|
Lonely, unmarried, looking for love, |
|
Life was passing me by. |
|
So I sent off my photo, hobbies and age; |
|
Magazine marriage I tried. |
|
They say for centuries lovely Japanese girls |
|
Have been trained in the art of pleasing men. |
|
Be lonely no more, open destiny's door. |
|
For one dollar they arrange a meeting. |
|
My image was wrong, I didn't like me, |
|
So I changed my personality. |
|
I bought a delux Merseybeat wig |
|
But it was a size too big. |
|
What confidence in my new built-up shoes, |
|
So smart for winter or summer. |
|
Undetectable in normal everyday use. |
|
Look out there's a monster coming! |
|
Bye-bye binoculars and macintosh, |
|
Everything is just great. |
|
I take elocution, learn to speak posh |
|
But still I can't find a mate. |
|
Be popular, learn to play the guitar, |
|
In seven days you could be strumming. |
|
Be sociable, learn kissing technique. |
|
Look out there's a monster coming! |
|
Carnaby clothes, I reshaped my nose, |
|
Plastic surgery's best. |
|
To cut down my weight off comes my left leg. |
|
I pass a swimming costume test. |
|
Are my sideboards too long, |
|
Don't my aftershave pong? |
|
I know my new nose ain't runnin'. |
|
What's wrong with my tie? |
|
Am I getting too high? |
|
Look out there's a monster coming! |
|
Disfiguring and ugly, my facial hair |
|
I had removed electrically. |
|
I rejuvenated my energy cells |
|
And regained my virility (grunt grunt). |
|
(He put my hand on my heart?), |
|
(I am changing the part?). |
|
He had a machine for a mummy. |
|
Please be gentle with me: |
|
I come to pieces literally. |
|
Look out there's a monster coming! |
|
Look out there's a monster coming! |
|
Look out there's a monster coming! |
|
(...fade) |
