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I was driving on the freeway in the fast lane |
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With a rabid wolverine in my underwear |
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When suddenly a guy behind me in the back seat |
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Popped right up and cupped his hands across my eyes |
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I guessed, 'Is it Uncle Frank or Cousin Louie? |
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Is it Bob or Joe or Walter? |
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Could it be Bill or Jim or Ed or Bernie or Steve?' |
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I probably would have kept on guessing |
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But about that time we crashed into the truck |
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And as I'm laying bleeding there on the asphalt |
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Finally I recognize the face of my hibachi dealer |
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Who takes off his prosthetic lips and tells me |
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Everything you know is wrong |
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Black is white, up is down and short is long |
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And everything you thought was just so important doesn't matter |
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Everything you know is wrong |
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Just forget the words and sing along |
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All you need to understand is |
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Everything you know is wrong |
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I was walkin' to the kitchen for some Golden Grahams |
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When I accidentally stepped into a alternate dimension |
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And soon I was abducted by some aliens from space |
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Who kinda looked like Jamie Farr |
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They sucked out my internal organs |
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And they took some polaroids and said I was a darn good sport |
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And as a way of saying thank you |
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They offered to transport me back to any point in history that I would care to go |
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And so I had them send me back to last Thursday night |
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So I could pay my phone bill on time |
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Just then the disembodied head of Colonel Sanders started yelling |
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Everything you know is wrong |
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Black is white, up is down and short is long |
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And everything you thought was just so important doesn't matter |
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Everything you know is wrong |
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Just forget the words and sing along |
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All you need to understand is |
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Everything you know is wrong |
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I was just about to mail a letter to my evil twin |
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When I got a nasty paper cut |
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And, well, to make a long story short |
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It got infected and I died |
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So now I'm up in heaven with St. Peter by the pearly gates |
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And it's obvious he doesn't like the Nehru jacket that I'm wearing |
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He tells me that they've got a dress code |
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Well, he lets me into heaven anyway |
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But I get the room next to the noisy ice machine for all eternity |
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And every day he runs by screaming |
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Everything you know is wrong |
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Black is white, up is down and short is long |
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And everything you thought was just so important doesn't matter |
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Everything you know is wrong |
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Just forget the words and sing along |
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All you need to understand is |
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Everything you know is wrong |
