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[id:$00000000] |
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[ti:The Cactus] |
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[ar:Jake Thackray] |
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[al:Jake In A Box Vol 1 & 2] |
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The Cactus (2006 Remaster) - Jake Thackray |
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When I and my new love my true love got married |
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Our love our true love very nearly miscarried |
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And one of the chief the contributory factors |
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Was when my dear wife fell in love with a cactus |
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On our wedding day |
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My auntie Ivy gave us both a little pot |
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A plastic what not |
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Which contained a spiky cactus |
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As a present it was tactless |
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But my wife my life my golden girl |
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She loved it from the start |
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Though it was old and mouldy |
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She took it to her very heart |
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My snow white my aphrodite my pocket Venus |
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Twas then that this venomous thing came between us |
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When we had so much to delect and distract us |
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Oh why did we cherish a perishing cactus |
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At first she just felt sorry for this |
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Horrid squalid lumpish parasite |
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A rash compassion |
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For her feelings got beyond her |
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Every day she grew still fonder |
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Till this sickly tickly little squirt |
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Had got the household quashed |
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Rent unpaid my tea not made |
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My shirts my socks not washed |
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My poor heart was bleeding from multiple fractures |
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A dupe and a boob and a cuckold to a cactus |
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She gave up her duties her food and her slumber |
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For this potted hedgehog this son of a cucumber |
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In spite of all her care her lavish |
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Blandishments the creature still declined |
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It pined for something |
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It defied all kinds of fertiliser |
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It began to fade away and die |
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And only I knew why I recognised the state |
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And it's a fact that what that cactus |
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Lacked was a prickly little soul mate |
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The feeling of grief's not confined to us only |
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Like me this poor vegetable was just lonely |
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For they need exactly those things which attract us |
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So I went and bought him a little lady cactus |
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We placed them spiky cheek to spiky |
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Cheek upon our kitchen window sill |
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And then withdrew We knew |
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True love would run its course and |
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We perforce had something similar to do |
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And truth to tell well well within the hour |
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My auntie's antisocial plant put out a happy cactus flower |
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True love is in bloom now and everything's very nice |
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No thorns in our fireside no spikes up our paradise |
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My household is flourishing now and in fact I |
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Have dozens of kids and a hundred little cacti |
