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Zappa Frank |
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Broadway The Hard Way |
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Jesus Thinks You're A Jerk |
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There's an ugly little wasel 'bout three-foot nine |
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Face puffed up from cryin' 'n lyin' |
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'Cause her sweet little hubby's |
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Suckin' prong part time |
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(In the name of The Lord) |
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Get a clue, little shrew |
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Oh yeah, oh yeah |
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Jesus thinks you're a jerk |
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Did he really choose Tammy to do His Work? |
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Robertson says that he's The One |
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Oh sure he is, |
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if Armageddon |
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Is your idea of family fun, |
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An' he's got some planned for you! |
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(Now, tell me that ain't true) |
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Now, what if Jimbo's slightly gay, |
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Will Pat let Jimbo get away? |
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Everything we've heard him say |
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Indicated that Jim must pay, |
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(And it just might hurt a bit) |
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But keep that money rollin' in, |
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'Cause Pat and naughty Jimbo |
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Can't get enough of it |
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Perhaps it's their idea |
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Of an Affirmative Action Plan |
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To give White Trash a 'special break'; |
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Well, they took those Jeezo-bucks and ran |
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To the bank! To the bank! To the bank! To the bank! |
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And every night we can hear them thank |
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Their Buddy, up above |
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For sending down his love |
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(While you all smell the glove) |
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Jim and Pat should take a pole |
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(Right up each saintly glory-hole), |
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With tar and feathers too -- |
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Just like they'd love to do to you |
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('Cause they think you are bad -- |
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And they are very mad) |
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'Cause some folks don't want prayer in school! |
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(We'd need an ark to survive the drool |
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Of Micro-publicans, raised on hate, |
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And 'Jimbo-Jimbo' when they graduate) |
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Conviced they are 'The Chosen Ones' -- |
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And all their parents carry guns, |
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And hold them cards in the N.R.A. |
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(With their fingers on the triggers |
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When they kneel and pray) |
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With a Ku-Klux muu-muu |
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In the back of the truck, |
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If you ain't Born Again, |
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They wanna mess you up, screamin': |
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"No abortion, no-siree!" |
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"Life's too precious, can't you see!" |
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(What's that hangin' from the neighbor's tree? |
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Why, it looks like 'colored folks' to me -- |
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Would THEY do THAT...seriously?) |
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Imagine if you will |
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A multi-millionaire Television Evangelist, |
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Saved from Korean Combat duty by his father, a U.S. Senator |
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Studied Law -- |
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But is not qualified to practice it |
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Father of a "love child" |
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Who, in adulthood, hosts the remnants |
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Of papa's religious propaganda program |
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Claims not to be a "Faith Healer", |
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But has, in the past, |
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Dealt stearnly with everything from hemorrhoids to hurricanes |
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Involved with funding for a 'secret war' in Central America |
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Claiming Ronald Reagan and Oliver North as close friends |
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Involved in suspicous 'tax-avoidance schemes', |
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(Under investigation for 16 months by the I.R.S.) |
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Claims to be a MAN OF GOD; |
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Currenty seeking the United States Presidency, |
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Hoping we will all follow him into -- |
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The Twilight Zone |
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What if Pat gets in the White House, |
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And suddenly -- |
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The rights of 'certain people' disappear |
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Mysteriously? |
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Now, wouldn't that sort of qualify |
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As an American Tragedy? |
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(Especially if he covers it up, sayin' |
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"Jesus told it to me!") |
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I hope we never see that day, |
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In The Land of The Free -- |
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Or someday will we? |
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Will we? |
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And if you don't know by now, |
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The truth of what I'm tellin' you, |
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Then, surely I have failed somehow -- |
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And Jesus will think I'm a jerk, just like you -- |
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If you let those TV Preachers |
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Make a monkey out of you! |
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I said: |
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"Jesus will think you're a jerk" |
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And it will be true! |
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There's an old rugged cross |
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In the land of cutton -- |
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It's still burnin' on somebody's lawn |
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And it still smells rotten |
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Jim and Tammy! |
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Oh, baby! |
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You gotta go! |
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You really got to go! |
