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We roll into the bar cause thats how we do |
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Garfunkel, Oates and the rest of the crew |
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Give a dollar to my homegirl and watch that bitch go she |
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Hits up the juke box and puts on Jim Croce |
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Operator, can you help me trace this call? |
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Were laughing and talking and the drinks are flowing |
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Im the liking the direction this night is going |
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But then I look up and something has changed |
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Everyone around us looks ****ing deranged |
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I look to my left, I look to my right |
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Nothing but Von Dutch hats in sight |
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With supertight abs and supertan skin |
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I swear this aint the club that I walked in |
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Then the techno music starts to play |
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And the room smells like Axe body spray |
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Im like Golda Mier with no gold in my ear |
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Please tell me what the hell happened here |
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Yo it aint pretty but you know its the truth |
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This party just took a turn for the douche |
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For the douche, for the douche |
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For the mother****in douche |
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Thought it was a perfect party |
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Now its just a lot of Ed Hardy |
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This party just took a turn for the douche |
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I guess I cant beat em so Im gonna join em |
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Need some douche phrases and Im gonna coin em |
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Put my Bluetooth in and Im on my way |
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Gonna be a mother ****in douchebag today |
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Gonna groom my beard like a bonsai tree |
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Wax off my chest like Mr Miyagi |
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Get a Chinese tat, dont know what it means |
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But it makes me look deep to girls in their teens |
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Dont need sleeves on my shirt, just rip em off |
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And leave em exposed like Bernie Madoff |
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Fake tan so brown you can call me foxy |
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Gonna pop my collar like Limbaugh pops oxy |
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Got more chains than Mr. T |
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I pity the ****wad who messes with me |
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Cause Im doin roids til my balls get teeny |
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Like Dennis Quaid in Innerspace, up inside the weenie |
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Gettin crunk on brewskis with my broskis |
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Im cooler than Ice cube wearing snow skis |
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Sweeter than the life of Zach and Cody |
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Higher than the voice of Truman Capote |
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Yeah Ill drop a G for a bottle of Goose |
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This party just took a turn for the douche |
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For the douche, for the douche |
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For the mother****in douche |
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Thought it was a perfect party |
|
Now its just a lot of Ed Hardy |
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This party just took a turn for the douche |
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Were an army in the night like Norman Mailer |
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And its time to be a tool like my name is Tim Taylor |
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Im a VIP cause my table said so |
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Im a use some Rufees cause the skank said no |
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I like my hair like I like my girls drink |
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SPIKED as ****!!! |
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Did my last keg stand like General Custer |
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And Im assessin the damage like a claims adjuster |
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I aint your Daddy but Ill call you son |
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Yeah I get metaphysical like ****in John Donne |
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Im holdin up the beats like I was Lloyd Dobbler |
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Girls are on the dance floor shakin their cobbler |
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Im Cool like LL, fly like Jeff Goldblum |
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Im gonna find the biggest ho in this room |
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Girls wax is Brazilian, her manicures French |
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Jean Nate is her signature stench |
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She got rocks on her fingers and beneath her areolas |
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Her gardens more savage then ch ch cherry colas |
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Her heels are as clear as my intentions to bang her |
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Hope shes birth controlled like Margaret Sanger |
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Gonna Boner Stabbone her, Mike Seaver her Beaver |
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Take her gold for cash then mother ****in leave her |
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I aint in love w you cousin I aint George Michael Bluth |
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This party just took a turn for the douche |
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For the douche, for the douche |
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For the mother****in douche |
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Thought it was a perfect party |
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Now its just a lot of Ed Hardy |
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This party just took a turn for the douche |