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<(Susan introducing the song) |
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Thank you so much |
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You know, I'd like to take this opportunity to bring down our drummer downstage, Phoebe Summersquash. |
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I think she needs some encouragement. I think she's in shock right now |
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PHOEBE: Oh God, thanks. |
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SUSAN: Listen, I just wanted to tell you that I'm, I'm blown away by your commitment to this project and my heart goes out to you. Maybe it's because I'm a trained actor and I, I'm aware of people and able to kind of get in their skin, you know, whether it be a plummer, or a drummer, and really kind of be there with you, that I was able to go, "Oh, my god, wow! You know, here's a woman who played this entire ..." |
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I should explain, Phoebe has played this entire show with explosive diarrhea and, god, I just wanted to call you out here and shine a light on you and say, wow, so amazing, thank you. |
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PHOEBE -- Thanks. |
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SUSAN -- Get my guitar. |
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PHOEBE -- OK |
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(Song starts, still speaking) |
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You know, constipation is the physical manifestation of an emotional state... |
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(Singing) |
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...Where you can't let go |
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Of an inner debate. |
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Phoebe's got that problem, |
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Except in reverse |
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Some call it a blessing, |
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Some call it the opposite of a blessing |
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Phoebe's got diarrhea and |
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She doesn't know how to tell the band |
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Will they kick her out? |
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Make her stay? |
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Nobody should have to live that way. |
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(Speaking) |
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SUSAN: You know, I talked to Phoebe before the show backstage. She was in the bathroom and I came up to the door and I said, "(Knock, knock, knock) Everything OK in there?" |
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And I'll never forget what she said, do you remember? |
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PHOEBE: Ah, no... |
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SUSAN: She said, bbbblllllllllllllllllllllllllll (very long fart sound, with several breaks) |
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(Singing) |
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You've all come to see a show. |
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PHOEBE (whispering): Hey Sarah, Sarah... |
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And Phoebe's got a secret, |
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No one can know. |
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Since, mem ... |
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What? |
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(Speaking) |
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PHOEBE: Sorry, I have to go to the bathroom |
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SUSAN: I know you have to go to the bathroom. You can't hold it in for like a minute? |
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PHOEBE: I don't know, I mean... |
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SUSAN: This song is for you, it's just like somebody gives you something, you don't ... |
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PHOEBE: I know. |
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SUSAN: Shit all over it, you know. You can't hold it in for one minute until it's almost over? |
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PHOEBE: OK, I'm sorry. I'm sorry |
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SUSAN: Alright. It's OK. Uh, I've come to see a show. |
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(Singing) |
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Phoebe's got a secret no one can know. |
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Since, memory helps me empathize |
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Like remembering when my |
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Puppy died. |
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And how it gave me diarrhea. |
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Cus he died! |
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Phoebe's got diarrhea and |
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She doesn't know how to |
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Tell the band |
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Will they kick her out? |
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Make her stay? |
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Nobody should have to live that way. |
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And it's gonna be a mess either way. |
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And the grass is always brown is what they say. |
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And it's gonna be a mess .... |
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A diarrhea-style mess |
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Any way-ay-ay-ay |
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(Susan hold on to the last note for a long time while in the background Phoebe's making sounds of trying to hold in her diarrhea) |
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Way! |