[00:01.] | 于:您眼里没谁了吧您? |
[00:00.45] | 来自郭德纲、于谦相声《我要反三俗》 |
[00:00.65] | BGM:《再见-警察》-冯曦妤 |
[00:00.85] | |
[00:02.91] | 郭:好,这个形式是相声。 |
[00:07.80] | 于:哎,我们这叫相声。 |
[00:09.19] | 郭:好好干,这是一门艺术。 |
[00:13.27] | 于:那不错。 |
[00:14.15] | 郭:抨击丑恶,藿香正气。 |
[00:18.50] | 郭:为人民服务。 |
[00:19.54] | 于:应该的。 |
[00:20.17] | 郭:给大家带来笑声。 |
[00:22.06] | 于:带来欢乐。 |
[00:23.10] | 郭:对,有发展。 |
[00:25.23] | 于:谢谢您。 |
[00:25.88] | 郭:一定要好好地干。为什么大伙儿喜欢相声呢? |
[00:29.38] | 于:为什么? |
[00:30.22] | 郭:相声是来自于人民中间。 |
[00:32.66] | 于:来自于民间的。 |
[00:34.00] | 郭:讴歌百姓。 |
[00:35.25] | 于:是。 |
[00:35.97] | 郭:我很希望你们能够群殴嘛! |
[00:37.69] | 于:对——我们打群架来了上这儿啊? |
[00:41.61] | 郭:不是,不要你一个人讴歌,你们一群说相声的一块儿讴嘛。 |
[00:49.50] | 郭:宣武区的天是晴朗的天,通州区的人民好喜欢。眼望丰台高声喊:我爱你,海淀!谢谢! |
[01:08.12] | 郭:做个演员要为人民服务。 |
[01:11.03] | 于:这我们知道。 |
[01:11.84] | 郭:要高雅! |
[01:14.28] | 于:高雅? |
[01:15.18] | 郭:一定要高雅,有品位,上“凳”次。 |
[01:22.21] | 郭:记住了,说相声是干什么用的呢? |
[01:25.29] | 于:您说。 |
[01:26.15] | 郭:是教育人的。(观众喊“噫”)这是喊你的名字吗? |
[01:39.91] | 郭:相声就是教育人的。 |
[01:42.31] | 于:是吗? |
[01:42.78] | 郭:你不是一个演员!你是一个,一个教师,你是一只教授。 |
[01:50.26] | 郭:这是你的工作。你不要考虑他乐不乐。 |
[01:53.37] | 于:啊? |
[01:54.01] | 郭:他活该,爱乐不乐。你的工作就是教育人,哪怕他不乐。 |
[02:01.08] | 于:啊! |
[02:01.72] | 郭:损失十几亿的观众算什么?你的位置站得很稳牢。 |
[02:07.30] | 郭:一定要高雅! |
[02:09.21] | 郭:他爱听不听,不听就不听!活该,死去。 |
[02:21.80] | |
[02:21.66] | BGM:《走进新时代》-黑鸭子 |
[02:26.44] | |
[02:30.31] | 郭:你是一个教师,而且在台上你一定要反三俗! |
[02:35.83] | 于:三俗? |
[02:36.78] | 郭:三俗!庸俗、低俗、媚俗! |
[02:39.45] | 于:这么三俗。 |
[02:40.24] | 郭:绝对要反三俗!把它记在心里面。 |
[02:43.69] | 于:好好好。 |
[02:44.23] | 郭:谦虚使人进步。屎人都能进步! |
[02:49.67] | |
[03:02.29] | 郭:我是一个正直的人,我是一个纯洁的人,我是一个脱离了低级趣味的人。 |
[03:07.80] | 郭:你这样想法很肮脏。 |
[03:09.99] | 郭:深夜无人的时候你左手一瓶酒,右手一只鸡,嘴里叼根烟。 |
[03:13.74] | 郭:吱瘤一口酒,啪啦两口菜,扑扑两口烟。 |
[03:16.60] | 郭:扪心自问你不亏心吗? |
[03:27.73] | 郭:简直就是一个很三俗的人。 |
[03:30.04] | 于:怎么三俗了这? |
[03:31.80] | 郭:太三俗了。错了不是。没见过这错误的。 |
[03:34.26] | 于:我不对啊? |
[03:36.17] | 郭:提升品位,要高雅。记住了,天网恢恢,肥而不腻。 |
[03:49.27] | 郭:敢说我三俗!?三俗是我用来侮辱人的手段。说我不行知道吗? |
[03:56.82] | 于:说您不行? |
[03:57.73] | 郭:讨厌知道吗? |
[04:17.96] | |
[04:34.21] | 郭:我是一个玉洁冰清的人。贞烈贤良就是我的代名词。 |
[04:52.66] | 郭:漂亮不了。 |
[04:53.45] | 于:为什么呢? |
[04:54.14] | 郭:只有那些为人民服务的人长得才漂亮。 |
[04:56.49] | 于:是啊。 |
[04:57.07] | 郭:只有那些反三俗的人才是浓眉大眼的。 |
[04:59.52] | 郭:这个人肯定很肮脏。 |
[05:27.68] | 郭:你是人吗你还?你现在记住了,你现在需要有人带领你走出泥潭。 |
[05:36.25] | 郭:你进一步就是立即枪毙,回头一步就是保外就医。 |
[06:15.16] | 郭:你又不是那些黄色录像带的主演? |
[06:18.00] | 郭:你又不是李丽珍舒淇饭岛爱高树美莉亚,你又不是武藤兰... |
[06:25.91] | 于:您三俗不三俗我不知道,反正这片子您可没少看。 |
[06:31.84] | 郭:太三俗了。 |
[06:34.10] |
[00:01.] | yu: nin yan li mei shui le ba nin? |
[00:00.45] | lai zi guo de gang yu qian xiang sheng wo yao fan san su |
[00:00.65] | BGM: zai jian jing cha feng xi yu |
[00:00.85] | |
[00:02.91] | guo: hao, zhe ge xing shi shi xiang sheng. |
[00:07.80] | yu: ai, wo men zhe jiao xiang sheng. |
[00:09.19] | guo: hao hao gan, zhe shi yi men yi shu. |
[00:13.27] | yu: na bu cuo. |
[00:14.15] | guo: peng ji chou e, huo xiang zheng qi. |
[00:18.50] | guo: wei ren min fu wu. |
[00:19.54] | yu: ying gai de. |
[00:20.17] | guo: gei da jia dai lai xiao sheng. |
[00:22.06] | yu: dai lai huan le. |
[00:23.10] | guo: dui, you fa zhan. |
[00:25.23] | yu: xie xie nin. |
[00:25.88] | guo: yi ding yao hao hao di gan. wei shi me da huo er xi huan xiang sheng ne? |
[00:29.38] | yu: wei shi me? |
[00:30.22] | guo: xiang sheng shi lai zi yu ren min zhong jian. |
[00:32.66] | yu: lai zi yu min jian de. |
[00:34.00] | guo: ou ge bai xing. |
[00:35.25] | yu: shi. |
[00:35.97] | guo: wo hen xi wang ni men neng gou qun ou ma! |
[00:37.69] | yu: dui wo men da qun jia lai le shang zhe er a? |
[00:41.61] | guo: bu shi, bu yao ni yi ge ren ou ge, ni men yi qun shuo xiang sheng de yi kuai er ou ma. |
[00:49.50] | guo: xuan wu qu de tian shi qing lang de tian, tong zhou qu de ren min hao xi huan. yan wang feng tai gao sheng han: wo ai ni, hai dian! xie xie! |
[01:08.12] | guo: zuo ge yan yuan yao wei ren min fu wu. |
[01:11.03] | yu: zhe wo men zhi dao. |
[01:11.84] | guo: yao gao ya! |
[01:14.28] | yu: gao ya? |
[01:15.18] | guo: yi ding yao gao ya, you pin wei, shang" deng" ci. |
[01:22.21] | guo: ji zhu le, shuo xiang sheng shi gan shen me yong de ne? |
[01:25.29] | yu: nin shuo. |
[01:26.15] | guo: shi jiao yu ren de. guan zhong han" yi" zhe shi han ni de ming zi ma? |
[01:39.91] | guo: xiang sheng jiu shi jiao yu ren de. |
[01:42.31] | yu: shi ma? |
[01:42.78] | guo: ni bu shi yi ge yan yuan! ni shi yi ge, yi ge jiao shi, ni shi yi zhi jiao shou. |
[01:50.26] | guo: zhe shi ni de gong zuo. ni bu yao kao lv ta le bu le. |
[01:53.37] | yu: a? |
[01:54.01] | guo: ta huo gai, ai le bu le. ni de gong zuo jiu shi jiao yu ren, na pa ta bu le. |
[02:01.08] | yu: a! |
[02:01.72] | guo: sun shi shi ji yi de guan zhong suan shen me? ni de wei zhi zhan de hen wen lao. |
[02:07.30] | guo: yi ding yao gao ya! |
[02:09.21] | guo: ta ai ting bu ting, bu ting jiu bu ting! huo gai, si qu. |
[02:21.80] | |
[02:21.66] | BGM: zou jin xin shi dai hei ya zi |
[02:26.44] | |
[02:30.31] | guo: ni shi yi ge jiao shi, er qie zai tai shang ni yi ding yao fan san su! |
[02:35.83] | yu: san su? |
[02:36.78] | guo: san su! yong su di su mei su! |
[02:39.45] | yu: zhe me san su. |
[02:40.24] | guo: jue dui yao fan san su! ba ta ji zai xin li mian. |
[02:43.69] | yu: hao hao hao. |
[02:44.23] | guo: qian xu shi ren jin bu. shi ren dou neng jin bu! |
[02:49.67] | |
[03:02.29] | guo: wo shi yi ge zheng zhi de ren, wo shi yi ge chun jie de ren, wo shi yi ge tuo li le di ji qu wei de ren. |
[03:07.80] | guo: ni zhe yang xiang fa hen ang zang. |
[03:09.99] | guo: shen ye wu ren de shi hou ni zuo shou yi ping jiu, you shou yi zhi ji, zui li diao gen yan. |
[03:13.74] | guo: zhi liu yi kou jiu, pa la liang kou cai, pu pu liang kou yan. |
[03:16.60] | guo: men xin zi wen ni bu kui xin ma? |
[03:27.73] | guo: jian zhi jiu shi yi ge hen san su de ren. |
[03:30.04] | yu: zen me san su le zhe? |
[03:31.80] | guo: tai san su le. cuo liao bu shi. mei jian guo zhe cuo wu de. |
[03:34.26] | yu: wo bu dui a? |
[03:36.17] | guo: ti sheng pin wei, yao gao ya. ji zhu le, tian wang hui hui, fei er bu ni. |
[03:49.27] | guo: gan shuo wo san su!? san su shi wo yong lai wu ru ren de shou duan. shuo wo bu xing zhi dao ma? |
[03:56.82] | yu: shuo nin bu xing? |
[03:57.73] | guo: tao yan zhi dao ma? |
[04:17.96] | |
[04:34.21] | guo: wo shi yi ge yu jie bing qing de ren. zhen lie xian liang jiu shi wo de dai ming ci. |
[04:52.66] | guo: piao liang bu liao. |
[04:53.45] | yu: wei shi me ne? |
[04:54.14] | guo: zhi you nei xie wei ren min fu wu de ren zhang de cai piao liang. |
[04:56.49] | yu: shi a. |
[04:57.07] | guo: zhi you nei xie fan san su de ren cai shi nong mei da yan de. |
[04:59.52] | guo: zhe ge ren ken ding hen ang zang. |
[05:27.68] | guo: ni shi ren ma ni hai? ni xian zai ji zhu le, ni xian zai xu yao you ren dai ling ni zou chu ni tan. |
[05:36.25] | guo: ni jin yi bu jiu shi li ji qiang bi, hui tou yi bu jiu shi bao wai jiu yi. |
[06:15.16] | guo: ni you bu shi nei xie huang se lu xiang dai de zhu yan? |
[06:18.00] | guo: ni you bu shi li li zhen shu qi fan dao ai gao shu mei li ya, ni you bu shi wu teng lan... |
[06:25.91] | yu: nin san su bu san su wo bu zhi dao, fan zheng zhe pian zi nin ke mei shao kan. |
[06:31.84] | guo: tai san su le. |
[06:34.10] |
[00:01.] | yú: nín yǎn lǐ méi shuí le ba nín? |
[00:00.45] | lái zì guō dé gāng yú qiān xiàng sheng wǒ yào fǎn sān sú |
[00:00.65] | BGM: zài jiàn jǐng chá féng xī yú |
[00:00.85] | |
[00:02.91] | guō: hǎo, zhè gè xíng shì shì xiàng sheng. |
[00:07.80] | yú: āi, wǒ men zhè jiào xiàng sheng. |
[00:09.19] | guō: hǎo hǎo gàn, zhè shì yī mén yì shù. |
[00:13.27] | yú: nà bù cuò. |
[00:14.15] | guō: pēng jī chǒu è, huò xiāng zhèng qì. |
[00:18.50] | guō: wéi rén mín fú wù. |
[00:19.54] | yú: yīng gāi de. |
[00:20.17] | guō: gěi dà jiā dài lái xiào shēng. |
[00:22.06] | yú: dài lái huān lè. |
[00:23.10] | guō: duì, yǒu fā zhǎn. |
[00:25.23] | yú: xiè xiè nín. |
[00:25.88] | guō: yí dìng yāo hǎo hǎo dì gàn. wèi shí me dà huǒ ér xǐ huān xiàng sheng ne? |
[00:29.38] | yú: wèi shí me? |
[00:30.22] | guō: xiàng sheng shì lái zì yú rén mín zhōng jiān. |
[00:32.66] | yú: lái zì yú mín jiān de. |
[00:34.00] | guō: ōu gē bǎi xìng. |
[00:35.25] | yú: shì. |
[00:35.97] | guō: wǒ hěn xī wàng nǐ men néng gòu qún ōu ma! |
[00:37.69] | yú: duì wǒ men dǎ qún jià lái le shàng zhè ér a? |
[00:41.61] | guō: bú shì, bú yào nǐ yí ge rén ōu gē, nǐ men yī qún shuō xiàng sheng de yí kuài ér ōu ma. |
[00:49.50] | guō: xuān wǔ qū de tiān shì qíng lǎng de tiān, tōng zhōu qū de rén mín hǎo xǐ huān. yǎn wàng fēng tái gāo shēng hǎn: wǒ ài nǐ, hǎi diàn! xiè xiè! |
[01:08.12] | guō: zuò gè yǎn yuán yào wéi rén mín fú wù. |
[01:11.03] | yú: zhè wǒ men zhī dào. |
[01:11.84] | guō: yào gāo yǎ! |
[01:14.28] | yú: gāo yǎ? |
[01:15.18] | guō: yí dìng yào gāo yǎ, yǒu pǐn wèi, shàng" dèng" cì. |
[01:22.21] | guō: jì zhù le, shuō xiàng sheng shì gàn shén me yòng de ne? |
[01:25.29] | yú: nín shuō. |
[01:26.15] | guō: shì jiào yù rén de. guān zhòng hǎn" yī" zhè shì hǎn nǐ de míng zì ma? |
[01:39.91] | guō: xiàng sheng jiù shì jiào yù rén de. |
[01:42.31] | yú: shì ma? |
[01:42.78] | guō: nǐ bú shì yí gè yǎn yuán! nǐ shì yí gè, yí gè jiào shī, nǐ shì yì zhī jiào shòu. |
[01:50.26] | guō: zhè shì nǐ de gōng zuò. nǐ bú yào kǎo lǜ tā lè bù lè. |
[01:53.37] | yú: a? |
[01:54.01] | guō: tā huó gāi, ài lè bù lè. nǐ de gōng zuò jiù shì jiào yù rén, nǎ pà tā bù lè. |
[02:01.08] | yú: a! |
[02:01.72] | guō: sǔn shī shí jǐ yì de guān zhòng suàn shén me? nǐ de wèi zhì zhàn de hěn wěn láo. |
[02:07.30] | guō: yí dìng yào gāo yǎ! |
[02:09.21] | guō: tā ài tīng bù tīng, bù tīng jiù bù tīng! huó gāi, sǐ qù. |
[02:21.80] | |
[02:21.66] | BGM: zǒu jìn xīn shí dài hēi yā zǐ |
[02:26.44] | |
[02:30.31] | guō: nǐ shì yí gè jiào shī, ér qiě zài tái shàng nǐ yí dìng yào fǎn sān sú! |
[02:35.83] | yú: sān sú? |
[02:36.78] | guō: sān sú! yōng sú dī sú mèi sú! |
[02:39.45] | yú: zhè me sān sú. |
[02:40.24] | guō: jué duì yào fǎn sān sú! bǎ tā jì zài xīn lǐ miàn. |
[02:43.69] | yú: hǎo hǎo hǎo. |
[02:44.23] | guō: qiān xū shǐ rén jìn bù. shǐ rén dōu néng jìn bù! |
[02:49.67] | |
[03:02.29] | guō: wǒ shì yí gè zhèng zhí de rén, wǒ shì yí gè chún jié de rén, wǒ shì yí gè tuō lí le dī jí qù wèi de rén. |
[03:07.80] | guō: nǐ zhè yàng xiǎng fǎ hěn āng zāng. |
[03:09.99] | guō: shēn yè wú rén de shí hòu nǐ zuǒ shǒu yī píng jiǔ, yòu shǒu yì zhī jī, zuǐ lǐ diāo gēn yān. |
[03:13.74] | guō: zhī liú yī kǒu jiǔ, pā lā liǎng kǒu cài, pū pū liǎng kǒu yān. |
[03:16.60] | guō: mén xīn zì wèn nǐ bù kuī xīn ma? |
[03:27.73] | guō: jiǎn zhí jiù shì yí gè hěn sān sú de rén. |
[03:30.04] | yú: zěn me sān sú le zhè? |
[03:31.80] | guō: tài sān sú le. cuò liǎo bù shì. méi jiàn guò zhè cuò wù de. |
[03:34.26] | yú: wǒ bú duì a? |
[03:36.17] | guō: tí shēng pǐn wèi, yào gāo yǎ. jì zhù le, tiān wǎng huī huī, féi ér bù nì. |
[03:49.27] | guō: gǎn shuō wǒ sān sú!? sān sú shì wǒ yòng lái wǔ rǔ rén de shǒu duàn. shuō wǒ bù xíng zhī dào ma? |
[03:56.82] | yú: shuō nín bù xíng? |
[03:57.73] | guō: tǎo yàn zhī dào ma? |
[04:17.96] | |
[04:34.21] | guō: wǒ shì yí gè yù jié bīng qīng de rén. zhēn liè xián liáng jiù shì wǒ de dài míng cí. |
[04:52.66] | guō: piào liàng bù liǎo. |
[04:53.45] | yú: wèi shí me ne? |
[04:54.14] | guō: zhǐ yǒu nèi xiē wéi rén mín fú wù de rén zhǎng de cái piào liàng. |
[04:56.49] | yú: shì a. |
[04:57.07] | guō: zhǐ yǒu nèi xiē fǎn sān sú de rén cái shì nóng méi dà yǎn de. |
[04:59.52] | guō: zhè gè rén kěn dìng hěn āng zāng. |
[05:27.68] | guō: nǐ shì rén ma nǐ hái? nǐ xiàn zài jì zhù le, nǐ xiàn zài xū yào yǒu rén dài lǐng nǐ zǒu chū ní tán. |
[05:36.25] | guō: nǐ jìn yī bù jiù shì lì jí qiāng bì, huí tóu yī bù jiù shì bǎo wài jiù yī. |
[06:15.16] | guō: nǐ yòu bú shì nèi xiē huáng sè lù xiàng dài de zhǔ yǎn? |
[06:18.00] | guō: nǐ yòu bú shì lǐ lì zhēn shū qí fàn dǎo ài gāo shù měi lì yà, nǐ yòu bú shì wǔ téng lán... |
[06:25.91] | yú: nín sān sú bù sān sú wǒ bù zhī dào, fǎn zhèng zhè piān zi nín kě méi shǎo kàn. |
[06:31.84] | guō: tài sān sú le. |
[06:34.10] |