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I was riding on the Mayflower |
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When I thought I spied some land |
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I yelled for Captain Arab |
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I have yuh understand |
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Who came running to the deck |
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Said, "Boys, forget the whale |
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Look on over yonder |
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Cut the engines |
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Change the sail |
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Haul on the bowline" |
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We sang that melody |
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Like all tough sailors do |
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When they are far away at sea |
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"I think I'll call it America" |
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I said as we hit land |
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I took a deep breath |
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I fell down, I could not stand |
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Captain Arab he started |
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Writing up some deeds |
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He said, "Let's set up a fort |
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And start buying the place with beads" |
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Just then this cop comes down the street |
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Crazy as a loon |
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He throw us all in jail |
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For carryin' harpoons |
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Ah me I busted out |
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Don't even ask me how |
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I went to get some help |
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I walked by a Guernsey cow |
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Who directed me down |
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To the Bowery slums |
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Where people carried signs around |
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Saying, "Ban the bums" |
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I jumped right into line |
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Sayin', "I hope that I'm not late" |
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When I realized I hadn't eaten |
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For five days straight |
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I went into a restaurant |
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Lookin' for the cook |
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I told them I was the editor |
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Of a famous etiquette book |
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The waitress he was handsome |
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He wore a powder blue cape |
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I ordered some suzette, I said |
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"Could you please make that crepe" |
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Just then the whole kitchen exploded |
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From boilin' fat |
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Food was flying everywhere |
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And I left without my hat |
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Now, I didn't mean to be nosy |
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But I went into a bank |
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To get some bail for Arab |
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And all the boys back in the tank |
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They asked me for some collateral |
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And I pulled down my pants |
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They threw me in the alley |
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When up comes this girl from France |
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Who invited me to her house |
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I went, but she had a friend |
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Who knocked me out |
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And robbed my boots |
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And I was on the street again |
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Well, I rapped upon a house |
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With the U.S. flag upon display |
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I said, "Could you help me out |
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I got some friends down the way" |
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The man says, "Get out of here |
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I'll tear you limb from limb" |
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I said, "You know they refused Jesus, too" |
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He said, "You're not Him |
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Get out of here before I break your bones |
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I ain't your pop" |
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I decided to have him arrested |
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And I went looking for a cop |
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I ran right outside |
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And I hopped inside a cab |
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I went out the other door |
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This Englishman said, "Fab" |
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As he saw me leap a hot dog stand |
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And a chariot that stood |
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Parked across from a building |
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Advertising brotherhood |
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I ran right through the front door |
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Like a hobo sailor does |
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But it was just a funeral parlor |
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And the man asked me who I was |
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I repeated that my friends |
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Were all in jail, with a sigh |
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He gave me his card |
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He said, "Call me if they die" |
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I shook his hand and said goodbye |
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Ran out to the street |
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When a bowling ball came down the road |
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And knocked me off my feet |
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A pay phone was ringing |
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It just about blew my mind |
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When I picked it up and said hello |
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This foot came through the line |
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Well, by this time I was fed up |
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At tryin' to make a stab |
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At bringin' back any help |
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For my friends and Captain Arab |
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I decided to flip a coin |
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Like either heads or tails |
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Would let me know if I should go |
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Back to ship or back to jail |
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So I hocked my sailor suit |
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And I got a coin to flip |
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It came up tails |
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It rhymed with sails |
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So I made it back to the ship |
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Well, I got back and took |
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The parkin' ticket off the mast |
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I was ripping it to shreds |
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When this coastguard boat went past |
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They asked me my name |
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And I said, "Captain Kidd" |
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They believed me but |
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They wanted to know |
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What exactly that I did |
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I said for the Pope of Eruke |
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I was employed |
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They let me go right away |
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They were very paranoid |
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Well, the last I heard of Arab |
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He was stuck on a whale |
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That was married to the deputy |
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Sheriff of the jail |
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But the funniest thing was |
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When I was leavin' the bay |
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I saw three ships a-sailin' |
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They were all heading my way |
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I asked the captain what his name was |
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And how come he didn't drive a truck |
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He said his name was Columbus |
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I just said, "Good luck." |
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