| 甲 人都喜欢听相声。 | |
| 乙 哎。 | |
| 甲 因为相声能使人发笑。 | |
| 乙 对。 | |
| 甲 发笑就是让大家乐，并不是听完相声就起化学作用。 | |
| 乙 就是逗乐儿。 | |
| 甲 这对人有很大的好处。 | |
| 乙 这有什么好处？ | |
| 甲 能使人精神愉快，身体健康。 | |
| 乙 啊，听相声有这么大好处？ | |
| 甲 卫生家说过：人能每天大笑三次，生命就能延长；常常愁闷，容 易衰老，就能使生命缩短。 | |
| 乙 这我倒听说过。 | |
| 甲 医学家也有说法。 | |
| 乙 说什么？ | |
| 甲 说：人哪，最好是多听相声，少看病。 | |
| 乙 啊！听相声有什么好处呢？ | |
| 甲 哈哈一乐，可以清气上升，浊气下降，二气均分，食归大肠，水 归膀胱，消食化水，不生灾病。 | |
| 乙 有这么大好处？ | |
| 甲 这都说明：乐对人的好处。俗语有这么句话。 | |
| 乙 什么话？ | |
| 甲 “笑一笑，少一少。” | |
| 乙 嗯？ | |
| 甲 就是说：人一乐，年轻一点儿；一发愁，就能老一点儿。老发愁头发就能白了。要不怎么有那很年轻的人头发就白了，那是怎么回事？ | |
| 乙 那是少白头。 | |
| 甲 那是不常听相声。 | |
| 乙 啊！ | |
| 甲 所以说，“笑一笑，少一少；愁一愁，白了头”。 | |
| 乙 你这说法儿不对，我记得有这么句话：“笑一笑，十年少。” | |
| 甲 嗯？ | |
| 乙 人一笑，能年轻十岁。 | |
| 甲 噢，你这是定期的？我那是活期的。 | |
| 乙 干吗，存款哪？ | |
| 甲 你说，一乐就能年轻十岁？ | |
| 乙 啊！ | |
| 甲 比如：来个三十岁的人听相声，哈哈一乐，剩二十了。再一乐， 十岁了。你再说什么他也不敢乐了。 | |
| 乙 怎么？ | |
| 甲 再一乐，没啦！ | |
| 乙 没啦！挺大一个人能没了吗？ | |
| 甲 人不能没，岁数没啦，成初生小孩儿啦，来时骑车来的，走时让 保育员抱走啦。让你这么一说，哪个剧场也不能演相声，演完了 转业，剧场改托儿所。 | |
| 乙 啊！ | |
| 甲：乐对人身体健康有好处。可以治病 | |
| 乙：还能治病？ | |
| 甲：治病不是完全靠这医药和手术 | |
| 乙：都靠着什么呀？ | |
| 甲：治疗方法很多。 | |
| 乙：您介绍都有什么 | |
| 甲：就拿理疗来说吧 | |
| 乙：您说说 甲：有水疗，电疗，组织疗法，睡眠疗法，气功疗法，等等吧。将来可以发展相声疗法 | |
| 乙：相声也算一种疗法？ | |
| 甲：医院里内科外科妇产科小儿科，将来增加个相声科 | |
| 乙：相声也占一科 | |
| 甲：人数少啊，派出两个相声演员就行了 | |
| 乙：这不行，不行。您说每一个医院要派两个相声演员，我们这相声演员人太少，不够分配 | |
| 甲：那没关系。将来把医生和护士都组织起来 | |
| 乙：干嘛呀？ | |
| 甲：学相声！ | |
| 乙：让人家医生学相声 | |
| 甲：相声演员也学医，这样就结合起来了 | |
| 乙：那哪结合得了啊？相声演员学医，没有基础这可不行。 | |
| 甲：你说谁不行？ | |
| 乙：我就不行啊 | |
| 甲：有行的 | |
| 乙：谁行啊？ | |
| 甲：我 乙：你懂医学？ | |
| 甲：侯大夫嘛 | |
| 乙：说了半天话，我没注意这位是侯大夫啊 | |
| 甲：你到我们村打听，侯大夫，都知道 | |
| 乙：都了解你。您是内科还是外科呢 | |
| 甲：外科就好 | |
| 乙：外科那可不简单，外科医生那讲究动手术啊 | |
| 甲：开刀，拉啊，那咱行！你说你要是长个疖子，长个疮子。你，甭找别的大夫，找我就行了。 | |
| 乙：找你？ | |
| 甲：只要你豁得出去，我就敢干！ | |
| 乙：我不敢干！好嘛，我得豁出死去找你来治 哪有那么大危险呐？ 乙：你说让我豁得出去 | |
| 甲：你得豁得出去疼啊 乙：疼啊？那这样一说，你的医术还不太高明。人家那个大夫给患者做手术，讲究让患者不受痛苦，不知不觉 甲：你别害怕，我有把握，我平常用针管多。就这么长，就这么粗，装500瓦药水 乙：等会儿，这么长这么粗，里头装多少瓦 500 | |
| 乙：500瓦药水往人身上打？受得了嘛？ | |
| 甲：你说人呐？那你误会啦 | |
| 乙：你这是？ | |
| 甲：我是兽医 | |
| 乙：我不是 |
| jia ren dou xi huan ting xiang sheng. | |
| yi ai. | |
| jia yin wei xiang sheng neng shi ren fa xiao. | |
| yi dui. | |
| jia fa xiao jiu shi rang da jia le, bing bu shi ting wan xiang sheng jiu qi hua xue zuo yong. | |
| yi jiu shi dou le er. | |
| jia zhe dui ren you hen da de hao chu. | |
| yi zhe you shen me hao chu? | |
| jia neng shi ren jing shen yu kuai, shen ti jian kang. | |
| yi a, ting xiang sheng you zhe me da hao chu? | |
| jia wei sheng jia shuo guo: ren neng mei tian da xiao san ci, sheng ming jiu neng yan chang chang chang chou men, rong yi shuai lao, jiu neng shi sheng ming suo duan. | |
| yi zhe wo dao ting shuo guo. | |
| jia yi xue jia ye you shuo fa. | |
| yi shuo shi mo? | |
| jia shuo: ren na, zui hao shi duo ting xiang sheng, shao kan bing. | |
| yi a! ting xiang sheng you shen me hao chu ne? | |
| jia ha ha yi le, ke yi qing qi shang sheng, zhuo qi xia jiang, er qi jun fen, shi gui da chang, shui gui pang guang, xiao shi hua shui, bu sheng zai bing. | |
| yi you zhe me da hao chu? | |
| jia zhe dou shuo ming: le dui ren de hao chu. su yu you zhe me ju hua. | |
| yi shen me hua? | |
| jia " xiao yi xiao, shao yi shao." | |
| yi ? | |
| jia jiu shi shuo: ren yi le, nian qing yi dian er yi fa chou, jiu neng lao yi dian er. lao fa chou tou fa jiu neng bai le. yao bu zen me you na hen nian qing de ren tou fa jiu bai le, na shi zen me hui shi? | |
| yi na shi shao bai tou. | |
| jia na shi bu chang ting xiang sheng. | |
| yi a! | |
| jia suo yi shuo," xiao yi xiao, shao yi shao chou yi chou, bai le tou". | |
| yi ni zhe shuo fa er bu dui, wo ji de you zhe me ju hua:" xiao yi xiao, shi nian shao." | |
| jia ? | |
| yi ren yi xiao, neng nian qing shi sui. | |
| jia o, ni zhe shi ding qi de? wo na shi huo qi de. | |
| yi gan ma, cun kuan na? | |
| jia ni shuo, yi le jiu neng nian qing shi sui? | |
| yi a! | |
| jia bi ru: lai ge san shi sui de ren ting xiang sheng, ha ha yi le, sheng er shi le. zai yi le, shi sui le. ni zai shuo shi mo ta ye bu gan le le. | |
| yi zen me? | |
| jia zai yi le, mei la! | |
| yi mei la! ting da yi ge ren neng mei le ma? | |
| jia ren bu neng mei, sui shu mei la, cheng chu sheng xiao hai er la, lai shi qi che lai de, zou shi rang bao yu yuan bao zou la. rang ni zhe me yi shuo, nei ge ju chang ye bu neng yan xiang sheng, yan wan le zhuan ye, ju chang gai tuo er suo. | |
| yi a! | |
| jia: le dui ren shen ti jian kang you hao chu. ke yi zhi bing | |
| yi: hai neng zhi bing? | |
| jia: zhi bing bu shi wan quan kao zhe yi yao he shou shu | |
| yi: dou kao zhe shen me ya? | |
| jia: zhi liao fang fa hen duo. | |
| yi: nin jie shao dou you shen me | |
| jia: jiu na li liao lai shuo ba | |
| yi: nin shuo shuo jia: you shui liao, dian liao, zu zhi liao fa, shui mian liao fa, qi gong liao fa, deng deng ba. jiang lai ke yi fa zhan xiang sheng liao fa | |
| yi: xiang sheng ye suan yi zhong liao fa? | |
| jia: yi yuan li nei ke wai ke fu chan ke xiao er ke, jiang lai zeng jia ge xiang sheng ke | |
| yi: xiang sheng ye zhan yi ke | |
| jia: ren shu shao a, pai chu liang ge xiang sheng yan yuan jiu xing le | |
| yi: zhe bu xing, bu xing. nin shuo mei yi ge yi yuan yao pai liang ge xiang sheng yan yuan, wo men zhe xiang sheng yan yuan ren tai shao, bu gou fen pei | |
| jia: na mei guan xi. jiang lai ba yi sheng he hu shi dou zu zhi qi lai | |
| yi: gan ma ya? | |
| jia: xue xiang sheng! | |
| yi: rang ren jia yi sheng xue xiang sheng | |
| jia: xiang sheng yan yuan ye xue yi, zhe yang jiu jie he qi lai le | |
| yi: na na jie he de le a? xiang sheng yan yuan xue yi, mei you ji chu zhe ke bu xing. | |
| jia: ni shuo shui bu xing? | |
| yi: wo jiu bu xing a | |
| jia: you xing de | |
| yi: shui xing a? | |
| jia: wo yi: ni dong yi xue? | |
| jia: hou dai fu ma | |
| yi: shuo le ban tian hua, wo mei zhu yi zhe wei shi hou dai fu a | |
| jia: ni dao wo men cun da ting, hou dai fu, dou zhi dao | |
| yi: dou liao jie ni. nin shi nei ke hai shi wai ke ne | |
| jia: wai ke jiu hao | |
| yi: wai ke na ke bu jian dan, wai ke yi sheng na jiang jiu dong shou shu a | |
| jia: kai dao, la a, na zan xing! ni shuo ni yao shi zhang ge jie zi, zhang ge chuang zi. ni, beng zhao bie de dai fu, zhao wo jiu xing le. | |
| yi: zhao ni? | |
| jia: zhi yao ni huo de chu qu, wo jiu gan gan! | |
| yi: wo bu gan gan! hao ma, wo de huo chu si qu zhao ni lai zhi na you na me da wei xian na? yi: ni shuo rang wo huo de chu qu | |
| jia: ni de huo de chu qu teng a yi: teng a? na zhe yang yi shuo, ni de yi shu hai bu tai gao ming. ren jia na ge dai fu gei huan zhe zuo shou shu, jiang jiu rang huan zhe bu shou tong ku, bu zhi bu jue jia: ni bie hai pa, wo you ba wo, wo ping chang yong zhen guan duo. jiu zhe me zhang, jiu zhe me cu, zhuang 500 wa yao shui yi: deng hui er, zhe me zhang zhe me cu, li tou zhuang duo shao wa 500 | |
| yi: 500 wa yao shui wang ren shen shang da? shou de liao ma? | |
| jia: ni shuo ren na? na ni wu hui la | |
| yi: ni zhe shi? | |
| jia: wo shi shou yi | |
| yi: wo bu shi |
| jiǎ rén dōu xǐ huān tīng xiàng sheng. | |
| yǐ āi. | |
| jiǎ yīn wèi xiàng sheng néng shǐ rén fā xiào. | |
| yǐ duì. | |
| jiǎ fā xiào jiù shì ràng dà jiā lè, bìng bú shì tīng wán xiàng sheng jiù qǐ huà xué zuò yòng. | |
| yǐ jiù shì dòu lè ér. | |
| jiǎ zhè duì rén yǒu hěn dà de hǎo chù. | |
| yǐ zhè yǒu shén me hǎo chù? | |
| jiǎ néng shǐ rén jīng shén yú kuài, shēn tǐ jiàn kāng. | |
| yǐ a, tīng xiàng sheng yǒu zhè me dà hǎo chù? | |
| jiǎ wèi shēng jiā shuō guò: rén néng měi tiān dà xiào sān cì, shēng mìng jiù néng yán cháng cháng cháng chóu mèn, róng yì shuāi lǎo, jiù néng shǐ shēng mìng suō duǎn. | |
| yǐ zhè wǒ dào tīng shuō guò. | |
| jiǎ yī xué jiā yě yǒu shuō fǎ. | |
| yǐ shuō shí mǒ? | |
| jiǎ shuō: rén nǎ, zuì hǎo shì duō tīng xiàng sheng, shǎo kàn bìng. | |
| yǐ a! tīng xiàng sheng yǒu shén me hǎo chù ne? | |
| jiǎ hā hā yī lè, kě yǐ qīng qì shàng shēng, zhuó qì xià jiàng, èr qì jūn fēn, shí guī dà cháng, shuǐ guī páng guāng, xiāo shí huà shuǐ, bù shēng zāi bìng. | |
| yǐ yǒu zhè me dà hǎo chù? | |
| jiǎ zhè dōu shuō míng: lè duì rén de hǎo chù. sú yǔ yǒu zhè me jù huà. | |
| yǐ shén me huà? | |
| jiǎ " xiào yī xiào, shǎo yī shǎo." | |
| yǐ ? | |
| jiǎ jiù shì shuō: rén yī lè, nián qīng yì diǎn ér yī fà chóu, jiù néng lǎo yì diǎn ér. lǎo fā chóu tóu fà jiù néng bái le. yào bù zěn me yǒu nà hěn nián qīng de rén tóu fà jiù bái le, nà shi zěn me huí shì? | |
| yǐ nà shi shǎo bái tóu. | |
| jiǎ nà shi bù cháng tīng xiàng sheng. | |
| yǐ a! | |
| jiǎ suǒ yǐ shuō," xiào yī xiào, shǎo yī shǎo chóu yī chóu, bái le tóu". | |
| yǐ nǐ zhè shuō fǎ ér bú duì, wǒ jì de yǒu zhè me jù huà:" xiào yī xiào, shí nián shào." | |
| jiǎ ? | |
| yǐ rén yī xiào, néng nián qīng shí suì. | |
| jiǎ ō, nǐ zhè shì dìng qī de? wǒ nà shi huó qī de. | |
| yǐ gàn má, cún kuǎn nǎ? | |
| jiǎ nǐ shuō, yī lè jiù néng nián qīng shí suì? | |
| yǐ a! | |
| jiǎ bǐ rú: lái gè sān shí suì de rén tīng xiàng sheng, hā hā yī lè, shèng èr shí le. zài yī lè, shí suì le. nǐ zài shuō shí mǒ tā yě bù gǎn lè le. | |
| yǐ zěn me? | |
| jiǎ zài yī lè, méi la! | |
| yǐ méi la! tǐng dà yí ge rén néng méi le ma? | |
| jiǎ rén bù néng méi, suì shù méi la, chéng chū shēng xiǎo hái ér la, lái shí qí chē lái de, zǒu shí ràng bǎo yù yuán bào zǒu la. ràng nǐ zhè me yī shuō, něi gè jù chǎng yě bù néng yǎn xiàng sheng, yǎn wán le zhuǎn yè, jù chǎng gǎi tuō ér suǒ. | |
| yǐ a! | |
| jiǎ: lè duì rén shēn tǐ jiàn kāng yǒu hǎo chù. kě yǐ zhì bìng | |
| yǐ: hái néng zhì bìng? | |
| jiǎ: zhì bìng bú shì wán quán kào zhè yī yào hé shǒu shù | |
| yǐ: dōu kào zhe shén me ya? | |
| jiǎ: zhì liáo fāng fǎ hěn duō. | |
| yǐ: nín jiè shào dōu yǒu shén me | |
| jiǎ: jiù ná lǐ liáo lái shuō ba | |
| yǐ: nín shuō shuō jiǎ: yǒu shuǐ liáo, diàn liáo, zǔ zhī liáo fǎ, shuì mián liáo fǎ, qì gōng liáo fǎ, děng děng ba. jiāng lái kě yǐ fā zhǎn xiàng sheng liáo fǎ | |
| yǐ: xiàng sheng yě suàn yī zhǒng liáo fǎ? | |
| jiǎ: yī yuàn lǐ nèi kē wài kē fù chǎn kē xiǎo ér kē, jiāng lái zēng jiā gè xiàng sheng kē | |
| yǐ: xiàng sheng yě zhàn yī kē | |
| jiǎ: rén shù shǎo a, pài chū liǎng gè xiàng sheng yǎn yuán jiù xíng le | |
| yǐ: zhè bù xíng, bù xíng. nín shuō měi yí gè yī yuàn yào pài liǎng gè xiàng sheng yǎn yuán, wǒ men zhè xiàng sheng yǎn yuán rén tài shǎo, bù gòu fēn pèi | |
| jiǎ: nà méi guān xì. jiāng lái bǎ yī shēng hé hù shì dōu zǔ zhī qǐ lái | |
| yǐ: gàn ma ya? | |
| jiǎ: xué xiàng sheng! | |
| yǐ: ràng rén jiā yī shēng xué xiàng sheng | |
| jiǎ: xiàng sheng yǎn yuán yě xué yī, zhè yàng jiù jié hé qǐ lái le | |
| yǐ: nà nǎ jié hé dé le a? xiàng sheng yǎn yuán xué yī, méi yǒu jī chǔ zhè kě bù xíng. | |
| jiǎ: nǐ shuō shuí bù xíng? | |
| yǐ: wǒ jiù bù xíng a | |
| jiǎ: yǒu xíng de | |
| yǐ: shuí xíng a? | |
| jiǎ: wǒ yǐ: nǐ dǒng yī xué? | |
| jiǎ: hóu dài fū ma | |
| yǐ: shuō le bàn tiān huà, wǒ méi zhù yì zhè wèi shì hóu dài fū a | |
| jiǎ: nǐ dào wǒ men cūn dǎ tīng, hóu dài fū, dōu zhī dào | |
| yǐ: dōu liǎo jiě nǐ. nín shì nèi kē hái shì wài kē ne | |
| jiǎ: wài kē jiù hǎo | |
| yǐ: wài kē nà kě bù jiǎn dān, wài kē yī shēng nà jiǎng jiū dòng shǒu shù a | |
| jiǎ: kāi dāo, lā a, nà zán xíng! nǐ shuō nǐ yào shì zhǎng gè jiē zǐ, zhǎng gè chuāng zi. nǐ, béng zhǎo bié de dài fū, zhǎo wǒ jiù xíng le. | |
| yǐ: zhǎo nǐ? | |
| jiǎ: zhǐ yào nǐ huō dé chū qù, wǒ jiù gǎn gàn! | |
| yǐ: wǒ bù gǎn gàn! hǎo ma, wǒ dé huō chū sǐ qù zhǎo nǐ lái zhì nǎ yǒu nà me dà wēi xiǎn nà? yǐ: nǐ shuō ràng wǒ huō dé chū qù | |
| jiǎ: nǐ dé huō dé chū qù téng a yǐ: téng a? nà zhè yàng yī shuō, nǐ de yī shù hái bù tài gāo míng. rén jiā nà gè dài fū gěi huàn zhě zuò shǒu shù, jiǎng jiū ràng huàn zhě bù shòu tòng kǔ, bù zhī bù jué jiǎ: nǐ bié hài pà, wǒ yǒu bǎ wò, wǒ píng cháng yòng zhēn guǎn duō. jiù zhè me zhǎng, jiù zhè me cū, zhuāng 500 wǎ yào shuǐ yǐ: děng huì ér, zhè me zhǎng zhè me cū, lǐ tou zhuāng duō shǎo wǎ 500 | |
| yǐ: 500 wǎ yào shuǐ wǎng rén shēn shàng dǎ? shòu de liǎo ma? | |
| jiǎ: nǐ shuō rén nà? nà nǐ wù huì la | |
| yǐ: nǐ zhè shì? | |
| jiǎ: wǒ shì shòu yī | |
| yǐ: wǒ bú shì |
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