| Rachel: Joey. | |
| (He turns to face Rachel on one knee with the box open.) | |
| Rachel: (seeing the ring) Oh my God. (Pause) Okay. | |
| (Joey is stunned.) | |
| [Cut to Ross getting of an elevator carrying a bouquet of flowers and walking down the hall to Rachel's room.] | |
| [Cut back into Rachel's room.] | |
| Rachel: So uh - I guess we should - make it official huh? | |
| Joey: Uh - Look Rach - (Ross enters.) Hey Ross is here! Hey look! It's my good friend Ross. Hey Ross. | |
| Ross: Hey Joey. (To Rachel) Hey you. | |
| Rachel: Hey you. | |
| Joey: Hey and look he brought flowers. Thanks Ross, but I'm really more of a candy guy. (Laughs.) | |
| Ross: You're weird today. (He turns to Rachel and Joey puts the ring back.) (To Rachel) Listen I uh, wanted to talk to you about something. | |
| Rachel: Uh yeah, actually I kinda need to talk to you too. | |
| Ross: Uh Joey, can you give us just a minute? | |
| Joey: No. | |
| Ross: What? | |
| Joey: Oh, I'm sorry. I meant no. | |
| Monica: (entering with everyone else including Mr. Geller) Hi! Hey look who's here! | |
| Mr. Geller: Where's my granddaughter? I've been practicing my magic tricks. | |
| Chandler: He pulled a quarter out of my ear! | |
| Ross: Hey, where's uh, where's mom? | |
| Mr. Geller: She went to pick up Aunt Liddy. | |
| Monica: Oh, Aunt Liddy's coming? That means we get five dollars each! | |
| Mr. Geller: So when do I get to meet Emma and show her this? (Pulls a bouquet of flowers out of his sleeve.) | |
| Chandler: Okay. Wow. | |
| Ross: Uh Dad, Emma's in the nursery. I'll take you now. If you want, but (To Rachel) I really want to talk to you. | |
| Rachel: I know, I still need to talk to you. | |
| Joey: Oh hey but, before you guys do that (To Rachel) I need to talk to you, and Ross, I need to talk to you. | |
| Phoebe: (To Monica) Oh and I need to talk to you. | |
| Monica: About what? | |
| Phoebe: To see if you know what these guys are talking about. | |
| Opening Credits | |
| [Scene: Outside the Nursery, everyone but Rachel is standing and looking into the window.] | |
| Monica: Isn't she beautiful? | |
| Mr. Geller: Look at her, my first grandchild. | |
| Ross: What about Ben? | |
| Mr. Geller: Well of course Ben, I meant my first granddaughter. (To Monica, mouths) Wow. | |
| Phoebe: (taking Ross aside) Have umm, have you thought anymore about you and Rachel? | |
| Ross: Oh well yeah, actually I was going to talk to her when you guys all came in the room. | |
| Phoebe: Yay! It's so exciting! Wow, you could've done that with us there. | |
| Ross: Yeah right. | |
| Phoebe: Oh sure okay, you can touch yourself in front of us but you can't talk to Rachel. | |
| Ross: What?! When have I ever touched myself in front of you guys? | |
| Phoebe: Oh please! Just before when you were asleep in the lounge! That Armenian family was watching you instead of the TV. Oh, that reminds me. That Mr. Hasmeje still has my Gameboy. | |
| Joey: (taking Chandler aside) Hey Chandler, can I talk to you for a second? | |
| Chandler: Sure. | |
| Joey: Dude I just did something terrible. | |
| Chandler: That was you?! I thought it was Jack! | |
| Joey: No! No, that was Jack! Rachel thinks I asked her to marry me! | |
| Chandler: What?! Why does she think that? | |
| Joey: Because it kinda looked like I did. | |
| Chandler: Again, what?! | |
| Joey: Okay well, I was down on one knee with the ring in my hand - | |
| Chandler: As we all are at some point during the day. | |
| Joey: It wasn't my ring! It fell out of Ross's jacket! And when I knelt down to pick it up Rachel thought I was proposing! | |
| Chandler: Ross had a ring?! And he was gonna propose? | |
| Joey: I guess. | |
| Chandler: And you did it first?! This is gonna kill him! You know how much he loves to propose! | |
| Joey: I know! I know it's awful. | |
| Chandler: Well, what did she say? | |
| Joey: (happily) She said yes. | |
| Chandler: Does Ross know? | |
| Joey: Oh God, what the hell am I going to tell him? | |
| Chandler: Well maybe you don't have to tell him anything. | |
| Joey: Oh, I like that. Yeah - | |
| Chandler: If you clear things up with Rachel then Ross never needs to find out, but you have to do it now before he hears about it and kicks your ass! | |
| Joey: (laughs) Now let's not get carried away. (He walks away as Monica comes over and hugs Chandler from behind.) | |
| Monica: I want a baby. | |
| Chandler: Honey, we've been over this. I need to be facing the other way. | |
| Monica: Come on! Come on, if we have sex again it'll double our chances of getting pregnant. Do you think that closet's still available? | |
| Chandler: I'm so tired. (She starts kissing him.) Yeah okay, but no foreplay. | |
| Monica: Deal! | |
| [Back in front of the nursery window.] | |
| Ross: Dad seriously! Y'know you really should see someone about that! | |
| Mr. Geller: Noted. | |
| Ross: I wanna go talk to Rachel for a minute, are you gonna be okay alone for a bit? | |
| Mr. Geller: Are you kidding me, I could stay and look at her forever. | |
| Ross: (noticing something) Actually umm - (He turns Mr. Geller's head to look at Emma.) | |
| [Scene: Rachel's Room, Phoebe is entering.] | |
| Phoebe: Hey! | |
| Rachel: Hi. | |
| Phoebe: Are you all right? | |
| Rachel: Uhh - I think I just got engaged. | |
| Phoebe: Oh my God! He did it? | |
| Rachel: Well - did you know he was gonna ask me? | |
| Phoebe: Are you kidding? I'm like the one who talked him into it. I like to think of myself as the puppet master of the group. | |
| Rachel: And you really think this is a good idea? | |
| Phoebe: I just talked him into it, don't tell me I have to do you too. The puppet master gets tired, people. | |
| Rachel: I just don't know! It just doesn't feel right. | |
| Phoebe: Why?! You two are so meant to be together, everybody thinks so. | |
| Rachel: Really?! Even Ross? | |
| Phoebe: Especially Ross! | |
| Joey: (entering) Oh uh, hey Pheebs. Uh y'know what? I'll-I'll come back later. (He goes to leave but runs into Ross who's entering.) | |
| Ross: Wow! Kind of uh, kind of a full house here. I'll guess just - I'll come back. (Ross exits followed by Joey.) | |
| Phoebe: There he goes, your fianc閑. | |
| Rachel: I guess so. | |
| Phoebe: Although he does play with himself in his sleep. | |
| Rachel: I can't say that I'm surprised. | |
| [Scene: A hallway, Joey and Ross find Mr. Geller with his ear up against a janitor's closet door.] | |
| Ross: Dad, what are you doing? | |
| Mr. Geller: I think there are people in there having sex. | |
| (Ross turns to look at Joey.) | |
| Joey: It can't be me, I'm standing right here. | |
| Mr. Geller: Wanna peek? | |
| Ross: No! | |
| Mr. Geller: Come on! | |
| Ross: Y'know what? I don't like you without mom. (To Joey) Come on. (Walks away.) | |
| Joey: (To Ross) We're not peeking? (Follows him.) | |
| Mr. Geller: Well I'm peeking. (He peeks.) Oh my God! | |
| Chandler: Hello sir, you know Monica. | |
| [Scene: Rachel's Room, she is taking the ring out of Ross's jacket, looks at it, and puts it on her finger as Joey enters.] | |
| Joey: Hey uh, is it okay to come in? | |
| Rachel: Of course! Oh Joey, this ring I - it's beautiful! I love it! | |
| Joey: Yeah uh look Rach, there's something I gotta tell ya. | |
| (There's a knock on the door and a nurse enters carrying Emma.) | |
| Rachel: Hey! | |
| Nurse: Hey! Are you ready to try nursing again? | |
| Rachel: Yeah! Hi Emma. Hey, why do you think she won't take my breast? | |
| Nurse: It's all right honey, it takes some babies a while to get it, but don't worry. It'll happen. | |
| Joey: (watching) Yowsa! (Looks away.) | |
| Rachel: Okay sweetie, you can do it. Just open up and put it in your mouth. | |
| Joey: Dear Lord. | |
| Rachel: I'm sorry honey, what were you saying? | |
| Joey: Oh uh-uh yeah, I think that - | |
| Rachel: Oh look, she's pulling away again! Do you think my nipples are too big for her mouth? (Joey gets embarrassed.) She looks scared. Doesn't she look scared? | |
| Joey: Y'know, I don't really know her. | |
| Nurse: Why don't we try massaging the breast to stimulate the flow. (Does so.) | |
| Joey: (To God) Are you kidding me?! | |
| Rachel: It's just so frustrating! Why doesn't she want my breast?! | |
| Joey: I don't know! Maybe she's crazy! (Storms out.) | |
| [Scene: The Lobby, Ross is eating a sandwich as Phoebe rushes up to him.] | |
| Phoebe: Oh hey! Wait up! | |
| Ross: Hi! | |
| Phoebe: Congratulations! I didn't want to say anything in front of Joey ‘cause I didn't know if he knew yet. | |
| Ross: What, that we had a baby? Come on let's give him a little credit, although he did eat a piece of plastic fruit earlier. | |
| Phoebe: No! No, that you and Rachel are engaged! | |
| Ross: What? | |
| Phoebe: Oh, it's a secret. Oh goodie! Yes! We haven't done the secret thing in a long time. | |
| Ross: Phoebe, there is no secret. Okay? I didn't propose. | |
| Phoebe: Are you lying? Is this like that time you tried to convince us that you were a doctor? | |
| Ross: (pause) I am a doctor! Y'know what? I'm just gonna go and talk to Rachel myself. | |
| Phoebe: All right, me too. (They go into her room and see that she's sleeping.) Should we wake her up? | |
| Ross: No! No, come on let her sleep! She's so exhausted. | |
| Phoebe: And so engaged. (Points to the ring that Rachel is wearing.) | |
| Ross: What? (Motions for Phoebe to go outside with him.) Oh my God! She-she thinks we're engaged! Why? Why? Why would she think we're engaged?! | |
| Phoebe: Perhaps because you gave her an engagement ring? Y'know Ross, doctors are supposed to be smart. | |
| Ross: I didn't give her that ring! | |
| Phoebe: Really? | |
| Ross: No! | |
| Phoebe: So whose ring is it? | |
| Ross: It's mine. | |
| Phoebe: Is it an engagement ring? | |
| Ross: Yes! | |
| Phoebe: But you didn't give it to her? | |
| Ross: No! | |
| Phoebe: But you were going to propose? | |
| Ross: No!! | |
| Phoebe: Huh, I might be losing interest in this. | |
| Ross: Look. Look, my mom gave me that ring because she wanted me to propose to Rachel, but all I wanted to do is see if she maybe - kinda - wanted ah - to start - things up again. | |
| Phoebe: Oh, what beautiful lukewarm sentiment. | |
| Ross: Look, I didn't want to rush into anything. And it seemed like she didn't want to either. But I don't, I don't understand how any of this happened! What? Did she find the ring in my jacket, assume that I was going to propose, throw it on, and-and just start telling people? | |
| Phoebe: No! No, she said you actually proposed to her. | |
| Ross: Well I didn't! I didn't propose! (Pause) Unless uh - (Pause) Did I? I haven't slept in forty hours and - it does sound like something I would do. | |
| Commercial Break | |
| [Scene: The Janitor's Closet, Chandler and Monica are trying to figure out what to do now.] | |
| Chandler: Look, we can't stay in here forever. | |
| Monica: Oh, I still can't believe my dad saw us having sex! He didn't make it to one of my piano recitals, but this he sees! | |
| Chandler: This is okay. We're all adults here; there's nothing to be ashamed of. Now, let's put our underwear in our pockets and walk out the door. (They do so and find Mr. Geller leaning against a wall stunned.) | |
| Monica: Hi Dad! I can still call you that right? | |
| Mr. Geller: Of course. I'll always be your dad. | |
| Chandler: I just want you to know that what you witnessed in there, that wasn't for fun. | |
| Monica: It wasn't fun?! | |
| Chandler: (To Monica) Why? Why-why-would you—Wh-why - (To Mr. Geller) Look, I just don't want you to think that we're animals who do it whenever we want. | |
| Mr. Geller: Oh, I don't think that. Before today I never thought of you two having sex at all. It was a simpler time. | |
| Monica: The truth is, Dad, we're-we're trying. | |
| Mr. Geller: What? | |
| Monica: Yeah, we're trying to get pregnant. | |
| Mr. Geller: Oh my God! This is so exciting! Well, get back in there! (Points to the closet) I'll guard the door! | |
| Monica: Well, that's okay dad, we-we can wait until later. | |
| Mr. Geller: Whoa-whoa-whoa! I don't think so! Aren't you ovulating? | |
| Monica: Daddy?! | |
| Mr. Geller: Well you gotta get at it princess! When your mother and I were trying to conceive you, whenever she was ovulating, bam, we did it. That's how I got my bad hip. | |
| Chandler: That's funny, this conversation's how I got the bullet hole in my head. | |
| Mr. Geller: This one time I had my knee up on the sink and your mother, she was - | |
| Monica: Daddy! I don't think we need to hear about the specific positions you and mom had sex. | |
| Mr. Geller: You're right, you're right. This is about your positions. Now, what I saw in the closet is not the optimum position for conceiving a child, although it might feel good. | |
| Monica: I don't feel good right now. | |
| Mr. Geller: But pleasure is important, (To Chandler) and it helps if the woman has an orgasm. You up to the task sailor? | |
| Chandler: Seriously sir, my brains? All over the wall. | |
| [Scene: Rachel's Room, Monica is entering.] | |
| Monica: Hey. | |
| Rachel: Hey. I need to tell you something. | |
| Monica: Well, now's a good time. I'm on my way to have my ears cut off. | |
| Rachel: Joey asked me marry him. | |
| Monica: What? | |
| Rachel: Joey proposed to me. | |
| Monica: Is he crazy?! You just had Ross's baby! | |
| Rachel: Well, I-I said yes. | |
| Monica: What?! Are you crazy? You just had Ross's baby! It's-it's so inappropriate. No, it's worse than that. It's wrong. It's - It is bigger than mine! (Rachel's engagement ring.) | |
| Rachel: I know. Days of Our Lives, thank you very much. | |
| Monica: You can't marry him! | |
| Rachel: Why not? I don't want to do this alone! And he's such a sweet guy and he loves me so much. | |
| Monica: Well do you love him? | |
| Rachel: Sure. | |
| Monica: Sure? | |
| Rachel: Yeah, I mean whatever. | |
| Monica: Honey, the question is - do you really want to marry Joey? | |
| Rachel: No. No, I don't. Could you be a dear and go tell him? | |
| [Scene: A Hallway, Chandler is following Joey.] | |
| Chandler: You still haven't told Rachel you weren't really proposing? | |
| Joey: No! She had the ring on, she seemed so excited, and then she took her breast out. | |
| Chandler: Joey, you have to tell her what's going on! And what did it look like?! | |
| Joey: I didn't look at it. Stupid baby's head was blocking most of it. | |
| Chandler: Go and tell Rachel right now before Ross finds out. | |
| Joey: Look, it's not that easy. She said she wanted to marry me. I don't want to hurt her. | |
| Chandler: Okay, look, just do it gently. | |
| Joey: You're right. You're right. I-I'll go tell her now before Ross finds out and I'll be gentle. I can do that. I am a gentle person. Oh, by the way. Two people screwing in there (Points to the closet Chandler and Monica were in) if you want to check that out. | |
| [Scene: Rachel's Room, Ross is entering.] | |
| Ross: Hey. | |
| Rachel: Hey. | |
| Ross: Listen, I um - I heard about the engagement. | |
| Rachel: Surprised? | |
| Ross: And confused. Rach, sweetie, I-I um - I didn't propose to you. | |
| Rachel: I know. | |
| Ross: I don't think you do. | |
| Rachel: You didn't propose to me. Joey did. | |
| Ross: Poor baby, you're so tired. Rach, I didn't propose to you, Joey didn't propose to you, and Chandler didn't propose to you. | |
| Rachel: Uh - You didn't propose to me, Chandler didn't propose to me, but Joey did. | |
| (Joey enters.) | |
| Ross: Joey proposed to you? | |
| Joey: I can come back. | |
| Ross: Hey, wait! Wait-wait-wait! Joey, did you propose to her? | |
| Joey: No. | |
| Rachel: Yes you did! | |
| Joey: Actually, technically, I didn't. | |
| Rachel: Well then why did you give me a ring? | |
| Ross: Wait! Whoa-whoa, you - you gave her the ring? | |
| Joey: No! No, and I did not ask her to marry me! | |
| Rachel: Yes, you did! | |
| Joey: No, I didn't! | |
| Rachel: Yes, you did! | |
| Joey: No, I didn't! | |
| Rachel: Yes, you did! And don't you say, "No, I didn't!" | |
| Joey: Ahhh! | |
| Rachel: He was right there. He got down on one knee and proposed. | |
| Ross: Whoa! You were down on one knee? | |
| Joey: Yeah. Yeah, that looks bad. But I didn't - I didn't propose! | |
| Ross: Then what did happen? | |
| Rachel: Yeah, what did happen? | |
| Joey: Okay, the ring fell on the floor and I went down to pick it up and you thought I was proposing. | |
| Rachel: Yeah, but you said, "Will you marry me?" | |
| Joey: No, I didn't! | |
| Rachel: Yes, you did! | |
| Joey: No, I didn't! | |
| Rachel: Yes, you did—Oh my God you didn't! (Screams) Well then why didn't you tell me that before?! | |
| Joey: Well I tried, but people kept coming in and then you took your breast out! | |
| Ross: Whoa! Hey! Whoa-whoa-whoa, you saw her breast?! | |
| Joey: (To Ross) I'll tell you about it later. Be cool. | |
| Rachel: Well then Joey, what the hell were you doing with an engagement ring?! | |
| Joey: It wasn't my ring! It's Ross's ring! That's why I felt so bad Rach, because he was going to propose. | |
| Ross: What?! | |
| Rachel: You were gonna propose to me? | |
| Ross: Uhh - No. | |
| (An awkward silence follows.) | |
| Joey: Well, this is awkward. | |
| Ross: But I-I was going to see if y'know, maybe you uh, start dating again but that - I mean that-that was all, Rach. | |
| Joey: Dude, step up! I proposed. | |
| Ross: No, you didn't! | |
| Joey: Oh that's right. There's a lot going on here and I think I ate some bad fruit earlier. | |
| (There's a knock on the door and the Nurse enters carrying Emma.) | |
| Nurse: Hey, she just woke up! She's hungry. Why don't we give this another try? | |
| Rachel: Okay. | |
| Ross: (To Joey) I can't believe you told her I was going to propose! | |
| Joey: I can't believe you're not going to propose! | |
| Ross: Hey, I'm not going to rush into anything! | |
| Joey: Oh yeah, dude, I totally understand. Usually after I have a baby with a woman I like to slow things down! | |
| Rachel: Oh my God! | |
| Ross: What? | |
| Rachel: She's doing it Look, she's breast-feeding look! | |
| Joey: (looking at the ceiling) Ah, it's beautiful. | |
| Nurse: I'll come back for her later. | |
| Rachel: Okay. | |
| Ross: Thank you. (The nurse exits.) | |
| Rachel: Oh wow, this feels weird. | |
| Ross: Good weird? | |
| Rachel: Wonderful weird. | |
| Joey: Y'know what you guys? I'm uh, I'm gonna go too. And uh, I'm sorry about everything. | |
| Rachel: Honey don't worry, it was my mistake. | |
| Joey: No, Rach, I should've told you sooner. It's just that - Man! That kid is going to town! (Joey makes his awkward exit.) | |
| Rachel: She's perfect. | |
| Ross: We're so lucky. | |
| Rachel: We really are. | |
| Ross: Look, I-I know it's not a proposal and I don't know where you are, but with everything that's been going on and with Emma and - I've been feeling - | |
| Rachel: I know. I know. I'm feeling - | |
| Ross: Yeah? | |
| Rachel: Yeah. (Laughs nervously) | |
| Ross: Okay, well, that - Wow, okay, well, umm - then maybe, at least we can, we can talk about us again. | |
| Rachel: Yeah, maybe. | |
| Ross: Well good, okay. I-I, kind of think y'know if we - if - you're wearing the ring.... | |
| (Pause.) | |
| Rachel: Wh-what's that? | |
| Ross: And you told Phoebe you were engaged. | |
| Rachel: I'm sorry, what? | |
| Ross: When you thought Joey proposed did - did you say yes? | |
| Closing Credits | |
| [Scene: Outside the Janitor's Closet, there are people having sex and Mr. Geller is trying to give them some pamphlets.] | |
| Mr. Geller: Kids, I spoke to a doctor and picked up this pamphlets on how to get pregnant. (He slides them under the door.) | |
| Monica: (walking by with Chandler.) Hey dad! | |
| Chandler: Hey. | |
| Mr. Geller: (pause) Sorry to bother you again, but could you pass my pamphlets back? (They do so.) Thank you. |
| Rachel: Joey. | |
| He turns to face Rachel on one knee with the box open. | |
| Rachel: seeing the ring Oh my God. Pause Okay. | |
| Joey is stunned. | |
| Cut to Ross getting of an elevator carrying a bouquet of flowers and walking down the hall to Rachel' s room. | |
| Cut back into Rachel' s room. | |
| Rachel: So uh I guess we should make it official huh? | |
| Joey: Uh Look Rach Ross enters. Hey Ross is here! Hey look! It' s my good friend Ross. Hey Ross. | |
| Ross: Hey Joey. To Rachel Hey you. | |
| Rachel: Hey you. | |
| Joey: Hey and look he brought flowers. Thanks Ross, but I' m really more of a candy guy. Laughs. | |
| Ross: You' re weird today. He turns to Rachel and Joey puts the ring back. To Rachel Listen I uh, wanted to talk to you about something. | |
| Rachel: Uh yeah, actually I kinda need to talk to you too. | |
| Ross: Uh Joey, can you give us just a minute? | |
| Joey: No. | |
| Ross: What? | |
| Joey: Oh, I' m sorry. I meant no. | |
| Monica: entering with everyone else including Mr. Geller Hi! Hey look who' s here! | |
| Mr. Geller: Where' s my granddaughter? I' ve been practicing my magic tricks. | |
| Chandler: He pulled a quarter out of my ear! | |
| Ross: Hey, where' s uh, where' s mom? | |
| Mr. Geller: She went to pick up Aunt Liddy. | |
| Monica: Oh, Aunt Liddy' s coming? That means we get five dollars each! | |
| Mr. Geller: So when do I get to meet Emma and show her this? Pulls a bouquet of flowers out of his sleeve. | |
| Chandler: Okay. Wow. | |
| Ross: Uh Dad, Emma' s in the nursery. I' ll take you now. If you want, but To Rachel I really want to talk to you. | |
| Rachel: I know, I still need to talk to you. | |
| Joey: Oh hey but, before you guys do that To Rachel I need to talk to you, and Ross, I need to talk to you. | |
| Phoebe: To Monica Oh and I need to talk to you. | |
| Monica: About what? | |
| Phoebe: To see if you know what these guys are talking about. | |
| Opening Credits | |
| Scene: Outside the Nursery, everyone but Rachel is standing and looking into the window. | |
| Monica: Isn' t she beautiful? | |
| Mr. Geller: Look at her, my first grandchild. | |
| Ross: What about Ben? | |
| Mr. Geller: Well of course Ben, I meant my first granddaughter. To Monica, mouths Wow. | |
| Phoebe: taking Ross aside Have umm, have you thought anymore about you and Rachel? | |
| Ross: Oh well yeah, actually I was going to talk to her when you guys all came in the room. | |
| Phoebe: Yay! It' s so exciting! Wow, you could' ve done that with us there. | |
| Ross: Yeah right. | |
| Phoebe: Oh sure okay, you can touch yourself in front of us but you can' t talk to Rachel. | |
| Ross: What?! When have I ever touched myself in front of you guys? | |
| Phoebe: Oh please! Just before when you were asleep in the lounge! That Armenian family was watching you instead of the TV. Oh, that reminds me. That Mr. Hasmeje still has my Gameboy. | |
| Joey: taking Chandler aside Hey Chandler, can I talk to you for a second? | |
| Chandler: Sure. | |
| Joey: Dude I just did something terrible. | |
| Chandler: That was you?! I thought it was Jack! | |
| Joey: No! No, that was Jack! Rachel thinks I asked her to marry me! | |
| Chandler: What?! Why does she think that? | |
| Joey: Because it kinda looked like I did. | |
| Chandler: Again, what?! | |
| Joey: Okay well, I was down on one knee with the ring in my hand | |
| Chandler: As we all are at some point during the day. | |
| Joey: It wasn' t my ring! It fell out of Ross' s jacket! And when I knelt down to pick it up Rachel thought I was proposing! | |
| Chandler: Ross had a ring?! And he was gonna propose? | |
| Joey: I guess. | |
| Chandler: And you did it first?! This is gonna kill him! You know how much he loves to propose! | |
| Joey: I know! I know it' s awful. | |
| Chandler: Well, what did she say? | |
| Joey: happily She said yes. | |
| Chandler: Does Ross know? | |
| Joey: Oh God, what the hell am I going to tell him? | |
| Chandler: Well maybe you don' t have to tell him anything. | |
| Joey: Oh, I like that. Yeah | |
| Chandler: If you clear things up with Rachel then Ross never needs to find out, but you have to do it now before he hears about it and kicks your ass! | |
| Joey: laughs Now let' s not get carried away. He walks away as Monica comes over and hugs Chandler from behind. | |
| Monica: I want a baby. | |
| Chandler: Honey, we' ve been over this. I need to be facing the other way. | |
| Monica: Come on! Come on, if we have sex again it' ll double our chances of getting pregnant. Do you think that closet' s still available? | |
| Chandler: I' m so tired. She starts kissing him. Yeah okay, but no foreplay. | |
| Monica: Deal! | |
| Back in front of the nursery window. | |
| Ross: Dad seriously! Y' know you really should see someone about that! | |
| Mr. Geller: Noted. | |
| Ross: I wanna go talk to Rachel for a minute, are you gonna be okay alone for a bit? | |
| Mr. Geller: Are you kidding me, I could stay and look at her forever. | |
| Ross: noticing something Actually umm He turns Mr. Geller' s head to look at Emma. | |
| Scene: Rachel' s Room, Phoebe is entering. | |
| Phoebe: Hey! | |
| Rachel: Hi. | |
| Phoebe: Are you all right? | |
| Rachel: Uhh I think I just got engaged. | |
| Phoebe: Oh my God! He did it? | |
| Rachel: Well did you know he was gonna ask me? | |
| Phoebe: Are you kidding? I' m like the one who talked him into it. I like to think of myself as the puppet master of the group. | |
| Rachel: And you really think this is a good idea? | |
| Phoebe: I just talked him into it, don' t tell me I have to do you too. The puppet master gets tired, people. | |
| Rachel: I just don' t know! It just doesn' t feel right. | |
| Phoebe: Why?! You two are so meant to be together, everybody thinks so. | |
| Rachel: Really?! Even Ross? | |
| Phoebe: Especially Ross! | |
| Joey: entering Oh uh, hey Pheebs. Uh y' know what? I' llI' ll come back later. He goes to leave but runs into Ross who' s entering. | |
| Ross: Wow! Kind of uh, kind of a full house here. I' ll guess just I' ll come back. Ross exits followed by Joey. | |
| Phoebe: There he goes, your fianc xian. | |
| Rachel: I guess so. | |
| Phoebe: Although he does play with himself in his sleep. | |
| Rachel: I can' t say that I' m surprised. | |
| Scene: A hallway, Joey and Ross find Mr. Geller with his ear up against a janitor' s closet door. | |
| Ross: Dad, what are you doing? | |
| Mr. Geller: I think there are people in there having sex. | |
| Ross turns to look at Joey. | |
| Joey: It can' t be me, I' m standing right here. | |
| Mr. Geller: Wanna peek? | |
| Ross: No! | |
| Mr. Geller: Come on! | |
| Ross: Y' know what? I don' t like you without mom. To Joey Come on. Walks away. | |
| Joey: To Ross We' re not peeking? Follows him. | |
| Mr. Geller: Well I' m peeking. He peeks. Oh my God! | |
| Chandler: Hello sir, you know Monica. | |
| Scene: Rachel' s Room, she is taking the ring out of Ross' s jacket, looks at it, and puts it on her finger as Joey enters. | |
| Joey: Hey uh, is it okay to come in? | |
| Rachel: Of course! Oh Joey, this ring I it' s beautiful! I love it! | |
| Joey: Yeah uh look Rach, there' s something I gotta tell ya. | |
| There' s a knock on the door and a nurse enters carrying Emma. | |
| Rachel: Hey! | |
| Nurse: Hey! Are you ready to try nursing again? | |
| Rachel: Yeah! Hi Emma. Hey, why do you think she won' t take my breast? | |
| Nurse: It' s all right honey, it takes some babies a while to get it, but don' t worry. It' ll happen. | |
| Joey: watching Yowsa! Looks away. | |
| Rachel: Okay sweetie, you can do it. Just open up and put it in your mouth. | |
| Joey: Dear Lord. | |
| Rachel: I' m sorry honey, what were you saying? | |
| Joey: Oh uhuh yeah, I think that | |
| Rachel: Oh look, she' s pulling away again! Do you think my nipples are too big for her mouth? Joey gets embarrassed. She looks scared. Doesn' t she look scared? | |
| Joey: Y' know, I don' t really know her. | |
| Nurse: Why don' t we try massaging the breast to stimulate the flow. Does so. | |
| Joey: To God Are you kidding me?! | |
| Rachel: It' s just so frustrating! Why doesn' t she want my breast?! | |
| Joey: I don' t know! Maybe she' s crazy! Storms out. | |
| Scene: The Lobby, Ross is eating a sandwich as Phoebe rushes up to him. | |
| Phoebe: Oh hey! Wait up! | |
| Ross: Hi! | |
| Phoebe: Congratulations! I didn' t want to say anything in front of Joey ' cause I didn' t know if he knew yet. | |
| Ross: What, that we had a baby? Come on let' s give him a little credit, although he did eat a piece of plastic fruit earlier. | |
| Phoebe: No! No, that you and Rachel are engaged! | |
| Ross: What? | |
| Phoebe: Oh, it' s a secret. Oh goodie! Yes! We haven' t done the secret thing in a long time. | |
| Ross: Phoebe, there is no secret. Okay? I didn' t propose. | |
| Phoebe: Are you lying? Is this like that time you tried to convince us that you were a doctor? | |
| Ross: pause I am a doctor! Y' know what? I' m just gonna go and talk to Rachel myself. | |
| Phoebe: All right, me too. They go into her room and see that she' s sleeping. Should we wake her up? | |
| Ross: No! No, come on let her sleep! She' s so exhausted. | |
| Phoebe: And so engaged. Points to the ring that Rachel is wearing. | |
| Ross: What? Motions for Phoebe to go outside with him. Oh my God! Sheshe thinks we' re engaged! Why? Why? Why would she think we' re engaged?! | |
| Phoebe: Perhaps because you gave her an engagement ring? Y' know Ross, doctors are supposed to be smart. | |
| Ross: I didn' t give her that ring! | |
| Phoebe: Really? | |
| Ross: No! | |
| Phoebe: So whose ring is it? | |
| Ross: It' s mine. | |
| Phoebe: Is it an engagement ring? | |
| Ross: Yes! | |
| Phoebe: But you didn' t give it to her? | |
| Ross: No! | |
| Phoebe: But you were going to propose? | |
| Ross: No!! | |
| Phoebe: Huh, I might be losing interest in this. | |
| Ross: Look. Look, my mom gave me that ring because she wanted me to propose to Rachel, but all I wanted to do is see if she maybe kinda wanted ah to start things up again. | |
| Phoebe: Oh, what beautiful lukewarm sentiment. | |
| Ross: Look, I didn' t want to rush into anything. And it seemed like she didn' t want to either. But I don' t, I don' t understand how any of this happened! What? Did she find the ring in my jacket, assume that I was going to propose, throw it on, andand just start telling people? | |
| Phoebe: No! No, she said you actually proposed to her. | |
| Ross: Well I didn' t! I didn' t propose! Pause Unless uh Pause Did I? I haven' t slept in forty hours and it does sound like something I would do. | |
| Commercial Break | |
| Scene: The Janitor' s Closet, Chandler and Monica are trying to figure out what to do now. | |
| Chandler: Look, we can' t stay in here forever. | |
| Monica: Oh, I still can' t believe my dad saw us having sex! He didn' t make it to one of my piano recitals, but this he sees! | |
| Chandler: This is okay. We' re all adults here there' s nothing to be ashamed of. Now, let' s put our underwear in our pockets and walk out the door. They do so and find Mr. Geller leaning against a wall stunned. | |
| Monica: Hi Dad! I can still call you that right? | |
| Mr. Geller: Of course. I' ll always be your dad. | |
| Chandler: I just want you to know that what you witnessed in there, that wasn' t for fun. | |
| Monica: It wasn' t fun?! | |
| Chandler: To Monica Why? Whywhywould you Whwhy To Mr. Geller Look, I just don' t want you to think that we' re animals who do it whenever we want. | |
| Mr. Geller: Oh, I don' t think that. Before today I never thought of you two having sex at all. It was a simpler time. | |
| Monica: The truth is, Dad, we' rewe' re trying. | |
| Mr. Geller: What? | |
| Monica: Yeah, we' re trying to get pregnant. | |
| Mr. Geller: Oh my God! This is so exciting! Well, get back in there! Points to the closet I' ll guard the door! | |
| Monica: Well, that' s okay dad, wewe can wait until later. | |
| Mr. Geller: Whoawhoawhoa! I don' t think so! Aren' t you ovulating? | |
| Monica: Daddy?! | |
| Mr. Geller: Well you gotta get at it princess! When your mother and I were trying to conceive you, whenever she was ovulating, bam, we did it. That' s how I got my bad hip. | |
| Chandler: That' s funny, this conversation' s how I got the bullet hole in my head. | |
| Mr. Geller: This one time I had my knee up on the sink and your mother, she was | |
| Monica: Daddy! I don' t think we need to hear about the specific positions you and mom had sex. | |
| Mr. Geller: You' re right, you' re right. This is about your positions. Now, what I saw in the closet is not the optimum position for conceiving a child, although it might feel good. | |
| Monica: I don' t feel good right now. | |
| Mr. Geller: But pleasure is important, To Chandler and it helps if the woman has an orgasm. You up to the task sailor? | |
| Chandler: Seriously sir, my brains? All over the wall. | |
| Scene: Rachel' s Room, Monica is entering. | |
| Monica: Hey. | |
| Rachel: Hey. I need to tell you something. | |
| Monica: Well, now' s a good time. I' m on my way to have my ears cut off. | |
| Rachel: Joey asked me marry him. | |
| Monica: What? | |
| Rachel: Joey proposed to me. | |
| Monica: Is he crazy?! You just had Ross' s baby! | |
| Rachel: Well, II said yes. | |
| Monica: What?! Are you crazy? You just had Ross' s baby! It' sit' s so inappropriate. No, it' s worse than that. It' s wrong. It' s It is bigger than mine! Rachel' s engagement ring. | |
| Rachel: I know. Days of Our Lives, thank you very much. | |
| Monica: You can' t marry him! | |
| Rachel: Why not? I don' t want to do this alone! And he' s such a sweet guy and he loves me so much. | |
| Monica: Well do you love him? | |
| Rachel: Sure. | |
| Monica: Sure? | |
| Rachel: Yeah, I mean whatever. | |
| Monica: Honey, the question is do you really want to marry Joey? | |
| Rachel: No. No, I don' t. Could you be a dear and go tell him? | |
| Scene: A Hallway, Chandler is following Joey. | |
| Chandler: You still haven' t told Rachel you weren' t really proposing? | |
| Joey: No! She had the ring on, she seemed so excited, and then she took her breast out. | |
| Chandler: Joey, you have to tell her what' s going on! And what did it look like?! | |
| Joey: I didn' t look at it. Stupid baby' s head was blocking most of it. | |
| Chandler: Go and tell Rachel right now before Ross finds out. | |
| Joey: Look, it' s not that easy. She said she wanted to marry me. I don' t want to hurt her. | |
| Chandler: Okay, look, just do it gently. | |
| Joey: You' re right. You' re right. II' ll go tell her now before Ross finds out and I' ll be gentle. I can do that. I am a gentle person. Oh, by the way. Two people screwing in there Points to the closet Chandler and Monica were in if you want to check that out. | |
| Scene: Rachel' s Room, Ross is entering. | |
| Ross: Hey. | |
| Rachel: Hey. | |
| Ross: Listen, I um I heard about the engagement. | |
| Rachel: Surprised? | |
| Ross: And confused. Rach, sweetie, II um I didn' t propose to you. | |
| Rachel: I know. | |
| Ross: I don' t think you do. | |
| Rachel: You didn' t propose to me. Joey did. | |
| Ross: Poor baby, you' re so tired. Rach, I didn' t propose to you, Joey didn' t propose to you, and Chandler didn' t propose to you. | |
| Rachel: Uh You didn' t propose to me, Chandler didn' t propose to me, but Joey did. | |
| Joey enters. | |
| Ross: Joey proposed to you? | |
| Joey: I can come back. | |
| Ross: Hey, wait! Waitwaitwait! Joey, did you propose to her? | |
| Joey: No. | |
| Rachel: Yes you did! | |
| Joey: Actually, technically, I didn' t. | |
| Rachel: Well then why did you give me a ring? | |
| Ross: Wait! Whoawhoa, you you gave her the ring? | |
| Joey: No! No, and I did not ask her to marry me! | |
| Rachel: Yes, you did! | |
| Joey: No, I didn' t! | |
| Rachel: Yes, you did! | |
| Joey: No, I didn' t! | |
| Rachel: Yes, you did! And don' t you say, " No, I didn' t!" | |
| Joey: Ahhh! | |
| Rachel: He was right there. He got down on one knee and proposed. | |
| Ross: Whoa! You were down on one knee? | |
| Joey: Yeah. Yeah, that looks bad. But I didn' t I didn' t propose! | |
| Ross: Then what did happen? | |
| Rachel: Yeah, what did happen? | |
| Joey: Okay, the ring fell on the floor and I went down to pick it up and you thought I was proposing. | |
| Rachel: Yeah, but you said, " Will you marry me?" | |
| Joey: No, I didn' t! | |
| Rachel: Yes, you did! | |
| Joey: No, I didn' t! | |
| Rachel: Yes, you did Oh my God you didn' t! Screams Well then why didn' t you tell me that before?! | |
| Joey: Well I tried, but people kept coming in and then you took your breast out! | |
| Ross: Whoa! Hey! Whoawhoawhoa, you saw her breast?! | |
| Joey: To Ross I' ll tell you about it later. Be cool. | |
| Rachel: Well then Joey, what the hell were you doing with an engagement ring?! | |
| Joey: It wasn' t my ring! It' s Ross' s ring! That' s why I felt so bad Rach, because he was going to propose. | |
| Ross: What?! | |
| Rachel: You were gonna propose to me? | |
| Ross: Uhh No. | |
| An awkward silence follows. | |
| Joey: Well, this is awkward. | |
| Ross: But II was going to see if y' know, maybe you uh, start dating again but that I mean thatthat was all, Rach. | |
| Joey: Dude, step up! I proposed. | |
| Ross: No, you didn' t! | |
| Joey: Oh that' s right. There' s a lot going on here and I think I ate some bad fruit earlier. | |
| There' s a knock on the door and the Nurse enters carrying Emma. | |
| Nurse: Hey, she just woke up! She' s hungry. Why don' t we give this another try? | |
| Rachel: Okay. | |
| Ross: To Joey I can' t believe you told her I was going to propose! | |
| Joey: I can' t believe you' re not going to propose! | |
| Ross: Hey, I' m not going to rush into anything! | |
| Joey: Oh yeah, dude, I totally understand. Usually after I have a baby with a woman I like to slow things down! | |
| Rachel: Oh my God! | |
| Ross: What? | |
| Rachel: She' s doing it Look, she' s breastfeeding look! | |
| Joey: looking at the ceiling Ah, it' s beautiful. | |
| Nurse: I' ll come back for her later. | |
| Rachel: Okay. | |
| Ross: Thank you. The nurse exits. | |
| Rachel: Oh wow, this feels weird. | |
| Ross: Good weird? | |
| Rachel: Wonderful weird. | |
| Joey: Y' know what you guys? I' m uh, I' m gonna go too. And uh, I' m sorry about everything. | |
| Rachel: Honey don' t worry, it was my mistake. | |
| Joey: No, Rach, I should' ve told you sooner. It' s just that Man! That kid is going to town! Joey makes his awkward exit. | |
| Rachel: She' s perfect. | |
| Ross: We' re so lucky. | |
| Rachel: We really are. | |
| Ross: Look, II know it' s not a proposal and I don' t know where you are, but with everything that' s been going on and with Emma and I' ve been feeling | |
| Rachel: I know. I know. I' m feeling | |
| Ross: Yeah? | |
| Rachel: Yeah. Laughs nervously | |
| Ross: Okay, well, that Wow, okay, well, umm then maybe, at least we can, we can talk about us again. | |
| Rachel: Yeah, maybe. | |
| Ross: Well good, okay. II, kind of think y' know if we if you' re wearing the ring.... | |
| Pause. | |
| Rachel: Whwhat' s that? | |
| Ross: And you told Phoebe you were engaged. | |
| Rachel: I' m sorry, what? | |
| Ross: When you thought Joey proposed did did you say yes? | |
| Closing Credits | |
| Scene: Outside the Janitor' s Closet, there are people having sex and Mr. Geller is trying to give them some pamphlets. | |
| Mr. Geller: Kids, I spoke to a doctor and picked up this pamphlets on how to get pregnant. He slides them under the door. | |
| Monica: walking by with Chandler. Hey dad! | |
| Chandler: Hey. | |
| Mr. Geller: pause Sorry to bother you again, but could you pass my pamphlets back? They do so. Thank you. |
| Rachel: Joey. | |
| He turns to face Rachel on one knee with the box open. | |
| Rachel: seeing the ring Oh my God. Pause Okay. | |
| Joey is stunned. | |
| Cut to Ross getting of an elevator carrying a bouquet of flowers and walking down the hall to Rachel' s room. | |
| Cut back into Rachel' s room. | |
| Rachel: So uh I guess we should make it official huh? | |
| Joey: Uh Look Rach Ross enters. Hey Ross is here! Hey look! It' s my good friend Ross. Hey Ross. | |
| Ross: Hey Joey. To Rachel Hey you. | |
| Rachel: Hey you. | |
| Joey: Hey and look he brought flowers. Thanks Ross, but I' m really more of a candy guy. Laughs. | |
| Ross: You' re weird today. He turns to Rachel and Joey puts the ring back. To Rachel Listen I uh, wanted to talk to you about something. | |
| Rachel: Uh yeah, actually I kinda need to talk to you too. | |
| Ross: Uh Joey, can you give us just a minute? | |
| Joey: No. | |
| Ross: What? | |
| Joey: Oh, I' m sorry. I meant no. | |
| Monica: entering with everyone else including Mr. Geller Hi! Hey look who' s here! | |
| Mr. Geller: Where' s my granddaughter? I' ve been practicing my magic tricks. | |
| Chandler: He pulled a quarter out of my ear! | |
| Ross: Hey, where' s uh, where' s mom? | |
| Mr. Geller: She went to pick up Aunt Liddy. | |
| Monica: Oh, Aunt Liddy' s coming? That means we get five dollars each! | |
| Mr. Geller: So when do I get to meet Emma and show her this? Pulls a bouquet of flowers out of his sleeve. | |
| Chandler: Okay. Wow. | |
| Ross: Uh Dad, Emma' s in the nursery. I' ll take you now. If you want, but To Rachel I really want to talk to you. | |
| Rachel: I know, I still need to talk to you. | |
| Joey: Oh hey but, before you guys do that To Rachel I need to talk to you, and Ross, I need to talk to you. | |
| Phoebe: To Monica Oh and I need to talk to you. | |
| Monica: About what? | |
| Phoebe: To see if you know what these guys are talking about. | |
| Opening Credits | |
| Scene: Outside the Nursery, everyone but Rachel is standing and looking into the window. | |
| Monica: Isn' t she beautiful? | |
| Mr. Geller: Look at her, my first grandchild. | |
| Ross: What about Ben? | |
| Mr. Geller: Well of course Ben, I meant my first granddaughter. To Monica, mouths Wow. | |
| Phoebe: taking Ross aside Have umm, have you thought anymore about you and Rachel? | |
| Ross: Oh well yeah, actually I was going to talk to her when you guys all came in the room. | |
| Phoebe: Yay! It' s so exciting! Wow, you could' ve done that with us there. | |
| Ross: Yeah right. | |
| Phoebe: Oh sure okay, you can touch yourself in front of us but you can' t talk to Rachel. | |
| Ross: What?! When have I ever touched myself in front of you guys? | |
| Phoebe: Oh please! Just before when you were asleep in the lounge! That Armenian family was watching you instead of the TV. Oh, that reminds me. That Mr. Hasmeje still has my Gameboy. | |
| Joey: taking Chandler aside Hey Chandler, can I talk to you for a second? | |
| Chandler: Sure. | |
| Joey: Dude I just did something terrible. | |
| Chandler: That was you?! I thought it was Jack! | |
| Joey: No! No, that was Jack! Rachel thinks I asked her to marry me! | |
| Chandler: What?! Why does she think that? | |
| Joey: Because it kinda looked like I did. | |
| Chandler: Again, what?! | |
| Joey: Okay well, I was down on one knee with the ring in my hand | |
| Chandler: As we all are at some point during the day. | |
| Joey: It wasn' t my ring! It fell out of Ross' s jacket! And when I knelt down to pick it up Rachel thought I was proposing! | |
| Chandler: Ross had a ring?! And he was gonna propose? | |
| Joey: I guess. | |
| Chandler: And you did it first?! This is gonna kill him! You know how much he loves to propose! | |
| Joey: I know! I know it' s awful. | |
| Chandler: Well, what did she say? | |
| Joey: happily She said yes. | |
| Chandler: Does Ross know? | |
| Joey: Oh God, what the hell am I going to tell him? | |
| Chandler: Well maybe you don' t have to tell him anything. | |
| Joey: Oh, I like that. Yeah | |
| Chandler: If you clear things up with Rachel then Ross never needs to find out, but you have to do it now before he hears about it and kicks your ass! | |
| Joey: laughs Now let' s not get carried away. He walks away as Monica comes over and hugs Chandler from behind. | |
| Monica: I want a baby. | |
| Chandler: Honey, we' ve been over this. I need to be facing the other way. | |
| Monica: Come on! Come on, if we have sex again it' ll double our chances of getting pregnant. Do you think that closet' s still available? | |
| Chandler: I' m so tired. She starts kissing him. Yeah okay, but no foreplay. | |
| Monica: Deal! | |
| Back in front of the nursery window. | |
| Ross: Dad seriously! Y' know you really should see someone about that! | |
| Mr. Geller: Noted. | |
| Ross: I wanna go talk to Rachel for a minute, are you gonna be okay alone for a bit? | |
| Mr. Geller: Are you kidding me, I could stay and look at her forever. | |
| Ross: noticing something Actually umm He turns Mr. Geller' s head to look at Emma. | |
| Scene: Rachel' s Room, Phoebe is entering. | |
| Phoebe: Hey! | |
| Rachel: Hi. | |
| Phoebe: Are you all right? | |
| Rachel: Uhh I think I just got engaged. | |
| Phoebe: Oh my God! He did it? | |
| Rachel: Well did you know he was gonna ask me? | |
| Phoebe: Are you kidding? I' m like the one who talked him into it. I like to think of myself as the puppet master of the group. | |
| Rachel: And you really think this is a good idea? | |
| Phoebe: I just talked him into it, don' t tell me I have to do you too. The puppet master gets tired, people. | |
| Rachel: I just don' t know! It just doesn' t feel right. | |
| Phoebe: Why?! You two are so meant to be together, everybody thinks so. | |
| Rachel: Really?! Even Ross? | |
| Phoebe: Especially Ross! | |
| Joey: entering Oh uh, hey Pheebs. Uh y' know what? I' llI' ll come back later. He goes to leave but runs into Ross who' s entering. | |
| Ross: Wow! Kind of uh, kind of a full house here. I' ll guess just I' ll come back. Ross exits followed by Joey. | |
| Phoebe: There he goes, your fianc xián. | |
| Rachel: I guess so. | |
| Phoebe: Although he does play with himself in his sleep. | |
| Rachel: I can' t say that I' m surprised. | |
| Scene: A hallway, Joey and Ross find Mr. Geller with his ear up against a janitor' s closet door. | |
| Ross: Dad, what are you doing? | |
| Mr. Geller: I think there are people in there having sex. | |
| Ross turns to look at Joey. | |
| Joey: It can' t be me, I' m standing right here. | |
| Mr. Geller: Wanna peek? | |
| Ross: No! | |
| Mr. Geller: Come on! | |
| Ross: Y' know what? I don' t like you without mom. To Joey Come on. Walks away. | |
| Joey: To Ross We' re not peeking? Follows him. | |
| Mr. Geller: Well I' m peeking. He peeks. Oh my God! | |
| Chandler: Hello sir, you know Monica. | |
| Scene: Rachel' s Room, she is taking the ring out of Ross' s jacket, looks at it, and puts it on her finger as Joey enters. | |
| Joey: Hey uh, is it okay to come in? | |
| Rachel: Of course! Oh Joey, this ring I it' s beautiful! I love it! | |
| Joey: Yeah uh look Rach, there' s something I gotta tell ya. | |
| There' s a knock on the door and a nurse enters carrying Emma. | |
| Rachel: Hey! | |
| Nurse: Hey! Are you ready to try nursing again? | |
| Rachel: Yeah! Hi Emma. Hey, why do you think she won' t take my breast? | |
| Nurse: It' s all right honey, it takes some babies a while to get it, but don' t worry. It' ll happen. | |
| Joey: watching Yowsa! Looks away. | |
| Rachel: Okay sweetie, you can do it. Just open up and put it in your mouth. | |
| Joey: Dear Lord. | |
| Rachel: I' m sorry honey, what were you saying? | |
| Joey: Oh uhuh yeah, I think that | |
| Rachel: Oh look, she' s pulling away again! Do you think my nipples are too big for her mouth? Joey gets embarrassed. She looks scared. Doesn' t she look scared? | |
| Joey: Y' know, I don' t really know her. | |
| Nurse: Why don' t we try massaging the breast to stimulate the flow. Does so. | |
| Joey: To God Are you kidding me?! | |
| Rachel: It' s just so frustrating! Why doesn' t she want my breast?! | |
| Joey: I don' t know! Maybe she' s crazy! Storms out. | |
| Scene: The Lobby, Ross is eating a sandwich as Phoebe rushes up to him. | |
| Phoebe: Oh hey! Wait up! | |
| Ross: Hi! | |
| Phoebe: Congratulations! I didn' t want to say anything in front of Joey ' cause I didn' t know if he knew yet. | |
| Ross: What, that we had a baby? Come on let' s give him a little credit, although he did eat a piece of plastic fruit earlier. | |
| Phoebe: No! No, that you and Rachel are engaged! | |
| Ross: What? | |
| Phoebe: Oh, it' s a secret. Oh goodie! Yes! We haven' t done the secret thing in a long time. | |
| Ross: Phoebe, there is no secret. Okay? I didn' t propose. | |
| Phoebe: Are you lying? Is this like that time you tried to convince us that you were a doctor? | |
| Ross: pause I am a doctor! Y' know what? I' m just gonna go and talk to Rachel myself. | |
| Phoebe: All right, me too. They go into her room and see that she' s sleeping. Should we wake her up? | |
| Ross: No! No, come on let her sleep! She' s so exhausted. | |
| Phoebe: And so engaged. Points to the ring that Rachel is wearing. | |
| Ross: What? Motions for Phoebe to go outside with him. Oh my God! Sheshe thinks we' re engaged! Why? Why? Why would she think we' re engaged?! | |
| Phoebe: Perhaps because you gave her an engagement ring? Y' know Ross, doctors are supposed to be smart. | |
| Ross: I didn' t give her that ring! | |
| Phoebe: Really? | |
| Ross: No! | |
| Phoebe: So whose ring is it? | |
| Ross: It' s mine. | |
| Phoebe: Is it an engagement ring? | |
| Ross: Yes! | |
| Phoebe: But you didn' t give it to her? | |
| Ross: No! | |
| Phoebe: But you were going to propose? | |
| Ross: No!! | |
| Phoebe: Huh, I might be losing interest in this. | |
| Ross: Look. Look, my mom gave me that ring because she wanted me to propose to Rachel, but all I wanted to do is see if she maybe kinda wanted ah to start things up again. | |
| Phoebe: Oh, what beautiful lukewarm sentiment. | |
| Ross: Look, I didn' t want to rush into anything. And it seemed like she didn' t want to either. But I don' t, I don' t understand how any of this happened! What? Did she find the ring in my jacket, assume that I was going to propose, throw it on, andand just start telling people? | |
| Phoebe: No! No, she said you actually proposed to her. | |
| Ross: Well I didn' t! I didn' t propose! Pause Unless uh Pause Did I? I haven' t slept in forty hours and it does sound like something I would do. | |
| Commercial Break | |
| Scene: The Janitor' s Closet, Chandler and Monica are trying to figure out what to do now. | |
| Chandler: Look, we can' t stay in here forever. | |
| Monica: Oh, I still can' t believe my dad saw us having sex! He didn' t make it to one of my piano recitals, but this he sees! | |
| Chandler: This is okay. We' re all adults here there' s nothing to be ashamed of. Now, let' s put our underwear in our pockets and walk out the door. They do so and find Mr. Geller leaning against a wall stunned. | |
| Monica: Hi Dad! I can still call you that right? | |
| Mr. Geller: Of course. I' ll always be your dad. | |
| Chandler: I just want you to know that what you witnessed in there, that wasn' t for fun. | |
| Monica: It wasn' t fun?! | |
| Chandler: To Monica Why? Whywhywould you Whwhy To Mr. Geller Look, I just don' t want you to think that we' re animals who do it whenever we want. | |
| Mr. Geller: Oh, I don' t think that. Before today I never thought of you two having sex at all. It was a simpler time. | |
| Monica: The truth is, Dad, we' rewe' re trying. | |
| Mr. Geller: What? | |
| Monica: Yeah, we' re trying to get pregnant. | |
| Mr. Geller: Oh my God! This is so exciting! Well, get back in there! Points to the closet I' ll guard the door! | |
| Monica: Well, that' s okay dad, wewe can wait until later. | |
| Mr. Geller: Whoawhoawhoa! I don' t think so! Aren' t you ovulating? | |
| Monica: Daddy?! | |
| Mr. Geller: Well you gotta get at it princess! When your mother and I were trying to conceive you, whenever she was ovulating, bam, we did it. That' s how I got my bad hip. | |
| Chandler: That' s funny, this conversation' s how I got the bullet hole in my head. | |
| Mr. Geller: This one time I had my knee up on the sink and your mother, she was | |
| Monica: Daddy! I don' t think we need to hear about the specific positions you and mom had sex. | |
| Mr. Geller: You' re right, you' re right. This is about your positions. Now, what I saw in the closet is not the optimum position for conceiving a child, although it might feel good. | |
| Monica: I don' t feel good right now. | |
| Mr. Geller: But pleasure is important, To Chandler and it helps if the woman has an orgasm. You up to the task sailor? | |
| Chandler: Seriously sir, my brains? All over the wall. | |
| Scene: Rachel' s Room, Monica is entering. | |
| Monica: Hey. | |
| Rachel: Hey. I need to tell you something. | |
| Monica: Well, now' s a good time. I' m on my way to have my ears cut off. | |
| Rachel: Joey asked me marry him. | |
| Monica: What? | |
| Rachel: Joey proposed to me. | |
| Monica: Is he crazy?! You just had Ross' s baby! | |
| Rachel: Well, II said yes. | |
| Monica: What?! Are you crazy? You just had Ross' s baby! It' sit' s so inappropriate. No, it' s worse than that. It' s wrong. It' s It is bigger than mine! Rachel' s engagement ring. | |
| Rachel: I know. Days of Our Lives, thank you very much. | |
| Monica: You can' t marry him! | |
| Rachel: Why not? I don' t want to do this alone! And he' s such a sweet guy and he loves me so much. | |
| Monica: Well do you love him? | |
| Rachel: Sure. | |
| Monica: Sure? | |
| Rachel: Yeah, I mean whatever. | |
| Monica: Honey, the question is do you really want to marry Joey? | |
| Rachel: No. No, I don' t. Could you be a dear and go tell him? | |
| Scene: A Hallway, Chandler is following Joey. | |
| Chandler: You still haven' t told Rachel you weren' t really proposing? | |
| Joey: No! She had the ring on, she seemed so excited, and then she took her breast out. | |
| Chandler: Joey, you have to tell her what' s going on! And what did it look like?! | |
| Joey: I didn' t look at it. Stupid baby' s head was blocking most of it. | |
| Chandler: Go and tell Rachel right now before Ross finds out. | |
| Joey: Look, it' s not that easy. She said she wanted to marry me. I don' t want to hurt her. | |
| Chandler: Okay, look, just do it gently. | |
| Joey: You' re right. You' re right. II' ll go tell her now before Ross finds out and I' ll be gentle. I can do that. I am a gentle person. Oh, by the way. Two people screwing in there Points to the closet Chandler and Monica were in if you want to check that out. | |
| Scene: Rachel' s Room, Ross is entering. | |
| Ross: Hey. | |
| Rachel: Hey. | |
| Ross: Listen, I um I heard about the engagement. | |
| Rachel: Surprised? | |
| Ross: And confused. Rach, sweetie, II um I didn' t propose to you. | |
| Rachel: I know. | |
| Ross: I don' t think you do. | |
| Rachel: You didn' t propose to me. Joey did. | |
| Ross: Poor baby, you' re so tired. Rach, I didn' t propose to you, Joey didn' t propose to you, and Chandler didn' t propose to you. | |
| Rachel: Uh You didn' t propose to me, Chandler didn' t propose to me, but Joey did. | |
| Joey enters. | |
| Ross: Joey proposed to you? | |
| Joey: I can come back. | |
| Ross: Hey, wait! Waitwaitwait! Joey, did you propose to her? | |
| Joey: No. | |
| Rachel: Yes you did! | |
| Joey: Actually, technically, I didn' t. | |
| Rachel: Well then why did you give me a ring? | |
| Ross: Wait! Whoawhoa, you you gave her the ring? | |
| Joey: No! No, and I did not ask her to marry me! | |
| Rachel: Yes, you did! | |
| Joey: No, I didn' t! | |
| Rachel: Yes, you did! | |
| Joey: No, I didn' t! | |
| Rachel: Yes, you did! And don' t you say, " No, I didn' t!" | |
| Joey: Ahhh! | |
| Rachel: He was right there. He got down on one knee and proposed. | |
| Ross: Whoa! You were down on one knee? | |
| Joey: Yeah. Yeah, that looks bad. But I didn' t I didn' t propose! | |
| Ross: Then what did happen? | |
| Rachel: Yeah, what did happen? | |
| Joey: Okay, the ring fell on the floor and I went down to pick it up and you thought I was proposing. | |
| Rachel: Yeah, but you said, " Will you marry me?" | |
| Joey: No, I didn' t! | |
| Rachel: Yes, you did! | |
| Joey: No, I didn' t! | |
| Rachel: Yes, you did Oh my God you didn' t! Screams Well then why didn' t you tell me that before?! | |
| Joey: Well I tried, but people kept coming in and then you took your breast out! | |
| Ross: Whoa! Hey! Whoawhoawhoa, you saw her breast?! | |
| Joey: To Ross I' ll tell you about it later. Be cool. | |
| Rachel: Well then Joey, what the hell were you doing with an engagement ring?! | |
| Joey: It wasn' t my ring! It' s Ross' s ring! That' s why I felt so bad Rach, because he was going to propose. | |
| Ross: What?! | |
| Rachel: You were gonna propose to me? | |
| Ross: Uhh No. | |
| An awkward silence follows. | |
| Joey: Well, this is awkward. | |
| Ross: But II was going to see if y' know, maybe you uh, start dating again but that I mean thatthat was all, Rach. | |
| Joey: Dude, step up! I proposed. | |
| Ross: No, you didn' t! | |
| Joey: Oh that' s right. There' s a lot going on here and I think I ate some bad fruit earlier. | |
| There' s a knock on the door and the Nurse enters carrying Emma. | |
| Nurse: Hey, she just woke up! She' s hungry. Why don' t we give this another try? | |
| Rachel: Okay. | |
| Ross: To Joey I can' t believe you told her I was going to propose! | |
| Joey: I can' t believe you' re not going to propose! | |
| Ross: Hey, I' m not going to rush into anything! | |
| Joey: Oh yeah, dude, I totally understand. Usually after I have a baby with a woman I like to slow things down! | |
| Rachel: Oh my God! | |
| Ross: What? | |
| Rachel: She' s doing it Look, she' s breastfeeding look! | |
| Joey: looking at the ceiling Ah, it' s beautiful. | |
| Nurse: I' ll come back for her later. | |
| Rachel: Okay. | |
| Ross: Thank you. The nurse exits. | |
| Rachel: Oh wow, this feels weird. | |
| Ross: Good weird? | |
| Rachel: Wonderful weird. | |
| Joey: Y' know what you guys? I' m uh, I' m gonna go too. And uh, I' m sorry about everything. | |
| Rachel: Honey don' t worry, it was my mistake. | |
| Joey: No, Rach, I should' ve told you sooner. It' s just that Man! That kid is going to town! Joey makes his awkward exit. | |
| Rachel: She' s perfect. | |
| Ross: We' re so lucky. | |
| Rachel: We really are. | |
| Ross: Look, II know it' s not a proposal and I don' t know where you are, but with everything that' s been going on and with Emma and I' ve been feeling | |
| Rachel: I know. I know. I' m feeling | |
| Ross: Yeah? | |
| Rachel: Yeah. Laughs nervously | |
| Ross: Okay, well, that Wow, okay, well, umm then maybe, at least we can, we can talk about us again. | |
| Rachel: Yeah, maybe. | |
| Ross: Well good, okay. II, kind of think y' know if we if you' re wearing the ring.... | |
| Pause. | |
| Rachel: Whwhat' s that? | |
| Ross: And you told Phoebe you were engaged. | |
| Rachel: I' m sorry, what? | |
| Ross: When you thought Joey proposed did did you say yes? | |
| Closing Credits | |
| Scene: Outside the Janitor' s Closet, there are people having sex and Mr. Geller is trying to give them some pamphlets. | |
| Mr. Geller: Kids, I spoke to a doctor and picked up this pamphlets on how to get pregnant. He slides them under the door. | |
| Monica: walking by with Chandler. Hey dad! | |
| Chandler: Hey. | |
| Mr. Geller: pause Sorry to bother you again, but could you pass my pamphlets back? They do so. Thank you. |
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