| [00:00.61] | 表演者：牛群、冯巩 |
| [00:02.71] | 牛：啊，冯巩 |
| [00:04.37] | 冯：没错 |
| [00:06.21] | 牛：我说，我真羡慕您的工作。 |
| [00:08.31] | 冯：是吗 |
| [00:09.35] | 牛：相声演员 |
| [00:10.35] | 冯：对对 |
| [00:11.15] | 牛：光动嘴不动手，说完相声身上一点伤都没有 |
| [00:15.16] | 冯：你打算让我们说完相声就见血是吧？ |
| [00:19.20] | 牛：我的工作没法跟你您相比。 |
| [00:20.97] | 冯：怎么呢？ |
| [00:22.02] | 牛：我们三天两头让人打得鼻青脸肿的 |
| [00:25.46] | 冯：哦，你是拳击运动员。 |
| [00:27.54] | 牛：老得玩命呀。 |
| [00:28.83] | 冯：这项运动啊，对抗性是强。 |
| [00:30.82] | 牛：风险太大。 |
| [00:31.88] | 冯：那才见精神哪！ |
| [00:33.10] | 牛：提心吊胆。 |
| [00:34.20] | 冯：习惯了就好。 |
| [00:35.24] | 牛：生怕人逮着。 |
| [00:36.30] | 冯：你躲得快点儿。 |
| [00:37.91] | 牛：让人逮着就往死里打呀。 |
| [00:39.56] | 冯：那对方就犯规了。 |
| [00:40.87] | 牛：哎呦，他管你那个。就现在这人，逮理就不让人，上回6个小伙子把我吊起来打，一边打嘴里还骂骂咧咧的。 |
| [00:47.94] | 冯：怎么骂的？ |
| [00:48.39] | 牛：让你小子偷钱包儿！ |
| [00:55.13] | 冯：你是小偷呀？ |
| [00:58.19] | 牛：你看你这么有文化的人说出话来这么难听，什么叫小偷呀？ |
| [01:02.25] | 冯：那应该叫你---- |
| [01:03.15] | 牛：掏包儿的！ |
| [01:05.50] | 冯：这不一样吗这个？ |
| [01:06.69] | 牛：为了偷这点东西，我真是够了。整天是战战兢兢，偷偷摸摸窝窝囔囔偷偷缩缩。活得一点都不潇洒。这是人过的日子吗，我早就够了，我怎么当上小偷呢？ |
| [01:22.62] | 冯：认识了就好 |
| [01:23.66] | 牛：还不如拦路抢劫呢？拦路抢劫抓着就毙，我省得这么活受罪。 |
| [01:33.18] | 冯：朋友，只要你下定决心改正，我会全力地帮助你。 |
| [01:38.18] | 牛：有这句话全齐了，我感谢你。 |
| [01:40.93] | 冯：不用。 |
| [01:41.69] | 牛：可要让我彻底洗手不干，他们也不会饶了我的。 |
| [01:46.14] | 冯：你参加流氓团伙了？ |
| [01:49.43] | 牛：谁参加流氓团伙了？ |
| [01:51.33] | 冯：那你参加的是------ |
| [01:52.36] | 牛：我参加的那叫小偷公司 |
| [01:55.06] | 冯：小偷公司？ |
| [01:57.71] | |
| [02:03.25] | 冯：怎有这么一个公司 |
| [02:04.34] | 牛：现在叫公司不是时髦吗 |
| [02:06.75] | 冯：你们公司有多少人呀？ |
| [02:08.08] | 牛：一百多人。 |
| [02:09.04] | 冯：一百多小偷？ |
| [02:10.04] | 牛：不，不全是小偷，真正坚持在第一线工作的就我们俩人儿。 |
| [02:15.12] | 冯：那其他人呢？ |
| [02:16.52] | 牛：都是领导干部， |
| [02:19.96] | 冯：你们小偷公司还有领导干部？ |
| [02:21.81] | 牛：你说的，"火车跑得快，人凭车头带。干部带了头，小偷有劲头，小偷没领导，肯定偷不好，不是偷不了，就是跑不了。" |
| [02:35.47] | 冯：嗬，你给我说说，你们那都有什么干部呀？ |
| [02:39.43] | 牛：那多了，有一个总经理，有四十八个副经理。 |
| [02:43.32] | 冯：四十八个副经理？ |
| [02:44.86] | 牛：各管一摊呀。 |
| [02:45.91] | 冯：都管什么呀？ |
| [02:46.77] | 牛：有管行政的，有管业务的，有管组织的，有管宣传的，有管后勤的，有管计划生育的… |
| [02:53.56] | 冯：等会等会，这小偷公司还计划生育呀？ |
| [02:58.27] | 牛：你这说的，全国一盘棋，我们小偷也不能例外呀。要不人家都计划生育，我们小偷随便生，大偷生小偷，小偷生幼偷，小偷越生越多，好人越来越少，我们偷谁去呀？ |
| [03:08.83] | 冯：合着你们也是为了保持生态平衡。 |
| [03:17.30] | 牛：哎，公司下属，各个科室呀，那分工就更细了。 |
| [03:21.71] | 冯：都有什么分工啊？ |
| [03:22.67] | 牛：你就拿这个保卫科来说吧...... |
| [03:24.62] | 冯：不，你等会儿，你们小偷公司要保卫科干嘛？ |
| [03:29.22] | 牛：哎呦，太必要了，公司一百多小偷儿聚在一块儿，要没有个保卫科，那公司有点什么东西不转眼儿就没呀？俺们公司贼发一九八八年九号文件明确指出：越是贼窝越要加强防盗工作！ |
| [03:48.13] | 冯：这属于家贼难防呀 |
| [03:50.07] | 牛：这些都是常设机构，赶上有个中心任务呢，我们还要增设很多临时机构。 |
| [03:55.66] | 冯：都有什么临时机构呀？ |
| [03:56.47] | 牛：那多了，你到了春节你得成立得春盗办吧 |
| [04:02.00] | 冯：春盗办？ |
| [04:03.32] | 牛：春节期间突击盗窃办公室，春盗办 |
| [04:07.34] | 冯：那三八妇女节呢？ |
| [04:09.21] | 牛：成立女盗办。 |
| [04:10.11] | 冯：五四青年节？ |
| [04:10.70] | 牛：青盗办！ |
| [04:11.20] | 冯：六一儿童节？ |
| [04:11.85] | 牛：儿盗办！ |
| [04:14.06] | 冯： 什么节日都不落 |
| [04:15.22] | 牛：你甭说逢年过节了，就连宇宙飞船前些日子上月球，我们还成立月盗办呢 |
| [04:20.62] | 冯：哎成立那个 |
| [04:21.88] | 牛：哎，这都是期设机构，不办实事 |
| [04:24.63] | 冯：你要这些机构干啥呀 |
| [04:26.19] | 牛：谁说不是呢，我们这就这特点呢，原来打头好几年就说是人浮于事，就要精简，原来呢我们只有二十多人，头一回精简完了变四十多人了，第二回精简八十多人，第三回精简一百二十人，这不成立公司了。 |
| [04:41.23] | 冯：唉，越精简人越多 |
| [04:42.64] | 牛：都是拉着关系走后门来的。来了还就得当干部。你说这不，关键我们这是个业务性很强的单位。。它不是说是个人就能偷。他们不会偷的领导我们这些会偷得，肯定啊，外行领导内行，没有一个不出事儿的，你说这人儿不行吧，人家上头说行，你说这人行吧，人家上头说不行：你这气还生不了。我们那儿流传一幅对联，太说明问题了。 |
| [05:02.25] | 冯：什么对联？ |
| [05:03.71] | 牛：上联是，说你行，你就行，不行也行 |
| [05:07.80] | 冯：下联。 |
| [05:08.74] | 牛：说不行，就不行，行也不行。 |
| [05:11.15] | 冯：横批 |
| [05:11.96] | 牛：不服不行 |
| [05:12.86] | 冯：这还是一代有文化的小偷。 |
| [05:20.65] | 牛：最讨厌的是他成立一个班子，他就得下达多少钱的硬指标。 |
| [05:24.85] | 冯：那就偷去吧。 |
| [05:25.60] | 牛：你最近是不偷了 |
| [05:28.85] | 冯：你这 |
| [05:30.05] | 牛：问题是偷点钱太难了，你说，想偷大件吧我们人手少，偷小件不值当的。偷了存折不敢取。想偷现金又怕掉。我们这工作一天累累巴巴偷不了几万块钱。 |
| [05:39.87] | 冯：那就紧偷啊 |
| [05:41.71] | 牛：它是紧偷不够乱花的呀 |
| [05:43.76] | 冯：至于吗？ |
| [05:44.62] | 牛：我给你算算啊，我们一百多个人，吃喝拉撒睡行坐卧走，这得花钱吧？ |
| [05:49.01] | 冯：得花 |
| [05:49.72] | 牛：没完没了地到旅游点上学习开会，这得花钱吧？这还不算，领导干部还要出国考察！你说你一个小偷公司你出国考察什么呀？说是学习外国先进的偷盗技术！ |
| [06:04.33] | 冯：这也是为了冲出亚洲，偷向世界吧。 |
| [06:11.17] | 牛：这得用外汇，这得用多少外汇呀 |
| [06:13.56] | 冯：花销是大 |
| [06:15.96] | 牛：你说什么 |
| [06:16.65] | 冯：花销太大啦 |
| [06:20.96] | 牛：理解万岁！最不能让人容忍的是看见其他公司在电视上做广告，我们公司也要做广告！ |
| [06:33.21] | 冯：你们公司也要作广告？ |
| [06:34.38] | 牛：广告词儿都写好了。 |
| [06:35.42] | 冯：什么词儿呀？ |
| [06:36.17] | 牛："朋友，你想迅速发财致富吗？请参加小偷公司，它可以使您一夜之间腰缠万贯。本公司的联系人… |
| [06:45.74] | 冯：谁呀？ |
| [06:46.30] | 牛：不宜外传。 |
| [06:47.10] | 冯：电话号码？ |
| [06:47.90] | 牛：暂时保密。 |
| [06:48.86] | 冯：电报挂号？ |
| [06:49.70] | 牛：无可奉告。 |
| [06:50.55] | 冯：单位地址？ |
| [06:51.36] | 牛：打一枪换一个地方。 |
| [06:52.96] | 冯：那往哪找去啊 |
| [06:59.46] | 牛：你是没法找，警察可堵了我们好几回。我一看事儿不好，赶紧打一报告：鉴于风声太紧，建议公司全体人员立即转移！当否，请批示！ |
| [07:12.35] | 冯：递上去了？ |
| [07:13.16] | 牛：交给副组长了。副组长一看，先画了个圆圈儿。 |
| [07:17.60] | 冯：画圈儿？ |
| [07:18.15] | 牛：这叫圈阅。意思是基本同意。 |
| [07:21.19] | 冯：这就拍板了 |
| [07:22.69] | 牛：请组长酌定。 |
| [07:24.74] | 冯：这还是组长管的事儿 |
| [07:25.59] | 牛：组长一看，又画了个圈儿，请副科长酌定！副科长再画了个圈儿，请科长酌定。科长再画了个圈儿，请副经理酌定，副经理再画了个圈儿。 |
| [07:38.14] | 冯：这五个圈儿了 |
| [07:39.39] | 牛：请总经理酌定。 要说办事效率还得说我们总经理。拿过来这么一看，五个圈儿，明白了。提起笔来，唰唰地批了几个字。 |
| [07:47.43] | 冯：怎么批的？ |
| [07:47.83] | 牛：同意！到奥运会去偷！ |
| [07:52.22] | 冯：那是奥运会吗？ |
| [07:55.29] | 牛：刚写到这儿，警察把我们全堵在屋里头了。当我戴上冰凉的手铐，完了，一切全完了。我绝望了，我是越是绝望越悔恨，越悔恨越委屈，越委屈越恼火。我是怒从心头起，恶向胆边生。我的东西我的报告，你，民警同志，官僚主义害死人啊！ |
| [00:00.61] | biao yan zhe: niu qun feng gong |
| [00:02.71] | niu: a, feng gong |
| [00:04.37] | feng: mei cuo |
| [00:06.21] | niu: wo shuo, wo zhen xian mu nin de gong zuo. |
| [00:08.31] | feng: shi ma |
| [00:09.35] | niu: xiang sheng yan yuan |
| [00:10.35] | feng: dui dui |
| [00:11.15] | niu: guang dong zui bu dong shou, shuo wan xiang sheng shen shang yi dian shang dou mei you |
| [00:15.16] | feng: ni da suan rang wo men shuo wan xiang sheng jiu jian xue shi ba? |
| [00:19.20] | niu: wo de gong zuo mei fa gen ni nin xiang bi. |
| [00:20.97] | feng: zen me ne? |
| [00:22.02] | niu: wo men san tian liang tou rang ren da de bi qing lian zhong de |
| [00:25.46] | feng: o, ni shi quan ji yun dong yuan. |
| [00:27.54] | niu: lao de wan ming ya. |
| [00:28.83] | feng: zhe xiang yun dong a, dui kang xing shi qiang. |
| [00:30.82] | niu: feng xian tai da. |
| [00:31.88] | feng: na cai jian jing shen na! |
| [00:33.10] | niu: ti xin diao dan. |
| [00:34.20] | feng: xi guan le jiu hao. |
| [00:35.24] | niu: sheng pa ren dai zhe. |
| [00:36.30] | feng: ni duo de kuai dian r. |
| [00:37.91] | niu: rang ren dai zhe jiu wang si li da ya. |
| [00:39.56] | feng: na dui fang jiu fan gui le. |
| [00:40.87] | niu: ai you, ta guan ni na ge. jiu xian zai zhe ren, dai li jiu bu rang ren, shang hui 6 ge xiao huo zi ba wo diao qi lai da, yi bian da zui li hai ma ma lie lie de. |
| [00:47.94] | feng: zen me ma de? |
| [00:48.39] | niu: rang ni xiao zi tou qian bao er! |
| [00:55.13] | feng: ni shi xiao tou ya? |
| [00:58.19] | niu: ni kan ni zhe me you wen hua de ren shuo chu hua lai zhe me nan ting, shen me jiao xiao tou ya? |
| [01:02.25] | feng: na ying gai jiao ni |
| [01:03.15] | niu: tao bao er de! |
| [01:05.50] | feng: zhe bu yi yang ma zhe ge? |
| [01:06.69] | niu: wei le tou zhe dian dong xi, wo zhen shi gou le. zheng tian shi zhan zhan jing jing, tou tou mo mo wo wo nang nang tou tou suo suo. huo de yi dian dou bu xiao sa. zhe shi ren guo de ri zi ma, wo zao jiu gou le, wo zen me dang shang xiao tou ne? |
| [01:22.62] | feng: ren shi le jiu hao |
| [01:23.66] | niu: hai bu ru lan lu qiang jie ne? lan lu qiang jie zhua zhe jiu bi, wo sheng de zhe me huo shou zui. |
| [01:33.18] | feng: peng you, zhi yao ni xia ding jue xin gai zheng, wo hui quan li di bang zhu ni. |
| [01:38.18] | niu: you zhe ju hua quan qi le, wo gan xie ni. |
| [01:40.93] | feng: bu yong. |
| [01:41.69] | niu: ke yao rang wo che di xi shou bu gan, ta men ye bu hui rao le wo de. |
| [01:46.14] | feng: ni can jia liu mang tuan huo le? |
| [01:49.43] | niu: shui can jia liu mang tuan huo le? |
| [01:51.33] | feng: na ni can jia de shi |
| [01:52.36] | niu: wo can jia de na jiao xiao tou gong si |
| [01:55.06] | feng: xiao tou gong si? |
| [01:57.71] | |
| [02:03.25] | feng: zen you zhe me yi ge gong si |
| [02:04.34] | niu: xian zai jiao gong si bu shi shi mao ma |
| [02:06.75] | feng: ni men gong si you duo shao ren ya? |
| [02:08.08] | niu: yi bai duo ren. |
| [02:09.04] | feng: yi bai duo xiao tou? |
| [02:10.04] | niu: bu, bu quan shi xiao tou, zhen zheng jian chi zai di yi xian gong zuo de jiu wo men lia ren er. |
| [02:15.12] | feng: na qi ta ren ne? |
| [02:16.52] | niu: dou shi ling dao gan bu, |
| [02:19.96] | feng: ni men xiao tou gong si hai you ling dao gan bu? |
| [02:21.81] | niu: ni shuo de," huo che pao de kuai, ren ping che tou dai. gan bu dai le tou, xiao tou you jin tou, xiao tou mei ling dao, ken ding tou bu hao, bu shi tou bu liao, jiu shi pao bu liao." |
| [02:35.47] | feng: he, ni gei wo shuo shuo, ni men na dou you shen me gan bu ya? |
| [02:39.43] | niu: na duo le, you yi ge zong jing li, you si shi ba ge fu jing li. |
| [02:43.32] | feng: si shi ba ge fu jing li? |
| [02:44.86] | niu: ge guan yi tan ya. |
| [02:45.91] | feng: dou guan shen me ya? |
| [02:46.77] | niu: you guan xing zheng de, you guan ye wu de, you guan zu zhi de, you guan xuan chuan de, you guan hou qin de, you guan ji hua sheng yu de |
| [02:53.56] | feng: deng hui deng hui, zhe xiao tou gong si hai ji hua sheng yu ya? |
| [02:58.27] | niu: ni zhe shuo de, quan guo yi pan qi, wo men xiao tou ye bu neng li wai ya. yao bu ren jia dou ji hua sheng yu, wo men xiao tou sui bian sheng, da tou sheng xiao tou, xiao tou sheng you tou, xiao tou yue sheng yue duo, hao ren yue lai yue shao, wo men tou shui qu ya? |
| [03:08.83] | feng: he zhe ni men ye shi wei le bao chi sheng tai ping heng. |
| [03:17.30] | niu: ai, gong si xia shu, ge ge ke shi ya, na fen gong jiu geng xi le. |
| [03:21.71] | feng: dou you shen me fen gong a? |
| [03:22.67] | niu: ni jiu na zhe ge bao wei ke lai shuo ba...... |
| [03:24.62] | feng: bu, ni deng hui er, ni men xiao tou gong si yao bao wei ke gan ma? |
| [03:29.22] | niu: ai you, tai bi yao le, gong si yi bai duo xiao tou er ju zai yi kuai er, yao mei you ge bao wei ke, na gong si you dian shen me dong xi bu zhuan yan er jiu mei ya? an men gong si zei fa yi jiu ba ba nian jiu hao wen jian ming que zhi chu: yue shi zei wo yue yao jia qiang fang dao gong zuo! |
| [03:48.13] | feng: zhe shu yu jia zei nan fang ya |
| [03:50.07] | niu: zhei xie dou shi chang she ji gou, gan shang you ge zhong xin ren wu ne, wo men hai yao zeng she hen duo lin shi ji gou. |
| [03:55.66] | feng: dou you shen me lin shi ji gou ya? |
| [03:56.47] | niu: na duo le, ni dao le chun jie ni de cheng li de chun dao ban ba |
| [04:02.00] | feng: chun dao ban? |
| [04:03.32] | niu: chun jie qi jian tu ji dao qie ban gong shi, chun dao ban |
| [04:07.34] | feng: na san ba fu nv jie ne? |
| [04:09.21] | niu: cheng li nv dao ban. |
| [04:10.11] | feng: wu si qing nian jie? |
| [04:10.70] | niu: qing dao ban! |
| [04:11.20] | feng: liu yi er tong jie? |
| [04:11.85] | niu: er dao ban! |
| [04:14.06] | feng: shen me jie ri dou bu la |
| [04:15.22] | niu: ni beng shuo feng nian guo jie le, jiu lian yu zhou fei chuan qian xie ri zi shang yue qiu, wo men hai cheng li yue dao ban ne |
| [04:20.62] | feng: ai cheng li na ge |
| [04:21.88] | niu: ai, zhe dou shi qi she ji gou, bu ban shi shi |
| [04:24.63] | feng: ni yao zhei xie ji gou gan sha ya |
| [04:26.19] | niu: shui shuo bu shi ne, wo men zhe jiu zhe te dian ne, yuan lai da tou hao ji nian jiu shuo shi ren fu yu shi, jiu yao jing jian, yuan lai ne wo men zhi you er shi duo ren, tou yi hui jing jian wan le bian si shi duo ren le, di er hui jing jian ba shi duo ren, di san hui jing jian yi bai er shi ren, zhe bu cheng li gong si le. |
| [04:41.23] | feng: ai, yue jing jian ren yue duo |
| [04:42.64] | niu: dou shi la zhe guan xi zou hou men lai de. lai le hai jiu de dang gan bu. ni shuo zhe bu, guan jian wo men zhe shi ge ye wu xing hen qiang de dan wei.. ta bu shi shuo shi ge ren jiu neng tou. ta men bu hui tou de ling dao wo men zhei xie hui tou de, ken ding a, wai hang ling dao nei hang, mei you yi ge bu chu shi er de, ni shuo zhe ren er bu xing ba, ren jia shang tou shuo xing, ni shuo zhe ren xing ba, ren jia shang tou shuo bu xing: ni zhe qi hai sheng bu liao. wo men na er liu chuan yi fu dui lian, tai shuo ming wen ti le. |
| [05:02.25] | feng: shen me dui lian? |
| [05:03.71] | niu: shang lian shi, shuo ni xing, ni jiu xing, bu xing ye xing |
| [05:07.80] | feng: xia lian. |
| [05:08.74] | niu: shuo bu xing, jiu bu xing, xing ye bu xing. |
| [05:11.15] | feng: heng pi |
| [05:11.96] | niu: bu fu bu xing |
| [05:12.86] | feng: zhe hai shi yi dai you wen hua de xiao tou. |
| [05:20.65] | niu: zui tao yan de shi ta cheng li yi ge ban zi, ta jiu de xia da duo shao qian de ying zhi biao. |
| [05:24.85] | feng: na jiu tou qu ba. |
| [05:25.60] | niu: ni zui jin shi bu tou le |
| [05:28.85] | feng: ni zhe |
| [05:30.05] | niu: wen ti shi tou dian qian tai nan le, ni shuo, xiang tou da jian ba wo men ren shou shao, tou xiao jian bu zhi dang de. tou le cun zhe bu gan qu. xiang tou xian jin you pa diao. wo men zhe gong zuo yi tian lei lei ba ba tou bu liao ji wan kuai qian. |
| [05:39.87] | feng: na jiu jin tou a |
| [05:41.71] | niu: ta shi jin tou bu gou luan hua de ya |
| [05:43.76] | feng: zhi yu ma? |
| [05:44.62] | niu: wo gei ni suan suan a, wo men yi bai duo ge ren, chi he la sa shui xing zuo wo zou, zhe de hua qian ba? |
| [05:49.01] | feng: de hua |
| [05:49.72] | niu: mei wan mei liao di dao lv you dian shang xue xi kai hui, zhe de hua qian ba? zhe hai bu suan, ling dao gan bu hai yao chu guo kao cha! ni shuo ni yi ge xiao tou gong si ni chu guo kao cha shen me ya? shuo shi xue xi wai guo xian jin de tou dao ji shu! |
| [06:04.33] | feng: zhe ye shi wei le chong chu ya zhou, tou xiang shi jie ba. |
| [06:11.17] | niu: zhe de yong wai hui, zhe de yong duo shao wai hui ya |
| [06:13.56] | feng: hua xiao shi da |
| [06:15.96] | niu: ni shuo shi mo |
| [06:16.65] | feng: hua xiao tai da la |
| [06:20.96] | niu: li jie wan sui! zui bu neng rang ren rong ren de shi kan jian qi ta gong si zai dian shi shang zuo guang gao, wo men gong si ye yao zuo guang gao! |
| [06:33.21] | feng: ni men gong si ye yao zuo guang gao? |
| [06:34.38] | niu: guang gao ci er dou xie hao le. |
| [06:35.42] | feng: shen me ci er ya? |
| [06:36.17] | niu:" peng you, ni xiang xun su fa cai zhi fu ma? qing can jia xiao tou gong si, ta ke yi shi nin yi ye zhi jian yao chan wan guan. ben gong si de lian xi ren |
| [06:45.74] | feng: shui ya? |
| [06:46.30] | niu: bu yi wai zhuan. |
| [06:47.10] | feng: dian hua hao ma? |
| [06:47.90] | niu: zan shi bao mi. |
| [06:48.86] | feng: dian bao gua hao? |
| [06:49.70] | niu: wu ke feng gao. |
| [06:50.55] | feng: dan wei di zhi? |
| [06:51.36] | niu: da yi qiang huan yi ge di fang. |
| [06:52.96] | feng: na wang na zhao qu a |
| [06:59.46] | niu: ni shi mei fa zhao, jing cha ke du le wo men hao ji hui. wo yi kan shi er bu hao, gan jin da yi bao gao: jian yu feng sheng tai jin, jian yi gong si quan ti ren yuan li ji zhuan yi! dang fou, qing pi shi! |
| [07:12.35] | feng: di shang qu le? |
| [07:13.16] | niu: jiao gei fu zu zhang le. fu zu zhang yi kan, xian hua le ge yuan quan er. |
| [07:17.60] | feng: hua quan er? |
| [07:18.15] | niu: zhe jiao quan yue. yi si shi ji ben tong yi. |
| [07:21.19] | feng: zhe jiu pai ban le |
| [07:22.69] | niu: qing zu zhang zhuo ding. |
| [07:24.74] | feng: zhe hai shi zu zhang guan de shi er |
| [07:25.59] | niu: zu zhang yi kan, you hua le ge quan er, qing fu ke zhang zhuo ding! fu ke zhang zai hua le ge quan er, qing ke zhang zhuo ding. ke zhang zai hua le ge quan er, qing fu jing li zhuo ding, fu jing li zai hua le ge quan er. |
| [07:38.14] | feng: zhe wu ge quan er le |
| [07:39.39] | niu: qing zong jing li zhuo ding. yao shuo ban shi xiao lv hai de shuo wo men zong jing li. na guo lai zhe me yi kan, wu ge quan er, ming bai le. ti qi bi lai, shua shua di pi le ji ge zi. |
| [07:47.43] | feng: zen me pi de? |
| [07:47.83] | niu: tong yi! dao ao yun hui qu tou! |
| [07:52.22] | feng: na shi ao yun hui ma? |
| [07:55.29] | niu: gang xie dao zhe er, jing cha ba wo men quan du zai wu li tou le. dang wo dai shang bing liang de shou kao, wan le, yi qie quan wan le. wo jue wang le, wo shi yue shi jue wang yue hui hen, yue hui hen yue wei qu, yue wei qu yue nao huo. wo shi nu cong xin tou qi, e xiang dan bian sheng. wo de dong xi wo de bao gao, ni, min jing tong zhi, guan liao zhu yi hai si ren a! |
| [00:00.61] | biǎo yǎn zhě: niú qún féng gǒng |
| [00:02.71] | niú: a, féng gǒng |
| [00:04.37] | féng: méi cuò |
| [00:06.21] | niú: wǒ shuō, wǒ zhēn xiàn mù nín de gōng zuò. |
| [00:08.31] | féng: shì ma |
| [00:09.35] | niú: xiàng sheng yǎn yuán |
| [00:10.35] | féng: duì duì |
| [00:11.15] | niú: guāng dòng zuǐ bù dòng shǒu, shuō wán xiàng sheng shēn shàng yì diǎn shāng dōu méi yǒu |
| [00:15.16] | féng: nǐ dǎ suàn ràng wǒ men shuō wán xiàng sheng jiù jiàn xuè shì ba? |
| [00:19.20] | niú: wǒ de gōng zuò méi fǎ gēn nǐ nín xiāng bǐ. |
| [00:20.97] | féng: zěn me ne? |
| [00:22.02] | niú: wǒ men sān tiān liǎng tóu ràng rén dǎ dé bí qīng liǎn zhǒng de |
| [00:25.46] | féng: ó, nǐ shì quán jī yùn dòng yuán. |
| [00:27.54] | niú: lǎo dé wán mìng ya. |
| [00:28.83] | féng: zhè xiàng yùn dòng a, duì kàng xìng shì qiáng. |
| [00:30.82] | niú: fēng xiǎn tài dà. |
| [00:31.88] | féng: nà cái jiàn jīng shén nǎ! |
| [00:33.10] | niú: tí xīn diào dǎn. |
| [00:34.20] | féng: xí guàn le jiù hǎo. |
| [00:35.24] | niú: shēng pà rén dǎi zhe. |
| [00:36.30] | féng: nǐ duǒ dé kuài diǎn r. |
| [00:37.91] | niú: ràng rén dǎi zhe jiù wǎng sǐ lǐ dǎ ya. |
| [00:39.56] | féng: nà duì fāng jiù fàn guī le. |
| [00:40.87] | niú: āi yōu, tā guǎn nǐ nà gè. jiù xiàn zài zhè rén, dǎi lǐ jiù bù ràng rén, shàng huí 6 gè xiǎo huǒ zi bǎ wǒ diào qǐ lái dǎ, yī biān dǎ zuǐ lǐ hái mà mà liē liē de. |
| [00:47.94] | féng: zěn me mà de? |
| [00:48.39] | niú: ràng nǐ xiǎo zi tōu qián bāo ér! |
| [00:55.13] | féng: nǐ shì xiǎo tōu ya? |
| [00:58.19] | niú: nǐ kàn nǐ zhè me yǒu wén huà de rén shuō chū huà lái zhè me nán tīng, shén me jiào xiǎo tōu ya? |
| [01:02.25] | féng: nà yīng gāi jiào nǐ |
| [01:03.15] | niú: tāo bāo ér de! |
| [01:05.50] | féng: zhè bù yí yàng ma zhè gè? |
| [01:06.69] | niú: wèi le tōu zhè diǎn dōng xī, wǒ zhēn shì gòu le. zhěng tiān shì zhàn zhàn jīng jīng, tōu tōu mō mō wō wō nāng nāng tōu tōu suō suō. huó dé yì diǎn dōu bù xiāo sǎ. zhè shì rén guò de rì zi ma, wǒ zǎo jiù gòu le, wǒ zěn me dāng shàng xiǎo tōu ne? |
| [01:22.62] | féng: rèn shi le jiù hǎo |
| [01:23.66] | niú: hái bù rú lán lù qiǎng jié ne? lán lù qiǎng jié zhuā zhe jiù bì, wǒ shěng de zhè me huó shòu zuì. |
| [01:33.18] | féng: péng yǒu, zhǐ yào nǐ xià dìng jué xīn gǎi zhèng, wǒ huì quán lì dì bāng zhù nǐ. |
| [01:38.18] | niú: yǒu zhè jù huà quán qí le, wǒ gǎn xiè nǐ. |
| [01:40.93] | féng: bù yòng. |
| [01:41.69] | niú: kě yào ràng wǒ chè dǐ xǐ shǒu bù gàn, tā men yě bú huì ráo le wǒ de. |
| [01:46.14] | féng: nǐ cān jiā liú máng tuán huǒ le? |
| [01:49.43] | niú: shuí cān jiā liú máng tuán huǒ le? |
| [01:51.33] | féng: nà nǐ cān jiā de shì |
| [01:52.36] | niú: wǒ cān jiā de nà jiào xiǎo tōu gōng sī |
| [01:55.06] | féng: xiǎo tōu gōng sī? |
| [01:57.71] | |
| [02:03.25] | féng: zěn yǒu zhè me yí gè gōng sī |
| [02:04.34] | niú: xiàn zài jiào gōng sī bú shì shí máo ma |
| [02:06.75] | féng: nǐ men gōng sī yǒu duō shǎo rén ya? |
| [02:08.08] | niú: yī bǎi duō rén. |
| [02:09.04] | féng: yī bǎi duō xiǎo tōu? |
| [02:10.04] | niú: bù, bù quán shì xiǎo tōu, zhēn zhèng jiān chí zài dì yī xiàn gōng zuò de jiù wǒ men liǎ rén ér. |
| [02:15.12] | féng: nà qí tā rén ne? |
| [02:16.52] | niú: dōu shì lǐng dǎo gàn bù, |
| [02:19.96] | féng: nǐ men xiǎo tōu gōng sī hái yǒu lǐng dǎo gàn bù? |
| [02:21.81] | niú: nǐ shuō de," huǒ chē pǎo dé kuài, rén píng chē tóu dài. gàn bù dài le tóu, xiǎo tōu yǒu jìn tóu, xiǎo tōu méi lǐng dǎo, kěn dìng tōu bù hǎo, bú shì tōu bù liǎo, jiù shì pǎo bù liǎo." |
| [02:35.47] | féng: hē, nǐ gěi wǒ shuō shuō, nǐ men nà dōu yǒu shén me gàn bù ya? |
| [02:39.43] | niú: nà duō le, yǒu yí gè zǒng jīng lǐ, yǒu sì shí bā gè fù jīng lǐ. |
| [02:43.32] | féng: sì shí bā gè fù jīng lǐ? |
| [02:44.86] | niú: gè guǎn yī tān ya. |
| [02:45.91] | féng: dōu guǎn shén me ya? |
| [02:46.77] | niú: yǒu guǎn xíng zhèng de, yǒu guǎn yè wù de, yǒu guǎn zǔ zhī de, yǒu guǎn xuān chuán de, yǒu guǎn hòu qín de, yǒu guǎn jì huà shēng yù de |
| [02:53.56] | féng: děng huì děng huì, zhè xiǎo tōu gōng sī hái jì huà shēng yù ya? |
| [02:58.27] | niú: nǐ zhè shuō de, quán guó yī pán qí, wǒ men xiǎo tōu yě bù néng lì wài ya. yào bù rén jiā dōu jì huà shēng yù, wǒ men xiǎo tōu suí biàn shēng, dà tōu shēng xiǎo tōu, xiǎo tōu shēng yòu tōu, xiǎo tōu yuè shēng yuè duō, hǎo rén yuè lái yuè shǎo, wǒ men tōu shuí qù ya? |
| [03:08.83] | féng: hé zhe nǐ men yě shì wèi le bǎo chí shēng tài píng héng. |
| [03:17.30] | niú: āi, gōng sī xià shǔ, gè gè kē shì ya, nà fēn gōng jiù gèng xì le. |
| [03:21.71] | féng: dōu yǒu shén me fēn gōng a? |
| [03:22.67] | niú: nǐ jiù ná zhè gè bǎo wèi kē lái shuō ba...... |
| [03:24.62] | féng: bù, nǐ děng huì ér, nǐ men xiǎo tōu gōng sī yào bǎo wèi kē gàn ma? |
| [03:29.22] | niú: āi yōu, tài bì yào le, gōng sī yī bǎi duō xiǎo tōu ér jù zài yí kuài ér, yào méi yǒu gè bǎo wèi kē, nà gōng sī yǒu diǎn shén me dōng xī bù zhuǎn yǎn ér jiù méi ya? ǎn men gōng sī zéi fā yī jiǔ bā bā nián jiǔ hào wén jiàn míng què zhǐ chū: yuè shì zéi wō yuè yào jiā qiáng fáng dào gōng zuò! |
| [03:48.13] | féng: zhè shǔ yú jiā zéi nán fáng ya |
| [03:50.07] | niú: zhèi xiē dōu shì cháng shè jī gòu, gǎn shàng yǒu gè zhōng xīn rèn wù ne, wǒ men hái yào zēng shè hěn duō lín shí jī gòu. |
| [03:55.66] | féng: dōu yǒu shén me lín shí jī gòu ya? |
| [03:56.47] | niú: nà duō le, nǐ dào le chūn jié nǐ dé chéng lì dé chūn dào bàn ba |
| [04:02.00] | féng: chūn dào bàn? |
| [04:03.32] | niú: chūn jié qī jiān tū jī dào qiè bàn gōng shì, chūn dào bàn |
| [04:07.34] | féng: nà sān bā fù nǚ jié ne? |
| [04:09.21] | niú: chéng lì nǚ dào bàn. |
| [04:10.11] | féng: wǔ sì qīng nián jié? |
| [04:10.70] | niú: qīng dào bàn! |
| [04:11.20] | féng: liù yī ér tóng jié? |
| [04:11.85] | niú: ér dào bàn! |
| [04:14.06] | féng: shén me jié rì dōu bù là |
| [04:15.22] | niú: nǐ béng shuō féng nián guò jié le, jiù lián yǔ zhòu fēi chuán qián xiē rì zi shàng yuè qiú, wǒ men hái chéng lì yuè dào bàn ne |
| [04:20.62] | féng: āi chéng lì nà gè |
| [04:21.88] | niú: āi, zhè dōu shì qī shè jī gòu, bù bàn shí shì |
| [04:24.63] | féng: nǐ yào zhèi xiē jī gòu gàn shà ya |
| [04:26.19] | niú: shuí shuō bú shì ne, wǒ men zhè jiù zhè tè diǎn ne, yuán lái dǎ tóu hǎo jǐ nián jiù shuō shì rén fú yú shì, jiù yào jīng jiǎn, yuán lái ne wǒ men zhǐ yǒu èr shí duō rén, tóu yī huí jīng jiǎn wán le biàn sì shí duō rén le, dì èr huí jīng jiǎn bā shí duō rén, dì sān huí jīng jiǎn yī bǎi èr shí rén, zhè bù chéng lì gōng sī le. |
| [04:41.23] | féng: āi, yuè jīng jiǎn rén yuè duō |
| [04:42.64] | niú: dōu shì lā zhe guān xì zǒu hòu mén lái de. lái le hái jiù dé dàng gàn bù. nǐ shuō zhè bù, guān jiàn wǒ men zhè shì gè yè wù xìng hěn qiáng de dān wèi.. tā bú shì shuō shì gè rén jiù néng tōu. tā men bú huì tōu de lǐng dǎo wǒ men zhèi xiē huì tōu dé, kěn dìng a, wài háng lǐng dǎo nèi háng, méi yǒu yí gè bù chū shì ér de, nǐ shuō zhè rén ér bù xíng ba, rén jiā shàng tou shuō xíng, nǐ shuō zhè rén xíng ba, rén jiā shàng tou shuō bù xíng: nǐ zhè qì hái shēng bù liǎo. wǒ men nà ér liú chuán yī fú duì lián, tài shuō míng wèn tí le. |
| [05:02.25] | féng: shén me duì lián? |
| [05:03.71] | niú: shàng lián shì, shuō nǐ xíng, nǐ jiù xíng, bù xíng yě xíng |
| [05:07.80] | féng: xià lián. |
| [05:08.74] | niú: shuō bù xíng, jiù bù xíng, xíng yě bù xíng. |
| [05:11.15] | féng: héng pī |
| [05:11.96] | niú: bù fú bù xíng |
| [05:12.86] | féng: zhè hái shì yī dài yǒu wén huà de xiǎo tōu. |
| [05:20.65] | niú: zuì tǎo yàn de shì tā chéng lì yí gè bān zi, tā jiù dé xià dá duō shǎo qián de yìng zhǐ biāo. |
| [05:24.85] | féng: nà jiù tōu qù ba. |
| [05:25.60] | niú: nǐ zuì jìn shì bù tōu le |
| [05:28.85] | féng: nǐ zhè |
| [05:30.05] | niú: wèn tí shì tōu diǎn qián tài nán le, nǐ shuō, xiǎng tōu dà jiàn ba wǒ men rén shǒu shǎo, tōu xiǎo jiàn bù zhí dàng de. tōu le cún zhé bù gǎn qǔ. xiǎng tōu xiàn jīn yòu pà diào. wǒ men zhè gōng zuò yì tiān lěi lěi bā bā tōu bù liǎo jǐ wàn kuài qián. |
| [05:39.87] | féng: nà jiù jǐn tōu a |
| [05:41.71] | niú: tā shì jǐn tōu bù gòu luàn huā de ya |
| [05:43.76] | féng: zhì yú ma? |
| [05:44.62] | niú: wǒ gěi nǐ suàn suàn a, wǒ men yī bǎi duō gè rén, chī hē lā sā shuì xíng zuò wò zǒu, zhè dé huā qián ba? |
| [05:49.01] | féng: dé huā |
| [05:49.72] | niú: méi wán méi liǎo dì dào lǚ yóu diǎn shàng xué xí kāi huì, zhè dé huā qián ba? zhè hái bù suàn, lǐng dǎo gàn bù hái yào chū guó kǎo chá! nǐ shuō nǐ yí gè xiǎo tōu gōng sī nǐ chū guó kǎo chá shén me ya? shuō shì xué xí wài guó xiān jìn de tōu dào jì shù! |
| [06:04.33] | féng: zhè yě shì wèi le chōng chū yà zhōu, tōu xiàng shì jiè ba. |
| [06:11.17] | niú: zhè de yòng wài huì, zhè de yòng duō shǎo wài huì ya |
| [06:13.56] | féng: huā xiāo shì dà |
| [06:15.96] | niú: nǐ shuō shí mǒ |
| [06:16.65] | féng: huā xiāo tài dà la |
| [06:20.96] | niú: lǐ jiě wàn suì! zuì bù néng ràng rén róng rěn de shì kàn jiàn qí tā gōng sī zài diàn shì shàng zuò guǎng gào, wǒ men gōng sī yě yào zuò guǎng gào! |
| [06:33.21] | féng: nǐ men gōng sī yě yào zuò guǎng gào? |
| [06:34.38] | niú: guǎng gào cí ér dōu xiě hǎo le. |
| [06:35.42] | féng: shén me cí ér ya? |
| [06:36.17] | niú:" péng yǒu, nǐ xiǎng xùn sù fā cái zhì fù ma? qǐng cān jiā xiǎo tōu gōng sī, tā kě yǐ shǐ nín yī yè zhī jiān yāo chán wàn guàn. běn gōng sī de lián xì rén |
| [06:45.74] | féng: shuí ya? |
| [06:46.30] | niú: bù yí wài zhuàn. |
| [06:47.10] | féng: diàn huà hào mǎ? |
| [06:47.90] | niú: zàn shí bǎo mì. |
| [06:48.86] | féng: diàn bào guà hào? |
| [06:49.70] | niú: wú kě fèng gào. |
| [06:50.55] | féng: dān wèi dì zhǐ? |
| [06:51.36] | niú: dǎ yī qiāng huàn yí gè dì fāng. |
| [06:52.96] | féng: nà wǎng nǎ zhǎo qù a |
| [06:59.46] | niú: nǐ shì méi fǎ zhǎo, jǐng chá kě dǔ le wǒ men hǎo jǐ huí. wǒ yī kàn shì ér bù hǎo, gǎn jǐn dǎ yī bào gào: jiàn yú fēng shēng tài jǐn, jiàn yì gōng sī quán tǐ rén yuán lì jí zhuǎn yí! dāng fǒu, qǐng pī shì! |
| [07:12.35] | féng: dì shǎng qù le? |
| [07:13.16] | niú: jiāo gěi fù zǔ zhǎng le. fù zǔ zhǎng yī kàn, xiān huà le gè yuán quān ér. |
| [07:17.60] | féng: huà quān ér? |
| [07:18.15] | niú: zhè jiào quān yuè. yì sī shì jī běn tóng yì. |
| [07:21.19] | féng: zhè jiù pāi bǎn le |
| [07:22.69] | niú: qǐng zǔ zhǎng zhuó dìng. |
| [07:24.74] | féng: zhè hái shì zǔ zhǎng guǎn de shì ér |
| [07:25.59] | niú: zǔ zhǎng yī kàn, yòu huà le gè quān ér, qǐng fù kē zhǎng zhuó dìng! fù kē zhǎng zài huà le gè quān ér, qǐng kē zhǎng zhuó dìng. kē zhǎng zài huà le gè quān ér, qǐng fù jīng lǐ zhuó dìng, fù jīng lǐ zài huà le gè quān ér. |
| [07:38.14] | féng: zhè wǔ gè quān ér le |
| [07:39.39] | niú: qǐng zǒng jīng lǐ zhuó dìng. yào shuō bàn shì xiào lǜ hái dé shuō wǒ men zǒng jīng lǐ. ná guò lái zhè me yī kàn, wǔ gè quān ér, míng bái le. tí qǐ bǐ lái, shuā shuā dì pī le jǐ gè zì. |
| [07:47.43] | féng: zěn me pī de? |
| [07:47.83] | niú: tóng yì! dào ào yùn huì qù tōu! |
| [07:52.22] | féng: nà shi ào yùn huì ma? |
| [07:55.29] | niú: gāng xiě dào zhè ér, jǐng chá bǎ wǒ men quán dǔ zài wū lǐ tou le. dāng wǒ dài shang bīng liáng de shǒu kào, wán le, yī qiè quán wán le. wǒ jué wàng le, wǒ shì yuè shì jué wàng yuè huǐ hèn, yuè huǐ hèn yuè wěi qū, yuè wěi qū yuè nǎo huǒ. wǒ shì nù cóng xīn tóu qǐ, è xiàng dǎn biān shēng. wǒ de dōng xī wǒ de bào gào, nǐ, mín jǐng tóng zhì, guān liáo zhǔ yì hài sǐ rén a! |
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