no. I can't hold this table on my own. |
| [13:03.01] | If they ask me to move, I'll cave. |
| [13:05.25] | Well, if you ask me to stay, I'll pee. |
| [13:13.35] | Good evening, miss. |
| [13:16.72] | Miss? |
| [13:20.76] | Miss? Miss? |
| [13:23.30] | Okay, fine, I'll move. All right. You don't have to manhandle me. |
| [13:28.90] | - Where? - Okay. |
| [13:32.91] | Thank you. Wow. |
| [13:36.34] | Will you stop staring at us now? |
| [13:38.41] | That depends. Will your friend stop drinking olive oil directly from the bottle? |
| [13:43.45] | Probably not. |
| [13:52.13] | Finally. You guys made it. |
| [14:01.97] | Phoebe, who the hell..? |
| [14:14.82] | What is taking you so long, Come on, let's get it over with! |
| [14:18.79] | In a minute, sweet cakes. |
| [14:21.39] | Spend more time with the tie! That will make a baby. |
| [14:25.63] | Look, I can't do this. I can't make love to you while we're fighting this way. |
| [14:30.13] | Oh, sure. Now you're Mr. Sensitivity. |
| [14:32.60] | But when you wanted to have sex after my uncle's funeral.. |
| [14:35.47] | That was a celebration of life! |
| [14:39.07] | All right, I'm not gonna do this. |
| [14:41.08] | Is this the way you want our baby to be conceived? |
| [14:44.98] | No, you're right. |
| [14:47.95] | We shouldn't do it like this. |
| [14:53.09] | For what it's worth, I'm sorry. |
| [14:55.96] | I shouldn't have come down on you so hard about the smoking. |
| [14:59.56] | So you had a few cigarettes. It's not the end of the world. |
| [15:03.63] | - Really? - Yeah. |
| [15:06.63] | You are incredible. |
| [15:08.90] | And listen, I'm not gonna smoke again. |
| [15:11.61] | And if I do, I promise I will hide it so much better from you. |
| [15:26.65] | - Want to? - Let's celebrate life! |
| [15:28.29] | Okay! |
| [15:31.99] | Oh, God. |
| [15:34.30] | Oh, thank God you're okay. |
| [15:36.40] | I'm sorry we left. Mommy will never leave you again. |
| [15:39.03] | Never, ever, ever again. |
| [15:42.44] | Great. So let's get going. |
| [15:45.64] | I mean it. After what just happened, I'm never leaving her again. |
| [15:49.14] | I understand. Separation is hard. |
| [15:52.08] | One time I was about to leave Ross to go to the beauty parlor. |
| [15:56.25] | And he got so upset he took off all his clothes.. |
| [15:59.15] | tucked his willy between his legs.. |
| [16:02.59] | and cried out, "Mommy, I'm a girl. Take me with you." |
| [16:15.07] | Somehow, over time, it got easier to be apart from you. |
| [16:24.48] | You are welcome. |
| [16:28.65] | - You know what? Let's not talk. - What? - |
| [16:32.09] | - I am still so mad at you for smoking! - But you said you forgave me. - |
| [16:35.69] | It was just a couple of cigarettes, no big deal. |
| [16:40.63] | I was ovulating and you said you wouldn't have sex if we were fighting. |
| [16:46.07] | - You tricked me to get me into bed? - That's right. I got mine. - |
| [16:54.27] | I feel so used. |
| [16:58.45] | Well, I guess they're not coming. You want to just order? |
| [17:02.58] | Thank you. |
| [17:07.96] | Waiter? All right, this is gonna go fast, so try to keep up. |
| [17:11.53] | Risotto with shaved truffles and the rib steak.. |
| [17:13.96] | with the golden chanterelles and the Bordelaise sauce.. |
| [17:16.83] | unless any of that stuff I just said means "snails." |
| [17:20.33] | It does not. |
| [17:22.40] | Tomato tart, and which of the pastas would you recommend? |
| [17:26.04] | - Oh, well they're both exquisite.. - Both it is. Thank you. - |
| [17:29.01] | Now, let's go, baby. It's food time. Bring it, bitch. |
| [17:37.15] | - Sorry about that. - It's quite all right. - |
| [17:40.72] | Oh, can I make a special request? |
| [17:42.92] | Can you bring everything as it's ready? |
| [17:44.96] | - Appetizers, entrees, we don't care. - Hey! |
| [17:49.56] | - I'll wait to put your order in. - What did I ever do to you? - |
| [17:52.60] | Nothing, bitch. |
| [17:58.97] | You guys are over an hour late. |
| [18:01.04] | - What happened to you two? - So sorry. - |
| [18:03.38] | - We got locked out of the apartment. - That's a great story. Can I eat it? - |
| [18:07.82] | And then Rachel wasn't sure she could leave the baby. |
| [18:10.88] | It wasn't easy, but it's your birthday and I did what I had to do. |
| [18:14.62] | And that's Judy over there at the bar with Emma? |
| [18:20.86] | This is for the best. I'm not distracted, worrying about Emma.. |
| [18:24.06] | how she's doing at home, and I'm gonna be completely here with you. |
| [18:27.90] | - Oh, she spit up. She spit up. - What? |
| [18:29.87] | Judy? She spit.. Judy, look alive, Judy! |
| [18:35.91] | - Thank you. - Thanks. |
| [18:40.38] | Oh, everything looks delicious. |
| [18:43.42] | What should I have? What should I have? |
| [18:47.39] | Never hit a woman. Never hit a woman. |
| [18:51.79] | I know what you mean, this menu's incredible. |
| [18:54.03] | Ross bruises like a peach. He bruises like a peach. |
| [18:58.07] | Okay, I'll have the fig salad and the duck. |
| [19:00.53] | I'll have the soup and the salmon. |
| [19:02.54] | Remember, whatever comes up first, okay? |
| [19:04.67] | - Hurry.. - Happy birthday! |
| [19:06.24] | Son of a bitch! |
| [19:08.71] | - Where have you been? - Well, we had a little fight. - |
| [19:11.98] | I would never lie to get someone into bed. |
| [19:14.15] | You used to tell girls you were a Kennedy. |
| [19:19.85] | Thanks. |
| [19:23.26] | Thanks. Wow. |
| [19:26.19] | A little tight, isn't it? Why didn't you get a bigger table? |
| [19:31.40] | You had a big table but they made you move. |
| [19:34.64] | Shut up, Monica. |
| [19:38.31] | Oh, well, I suppose that Chandler will have the smoked duck. |
| [19:43.61] | And I suppose that Monica will have the manipulative shrew. |
| [19:49.58] | How did I miss that? |
| [19:52.82] | - I'll give you another minute. - What, where you going? - |
| [19:55.52] | He said she wanted the shrew! |
| [19:59.33] | Rach, come on, Emma's fine. |
| [20:01.33] | You're turning into an obsessive mother, okay? You need to stop. |
| [20:06.10] | You ever hear the story about when Ross' mom went to the beauty salon? |
| [20:12.17] | - You mean the willy story? - They already know it. - |
| [20:20.85] | We've been waiting for you for a long time. |
| [20:23.15] | - You should order. - That's okay. - |
| [20:24.82] | - I told the waiter what they want. - Why would you do that? - |
| [20:27.92] | Chandler, control your woman. |
| [20:31.06] | Okay, well.. Everybody has ordered. |
| [20:33.79] | I would like to start the celebration and make a toast to Phoebe. |
| [20:40.63] | - She dropped her sock. - What? - |
| [20:44.64] | No. No, Emma dropped her sock. - |
| [20:46.94] | - How do you know that? - She's over there. - |
| [20:48.61] | - Mom's with her. - Mom's here? - |
| [20:51.38] | I wanted to have lunch with her today. She told me she was out of town. |
| [20:55.78] | She still has not noticed that the baby's sock is on the ground. |
| [20:59.02] | It's a good toast. |
| [21:01.52] | Look, will you please get her attention? |
| [21:04.99] | Mommy? |
| [21:11.60] | Mother. |
| [21:21.28] | Oh, for God's sake, Judy, pick up the sock! |
| [21:23.54] | Pick up the sock! Pick up the sock! |
| [21:31.05] | I'm sorry, was that rude? |
| [21:34.35] | Did my little outburst.. |
| [21:37.36] | blunt the hideousness that is this evening? |
| [21:41.76] | Look, I know you have a lot going on.. |
| [21:43.80] | but all I wanted to do was have dinner with my friends on my birthday. |
| [21:49.87] | And you are all so late, and you didn't even have the courtesy to call. |
| [21:56.48] | Well, it's too late now. |
| [22:00.15] | Phoebe, I don't think that's us. |
| [22:03.32] | Oh, well, this is.. This is not over! Hello? |
| [22:09.32] | I feel terrible. We should've been strong and left Emma at home. |
| [22:13.69] | "We"? |
| [22:15.20] | There are some adult willy stories they don't know. |
| [22:18.17] | We should've been stronger. |
| [22:21.07] | - What is going on with you two? - Well, you see, I'm ovulating. - |
| [22:25.04] | Oh, yeah, that's what she says. |
| [22:29.01] | Maybe you're not ovulating. Maybe it's a clever ruse to get me into bed. |
| [22:34.15] | Yeah, Smokey, that's what it was. I just can't get enough. |
| [22:38.99] | You're not gonna believe this. |
| [22:40.85] | She tricked me into having sex with her. |
| [22:46.69] | So? You got to have sex, right? |
| [22:50.36] | What's the matter with me? Why am I such a girl? |
| [22:55.17] | - Okay. That was Mike. - Oh, Phoebe, honey, we are so sorry. - |
| [22:58.67] | You are totally right. We are here 100 percent.. |
| [23:02.04] | and we love you, and we are ready to start your birthday celebration. |
| [23:05.61] | You guys, that means the world to me. |
| [23:11.92] | Okay, I'm gonna take off. |
| [23:15.39] | What? |
| [23:16.86] | I love you guys too, but, Mike got off work early. |
| [23:19.39] | Wait. |
| [23:22.36] | I'm not the.. I'm not the kind of girl that just ditches her friends.. |
| [23:26.10] | to be with her boyfriend. |
| [23:28.57] | You know what? I am. |
| [23:30.77] | Bye, guys. Judy! Bye. |
| [23:35.64] | If Phoebe's gone, can we take Emma home? |
| [23:37.61] | That's a good idea. Our babysitter just pounded another chardonnay. |
| [23:41.88] | - Bye, you guys. - Bye |
| [23:43.28] | See you. Well, I guess it's just us. |
| [23:50.72] | So, I'm probably still ovulating. Do you want to give it another try? |
| [23:56.03] | All right. |
| [23:57.83] | So, you've never had sex with a Kennedy, have you? |
| [24:02.47] | Actually, Richard was a Kennedy on his mother's side. |
| [24:05.91] | Why did you break up with that guy? |
| [24:08.94] | - You're gonna go do it? - We don't have much time. - |
| [24:11.34] | Once the egg descends into the fallopian tube.. |
| [24:13.68] | Oh, wait, oh, get out of here! |
| [24:19.85] | I sincerely hope the rest of your party is returning. |
| [24:23.42] | No, just me. All alone. |
| [24:30.26] | Dinner for six for one. |
| [24:33.77] | Well, you boys are about to see something really special. |
| [24:50.32] | - How was everything? - Excellent. - |
| [24:52.02] | The shrew, in particular, was exquisite. |
| [24:56.59] | I hope you've got some room left. |
| [25:06.80] | Joey. Joey. |
| [25:13.11] | This is the best birthday ever! |
| [00:01.66] | Oh, hey, you guys? |
| [00:03.06] | I couldn' t get a reservation for the night of my birthday.. |
| [00:06.07] | so we' ll have to do dinner Thursday night. |
| [00:08.40] | Thursday? But that' s Halloween. So? |
| [00:13.71] | It' s just spooky, that' s all. |
| [00:16.81] | So, is Mike coming to dinner? |
| [00:18.78] | No. It' s my first birthday with a boyfriend, and he has to work. |
| [00:22.72] | I' d get mad at him, but I think it' s too soon to show my true colors. |
| [00:28.49] | I would make the reservation for five. One of us has to stay with Emma. |
| [00:32.16] | Which one of us should go to dinner? Rachel! |
| [00:36.63] | Actually, I was thinking maybe both of us could go. |
| [00:40.87] | Oh. Yeah. |
| [00:43.74] | Thanks. I' ll put a lot of extra thought into your gift. |
| [00:47.91] | All right, so great, we can all go now. |
| [00:50.28] | That is fun! Hey! You know what? |
| [00:52.91] | We all haven' t been together, the six of us, in such a long time. |
| [00:56.82] | What are you talking about? We' re together now. |
| [00:59.25] | Mon? Chandler' s not here. |
| [01:05.53] | Oh, dear God. |
| [01:08.60] | The One With Phoebe' s Birthday Dinner |
| [01:54.31] | |
| [01:56.31] | Hello. It' s nice to see our team together for the first time. |
| [01:59.45] | Now, before we get started, are there any questions? |
| [02:03.05] | Yes. Ken, is it? That' s right. |
| [02:04.95] | Is it true the reason you' re in Tulsa is, you fell asleep in a meeting.. |
| [02:08.49] | and took the job without realizing what you were saying yes to? |
| [02:13.50] | Well, don' t believe everything you hear, Ken. |
| [02:16.73] | But yeah, that' s true. |
| [02:19.67] | All right, let' s get started by taking a look at last quarter' s figures. |
| [02:26.17] | Claudia, aren' t you supposed to blow smoke up the boss' s ass? |
| [02:31.21] | I' m sorry. Does the smoke bother you? No. I smoked for years. Then I quit. |
| [02:37.22] | Right now, I can' t remember why. |
| [02:40.32] | You' re not allowed to smoke in this office, right? |
| [02:42.86] | Yes, in Oklahoma it' s legal to smoke in offices with 15 people or less. |
| [02:46.59] | Would you like one? Would Joey like two pizzas? |
| [02:52.60] | You don' t know what I' m talking about. |
| [02:55.34] | All right, look. I don' t smoke anymore. |
| [02:57.44] | But if the rest of you want to light up, go ahead, it' s fine. |
| [03:04.15] | So, you all smoke, then? |
| [03:06.65] | You know, it' s almost rude that I' m not smoking. |
| [03:09.95] | That' s not true. If you don' t want.. Ken, please! |
| [03:15.62] | No, I can' t. I can' t smoke. If I smoke, my wife would kill me. |
| [03:18.93] | I' m sorry, but isn' t your wife back in New York? |
| [03:23.23] | I' ve always liked you, Ken. |
| [03:31.54] | Trick or treat. |
| [03:35.84] | Hey. And " treat" it is. |
| [03:40.48] | Wow. So glad I changed. |
| [03:43.32] | I almost wore my threadbare robe that can' t contain my breasts. |
| [03:49.36] | This is not what I' m wearing. I' m ovulating.. |
| [03:51.63] | and Chandler' s gonna be home. So, I thought we would try before dinner. |
| [03:56.50] | Oh, I thought we' d all go over together. |
| [03:58.43] | All right, I' ll just meet you there at dinner. |
| [04:01.17] | Unless, I mean, if it helps, I could stay and watch. |
| [04:07.28] | No! Well, I didn' t want to anyway. |
| [04:09.84] | You know, just thought I' d be polite and offer. |
| [04:15.28] | Wait, does this mean you' ll be late? |
| [04:17.19] | We haven' t seen each other in over a week. |
| [04:19.25] | We' ll probably be the first ones there. |
| [04:22.19] | Okay. See you there. Happy humping. |
| [04:26.49] | Hey. Well, hey! |
| [04:28.36] | Wow, somebody smoked out here? |
| [04:33.64] | My God, don' t people know you' re not allowed to smoke in public spaces? |
| [04:37.37] | Actually, in Oklahoma smoking' s legal in offices with fewer than 15 people. |
| [04:43.71] | Oh, you smoked. |
| [04:45.71] | No. I just happen to know a lot of trivia about smoking in different states. |
| [04:50.62] | For example, in Hawaii, cigarettes are called leilanalukus. |
| [04:56.59] | Oh, Chandler, you stink of cigarettes! Do you think Monica will smell it? |
| [05:01.33] | Are you kidding? That woman has the nose of a bloodhound. |
| [05:05.03] | And the breasts of a Greek goddess. |
| [05:11.84] | |
| [05:14.64] | I' m gonna go. |
| [05:20.45] | Okay. Something to cover the smell. |
| [05:27.16] | Oven cleaner. |
| [05:34.10] | Unscented. |
| [05:38.20] | Welcome home. |
| [05:41.50] | I' ve missed you. |
| [05:43.87] | You want to join me in the bedroom? No, thanks, I' m good. |
| [05:48.94] | Okay. So you want to play it that way, do you? |
| [05:53.65] | Well, you know what, actually, I just got off a plane.. |
| [05:56.45] | so I' m feeling gross. I should take a shower. |
| [05:58.95] | Come here, you don' t need a shower. All right, the truth is.. |
| [06:02.86] | I soiled myself during some turbulence. |
| [06:09.60] | What do I smell? I smell smoke. |
| [06:12.97] | Did you smoke? |
| [06:15.30] | Yes. But I just had one. |
| [06:18.34] | Two. |
| [06:19.97] | Two tiny cigarettes. Okay, five. |
| [06:24.41] | A pack. Two pack.. A carton. |
| [06:28.48] | Three big fat cartons in two days! |
| [06:32.75] | But it' s over. I' ve made a decision, I' m not gonna smoke anymore. |
| [06:40.13] | Well, those are for you. |
| [06:43.93] | All right. Well, we' ll just see you when you get here. Bye. |
| [06:48.20] | Oh, that was my mom. She' s stuck in terrible traffic. |
| [06:51.34] | That is now the third sign that I should not leave Emma. |
| [06:54.28] | What are the other two? Well, the first one is, I don' t want to. |
| [06:57.48] | And second one, I' m not going. |
| [07:01.18] | I know this is the first time we' re leaving the baby. |
| [07:03.89] | I know how hard it is for you. But.. |
| [07:06.09] | But everything' s gonna be fine. I mean, my mom is gonna be with her. |
| [07:09.39] | She' s great with kids. She is? |
| [07:11.73] | Yeah. |
| [07:14.16] | What about Monica? |
| [07:15.80] | You only hear Monica' s side of that. Okay, that little fatso was a terror! |
| [07:22.70] | I just don' t think I can do it. Know what? You can and you should. |
| [07:27.48] | Really, it will be good for you. |
| [07:29.61] | In fact, you know what? |
| [07:31.25] | Go ahead to the restaurant, and I will wait for my mom.. |
| [07:34.08] | and then I' ll meet you there. No, no, really, you should go. Go out. |
| [07:37.95] | Really, the world is your oyster. Kick up your heels. Paint the town red! |
| [07:45.33] | You need to learn some new slang. I' m serious. Come on, you should go. |
| [07:49.93] | Here. No, just go. |
| [07:52.93] | Well.. No, no! You know what? |
| [07:55.07] | You' re not getting back in there! The baby' s fine. Now, scram! |
| [08:00.24] | Yeah, hit the bricks! |
| [08:03.74] | Tell your story walking! |
| [08:07.52] | I was just going to say that I left my keys. |
| [08:13.82] | Holy moley, are we in a pickle now! |
| [08:20.63] | Where is everyone? They' re 40 minutes late. |
| [08:24.20] | I know. I' m starving. |
| [08:26.33] | I knew we were coming here tonight. I ate nothing all day. |
| [08:29.24] | What about me? I only had one lunch today. |
| [08:33.14] | So, are we expecting the rest of our party shortly? |
| [08:36.24] | Yes, they are expected presently. Yeah. |
| [08:38.75] | Their arrival is in the offing. |
| [08:42.78] | Right. We have a table for two available. |
| [08:44.99] | Perhaps you' d.. No, they' re coming. |
| [08:46.82] | We' re waiting right here. |
| [08:49.26] | Joseph! |
| [08:52.83] | One needn' t worry. They shan' t be long. |
| [08:56.30] | It' s just that we do have some large parties waiting. |
| [08:59.93] | Oh, one really does have a stick up one' s ass, doesn' t one? |
| [09:06.44] | Why would you start smoking again? It' s so bad for you. |
| [09:09.91] | It' s only been two days. That' s not enough time to.. |
| [09:15.78] | That' s totally unrelated. |
| [09:18.72] | How can you smoke in this day and age? Have you not seen that ad? |
| [09:22.09] | Where the little kid walks through Grandpa? It' s chilling! |
| [09:26.03] | I messed up. It was a meeting. Everybody was smoking. |
| [09:29.06] | So what? Don' t you have any willpower? |
| [09:31.40] | Willpower? I' ve watched home movies of you eating Ding Dongs.. |
| [09:34.47] | without taking the tinfoil off! |
| [09:38.57] | You said that was sexy! |
| [09:42.81] | Okay, look, can we just drop this? I' m not gonna smoke again. |
| [09:46.58] | That' s right, because I forbid you to smoke again. |
| [09:49.32] | You forbid me? |
| [09:51.55] | I' ve flown a long way to see my loving wife. |
| [09:53.96] | Is she here, by the way? |
| [09:56.09] | Chandler, don' t joke with me. Okay? I' m very, very upset right now. |
| [10:02.26] | Is this the most upset you could be? I think so. |
| [10:05.47] | Well, then I might as well.. |
| [10:07.77] | do this. |
| [10:19.91] | Not really sure what to do now. |
| [10:23.95] | I' ll tell you what we' re gonna do. |
| [10:26.62] | We' re already late for Phoebe' s birthday dinner. |
| [10:29.36] | So you' re going to put out that cigarette.. |
| [10:31.53] | we' re gonna put this fight on hold, and go have sex. |
| [10:34.50] | Fine. What? |
| [10:37.53] | What, do you have cigarettes in your ears? |
| [10:40.87] | Sex! This is the last day I' m ovulating. If we don' t do it.. |
| [10:43.87] | we' re gonna have to wait until next month! |
| [10:46.71] | You' re serious? |
| [10:48.88] | Oh, yeah! All right, fine, I' ll do it, but no talking! |
| [10:52.61] | And no cuddling. And no kissing your neck. |
| [10:55.75] | Oh, good! I hate it when you do that! |
| [11:00.96] | And lots of kissing your neck! |
| [11:05.09] | Okay, well, the super' s not home. |
| [11:06.96] | But my mother' s gonna be here, and she has the key. |
| [11:09.73] | I can' t wait that long. You have to do something. Knock that door down! |
| [11:13.17] | I would, but I bruise like a peach. |
| [11:17.77] | Besides, you know, everything' s gonna be fine. The baby' s sleeping. |
| [11:21.91] | What if she jumps out of the bassinet? Can' t hold her head up, but jumped. |
| [11:27.18] | Oh, my God! I left the water running! |
| [11:29.28] | You did not leave the water running. Please, pull yourself together, okay? |
| [11:33.39] | Well, did I leave the stove on? You haven' t cooked since 1996. |
| [11:38.16] | Is the window open? If the window' s open a bird could fly in and.. |
| [11:41.80] | My God, you know what? I think you' re right. |
| [11:44.00] | Listen. What? What? |
| [11:45.47] | A pigeon. No. No, wait, no. An eagle flew in! |
| [11:51.04] | Landed on the stove and caught fire! |
| [11:56.18] | The baby, seeing this, jumps across the apartment to the mighty bird' s aid. |
| [12:02.28] | The eagle, however, misconstrues this as an act of aggression.. |
| [12:05.42] | and grabs the baby in its talon. |
| [12:07.29] | Meanwhile, the faucet fills the apartment with water. |
| [12:10.69] | Baby and bird, still ablaze, are locked in a death grip.. |
| [12:14.36] | swirling around the whirlpool that fills the apartment! |
| [12:20.74] | Boy, are you gonna be sorry if that' s true. |
| [12:27.71] | Hello. Hi. |
| [12:29.64] | It' s been an hour. |
| [12:31.71] | The maitre d' asked if you' d reconsider switching to a smaller table. |
| [12:36.02] | Maybe we should just eat now. |
| [12:37.69] | You can' t order until the entire party' s arrived. Restaurant policy. |
| [12:41.52] | Well, how about this? Another table leaves, right.. |
| [12:44.59] | but there' s still some food left on their plates. |
| [12:47.83] | Okay, what' s the restaurant' s policy about people eating that? |
| [12:51.50] | It' s frowned upon. But it happens. |
| [12:57.94] | All right, I got to go to the bathroom. You can' t go. |
| [13:00.64] | No, no, no. I can' t hold this table on my own. |
| [13:03.01] | If they ask me to move, I' ll cave. |
| [13:05.25] | Well, if you ask me to stay, I' ll pee. |
| [13:13.35] | Good evening, miss. |
| [13:16.72] | Miss? |
| [13:20.76] | Miss? Miss? |
| [13:23.30] | Okay, fine, I' ll move. All right. You don' t have to manhandle me. |
| [13:28.90] | Where? Okay. |
| [13:32.91] | Thank you. Wow. |
| [13:36.34] | Will you stop staring at us now? |
| [13:38.41] | That depends. Will your friend stop drinking olive oil directly from the bottle? |
| [13:43.45] | Probably not. |
| [13:52.13] | Finally. You guys made it. |
| [14:01.97] | Phoebe, who the hell..? |
| [14:14.82] | What is taking you so long, Come on, let' s get it over with! |
| [14:18.79] | In a minute, sweet cakes. |
| [14:21.39] | Spend more time with the tie! That will make a baby. |
| [14:25.63] | Look, I can' t do this. I can' t make love to you while we' re fighting this way. |
| [14:30.13] | Oh, sure. Now you' re Mr. Sensitivity. |
| [14:32.60] | But when you wanted to have sex after my uncle' s funeral.. |
| [14:35.47] | That was a celebration of life! |
| [14:39.07] | All right, I' m not gonna do this. |
| [14:41.08] | Is this the way you want our baby to be conceived? |
| [14:44.98] | No, you' re right. |
| [14:47.95] | We shouldn' t do it like this. |
| [14:53.09] | For what it' s worth, I' m sorry. |
| [14:55.96] | I shouldn' t have come down on you so hard about the smoking. |
| [14:59.56] | So you had a few cigarettes. It' s not the end of the world. |
| [15:03.63] | Really? Yeah. |
| [15:06.63] | You are incredible. |
| [15:08.90] | And listen, I' m not gonna smoke again. |
| [15:11.61] | And if I do, I promise I will hide it so much better from you. |
| [15:26.65] | Want to? Let' s celebrate life! |
| [15:28.29] | Okay! |
| [15:31.99] | Oh, God. |
| [15:34.30] | Oh, thank God you' re okay. |
| [15:36.40] | I' m sorry we left. Mommy will never leave you again. |
| [15:39.03] | Never, ever, ever again. |
| [15:42.44] | Great. So let' s get going. |
| [15:45.64] | I mean it. After what just happened, I' m never leaving her again. |
| [15:49.14] | I understand. Separation is hard. |
| [15:52.08] | One time I was about to leave Ross to go to the beauty parlor. |
| [15:56.25] | And he got so upset he took off all his clothes.. |
| [15:59.15] | tucked his willy between his legs.. |
| [16:02.59] | and cried out, " Mommy, I' m a girl. Take me with you." |
| [16:15.07] | Somehow, over time, it got easier to be apart from you. |
| [16:24.48] | You are welcome. |
| [16:28.65] | You know what? Let' s not talk. What? |
| [16:32.09] | I am still so mad at you for smoking! But you said you forgave me. |
| [16:35.69] | It was just a couple of cigarettes, no big deal. |
| [16:40.63] | I was ovulating and you said you wouldn' t have sex if we were fighting. |
| [16:46.07] | You tricked me to get me into bed? That' s right. I got mine. |
| [16:54.27] | I feel so used. |
| [16:58.45] | Well, I guess they' re not coming. You want to just order? |
| [17:02.58] | Thank you. |
| [17:07.96] | Waiter? All right, this is gonna go fast, so try to keep up. |
| [17:11.53] | Risotto with shaved truffles and the rib steak.. |
| [17:13.96] | with the golden chanterelles and the Bordelaise sauce.. |
| [17:16.83] | unless any of that stuff I just said means " snails." |
| [17:20.33] | It does not. |
| [17:22.40] | Tomato tart, and which of the pastas would you recommend? |
| [17:26.04] | Oh, well they' re both exquisite.. Both it is. Thank you. |
| [17:29.01] | Now, let' s go, baby. It' s food time. Bring it, bitch. |
| [17:37.15] | Sorry about that. It' s quite all right. |
| [17:40.72] | Oh, can I make a special request? |
| [17:42.92] | Can you bring everything as it' s ready? |
| [17:44.96] | Appetizers, entrees, we don' t care. Hey! |
| [17:49.56] | I' ll wait to put your order in. What did I ever do to you? |
| [17:52.60] | Nothing, bitch. |
| [17:58.97] | You guys are over an hour late. |
| [18:01.04] | What happened to you two? So sorry. |
| [18:03.38] | We got locked out of the apartment. That' s a great story. Can I eat it? |
| [18:07.82] | And then Rachel wasn' t sure she could leave the baby. |
| [18:10.88] | It wasn' t easy, but it' s your birthday and I did what I had to do. |
| [18:14.62] | And that' s Judy over there at the bar with Emma? |
| [18:20.86] | This is for the best. I' m not distracted, worrying about Emma.. |
| [18:24.06] | how she' s doing at home, and I' m gonna be completely here with you. |
| [18:27.90] | Oh, she spit up. She spit up. What? |
| [18:29.87] | Judy? She spit.. Judy, look alive, Judy! |
| [18:35.91] | Thank you. Thanks. |
| [18:40.38] | Oh, everything looks delicious. |
| [18:43.42] | What should I have? What should I have? |
| [18:47.39] | Never hit a woman. Never hit a woman. |
| [18:51.79] | I know what you mean, this menu' s incredible. |
| [18:54.03] | Ross bruises like a peach. He bruises like a peach. |
| [18:58.07] | Okay, I' ll have the fig salad and the duck. |
| [19:00.53] | I' ll have the soup and the salmon. |
| [19:02.54] | Remember, whatever comes up first, okay? |
| [19:04.67] | Hurry.. Happy birthday! |
| [19:06.24] | Son of a bitch! |
| [19:08.71] | Where have you been? Well, we had a little fight. |
| [19:11.98] | I would never lie to get someone into bed. |
| [19:14.15] | You used to tell girls you were a Kennedy. |
| [19:19.85] | Thanks. |
| [19:23.26] | Thanks. Wow. |
| [19:26.19] | A little tight, isn' t it? Why didn' t you get a bigger table? |
| [19:31.40] | You had a big table but they made you move. |
| [19:34.64] | Shut up, Monica. |
| [19:38.31] | Oh, well, I suppose that Chandler will have the smoked duck. |
| [19:43.61] | And I suppose that Monica will have the manipulative shrew. |
| [19:49.58] | How did I miss that? |
| [19:52.82] | I' ll give you another minute. What, where you going? |
| [19:55.52] | He said she wanted the shrew! |
| [19:59.33] | Rach, come on, Emma' s fine. |
| [20:01.33] | You' re turning into an obsessive mother, okay? You need to stop. |
| [20:06.10] | You ever hear the story about when Ross' mom went to the beauty salon? |
| [20:12.17] | You mean the willy story? They already know it. |
| [20:20.85] | We' ve been waiting for you for a long time. |
| [20:23.15] | You should order. That' s okay. |
| [20:24.82] | I told the waiter what they want. Why would you do that? |
| [20:27.92] | Chandler, control your woman. |
| [20:31.06] | Okay, well.. Everybody has ordered. |
| [20:33.79] | I would like to start the celebration and make a toast to Phoebe. |
| [20:40.63] | She dropped her sock. What? |
| [20:44.64] | No. No, Emma dropped her sock. |
| [20:46.94] | How do you know that? She' s over there. |
| [20:48.61] | Mom' s with her. Mom' s here? |
| [20:51.38] | I wanted to have lunch with her today. She told me she was out of town. |
| [20:55.78] | She still has not noticed that the baby' s sock is on the ground. |
| [20:59.02] | It' s a good toast. |
| [21:01.52] | Look, will you please get her attention? |
| [21:04.99] | Mommy? |
| [21:11.60] | Mother. |
| [21:21.28] | Oh, for God' s sake, Judy, pick up the sock! |
| [21:23.54] | Pick up the sock! Pick up the sock! |
| [21:31.05] | I' m sorry, was that rude? |
| [21:34.35] | Did my little outburst.. |
| [21:37.36] | blunt the hideousness that is this evening? |
| [21:41.76] | Look, I know you have a lot going on.. |
| [21:43.80] | but all I wanted to do was have dinner with my friends on my birthday. |
| [21:49.87] | And you are all so late, and you didn' t even have the courtesy to call. |
| [21:56.48] | Well, it' s too late now. |
| [22:00.15] | Phoebe, I don' t think that' s us. |
| [22:03.32] | Oh, well, this is.. This is not over! Hello? |
| [22:09.32] | I feel terrible. We should' ve been strong and left Emma at home. |
| [22:13.69] | " We"? |
| [22:15.20] | There are some adult willy stories they don' t know. |
| [22:18.17] | We should' ve been stronger. |
| [22:21.07] | What is going on with you two? Well, you see, I' m ovulating. |
| [22:25.04] | Oh, yeah, that' s what she says. |
| [22:29.01] | Maybe you' re not ovulating. Maybe it' s a clever ruse to get me into bed. |
| [22:34.15] | Yeah, Smokey, that' s what it was. I just can' t get enough. |
| [22:38.99] | You' re not gonna believe this. |
| [22:40.85] | She tricked me into having sex with her. |
| [22:46.69] | So? You got to have sex, right? |
| [22:50.36] | What' s the matter with me? Why am I such a girl? |
| [22:55.17] | Okay. That was Mike. Oh, Phoebe, honey, we are so sorry. |
| [22:58.67] | You are totally right. We are here 100 percent.. |
| [23:02.04] | and we love you, and we are ready to start your birthday celebration. |
| [23:05.61] | You guys, that means the world to me. |
| [23:11.92] | Okay, I' m gonna take off. |
| [23:15.39] | What? |
| [23:16.86] | I love you guys too, but, Mike got off work early. |
| [23:19.39] | Wait. |
| [23:22.36] | I' m not the.. I' m not the kind of girl that just ditches her friends.. |
| [23:26.10] | to be with her boyfriend. |
| [23:28.57] | You know what? I am. |
| [23:30.77] | Bye, guys. Judy! Bye. |
| [23:35.64] | If Phoebe' s gone, can we take Emma home? |
| [23:37.61] | That' s a good idea. Our babysitter just pounded another chardonnay. |
| [23:41.88] | Bye, you guys. Bye |
| [23:43.28] | See you. Well, I guess it' s just us. |
| [23:50.72] | So, I' m probably still ovulating. Do you want to give it another try? |
| [23:56.03] | All right. |
| [23:57.83] | So, you' ve never had sex with a Kennedy, have you? |
| [24:02.47] | Actually, Richard was a Kennedy on his mother' s side. |
| [24:05.91] | Why did you break up with that guy? |
| [24:08.94] | You' re gonna go do it? We don' t have much time. |
| [24:11.34] | Once the egg descends into the fallopian tube.. |
| [24:13.68] | Oh, wait, oh, get out of here! |
| [24:19.85] | I sincerely hope the rest of your party is returning. |
| [24:23.42] | No, just me. All alone. |
| [24:30.26] | Dinner for six for one. |
| [24:33.77] | Well, you boys are about to see something really special. |
| [24:50.32] | How was everything? Excellent. |
| [24:52.02] | The shrew, in particular, was exquisite. |
| [24:56.59] | I hope you' ve got some room left. |
| [25:06.80] | Joey. Joey. |
| [25:13.11] | This is the best birthday ever! |
| [00:01.66] | Oh, hey, you guys? |
| [00:03.06] | I couldn' t get a reservation for the night of my birthday.. |
| [00:06.07] | so we' ll have to do dinner Thursday night. |
| [00:08.40] | Thursday? But that' s Halloween. So? |
| [00:13.71] | It' s just spooky, that' s all. |
| [00:16.81] | So, is Mike coming to dinner? |
| [00:18.78] | No. It' s my first birthday with a boyfriend, and he has to work. |
| [00:22.72] | I' d get mad at him, but I think it' s too soon to show my true colors. |
| [00:28.49] | I would make the reservation for five. One of us has to stay with Emma. |
| [00:32.16] | Which one of us should go to dinner? Rachel! |
| [00:36.63] | Actually, I was thinking maybe both of us could go. |
| [00:40.87] | Oh. Yeah. |
| [00:43.74] | Thanks. I' ll put a lot of extra thought into your gift. |
| [00:47.91] | All right, so great, we can all go now. |
| [00:50.28] | That is fun! Hey! You know what? |
| [00:52.91] | We all haven' t been together, the six of us, in such a long time. |
| [00:56.82] | What are you talking about? We' re together now. |
| [00:59.25] | Mon? Chandler' s not here. |
| [01:05.53] | Oh, dear God. |
| [01:08.60] | The One With Phoebe' s Birthday Dinner |
| [01:54.31] | |
| [01:56.31] | Hello. It' s nice to see our team together for the first time. |
| [01:59.45] | Now, before we get started, are there any questions? |
| [02:03.05] | Yes. Ken, is it? That' s right. |
| [02:04.95] | Is it true the reason you' re in Tulsa is, you fell asleep in a meeting.. |
| [02:08.49] | and took the job without realizing what you were saying yes to? |
| [02:13.50] | Well, don' t believe everything you hear, Ken. |
| [02:16.73] | But yeah, that' s true. |
| [02:19.67] | All right, let' s get started by taking a look at last quarter' s figures. |
| [02:26.17] | Claudia, aren' t you supposed to blow smoke up the boss' s ass? |
| [02:31.21] | I' m sorry. Does the smoke bother you? No. I smoked for years. Then I quit. |
| [02:37.22] | Right now, I can' t remember why. |
| [02:40.32] | You' re not allowed to smoke in this office, right? |
| [02:42.86] | Yes, in Oklahoma it' s legal to smoke in offices with 15 people or less. |
| [02:46.59] | Would you like one? Would Joey like two pizzas? |
| [02:52.60] | You don' t know what I' m talking about. |
| [02:55.34] | All right, look. I don' t smoke anymore. |
| [02:57.44] | But if the rest of you want to light up, go ahead, it' s fine. |
| [03:04.15] | So, you all smoke, then? |
| [03:06.65] | You know, it' s almost rude that I' m not smoking. |
| [03:09.95] | That' s not true. If you don' t want.. Ken, please! |
| [03:15.62] | No, I can' t. I can' t smoke. If I smoke, my wife would kill me. |
| [03:18.93] | I' m sorry, but isn' t your wife back in New York? |
| [03:23.23] | I' ve always liked you, Ken. |
| [03:31.54] | Trick or treat. |
| [03:35.84] | Hey. And " treat" it is. |
| [03:40.48] | Wow. So glad I changed. |
| [03:43.32] | I almost wore my threadbare robe that can' t contain my breasts. |
| [03:49.36] | This is not what I' m wearing. I' m ovulating.. |
| [03:51.63] | and Chandler' s gonna be home. So, I thought we would try before dinner. |
| [03:56.50] | Oh, I thought we' d all go over together. |
| [03:58.43] | All right, I' ll just meet you there at dinner. |
| [04:01.17] | Unless, I mean, if it helps, I could stay and watch. |
| [04:07.28] | No! Well, I didn' t want to anyway. |
| [04:09.84] | You know, just thought I' d be polite and offer. |
| [04:15.28] | Wait, does this mean you' ll be late? |
| [04:17.19] | We haven' t seen each other in over a week. |
| [04:19.25] | We' ll probably be the first ones there. |
| [04:22.19] | Okay. See you there. Happy humping. |
| [04:26.49] | Hey. Well, hey! |
| [04:28.36] | Wow, somebody smoked out here? |
| [04:33.64] | My God, don' t people know you' re not allowed to smoke in public spaces? |
| [04:37.37] | Actually, in Oklahoma smoking' s legal in offices with fewer than 15 people. |
| [04:43.71] | Oh, you smoked. |
| [04:45.71] | No. I just happen to know a lot of trivia about smoking in different states. |
| [04:50.62] | For example, in Hawaii, cigarettes are called leilanalukus. |
| [04:56.59] | Oh, Chandler, you stink of cigarettes! Do you think Monica will smell it? |
| [05:01.33] | Are you kidding? That woman has the nose of a bloodhound. |
| [05:05.03] | And the breasts of a Greek goddess. |
| [05:11.84] | |
| [05:14.64] | I' m gonna go. |
| [05:20.45] | Okay. Something to cover the smell. |
| [05:27.16] | Oven cleaner. |
| [05:34.10] | Unscented. |
| [05:38.20] | Welcome home. |
| [05:41.50] | I' ve missed you. |
| [05:43.87] | You want to join me in the bedroom? No, thanks, I' m good. |
| [05:48.94] | Okay. So you want to play it that way, do you? |
| [05:53.65] | Well, you know what, actually, I just got off a plane.. |
| [05:56.45] | so I' m feeling gross. I should take a shower. |
| [05:58.95] | Come here, you don' t need a shower. All right, the truth is.. |
| [06:02.86] | I soiled myself during some turbulence. |
| [06:09.60] | What do I smell? I smell smoke. |
| [06:12.97] | Did you smoke? |
| [06:15.30] | Yes. But I just had one. |
| [06:18.34] | Two. |
| [06:19.97] | Two tiny cigarettes. Okay, five. |
| [06:24.41] | A pack. Two pack.. A carton. |
| [06:28.48] | Three big fat cartons in two days! |
| [06:32.75] | But it' s over. I' ve made a decision, I' m not gonna smoke anymore. |
| [06:40.13] | Well, those are for you. |
| [06:43.93] | All right. Well, we' ll just see you when you get here. Bye. |
| [06:48.20] | Oh, that was my mom. She' s stuck in terrible traffic. |
| [06:51.34] | That is now the third sign that I should not leave Emma. |
| [06:54.28] | What are the other two? Well, the first one is, I don' t want to. |
| [06:57.48] | And second one, I' m not going. |
| [07:01.18] | I know this is the first time we' re leaving the baby. |
| [07:03.89] | I know how hard it is for you. But.. |
| [07:06.09] | But everything' s gonna be fine. I mean, my mom is gonna be with her. |
| [07:09.39] | She' s great with kids. She is? |
| [07:11.73] | Yeah. |
| [07:14.16] | What about Monica? |
| [07:15.80] | You only hear Monica' s side of that. Okay, that little fatso was a terror! |
| [07:22.70] | I just don' t think I can do it. Know what? You can and you should. |
| [07:27.48] | Really, it will be good for you. |
| [07:29.61] | In fact, you know what? |
| [07:31.25] | Go ahead to the restaurant, and I will wait for my mom.. |
| [07:34.08] | and then I' ll meet you there. No, no, really, you should go. Go out. |
| [07:37.95] | Really, the world is your oyster. Kick up your heels. Paint the town red! |
| [07:45.33] | You need to learn some new slang. I' m serious. Come on, you should go. |
| [07:49.93] | Here. No, just go. |
| [07:52.93] | Well.. No, no! You know what? |
| [07:55.07] | You' re not getting back in there! The baby' s fine. Now, scram! |
| [08:00.24] | Yeah, hit the bricks! |
| [08:03.74] | Tell your story walking! |
| [08:07.52] | I was just going to say that I left my keys. |
| [08:13.82] | Holy moley, are we in a pickle now! |
| [08:20.63] | Where is everyone? They' re 40 minutes late. |
| [08:24.20] | I know. I' m starving. |
| [08:26.33] | I knew we were coming here tonight. I ate nothing all day. |
| [08:29.24] | What about me? I only had one lunch today. |
| [08:33.14] | So, are we expecting the rest of our party shortly? |
| [08:36.24] | Yes, they are expected presently. Yeah. |
| [08:38.75] | Their arrival is in the offing. |
| [08:42.78] | Right. We have a table for two available. |
| [08:44.99] | Perhaps you' d.. No, they' re coming. |
| [08:46.82] | We' re waiting right here. |
| [08:49.26] | Joseph! |
| [08:52.83] | One needn' t worry. They shan' t be long. |
| [08:56.30] | It' s just that we do have some large parties waiting. |
| [08:59.93] | Oh, one really does have a stick up one' s ass, doesn' t one? |
| [09:06.44] | Why would you start smoking again? It' s so bad for you. |
| [09:09.91] | It' s only been two days. That' s not enough time to.. |
| [09:15.78] | That' s totally unrelated. |
| [09:18.72] | How can you smoke in this day and age? Have you not seen that ad? |
| [09:22.09] | Where the little kid walks through Grandpa? It' s chilling! |
| [09:26.03] | I messed up. It was a meeting. Everybody was smoking. |
| [09:29.06] | So what? Don' t you have any willpower? |
| [09:31.40] | Willpower? I' ve watched home movies of you eating Ding Dongs.. |
| [09:34.47] | without taking the tinfoil off! |
| [09:38.57] | You said that was sexy! |
| [09:42.81] | Okay, look, can we just drop this? I' m not gonna smoke again. |
| [09:46.58] | That' s right, because I forbid you to smoke again. |
| [09:49.32] | You forbid me? |
| [09:51.55] | I' ve flown a long way to see my loving wife. |
| [09:53.96] | Is she here, by the way? |
| [09:56.09] | Chandler, don' t joke with me. Okay? I' m very, very upset right now. |
| [10:02.26] | Is this the most upset you could be? I think so. |
| [10:05.47] | Well, then I might as well.. |
| [10:07.77] | do this. |
| [10:19.91] | Not really sure what to do now. |
| [10:23.95] | I' ll tell you what we' re gonna do. |
| [10:26.62] | We' re already late for Phoebe' s birthday dinner. |
| [10:29.36] | So you' re going to put out that cigarette.. |
| [10:31.53] | we' re gonna put this fight on hold, and go have sex. |
| [10:34.50] | Fine. What? |
| [10:37.53] | What, do you have cigarettes in your ears? |
| [10:40.87] | Sex! This is the last day I' m ovulating. If we don' t do it.. |
| [10:43.87] | we' re gonna have to wait until next month! |
| [10:46.71] | You' re serious? |
| [10:48.88] | Oh, yeah! All right, fine, I' ll do it, but no talking! |
| [10:52.61] | And no cuddling. And no kissing your neck. |
| [10:55.75] | Oh, good! I hate it when you do that! |
| [11:00.96] | And lots of kissing your neck! |
| [11:05.09] | Okay, well, the super' s not home. |
| [11:06.96] | But my mother' s gonna be here, and she has the key. |
| [11:09.73] | I can' t wait that long. You have to do something. Knock that door down! |
| [11:13.17] | I would, but I bruise like a peach. |
| [11:17.77] | Besides, you know, everything' s gonna be fine. The baby' s sleeping. |
| [11:21.91] | What if she jumps out of the bassinet? Can' t hold her head up, but jumped. |
| [11:27.18] | Oh, my God! I left the water running! |
| [11:29.28] | You did not leave the water running. Please, pull yourself together, okay? |
| [11:33.39] | Well, did I leave the stove on? You haven' t cooked since 1996. |
| [11:38.16] | Is the window open? If the window' s open a bird could fly in and.. |
| [11:41.80] | My God, you know what? I think you' re right. |
| [11:44.00] | Listen. What? What? |
| [11:45.47] | A pigeon. No. No, wait, no. An eagle flew in! |
| [11:51.04] | Landed on the stove and caught fire! |
| [11:56.18] | The baby, seeing this, jumps across the apartment to the mighty bird' s aid. |
| [12:02.28] | The eagle, however, misconstrues this as an act of aggression.. |
| [12:05.42] | and grabs the baby in its talon. |
| [12:07.29] | Meanwhile, the faucet fills the apartment with water. |
| [12:10.69] | Baby and bird, still ablaze, are locked in a death grip.. |
| [12:14.36] | swirling around the whirlpool that fills the apartment! |
| [12:20.74] | Boy, are you gonna be sorry if that' s true. |
| [12:27.71] | Hello. Hi. |
| [12:29.64] | It' s been an hour. |
| [12:31.71] | The maitre d' asked if you' d reconsider switching to a smaller table. |
| [12:36.02] | Maybe we should just eat now. |
| [12:37.69] | You can' t order until the entire party' s arrived. Restaurant policy. |
| [12:41.52] | Well, how about this? Another table leaves, right.. |
| [12:44.59] | but there' s still some food left on their plates. |
| [12:47.83] | Okay, what' s the restaurant' s policy about people eating that? |
| [12:51.50] | It' s frowned upon. But it happens. |
| [12:57.94] | All right, I got to go to the bathroom. You can' t go. |
| [13:00.64] | No, no, no. I can' t hold this table on my own. |
| [13:03.01] | If they ask me to move, I' ll cave. |
| [13:05.25] | Well, if you ask me to stay, I' ll pee. |
| [13:13.35] | Good evening, miss. |
| [13:16.72] | Miss? |
| [13:20.76] | Miss? Miss? |
| [13:23.30] | Okay, fine, I' ll move. All right. You don' t have to manhandle me. |
| [13:28.90] | Where? Okay. |
| [13:32.91] | Thank you. Wow. |
| [13:36.34] | Will you stop staring at us now? |
| [13:38.41] | That depends. Will your friend stop drinking olive oil directly from the bottle? |
| [13:43.45] | Probably not. |
| [13:52.13] | Finally. You guys made it. |
| [14:01.97] | Phoebe, who the hell..? |
| [14:14.82] | What is taking you so long, Come on, let' s get it over with! |
| [14:18.79] | In a minute, sweet cakes. |
| [14:21.39] | Spend more time with the tie! That will make a baby. |
| [14:25.63] | Look, I can' t do this. I can' t make love to you while we' re fighting this way. |
| [14:30.13] | Oh, sure. Now you' re Mr. Sensitivity. |
| [14:32.60] | But when you wanted to have sex after my uncle' s funeral.. |
| [14:35.47] | That was a celebration of life! |
| [14:39.07] | All right, I' m not gonna do this. |
| [14:41.08] | Is this the way you want our baby to be conceived? |
| [14:44.98] | No, you' re right. |
| [14:47.95] | We shouldn' t do it like this. |
| [14:53.09] | For what it' s worth, I' m sorry. |
| [14:55.96] | I shouldn' t have come down on you so hard about the smoking. |
| [14:59.56] | So you had a few cigarettes. It' s not the end of the world. |
| [15:03.63] | Really? Yeah. |
| [15:06.63] | You are incredible. |
| [15:08.90] | And listen, I' m not gonna smoke again. |
| [15:11.61] | And if I do, I promise I will hide it so much better from you. |
| [15:26.65] | Want to? Let' s celebrate life! |
| [15:28.29] | Okay! |
| [15:31.99] | Oh, God. |
| [15:34.30] | Oh, thank God you' re okay. |
| [15:36.40] | I' m sorry we left. Mommy will never leave you again. |
| [15:39.03] | Never, ever, ever again. |
| [15:42.44] | Great. So let' s get going. |
| [15:45.64] | I mean it. After what just happened, I' m never leaving her again. |
| [15:49.14] | I understand. Separation is hard. |
| [15:52.08] | One time I was about to leave Ross to go to the beauty parlor. |
| [15:56.25] | And he got so upset he took off all his clothes.. |
| [15:59.15] | tucked his willy between his legs.. |
| [16:02.59] | and cried out, " Mommy, I' m a girl. Take me with you." |
| [16:15.07] | Somehow, over time, it got easier to be apart from you. |
| [16:24.48] | You are welcome. |
| [16:28.65] | You know what? Let' s not talk. What? |
| [16:32.09] | I am still so mad at you for smoking! But you said you forgave me. |
| [16:35.69] | It was just a couple of cigarettes, no big deal. |
| [16:40.63] | I was ovulating and you said you wouldn' t have sex if we were fighting. |
| [16:46.07] | You tricked me to get me into bed? That' s right. I got mine. |
| [16:54.27] | I feel so used. |
| [16:58.45] | Well, I guess they' re not coming. You want to just order? |
| [17:02.58] | Thank you. |
| [17:07.96] | Waiter? All right, this is gonna go fast, so try to keep up. |
| [17:11.53] | Risotto with shaved truffles and the rib steak.. |
| [17:13.96] | with the golden chanterelles and the Bordelaise sauce.. |
| [17:16.83] | unless any of that stuff I just said means " snails." |
| [17:20.33] | It does not. |
| [17:22.40] | Tomato tart, and which of the pastas would you recommend? |
| [17:26.04] | Oh, well they' re both exquisite.. Both it is. Thank you. |
| [17:29.01] | Now, let' s go, baby. It' s food time. Bring it, bitch. |
| [17:37.15] | Sorry about that. It' s quite all right. |
| [17:40.72] | Oh, can I make a special request? |
| [17:42.92] | Can you bring everything as it' s ready? |
| [17:44.96] | Appetizers, entrees, we don' t care. Hey! |
| [17:49.56] | I' ll wait to put your order in. What did I ever do to you? |
| [17:52.60] | Nothing, bitch. |
| [17:58.97] | You guys are over an hour late. |
| [18:01.04] | What happened to you two? So sorry. |
| [18:03.38] | We got locked out of the apartment. That' s a great story. Can I eat it? |
| [18:07.82] | And then Rachel wasn' t sure she could leave the baby. |
| [18:10.88] | It wasn' t easy, but it' s your birthday and I did what I had to do. |
| [18:14.62] | And that' s Judy over there at the bar with Emma? |
| [18:20.86] | This is for the best. I' m not distracted, worrying about Emma.. |
| [18:24.06] | how she' s doing at home, and I' m gonna be completely here with you. |
| [18:27.90] | Oh, she spit up. She spit up. What? |
| [18:29.87] | Judy? She spit.. Judy, look alive, Judy! |
| [18:35.91] | Thank you. Thanks. |
| [18:40.38] | Oh, everything looks delicious. |
| [18:43.42] | What should I have? What should I have? |
| [18:47.39] | Never hit a woman. Never hit a woman. |
| [18:51.79] | I know what you mean, this menu' s incredible. |
| [18:54.03] | Ross bruises like a peach. He bruises like a peach. |
| [18:58.07] | Okay, I' ll have the fig salad and the duck. |
| [19:00.53] | I' ll have the soup and the salmon. |
| [19:02.54] | Remember, whatever comes up first, okay? |
| [19:04.67] | Hurry.. Happy birthday! |
| [19:06.24] | Son of a bitch! |
| [19:08.71] | Where have you been? Well, we had a little fight. |
| [19:11.98] | I would never lie to get someone into bed. |
| [19:14.15] | You used to tell girls you were a Kennedy. |
| [19:19.85] | Thanks. |
| [19:23.26] | Thanks. Wow. |
| [19:26.19] | A little tight, isn' t it? Why didn' t you get a bigger table? |
| [19:31.40] | You had a big table but they made you move. |
| [19:34.64] | Shut up, Monica. |
| [19:38.31] | Oh, well, I suppose that Chandler will have the smoked duck. |
| [19:43.61] | And I suppose that Monica will have the manipulative shrew. |
| [19:49.58] | How did I miss that? |
| [19:52.82] | I' ll give you another minute. What, where you going? |
| [19:55.52] | He said she wanted the shrew! |
| [19:59.33] | Rach, come on, Emma' s fine. |
| [20:01.33] | You' re turning into an obsessive mother, okay? You need to stop. |
| [20:06.10] | You ever hear the story about when Ross' mom went to the beauty salon? |
| [20:12.17] | You mean the willy story? They already know it. |
| [20:20.85] | We' ve been waiting for you for a long time. |
| [20:23.15] | You should order. That' s okay. |
| [20:24.82] | I told the waiter what they want. Why would you do that? |
| [20:27.92] | Chandler, control your woman. |
| [20:31.06] | Okay, well.. Everybody has ordered. |
| [20:33.79] | I would like to start the celebration and make a toast to Phoebe. |
| [20:40.63] | She dropped her sock. What? |
| [20:44.64] | No. No, Emma dropped her sock. |
| [20:46.94] | How do you know that? She' s over there. |
| [20:48.61] | Mom' s with her. Mom' s here? |
| [20:51.38] | I wanted to have lunch with her today. She told me she was out of town. |
| [20:55.78] | She still has not noticed that the baby' s sock is on the ground. |
| [20:59.02] | It' s a good toast. |
| [21:01.52] | Look, will you please get her attention? |
| [21:04.99] | Mommy? |
| [21:11.60] | Mother. |
| [21:21.28] | Oh, for God' s sake, Judy, pick up the sock! |
| [21:23.54] | Pick up the sock! Pick up the sock! |
| [21:31.05] | I' m sorry, was that rude? |
| [21:34.35] | Did my little outburst.. |
| [21:37.36] | blunt the hideousness that is this evening? |
| [21:41.76] | Look, I know you have a lot going on.. |
| [21:43.80] | but all I wanted to do was have dinner with my friends on my birthday. |
| [21:49.87] | And you are all so late, and you didn' t even have the courtesy to call. |
| [21:56.48] | Well, it' s too late now. |
| [22:00.15] | Phoebe, I don' t think that' s us. |
| [22:03.32] | Oh, well, this is.. This is not over! Hello? |
| [22:09.32] | I feel terrible. We should' ve been strong and left Emma at home. |
| [22:13.69] | " We"? |
| [22:15.20] | There are some adult willy stories they don' t know. |
| [22:18.17] | We should' ve been stronger. |
| [22:21.07] | What is going on with you two? Well, you see, I' m ovulating. |
| [22:25.04] | Oh, yeah, that' s what she says. |
| [22:29.01] | Maybe you' re not ovulating. Maybe it' s a clever ruse to get me into bed. |
| [22:34.15] | Yeah, Smokey, that' s what it was. I just can' t get enough. |
| [22:38.99] | You' re not gonna believe this. |
| [22:40.85] | She tricked me into having sex with her. |
| [22:46.69] | So? You got to have sex, right? |
| [22:50.36] | What' s the matter with me? Why am I such a girl? |
| [22:55.17] | Okay. That was Mike. Oh, Phoebe, honey, we are so sorry. |
| [22:58.67] | You are totally right. We are here 100 percent.. |
| [23:02.04] | and we love you, and we are ready to start your birthday celebration. |
| [23:05.61] | You guys, that means the world to me. |
| [23:11.92] | Okay, I' m gonna take off. |
| [23:15.39] | What? |
| [23:16.86] | I love you guys too, but, Mike got off work early. |
| [23:19.39] | Wait. |
| [23:22.36] | I' m not the.. I' m not the kind of girl that just ditches her friends.. |
| [23:26.10] | to be with her boyfriend. |
| [23:28.57] | You know what? I am. |
| [23:30.77] | Bye, guys. Judy! Bye. |
| [23:35.64] | If Phoebe' s gone, can we take Emma home? |
| [23:37.61] | That' s a good idea. Our babysitter just pounded another chardonnay. |
| [23:41.88] | Bye, you guys. Bye |
| [23:43.28] | See you. Well, I guess it' s just us. |
| [23:50.72] | So, I' m probably still ovulating. Do you want to give it another try? |
| [23:56.03] | All right. |
| [23:57.83] | So, you' ve never had sex with a Kennedy, have you? |
| [24:02.47] | Actually, Richard was a Kennedy on his mother' s side. |
| [24:05.91] | Why did you break up with that guy? |
| [24:08.94] | You' re gonna go do it? We don' t have much time. |
| [24:11.34] | Once the egg descends into the fallopian tube.. |
| [24:13.68] | Oh, wait, oh, get out of here! |
| [24:19.85] | I sincerely hope the rest of your party is returning. |
| [24:23.42] | No, just me. All alone. |
| [24:30.26] | Dinner for six for one. |
| [24:33.77] | Well, you boys are about to see something really special. |
| [24:50.32] | How was everything? Excellent. |
| [24:52.02] | The shrew, in particular, was exquisite. |
| [24:56.59] | I hope you' ve got some room left. |
| [25:06.80] | Joey. Joey. |
| [25:13.11] | This is the best birthday ever! |
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