|
Listen very carefully |
|
I'll say this only once - |
|
I haven't had a moment's peace |
|
In thirty-seven months |
|
Commitments squeezed like tinned sardines |
|
Into each precious hour |
|
But I'll survive, 'cause where there's life |
|
There's generally a bar |
|
(Line 'em up) |
|
Births and deaths and marriages |
|
Cabbages and kings |
|
Slugs and snails and e-mails |
|
Other precious things |
|
Cherubim and seraphim |
|
Go green with envy for |
|
All the births and deaths and marriages |
|
Mortality affords |
|
Today a man got on my tram |
|
And wiped his sweaty neck |
|
And suddenly, I saw how he |
|
Must look whilst having (sex!) |
|
I felt like Henry the Sixth felt |
|
When he sang hysterically |
|
Watching the slaughter his supporters |
|
Thought he ought to see |
|
Births and deaths and marriages |
|
Divorces, christenings |
|
Isn't life a roll of strife |
|
Round a splendid thing |
|
Cherubim and seraphim |
|
Continually do cry |
|
"Life's wasted on these mortal ones |
|
So can we have a try?" |
|
(Yeah) |
|
Here's a story 'bout a boy |
|
Ignored by all the class |
|
Broke his leg so he could get them |
|
All to sign his cast |
|
But instead of writing "Get Well Soon" |
|
They wrote "You Suck" |
|
A dreadful story, I'm terribly sorry |
|
At least I - made it up! |
|
Births and Deaths and Marriages |
|
Cabbages and kings |
|
Tops and tails and screams and wails |
|
Cheated in between |
|
What the hell? I'm fit and well |
|
I'm able and I'm willing |
|
I'm not from Venus or from Mars - |
|
I'm from Enniskillen! |
|
So why watch the nation's "Hundred Greatest |
|
Things In History" |
|
When the top spot goes by lot |
|
To Bohemian Rhapsody? |
|
You will never see a poor bookie |
|
The dealer always wins |
|
And there ain't no clocks 'round the Vegas slots |
|
Keep texting your votes in |
|
(Woo!) |
|
Goodnight, and may your God go with you |
