| [00:09.37] |
Yeah, I was a nice kid |
| [00:11.72] |
Grew up with a family and like them |
| [00:13.64] |
Always had some food on my plate and a place to bite in |
| [00:16.25] |
But all a sudden it's like a switch flipped |
| [00:18.42] |
Inside my head tellin' me I don't deserve **** |
| [00:21.15] |
Man I would wake up, and then I perch into the mirror |
| [00:24.21] |
Pick apart the imperfections on the person who'd appear |
| [00:26.95] |
'Cuz I don't love myself or the way that I looked |
| [00:29.43] |
I was a little fat and hated all that weight on my foot |
| [00:32.22] |
All that weight on my shoulders. Everyday just depressed |
| [00:34.88] |
Everyday gettin' older and everyday feelin' less |
| [00:37.68] |
My homie's like "I can tell you got some **** on your chest |
| [00:40.35] |
My mama drinks a little bit and said it eases the stress." |
| [00:43.13] |
And I'm like a'ight |
| [00:44.11] |
We walked to his crib and we stole the bottle |
| [00:46.29] |
I started feelin' nervous but drank it then felt hollow |
| [00:48.72] |
He dapped me up and said "My mom's about to be back |
| [00:51.30] |
But there's some more inside the liquor cabinet |
| [00:53.26] |
We can drink tomorrow |
| [00:54.31] |
I'm like "Yeah, yeah homie. Don't worry it's cool |
| [00:56.71] |
I gotta go to bed early so I wake up for school |
| [00:59.50] |
But after that we gonna dabble in the greatness of booze." |
| [01:02.19] |
Then boom I blacked out |
| [01:03.67] |
I didn't wake up till noon |
| [01:04.88] |
Alarm ringing the bell |
| [01:06.10] |
My mom's ringing my cell |
| [01:07.46] |
She's pissed off 'cuz she heard that I've been drinking myself |
| [01:10.32] |
But she don't understand that deep inside I'm drinking for help |
| [01:13.08] |
I said "**** it, I'm leaving. I don't need you to yell" |
| [01:15.95] |
I packed my bags up then crashed with a couple of friends |
| [01:18.48] |
Couple months have went by and still the buzzin' won't end |
| [01:21.23] |
I think I'm more sad now then I ever have been |
| [01:23.89] |
I need some stronger medication, so I called up a friend |
| [01:26.75] |
I said "Listen homie, all that drinking **** ain't working man |
| [01:30.08] |
Give me something else |
| [01:30.92] |
He like "Chill I got the percocets |
| [01:32.54] |
I'm getting more tomorrow if you like it you can buy them next. |
| [01:35.29] |
I said "Deal." Met in person then I tried the **** |
| [01:38.14] |
Within the hour I'm loving the new thrill |
| [01:40.50] |
Hit my friend back and said "Could you cut me a new deal? |
| [01:43.19] |
I need all of the blue pills the **** is just too ill." |
| [01:45.99] |
I'm confused 'cuz his mood was prudent and too thrilled |
| [01:48.64] |
He was happy, that I been strugglin' loss |
| [01:51.33] |
'Cuz he knew that in the end and it could double his guap |
| [01:54.11] |
Where my struggle would begin, then his struggle would stop |
| [01:56.74] |
But I still bought all of his product when we linked at the spot |
| [01:59.44] |
So fast forward a few weeks, I'm addicted to drugs |
| [02:02.20] |
Somehow my momma found out and pulled me back from the thugs |
| [02:04.91] |
Moved me back into her crib and tried to show me her love |
| [02:07.64] |
But I was numb and only interested in gettin' a buzz |
| [02:10.24] |
And it's ****** up, 'cuz she was only tryna be nice |
| [02:13.04] |
I didn't listen. ****, I left and I stayed out for the night |
| [02:15.81] |
Man I went clubbin' with my homies that were down for the lines |
| [02:18.42] |
Then went home the next day to make a mountain of lies |
| [02:21.25] |
**** I woke up around 3, heard a knock at the door |
| [02:23.96] |
Then these voices started talkin', **** I heard 'em before |
| [02:26.63] |
I couldn't put my finger on it so I had to explore |
| [02:29.39] |
But on the table was the bottle that I left in my drawer |
| [02:32.32] |
**** |
| [02:33.09] |
My mom found it, turned around to see the family |
| [02:35.08] |
They all lookin' down at me and they ain't lookin' happily |
| [02:37.92] |
That's when I realized what the **** this is |
| [02:40.43] |
Y'all are here to try to take away my substances |
| [02:43.18] |
My mom reached forward then grabbed the bottle of the countertop |
| [02:46.20] |
She looked at me and said "Chase, this has to stop." |
| [02:49.13] |
I lashed out and said "It stops when I decide it will." |
| [02:51.84] |
I grabbed the bottle from her hand, do not deny the pills |
| [02:54.59] |
And I ran up to my room |
| [02:56.82] |
Grabbed the gun that I had hidden and a couple of blues |
| [02:59.41] |
Crushed the tablets on the table hit a couple of snoots |
| [03:02.09] |
And put the clip inside the gun load it back and then |
| [03:04.93] |
I see my family walking up to me |
| [03:08.94] |
I wish that I could say I'm sorry for this ******* |
| [03:11.40] |
I never meant to hurt you |
| [03:12.59] |
But I was hurt and had to ******* leave |
| [03:14.29] |
It's almost like they heard me ******* say it cause they hugging me |
| [03:17.00] |
Oh mama you can't shake me awake |
| [03:19.11] |
Stop trying, I'm gone let it enter your brain |
| [03:22.00] |
Your hearts gonna break, had every ******* thought on my face |
| [03:24.67] |
But let you learn from my lesson so you don't make the mistake |
| [03:27.52] |
Just tell my story and let them know that I'm sorry |
| [03:30.33] |
I used to love the thought of death but now the reapers upon me |
| [03:33.07] |
And **** I'm scared |
| [03:33.99] |
Save me mom I'm passing away |
| [03:35.65] |
I wish I didn't put that bullet through the back of my brain |