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Frank zappa (lead guitar, vocals) |
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Warren cucurullo (rhythm guitar, vocals) |
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Denny walley (slide guitar, vocals) |
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Ike willis (lead vocals) |
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Peter wolf (keyboards) |
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Tommy mars (keyboards) |
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Arthur barrow (bass, vocals) |
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Ed mann (percussion) |
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Vinnie colaiuta (drums) |
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Jeff (tenor saxophone) |
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Marginal chagrin (baritone saxophone) |
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Stumuk (bass saxophone) |
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Dale bozzio (vocals) |
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Al malkin (vocals) |
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Craig steward (harmonica) |
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A boring old garage in a residential area with a teen-age band rehearsing in it. joe (the main character in the central scrutinizer's special presentation) sings to us of the trials and tribulat |
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Of garage-band husbandry. |
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Central scrutinizer: |
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We take you now, to a garage, in canoga park. |
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Frank zappa: |
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(it makes it's own sauce...) |
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Joe: |
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It wasn't very large |
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There was just enough room to cram the drums |
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In the corner over by the dodge |
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It was a fifty-four |
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With a mashed up door |
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And a cheesy little amp |
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With a sign on the front said "fender champ" |
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And a second hand guitar |
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It was a stratocaster with a whammy bar |
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At this point, larry (a guy who will eventually give up music and earn a respectable living as a roadie for a group called toad-o) joins in the song... |
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Larry: |
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We could jam in joe's garage |
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His mama was screamin' |
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His dad was mad |
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We was playin' the same old song |
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In the afternoon 'n' sometimes we would |
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Play it all night long |
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It was all we knew, 'n' easy too |
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So we wouldn't get it wrong |
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All we did was bend the string like... |
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Hey! |
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Down in joe's garage |
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We didn't have no dope or lsd |
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But a coupla quartsa beer |
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Would fix it so the intonation |
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Would not offend yer ear |
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And the same old chords goin' over 'n' over |
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Became a symphony |
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We would play it again 'n' again 'n' again |
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'cause it sounded good to me |
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One more time! |
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We could jam in joe's garage |
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His mama was screamin', |
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"turn it down!" |
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We was playing' the same old song |
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In the afternoon 'n' sometimes we would |
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Play it all night long |
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It was all we knew, and easy too |
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So we wouldn't get it wrong |
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Even if you played it on a saxophone |
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We thought we was pretty good |
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We talked about keepin' the band together |
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'n' we figured that we should |
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'cause about this time we was gettin' the eye |
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From the girls in the neighborhood |
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They'd all come over 'n' dance around |
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Like... |
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Twenty teen-age girls dash |
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In and go stomp-clap, |
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Stomp-clap-clap... |
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So we picked out a stupid name |
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Had some cards printed up for a coupla bucks |
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'n' we was on our way to fame |
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Got matching suits 'n' beatle boots |
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'n' a sign on the back of the car |
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'n' we was ready to work in a go-go bar |
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One two three four |
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Let's see if you got some more! |
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People seemed to like our song |
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They got up 'n' danced 'n' made a lotta noise |
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An' it wasn't 'fore very long |
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A guy from a company we can't name |
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Said we oughta take his pen |
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'n' sign on the line for a real good time |
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But he didn't tell us when |
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These "good times" would be somethin' |
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That was really happenin' |
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So the band broke up |
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An' it looks like |
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We will never play again... |
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Joe: |
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Guess you only get one chance in life |
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To play a song that goes like... |
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(and, as the band plays their little song, |
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Mrs. borg (who keeps her son sy, |
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In the closet with the vacuum cleaner) |
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Screams out the window... |
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Mrs. borg: |
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Turn it down! |
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Turn it down! |
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I have children sleeping here... |
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Don't you boys know any nice songs? |
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Joe: |
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(speculating on the future) |
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Well the years was rollin' by, yeah |
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Heavy metal 'n' glitter rock |
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Had caught the public eye, yeah |
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Snotty boys with lipstick on |
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Was really flyin' high, yeah |
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'n' then they got that disco thing |
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'n' new wave came along |
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'n' all of a sudden i thought the time |
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Had come for that old song |
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We used to play in "joe's garage" |
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And if i am not wrong |
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You will soon be dancin' to... |
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Central scrutinizer: |
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The white zone is |
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For loading and |
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Unloading only. if you |
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Gotta load or unload, |
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Go to the white |
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Zone. you'll love it... |
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Joe: |
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Well the years was rollin' by (etc.)... |
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Mrs. borg: |
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I'm calling the police! |
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I did it! they'll be here...shortly! |
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Officer butzis: |
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This is the police... |
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Mrs. borg: |
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I'm not joking around anymore |
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Officer butzis: |
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We have the garage surrounded |
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If you give yourself up |
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We will not harm you |
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Or hurt you neither |
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Mrs. borg: |
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You'll see them |
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Officer butzis: |
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This is the police |
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Mrs. borg: |
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There they are, they're coming! |
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Officer butzis: |
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Give yourself up |
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We will not harm you |
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Mrs. borg: |
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Listen to that mess, would you? |
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Officer butzis: |
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This is the police |
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Give yourself up |
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We have the garage surrounded |
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Mrs. borg: |
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Everday this goes on around here! |
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Officer butzis: |
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We will not harm you, or maim you |
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(swat team 4, move in!) |
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Mrs. borg: |
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He used cut my grass... |
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He was very nice boy... |
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That's disgusting!! |
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Central scrutinizer: |
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This is the central scrutinizer... |
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That was joe's first confrontation with the law. |
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Naturally, we were easy on him. |
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One of our friendly counselors gave him |
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A do-nut...and told him to |
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Stick closer to church-oriented social activities. |
