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"The Whole "Being Dead" Thing" |
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(feat. Alex Brightman) |
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(from "Beetlejuice (Original Broadway Cast Recording)" soundtrack) |
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BETELGEUSE, sung: |
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Hey, folks! Begging your pardon! |
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'Scuse me! Sorry to barge in |
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Now let's skip the tears and start on the whole |
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Y'know Being dead thing |
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|
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You're doomed! Enjoy the singing |
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The sword of Damocles is swinging |
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And if I hear your cell-phone ringing |
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I'll kill you myself |
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The whole being dead thing! |
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|
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Death can get a person stressed |
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"We should have carpe'd way more diems |
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Now we're never gonna see 'em!" |
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I can show you what comes next |
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So don't be freaked |
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Stay in your seats |
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I do this bullshit, like, eight times a week! |
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So just relax, you'll be fine |
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Drink your fifty-dollar wine |
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And take a breath! |
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|
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ENSEMBLE: |
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Welcome to a show about death! |
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|
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BETELGEUSE: |
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You're... |
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You're gonna be fine... |
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On the other side... |
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DIE! YOU'RE ALL GONNA DIE! YOU'RE ALL GONNA DIE! |
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|
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I'll... |
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I'll be your guide... |
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To the other side... |
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|
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ENSEMBLE: |
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Oh, and full disclosure: It's a show about death! |
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|
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BETELGEUSE: |
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Everybody gets on fine here |
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Like Rodgers, Hart, and Hammerstein here |
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The women's bathroom has no line here |
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Just... |
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Pee where you want! |
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The whole being dead thing! |
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You're just gonna love the folks here |
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Yes, I know you're woke, but you can take a joke here! |
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And every show I do, like, a TON of coke here |
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|
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The whole- |
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*heavy sniffing* |
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PAH-HAH! The whole being dead thing! |
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|
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Nobody is bullet-proof! |
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"I work out, I eat clean!" |
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Jesus, pass the Dramamine |
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Time to face the brutal truth: |
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'Cause we're all on a hitlist |
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Might not live 'till Christmas |
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Choke to death on Triscuits |
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Hey, that's just statistics |
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So take a little break here |
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Kinda like a wake here |
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The scenery is fake here |
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But there's a giant snake here! |
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|
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ENSEMBLE: |
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Welcome to a show about death! |
| [02:07.39] |
|
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BETELGEUSE: |
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You're... |
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You're gonna be fine... |
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THANK YOU! |
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On the other side... |
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HOW YOU DOIN'? |
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Not good! |
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Ba-be-ba-ba-be-bo-boo-bap-boop! |
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|
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I'll... |
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I'll be your guide! |
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To the other side! |
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Seriously, though, this is a show about- |
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|
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ENSEMBLE: |
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Death is taboo, but it's hardly something new |
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There's nothing medical professionals could do |
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'Cept maybe just bill you |
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|
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BETELGEUSE, spoken: |
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If you die while listening to this album |
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It's still gonna keep playing |
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|
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ENSEMBLE: |
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There's no destiny or fate |
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Just a terrifying wait |
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Filled with people that you hate |
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And on a certain date, the universe kills you! |
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|
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BETELGEUSE: |
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That's the thing with life: |
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No-one makes it out alive! |
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Toss that body in the pit |
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"Gosh, it's awful, ain't it tragic?" |
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"Blah, blah, Bible. Jesus magic." |
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When you're dead, who gives a shit? |
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No pilates, no more yoga! |
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"Namaste", you freakin' posers |
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|
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From the cradle to cremation |
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Death just needs a little conversation! |
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I have mastered the art (Dies Irae!) |
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Of tearing convention apart (Dies Irae!) |
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|
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So, how about we all make a start (Dies Irae!) |
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On the whole being dead thing! |
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|
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ALL: |
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God, I hope you're ready for a show about death! |