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I starred in every high school play |
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Blew every drama teacher away |
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I graduated first in my class at Juilliard |
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Took every acting workshop I could |
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And I dreamed of Hollywood |
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While I read my Uta Hagen and studied the Bard |
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Hit the boards and paid my dues |
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And got phenomenal rave reviews |
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I knew the world was gonna love me, without a doubt |
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I was sure that Tarantino would be callin' me on the phone |
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Annie Leibovitz would shoot me for Rolling Stone |
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But the years have come and gone |
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And I'm sorry to say that's not the way that it's all worked out |
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I'm a tour guide on the Jungle Cruise ride |
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Skipper Dan is the name |
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And I'm doin' 34 shows every day |
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And every time it's the same |
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Look at those hippos, they're wigglin' their ears |
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Just like they've done for the last 50 years |
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Now I'm laughin' at my own jokes but I'm cryin' inside |
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Cause I'm workin' on the Jungle Cruise ride |
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Oh, the critics, they used to say |
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I was the new Olivier |
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Thought I'd be the toast of Sundance or maybe Cannes |
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Aw, but don't bother tryin' to IMDB me |
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The only place you might possibly see me |
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Is ridin' my little boat around Adventureland |
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It ain't exactly what I planned |
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But I'm a tour guide on the Jungle Cruise ride |
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Skipper Dan is the name |
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And I'm doin 34 shows every day |
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And every time it's the same |
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I would've killed if I'd been in "Speed The Plow" |
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But what's the difference, that's all behind me now |
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Cause I'm payin' the rent and I'm swallowin my pride |
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And I'm workin' on the Jungle Cruise ride |
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I should be there on Broadway |
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Knockin' 'em dead in "12 Angry Men" |
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But instead I'm here tellin' these lame jokes |
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Again and again and again and again and again and again and again |
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Bengal Tigers can jump over 20 feet! |
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That's an African bull elephant... |
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And there it is, the backside of water! |
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What have I done with my life?! |
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I shoulda listened when my grandfather said |
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"Why don't you major in business instead?" |
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Now my hopes have all vanished and my dreams have all died |
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And I'll probably work forever as a tour guide on the Jungle Cruise ride |
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Skipper Dan is the name |
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And I'm doin' 34 shows every day |
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And every time it's the same |
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Look at those hippos, they're wigglin their ears |
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Somebody shoot me cause I'm bored to tears |
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Always said I'd be famous... I guess that I lied |
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Cause I'm workin' on the Jungle Cruise ride |
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I'm still workin' on the Jungle Cruise ride |
