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[Intro: Bo] |
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Thank you so much, I think that I probably should've, uh, ended it on a higher note |
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A big ending or whatever, but, uh...it's been "what.", I hope you enjoyed it- |
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[Popular Girl] |
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Bo, oh my god |
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How are you? I haven't seen you since, like, Freshman year, oh my God! |
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You were so, like, skinny and weird back then, um... |
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But now you're, um... |
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Anyway, um, you should totally come to this party I'm having tonight with a bunch of my college friends |
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Um, it's gonna be off the chain-hook, it's gonna be so good |
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You can play some songs for us or something |
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Um, I've been telling everybody how good of friends we were, um, back in the day |
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Um, I know we never talked or hung out ever, but um... |
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I think that's what made our friendship so special, and, um... |
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Anyway, text me! Okay, bye |
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[Agent] |
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Mister Burnham |
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How ya doin', good? Good |
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Uh, I'm a, uh, I'm an agent from out in Los Angeles |
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Uh, really dig your stuff man, it's out there, you know, I totally get it |
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Uh, and the best part about it, man, you've got all these young fans, uh, and |
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Which is great, because young people, they're... |
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They're very passionate, and they're very, uh, they're very reliable consumers |
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But what you've gotta do to take your career to the next level? |
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You've gotta cater more heavily to them, alright? |
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We've done studies, young people do not respond to this... |
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You know, "introspective" material, or these "challenges-to-the-form", you know... |
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Young people want jokes they can relate to, okay? |
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So...write a...write a silly song about Facebook, you know? |
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Write some jokes about Twitter, or...or sugary cereals, or...razor scooters |
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Relate to them! |
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You know, also, you've gotta reestablish your presence on the internet, buddy |
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Alright, it's not important whether your material's "good" or not |
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What's important is that you keep the Bo Burnham brand alive and well |
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Ya get it? |
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But we'll discuss more later, I know it's a lot |
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Uhh, my number is, uh, 310-555-...uhh, [mumbling] "imaginary number" |
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[Jock Boy] |
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Fag! |
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What up, dude, what's up, how are ya man? |
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You've changed, bro. You've changed |
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I never knew you, but, um |
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My friend's old roommate's friend said he knew you in high school and you became a real asshole once all this "comedy" stuff started happening |
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What, what is it man? You think you're better than us? |
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You think you're better than us just cause you're tall? |
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Whoa, congrats man, you're tall! |
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Wow, it's incredible! What, you want a trophy for being tall? |
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You wanna...we should just give trophies to tall things |
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And every tree and building will have a trophy |
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That make sense? |
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Yo, why you acting all quiet and weird right now? |
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Yo I know why you are, it's cause you're an arrogant prick, that's why |
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An arrogant fuckin' prick |
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I once heard that you actually act quiet cause you're shy and introverted in real life |
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And that people shouldn't expect you to act the same way offstage as you do onstage [laughs] |
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Yeah...yeah, it makes no sense |
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Anyway, you wanna buy some weed? |
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[All Three] |
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Bo, oh my god! |
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Bo, oh my god! |
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Bo |
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Bo |
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Bo |
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Bo |
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Bo, Bo, Bo, Bo |
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Bo, oh my god! |
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Mister Burnham |
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Bo, Bo (Fag!) |
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Bo, oh my god! |
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Mister Burnham |
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Bo, Bo (Fag!) |
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Bo, oh my god! |
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Mister Burnham |
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Bo, Bo (Fag!) |
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Bo, oh my god! |
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Mister Burnham |
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Bo, Bo (Fag!) |
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Bo, oh my god! |
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Mister (Fag!) |
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Mister, Mister (Fag!) |
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Bo, oh my god! |
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Mister (Fag!) |
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Mister, Mister (Fag!) |
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Bo (Fag!), oh my god! (Fag!) |
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Mi-mi- (Fag!) mi-mi- (Fag!) |
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Mister Burnham |
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Bo (Fag!), oh my god! (Fag) |
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Mi-mi- (Fag!) mi-mi- (Fag!) |
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Mi-mi- (Fag!) mi-mi- (Fag!) |
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Mi-mi- (Fag!) mi-mi- (Fag!) |
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I am Satan, Lord of Darkness! |
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Bo (Fag!), oh my god! (Fag!) |
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Mister Burnham (Fag!) |
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Bo, Bo (Fag!) |
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Bo (Fag!), oh my God! |
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[crickets] |
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Fag! |
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Bo (Fag!), oh my god! (Fag!) |
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Mister Burnham (Fag!) |
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Bo, Bo (Fag!) |
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Bo (Fag!), oh my god! (Fag!) |
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Mister Burnham (Fag!) |
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Bo, Bo (Fag!) |
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Uh, uh! |
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Hey! |
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Uh, uh! |
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Hey! |
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...what the Hell? |
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Uh, uh! |
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Hey! |
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Uh, uh! |
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Hey! |
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You're not gonna hit the girl? That's sexist! |
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Fa-fa-f-f-f-f-fa-fag! |
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Mister, m-m-m-m-mister |
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Bo-Bo! |
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We think you've changed, bro |
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We know best |
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You suck! |
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We think you've changed, bro |
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We know best |
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You suck! |
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We think |
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We know |
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You |
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[x35] |
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Mister |
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Mister |
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Mister |
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Mister |
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Bo, oh my God |
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Bo, oh my God |
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[heavily AutoTuned] |
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Bo, oh my God |
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Bo, oh my God |
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Bo, oh my God (fag, fag) |
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Bo (fag, fag), oh my God (fag, fag) |
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Bo (fag, fag), oh my God (fag, fag) |
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Fag (Bo! Bo!) |
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Fag (Bo! Bo!) |
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Fag (Bo! Bo!) |
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[mixture of all the noises up until now] |
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Mister Burnham |
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[huge applause and cheering] |
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Thank you Madison, goodnight, thank you, I hope you liked it, thank you |
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Thank you for being a part of this, thank you |