xiao pin:" er zi" lai le

Song 小品:“儿子”来了
Artist 葛优
Artist 蔡明
Artist 潘长江
Artist 乔杉
Artist 翟天临
Album 2019年中央广播电视总台春节联欢晚会

Lyrics

[00:05.72] 潘长江:刚刚花八千块钱,买了一个保健床垫
[00:09.83] 都说防老治病,差点儿要了我的老命
[00:13.70] 睡了一宿觉,绷起来七八回
[00:16.05] 咋绷的,自己看
[00:22.06] 本打算
[00:23.12] 趁着老伴儿旅游,给她个惊喜
[00:26.43] 这她要知道我花八千块钱,买了这么个破玩意儿
[00:30.91] 蔡明:我回来了
[00:32.39] 潘长江:哎哟我的妈呀
[00:33.30] 这就说回来,咋就回来了
[00:34.97] 不行,我得藏起来
[00:37.85] 来了 来了 来了...
[00:44.43] 老伴儿
[00:49.82] 蔡明:怎么这么慢呢
[00:51.61] 再晚点儿我就改嫁了
[00:55.03] 哎哟,大白天儿的拉窗帘干什么呀
[00:59.19] 潘长江:老伴儿
[01:00.20] 蔡明:嗯
[01:01.58] 潘长江:嗯...你旅游回来,就没说给我带个礼物什么的
[01:06.08] 蔡明:带了,带了
[01:07.18] 我给你买了一个红外线智商测量仪
[01:12.87] 哎,来....测测你的智商
[01:17.00] 来,站上来,看看你的智商
[01:21.61] 零?
[01:23.83] 合着我嫁了个傻子
[01:25.83] 潘长江:哎呀,那怎么办?
[01:27.56] 蔡明:没关系,没关系
[01:28.81] 有补救的措施
[01:31.48] 健脑锤
[01:37.39] 再看看 再看看
[01:40.08] 一百四!哇,神童
[01:45.03] 潘长江:什么神童啊,这就是反应慢的体重秤
[01:48.69] 这得花多少钱啊
[01:50.19] 蔡明:一说花钱我想起来了
[01:53.04] 我攒那八千块钱,快给我
[01:57.53] 潘长江:那钱没在家
[01:59.63] 蔡明:没在家?
[02:01.18] 自己出去创业去了
[02:03.83] 潘长江:不是...那个...
[02:04.74] 就天天帮咱家买菜那个快递小乔
[02:08.46] 他出车祸了
[02:10.05] 蔡明:哟,人没事儿吧?
[02:11.41] 潘长江:没大事,我把那八千块钱都借给他了
[02:14.25] 蔡明:哎哟,可怜的孩子
[02:16.54] 挺傻一人,怎么没点儿傻福呢
[02:20.26] 潘长江:那孩子可不傻
[02:22.12] 蔡明:谁呀?
[02:23.09] 乔杉:阿姨,是我小乔。你猜我是谁?
[02:27.40] 蔡明:这还不傻呢,这个...来了,来了
[02:31.88] 乔杉:阿姨。阿姨,这是给您买的菜
[02:37.97] 蔡明:快进来
[02:45.41] 乔儿啊,你这腿?
[02:49.92] 乔杉:怎么样?限量版的
[02:52.45] 蔡明:限量版的假肢?
[02:55.50] 乔杉:限量版的球鞋
[02:58.38] 蔡明:那这鞋穿上脚不能打弯儿吗?
[03:00.87] 乔杉:一打弯儿鞋不就出褶儿了吗
[03:04.03] 蔡明:这么金贵,多少钱啊?
[03:06.41] 乔杉:八千
[03:07.72] 蔡明:一分没给我剩
[03:11.16] 小乔,八千块钱买双球鞋,你就不心疼吗?
[03:16.13] 乔杉:心倒是不疼
[03:17.89] 就是老这么走道儿吧
[03:20.02] 这腿使不上劲儿,屁股有点儿疼
[03:24.79] 潘长江:那你赶紧回家养养屁股
[03:26.04] 蔡明:回来...回来...坐着...坐着...
[03:28.55] 阿姨给你说两句话,你快过来!
[03:31.75] 小乔...你看,你大爷没什么本事
[03:35.99] 每个月就拿那么点儿退休金
[03:38.56] 乔杉:阿姨,您这么说我不就明白了嘛
[03:41.01] 您是想换老伴儿吧?
[03:44.21] 蔡明:胡说,这孩子,切
[03:46.11] 我跟你明说了吧
[03:47.99] 你买球鞋的这个钱啊,应该是给你出车祸用的
[03:59.53] 乔杉:不是,阿姨...
[04:01.96] 您这个祝福是不是有点儿太恶毒了?
[04:05.69] 蔡明:他怎么装傻呢?
[04:06.80] 潘长江:老伴儿,别生气。我教育教育他
[04:08.61] 蔡明:这什么孩子
[04:09.43] 潘长江:你给我站起来
[04:11.79] 你怎么说坐就坐下了?啊!
[04:16.02] 乔儿啊,我们家有八千块钱让我给花了
[04:19.40] 你阿姨跟我要,我说把那八千块钱借给你了
[04:22.83] 你今天一定帮大爷把这事圆过去
[04:25.06] 乔杉:这事跟我有啥关系?
[04:26.48] 潘长江:你这球鞋真好
[04:27.60] 乔杉:包我身上了,来
[04:30.49] 阿姨
[04:31.51] 蔡明:哎哎哎,来了,来了...怎么着?
[04:36.38] 乔杉:阿姨,我大爷那八千块钱借我了
[04:40.07] 蔡明:哎,这才是好孩子
[04:42.18] 来,还给我,八千
[04:46.35] 乔杉:大爷,他让我还钱
[04:47.52] 潘长江:让你还你就还,磨叽啥
[04:49.13] 蔡明:快点儿,赶紧的,手机,嘀一下子来
[04:53.31] 这儿,这儿...看这儿
[04:55.47] 乔杉:我怎么感觉是个陷阱呢?
[04:58.55] 蔡明:来,好好好,到了到了
[05:01.32] 潘长江:老伴儿,老伴儿
[05:03.33] 你着急要那八千块钱想干嘛呀?
[05:05.02] 蔡明:嗯,给那谁
[05:06.15] 潘长江:谁?
[05:07.15] 蔡明:我儿子,你不认识
[05:10.74] 潘长江;你儿子,我不认识
[05:12.34] 合着咱俩过了这么多年算“室友”呗
[05:16.83] 蔡明:不是,是这么回事
[05:18.86] 这回我出去旅游,我上了三天的养生讲座
[05:23.52] 那老师人特别好,认我当了干妈
[05:31.23][05:27.52] 我在他那儿买了一个“大”保健品送给你
[05:31.24] 潘长江:是嘛
[05:33.51] 乔杉:那你得花多少钱啊?
[05:34.43] 蔡明:你鞋,起褶儿了
[05:36.56] 潘长江:你找谁啊?
[05:47.65] 蔡明:优优
[05:49.45] 葛优:妈妈
[05:55.76] 潘长江:撒开!撒开!干嘛呢!撒开!
[05:59.02] 蔡明:喊什么,喊什么,喊什么!
[06:01.16] 那么大的人,跟孩子吃醋
[06:03.57] 潘长江:他是孩子?
[06:06.17] 蔡明:优优,妈妈给你介绍一下
[06:08.24] 这是你爸爸...往下看
[06:15.48] 葛优:这些年,您受委屈了
[06:19.13] 蔡明:这孩子
[06:19.84] 潘长江:儿啊,您今年“高寿”了?
[06:24.03] 葛优:再大,也是您的“儿子”
[06:27.15] 来!上“孝心”!
[06:30.72] 蔡明:哇...!
[06:34.14] 葛优:楼下等我
[06:36.41] 蔡明:哎呀...到了,到了
[06:38.04] 我这就把八千块钱转你
[06:39.72] [葛优:唉,好!
[06:40.53] 乔杉:等会儿!啥破床垫就值八千块钱啊
[06:43.77] 里面絮的是球鞋啊?
[06:45.71] 葛优:这这这...这位...也是“儿子”?
[06:49.73] 乔杉:快递小乔
[06:50.61] 葛优:哦,那你赶紧送快递去吧,别耽误我们“一家人”团圆
[06:54.98] 潘长江:“心诚则灵”
[06:58.57] 葛优:心不诚...也灵
[07:01.65] 恭喜你们二位成为我们华北地区最健康的老人
[07:07.62] 蔡明:噢耶!
[07:09.59] 潘长江:哎...哎...老伴儿...
[07:13.29] 别高兴了,他就是个大骗子
[07:15.33] 蔡明:别胡说,咱不能以貌取人
[07:19.87] 潘长江:我就实话跟你说吧
[07:21.13] 那八千块钱我根本就没借给小乔
[07:23.20] 买了一个跟你这一模一样的床垫子
[07:25.48] 就是他们骗子公司的
[07:27.15] 你看看这床垫子,长成啥样了
[07:31.67] 看!所有弹簧都绷出来了
[07:34.63] 乔杉:哎呀妈呀,那“儿子”,请解释
[07:46.38] 葛优:这么快就见效了
[07:49.10] 潘长江:见效了?见血了
[07:53.56] 葛优:我尊敬的父亲,这是我们的针灸功能
[08:03.33] 这个弹簧...这个弹簧...就是在夜深人静
[08:08.84] 人最放松的时候...啪...啾啾啾啾啾啾啾...
[08:19.02] “偷袭”你的穴位
[08:21.95] 偷袭有提前通知的吗?
[08:23.92] 蔡明:没有
[08:24.99] 潘长江:那...那我后背还刮出不少血印子呢
[08:28.03] 葛优:刮痧功能
[08:30.35] 潘长江:那我睡宿觉还起红疹了呢
[08:33.16] 葛优:排毒功能
[08:35.58] 潘长江:那我...那我睡到半夜,绷起来七八米高
[08:38.91] 这怎么说?
[08:40.97] 葛优:娱乐功能
[08:45.27] 蔡明:你赚了,还能玩儿的咵咵...
[08:48.36] 乔杉:先别咵咵了阿姨,来,看看啊
[08:53.04] 你这里边絮的可都是干草
[08:57.25] 葛优:这是纯天然草本精华
[09:01.14] 我尊敬的母亲,我送您的这版还是2.0的
[09:06.90] 功能加倍
[09:09.55] 专治风湿高血压
[09:12.08] 减肥抗癌防脱发
[09:17.63] 乔杉:阿姨,你等会儿吧
[09:19.38] 阿姨,他卖的床垫子防脱发,你信吗
[09:23.32] 蔡明:我当然信了,他...哎呀...
[09:28.36] 葛优:小兄弟,我这是剃了
[09:33.32] 自打睡了这个床垫子,头发长得太快
[09:38.04] 早上剃光了,晚上就能挡眼睛
[09:43.60] 中午啊,都不敢午睡
[09:45.68] 蔡明:那是不能再午睡了
[09:47.26] 要不然就成了墩布了
[09:49.77] 潘长江:等一会儿吧
[09:50.77] 睡这床垫子还能长头发
[09:54.37] 葛优:我尊敬的父亲
[09:57.60] 何止啊
[10:01.07] 还长个儿呢!
[10:07.69] 您能想象吗?
[10:10.62] 几年前我的身高,只能仰望您
[10:15.95] 睡了半年床垫,您再瞧
[10:22.95] 潘长江:哎?
[10:24.26] 乔杉:别哎了,大爷,别哎了
[10:26.32] 我告诉你,我大爷可上过你们一回当
[10:28.84] 今天如果再能让你给骗了,我今儿就把这床垫子吃了,大爷
[10:34.47] 阿姨,我支持你换老伴儿
[10:38.34] 咱这钱可是不能转给他,听见没
[10:41.34] 蔡明:多谢提醒,来,转钱
[10:44.88] 乔杉:她转钱你管不管啊
[10:45.85] 潘长江:转得对
[10:47.66] 蔡明:哎呀,快起来吧!
[10:48.94] 你长得太高,上公共汽车我还得给你买票
[10:53.25] 葛优:哎呀...哎呀...
[10:57.96] 蔡明:怎么了...怎么了孩子
[10:59.54] 葛优:儿子无能啊!只能让你们二老睡这种初级产品
[11:06.64] 蔡明:初级产品?那就是说还有高级产品了?
[11:10.74] 葛优:太空睡眠仓
[11:13.60] 潘长江:那...那是个什么东西?
[11:16.10] 葛优:我这么跟你们说吧
[11:17.88] 我有一个同事
[11:19.75] 那个脑袋,让公司的那个大门给挤没了
[11:25.26] 就在这个太空舱里躺了两天
[11:30.07] 你们猜怎么着
[11:31.18] 蔡明、潘长江:怎么着
[11:32.92] 葛优:死了
[11:35.42] 又过了两天
[11:37.49][11:37.44] 喯儿,长出一新脑袋
[11:40.54] 科技的力量啊
[11:44.99] 乔杉:你是真能骗啊!
[11:46.80] 葛优:你这个鞋真是不错啊
[11:48.41] 乔杉:八千块钱限量版呢
[11:50.29] [蔡明:优优,我们也不用长什么脑袋
[11:54.20] 我们就想长命百岁行吗?
[11:57.28] 葛优:百岁只是起步,三五百岁也有可能
[12:03.22] 蔡明:那咱俩就成了老不死的了
[12:06.48] 潘长江:太好了!
[12:09.17] 我尊敬的儿子,请问这太空睡眠仓多少钱?
[12:14.34] 葛优:十八万
[12:17.08] 乔杉:我告诉你,你适可而止吧
[12:18.90] 你现在这种行为,就是逼着二老卖房子
[12:22.87] 蔡明:多谢提醒!
[12:24.80] 优优,我把房产证押你这儿行吗?
[12:27.68] 葛优:行啊!
[12:28.30] 潘长江:对!赶紧找房产证!
[12:30.37] 蔡明:快快,咱搁哪儿了
[12:31.36] 乔杉:这是要疯了
[12:32.73] 不行,我得报警
[12:34.99] 你别走啊,我告诉你
[12:36.32] 潘长江:想耽误我长个儿,没门儿
[12:40.85] 乔杉:我有手机,我打手机,你等着
[12:44.71] 不是,阿姨
[12:46.50] 蔡明:鞋
[12:48.40] 乔杉:阿姨,阿姨
[12:50.47] 我这么说你怎么就不明白呢!
[12:53.44] 翟天临:我回来了!
[12:57.96] 葛优:妈妈,咱们家来人了!
[13:00.64] 翟天临:对不起!我走错门了
[13:02.08] 乔杉:你没错!
[13:04.11] 翟天临:小乔,你怎么在这儿?
[13:05.42] 乔杉:你快过来,天临
[13:07.32] 你快管管你爸你妈吧
[13:08.84] 他们说睡这床垫子
[13:10.17] 又针灸还能刮痧
[13:12.00] 完了说搁他那儿睡,一下就能长出个脑袋
[13:14.55] 你爸你妈现在要整个睡眠仓上太空
[13:18.64] 翟天临:啊?
[13:20.18] 乔杉:给你爸绷七八米高
[13:22.96] 翟天临:什么?
[13:24.15] 乔杉:哎哟,你们这一家子都什么理解能力啊
[13:27.24] 气死我了!哼!
[13:30.40] 蔡明:哎呀,我宝贝儿回来
[13:32.32] 翟天临:妈,爸,我回来了
[13:34.79] 蔡明:半年都没回家了
[13:36.20] 翟天临:太忙了
[13:37.46] 蔡明:来来来,妈妈给你介绍一下
[13:39.83] 来,这是你哥,叫哥哥
[13:48.62] 翟天临:爸,你这是几岁犯的错误这是?
[13:52.10] 潘长江:我九岁那年...什么玩意我犯错误了?
[13:54.72] 这是我跟你妈刚认的干儿子
[13:57.88] 乔杉:什么干儿子,他就是个大骗子
[14:00.10] 他弄俩床垫子
[14:01.52] 蔡明、潘长江、葛优:外人别插嘴
[14:03.20] 乔杉:我欠呢我,我欠
[14:04.86] 葛优:咱们才是一家人
[14:07.94] 我尊敬的弟弟
[14:09.92] 我看你的脸色不太好,是不是最近睡眠有问题啊
[14:15.14] 翟天临:还真是
[14:16.29] 葛优:那你就听你哥的,在这个垫子上你就好好的...
[14:32.53] 交警
[14:34.48] 翟天临:刑警
[14:35.65] 葛优:刑...我看行
[14:38.85] 你回来了,哥哥就放心了
[14:40.42] 你们一家在一起多好啊
[14:42.75] 我以后会常回家看看,都别送...都别送
[14:47.90] 翟天临:谁送你了
[14:48.15] 蔡明:别着急走啊,房产证还没拿呢
[14:50.73] 潘长江:对!
[14:51.48] 葛优:房子就给老二吧
[14:53.67] 翟天临:妈,这房产证是怎么回事?
[14:56.00] 乔杉:他,要骗你们家房子
[14:58.07] 翟天临:你到底是干什么的?
[15:03.73] 葛优:太遗憾了,我都替二老惭愧
[15:07.75] 其实我的真实身份呢,是防诈骗义务宣传员
[15:14.39] 你们二老没有通过我们的这个小测试
[15:18.02] 这么高我也下不去啊
[15:21.91] 你们二老以后要擦亮眼睛,提高警惕,再见
[15:28.62] 翟天临:等会儿
[15:30.13] 这心诚则灵床垫是你在卖吗?
[15:32.66] 葛优:卖就见外了,有偿尽孝...有偿尽孝
[15:35.83] 翟天临:行。我们查得这么紧,还敢顶风作案
[15:39.00] 挺执着啊!
[15:40.18] 走!跟我到派出所走一趟
[15:42.34] 潘长江:儿子!你要干嘛?
[15:44.65] 翟天临:这就是个大骗子,我得把他抓走,啊
[15:47.51] 蔡明:天临!
[15:49.00] 我们辛辛苦苦供你上大学、当警察
[15:52.66] 就为了让你回家抓你哥哥的吗?
[15:56.02] 把你哥放了!
[15:57.24] 潘长江:对!
[15:57.86] 蔡明:把你爸抓走吧
[16:00.90] 我都让他给气糊涂了
[16:03.60] 翟天临:你们是真糊涂了!
[16:05.47] 爸,妈,老年人都希望自己能够长命百岁
[16:09.18] 身体健康,少给子女们添麻烦
[16:11.91] 我理解
[16:12.64] 但这些骗子,他们也是利用了这种心理
[16:16.24] 我这有网上的公示
[16:19.47] 心诚则灵集团
[16:24.14] 涉嫌诈骗,以及制售伪劣商品
[16:27.27] 这回信了吧
[16:30.92] 蔡明:优优,你真的是骗子啊
[16:35.60] 葛优:一家人说什么骗不骗的
[16:38.32] 但是你们二老以后在外边真得当心
[16:42.05] 正好我这有一款老年防诈骗手镯
[16:47.14] 亲友优惠价
[16:49.01] 乔杉:还骗呢你!
[16:50.55] 翟天临:巧了
[16:51.57] 我这也有一副防诈骗手镯
[16:55.44] 还是免费的
[16:57.52] 葛优:啊?这是玫瑰金的吧?
[17:02.14] 翟天临:新款的,走吧
[17:04.81] 葛优:走走...好了好了...都别送
[17:06.77] 乔杉:还玫瑰金呢!你听懂呀你
[17:08.93] 葛优:不送,不送
[17:10.09] 蔡明:再让我看看那个手镯
[17:12.22] 潘长江:有男款的吗?

Pinyin

[00:05.72] pān cháng jiāng: gāng gāng huā bā qiān kuài qián, mǎi le yí gè bǎo jiàn chuáng diàn
[00:09.83] dōu shuō fáng lǎo zhì bìng, chà diǎn ér yào le wǒ de lǎo mìng
[00:13.70] shuì le yī xiǔ jué, běng qǐ lái qī bā huí
[00:16.05] zǎ běng de, zì jǐ kàn
[00:22.06] běn dǎ suàn
[00:23.12] chèn zhe lǎo bàn ér lǚ yóu, gěi tā gè jīng xǐ
[00:26.43] zhè tā yào zhī dào wǒ huā bā qiān kuài qián, mǎi le zhè me gè pò wán yì ér
[00:30.91] cài míng: wǒ huí lái le
[00:32.39] pān cháng jiāng: āi yō wǒ de mā ya
[00:33.30] zhè jiù shuō huí lái, zǎ jiù huí lái le
[00:34.97] bù xíng, wǒ dé cáng qǐ lái
[00:37.85] lái le lái le lái le...
[00:44.43] lǎo bàn ér
[00:49.82] cài míng: zěn me zhè me màn ne
[00:51.61] zài wǎn diǎn ér wǒ jiù gǎi jià le
[00:55.03] āi yō, dà bái tiān r de lā chuāng lián gàn shén me ya
[00:59.19] pān cháng jiāng: lǎo bàn ér
[01:00.20] cài míng:
[01:01.58] pān cháng jiāng: ... nǐ lǚ yóu huí lái, jiù méi shuō gěi wǒ dài gè lǐ wù shén me de
[01:06.08] cài míng: dài le, dài le
[01:07.18] wǒ gěi nǐ mǎi le yí gè hóng wài xiàn zhì shāng cè liáng yí
[01:12.87] āi, lái.... cè cè nǐ de zhì shāng
[01:17.00] lái, zhàn shàng lái, kàn kàn nǐ de zhì shāng
[01:21.61] líng?
[01:23.83] hé zhe wǒ jià le gè shǎ zi
[01:25.83] pān cháng jiāng: āi yā, nà zěn me bàn?
[01:27.56] cài míng: méi guān xì, méi guān xì
[01:28.81] yǒu bǔ jiù de cuò shī
[01:31.48] jiàn nǎo chuí
[01:37.39] zài kàn kàn zài kàn kàn
[01:40.08] yī bǎi sì! wa, shén tóng
[01:45.03] pān cháng jiāng: shén me shén tóng a, zhè jiù shì fǎn yìng màn de tǐ zhòng chèng
[01:48.69] zhè dé huā duō shǎo qián a
[01:50.19] cài míng: yī shuō huā qián wǒ xiǎng qǐ lái le
[01:53.04] wǒ zǎn nà bā qiān kuài qián, kuài gěi wǒ
[01:57.53] pān cháng jiāng: nà qián méi zài jiā
[01:59.63] cài míng: méi zài jiā?
[02:01.18] zì jǐ chū qù chuàng yè qù le
[02:03.83] pān cháng jiāng: bú shì... nà gè...
[02:04.74] jiù tiān tiān bāng zá jiā mǎi cài nà gè kuài dì xiǎo qiáo
[02:08.46] tā chū chē huò le
[02:10.05] cài míng: yō, rén méi shì ér ba?
[02:11.41] pān cháng jiāng: méi dà shì, wǒ bǎ nà bā qiān kuài qián dōu jiè gěi tā le
[02:14.25] cài míng: āi yō, kě lián de hái zi
[02:16.54] tǐng shǎ yī rén, zěn me méi diǎn ér shǎ fú ne
[02:20.26] pān cháng jiāng: nà hái zi kě bù shǎ
[02:22.12] cài míng: shuí ya?
[02:23.09] qiáo shān: ā yí, shì wǒ xiǎo qiáo. nǐ cāi wǒ shì shuí?
[02:27.40] cài míng: zhè hái bù shǎ ne, zhè gè... lái le, lái le
[02:31.88] qiáo shān: ā yí. ā yí, zhè shì gěi nín mǎi de cài
[02:37.97] cài míng: kuài jìn lái
[02:45.41] qiáo ér a, nǐ zhè tuǐ?
[02:49.92] qiáo shān: zěn me yàng? xiàn liàng bǎn de
[02:52.45] cài míng: xiàn liàng bǎn de jiǎ zhī?
[02:55.50] qiáo shān: xiàn liàng bǎn de qiú xié
[02:58.38] cài míng: nà zhè xié chuān shang jiǎo bù néng dǎ wān ér ma?
[03:00.87] qiáo shān: yī dǎ wān ér xié bù jiù chū zhě ér le ma
[03:04.03] cài míng: zhè me jīn guì, duō shǎo qián a?
[03:06.41] qiáo shān: bā qiān
[03:07.72] cài míng: yī fēn méi gěi wǒ shèng
[03:11.16] xiǎo qiáo, bā qiān kuài qián mǎi shuāng qiú xié, nǐ jiù bù xīn téng ma?
[03:16.13] qiáo shān: xīn dǎo shì bù téng
[03:17.89] jiù shì lǎo zhè me zǒu dào ér ba
[03:20.02] zhè tuǐ shǐ bù shàng jìn r, pì gǔ yǒu diǎn ér téng
[03:24.79] pān cháng jiāng: nà nǐ gǎn jǐn huí jiā yǎng yǎng pì gǔ
[03:26.04] cài míng: huí lái... huí lái... zuò zhe... zuò zhe...
[03:28.55] ā yí gěi nǐ shuō liǎng jù huà, nǐ kuài guò lái!
[03:31.75] xiǎo qiáo... nǐ kàn, nǐ dà yé méi shén me běn shì
[03:35.99] měi gè yuè jiù ná nà me diǎn ér tuì xiū jīn
[03:38.56] qiáo shān: ā yí, nín zhè me shuō wǒ bù jiù míng bái le ma
[03:41.01] nín shì xiǎng huàn lǎo bàn ér ba?
[03:44.21] cài míng: hú shuō, zhè hái zi, qiè
[03:46.11] wǒ gēn nǐ míng shuō le ba
[03:47.99] nǐ mǎi qiú xié de zhè gè qián a, yīng gāi shì gěi nǐ chū chē huò yòng de
[03:59.53] qiáo shān: bú shì, ā yí...
[04:01.96] nín zhè gè zhù fú shì bú shì yǒu diǎn ér tài è dú le?
[04:05.69] cài míng: tā zěn me zhuāng shǎ ne?
[04:06.80] pān cháng jiāng: lǎo bàn ér, bié shēng qì. wǒ jiào yù jiào yù tā
[04:08.61] cài míng: zhè shén me hái zi
[04:09.43] pān cháng jiāng: nǐ gěi wǒ zhàn qǐ lái
[04:11.79] nǐ zěn me shuō zuò jiù zuò xià le? a!
[04:16.02] qiáo ér a, wǒ men jiā yǒu bā qiān kuài qián ràng wǒ gěi huā le
[04:19.40] nǐ ā yí gēn wǒ yào, wǒ shuō bǎ nà bā qiān kuài qián jiè gěi nǐ le
[04:22.83] nǐ jīn tiān yí dìng bāng dà yé bǎ zhè shì yuán guò qù
[04:25.06] qiáo shān: zhè shì gēn wǒ yǒu shà guān xì?
[04:26.48] pān cháng jiāng: nǐ zhè qiú xié zhēn hǎo
[04:27.60] qiáo shān: bāo wǒ shēn shàng le, lái
[04:30.49] ā yí
[04:31.51] cài míng: āi āi āi, lái le, lái le... zěn me zhāo?
[04:36.38] qiáo shān: ā yí, wǒ dà yé nà bā qiān kuài qián jiè wǒ le
[04:40.07] cài míng: āi, zhè cái shì hǎo hái zi
[04:42.18] lái, huán gěi wǒ, bā qiān
[04:46.35] qiáo shān: dà yé, tā ràng wǒ huán qián
[04:47.52] pān cháng jiāng: ràng nǐ hái nǐ jiù hái, mò ji shà
[04:49.13] cài míng: kuài diǎn r, gǎn jǐn de, shǒu jī, dí yī xià zǐ lái
[04:53.31] zhè ér, zhè ér... kàn zhè ér
[04:55.47] qiáo shān: wǒ zěn me gǎn jué shì gè xiàn jǐng ne?
[04:58.55] cài míng: lái, hǎo hǎo hǎo, dào le dào le
[05:01.32] pān cháng jiāng: lǎo bàn ér, lǎo bàn ér
[05:03.33] nǐ zháo jí yào nà bā qiān kuài qián xiǎng gàn ma ya?
[05:05.02] cài míng: , gěi nà shuí
[05:06.15] pān cháng jiāng: shuí?
[05:07.15] cài míng: wǒ ér zi, nǐ bù rèn shi
[05:10.74] pān cháng jiāng nǐ ér zi, wǒ bù rèn shi
[05:12.34] hé zhe zán liǎ guò le zhè me duō nián suàn" shì yǒu" bei
[05:16.83] cài míng: bú shì, shì zhè me huí shì
[05:18.86] zhè huí wǒ chū qù lǚ yóu, wǒ shàng le sān tiān de yǎng shēng jiǎng zuò
[05:23.52] nà lǎo shī rén tè bié hǎo, rèn wǒ dāng le gàn mā
[05:31.23][05:27.52] wǒ zài tā nà ér mǎi le yí gè" dà" bǎo jiàn pǐn sòng gěi nǐ
[05:31.24] pān cháng jiāng: shì ma
[05:33.51] qiáo shān: nà nǐ dé huā duō shǎo qián a?
[05:34.43] cài míng: nǐ xié, qǐ zhě ér le
[05:36.56] pān cháng jiāng: nǐ zhǎo shuí a?
[05:47.65] cài míng: yōu yōu
[05:49.45] gě yōu: mā mā
[05:55.76] pān cháng jiāng: sā kāi! sā kāi! gàn ma ne! sā kāi!
[05:59.02] cài míng: hǎn shén me, hǎn shén me, hǎn shén me!
[06:01.16] nà me dà de rén, gēn hái zi chī cù
[06:03.57] pān cháng jiāng: tā shì hái zi?
[06:06.17] cài míng: yōu yōu, mā mā gěi nǐ jiè shào yī xià
[06:08.24] zhè shì nǐ bà bà... wǎng xià kàn
[06:15.48] gě yōu: zhèi xiē nián, nín shòu wěi qu le
[06:19.13] cài míng: zhè hái zi
[06:19.84] pān cháng jiāng: ér a, nín jīn nián" gāo shòu" le?
[06:24.03] gě yōu: zài dà, yě shì nín de" ér zi"
[06:27.15] lái! shàng" xiào xīn"!
[06:30.72] cài míng: wa...!
[06:34.14] gě yōu: lóu xià děng wǒ
[06:36.41] cài míng: āi yā... dào le, dào le
[06:38.04] wǒ zhè jiù bǎ bā qiān kuài qián zhuǎn nǐ
[06:39.72] gě yōu: āi, hǎo!
[06:40.53] qiáo shān: děng huì ér! shà pò chuáng diàn jiù zhí bā qiān kuài qián a
[06:43.77] lǐ miàn xù de shì qiú xié a?
[06:45.71] gě yōu: zhè zhè zhè... zhè wèi... yě shì" ér zi"?
[06:49.73] qiáo shān: kuài dì xiǎo qiáo
[06:50.61] gě yōu: ó, nà nǐ gǎn jǐn sòng kuài dì qù ba, bié dān wù wǒ men" yī jiā rén" tuán yuán
[06:54.98] pān cháng jiāng:" xīn chéng zé líng"
[06:58.57] gě yōu: xīn bù chéng... yě líng
[07:01.65] gōng xǐ nǐ men èr wèi chéng wéi wǒ men huá běi dì qū zuì jiàn kāng de lǎo rén
[07:07.62] cài míng: ō yé!
[07:09.59] pān cháng jiāng: āi... āi... lǎo bàn ér...
[07:13.29] bié gāo xìng le, tā jiù shì gè dà piàn zi
[07:15.33] cài míng: bié hú shuō, zán bù néng yǐ mào qǔ rén
[07:19.87] pān cháng jiāng: wǒ jiù shí huà gēn nǐ shuō ba
[07:21.13] nà bā qiān kuài qián wǒ gēn běn jiù méi jiè gěi xiǎo qiáo
[07:23.20] mǎi le yí gè gēn nǐ zhè yī mú yī yàng de chuáng diàn zǐ
[07:25.48] jiù shì tā men piàn zǐ gōng sī de
[07:27.15] nǐ kàn kàn zhè chuáng diàn zǐ, cháng chéng shà yàng le
[07:31.67] kàn! suǒ yǒu tán huáng dōu běng chū lái le
[07:34.63] qiáo shān: āi yā mā ya, nà" ér zi", qǐng jiě shì
[07:46.38] gě yōu: zhè me kuài jiù jiàn xiào le
[07:49.10] pān cháng jiāng: jiàn xiào le? jiàn xuè le
[07:53.56] gě yōu: wǒ zūn jìng de fù qīn, zhè shì wǒ men de zhēn jiǔ gōng néng
[08:03.33] zhè gè tán huáng... zhè gè tán huáng... jiù shì zài yè shēn rén jìng
[08:08.84] rén zuì fàng sōng de shí hòu... pā... jiū jiū jiū jiū jiū jiū jiū...
[08:19.02] " tōu xí" nǐ de xué wèi
[08:21.95] tōu xí yǒu tí qián tōng zhī de ma?
[08:23.92] cài míng: méi yǒu
[08:24.99] pān cháng jiāng: nà... nà wǒ hòu bèi hái guā chū bù shǎo xuè yìn zǐ ne
[08:28.03] gě yōu: guā shā gōng néng
[08:30.35] pān cháng jiāng: nà wǒ shuì sù jué hái qǐ hóng zhěn le ne
[08:33.16] gě yōu: pái dú gōng néng
[08:35.58] pān cháng jiāng: nà wǒ... nà wǒ shuì dào bàn yè, běng qǐ lái qī bā mǐ gāo
[08:38.91] zhè zěn me shuō?
[08:40.97] gě yōu: yú lè gōng néng
[08:45.27] cài míng: nǐ zhuàn le, hái néng wán ér de kuǎ kuǎ...
[08:48.36] qiáo shān: xiān bié kuǎ kuǎ le ā yí, lái, kàn kàn a
[08:53.04] nǐ zhè lǐ biān xù de kě dōu shì gān cǎo
[08:57.25] gě yōu: zhè shì chún tiān rán cǎo běn jīng huá
[09:01.14] wǒ zūn jìng de mǔ qīn, wǒ sòng nín de zhè bǎn hái shì 2. 0 de
[09:06.90] gōng néng jiā bèi
[09:09.55] zhuān zhì fēng shī gāo xuè yā
[09:12.08] jiǎn féi kàng ái fáng tuō fà
[09:17.63] qiáo shān: ā yí, nǐ děng huì ér ba
[09:19.38] ā yí, tā mài de chuáng diàn zǐ fáng tuō fà, nǐ xìn ma
[09:23.32] cài míng: wǒ dāng rán xìn le, tā... āi yā...
[09:28.36] gě yōu: xiǎo xiōng dì, wǒ zhè shì tì le
[09:33.32] zì dǎ shuì le zhè gè chuáng diàn zǐ, tóu fà zhǎng de tài kuài
[09:38.04] zǎo shàng tì guāng le, wǎn shàng jiù néng dǎng yǎn jīng
[09:43.60] zhōng wǔ a, dōu bù gǎn wǔ shuì
[09:45.68] cài míng: nà shi bù néng zài wǔ shuì le
[09:47.26] yào bù rán jiù chéng le dūn bù le
[09:49.77] pān cháng jiāng: děng yī huì r ba
[09:50.77] shuì zhè chuáng diàn zǐ hái néng cháng tóu fā
[09:54.37] gě yōu: wǒ zūn jìng de fù qīn
[09:57.60] hé zhǐ a
[10:01.07] hái zhǎng gè ér ne!
[10:07.69] nín néng xiǎng xiàng ma?
[10:10.62] jǐ nián qián wǒ de shēn gāo, zhǐ néng yǎng wàng nín
[10:15.95] shuì le bàn nián chuáng diàn, nín zài qiáo
[10:22.95] pān cháng jiāng: āi?
[10:24.26] qiáo shān: bié āi le, dà yé, bié āi le
[10:26.32] wǒ gào sù nǐ, wǒ dà yé kě shàng guò nǐ men yī huí dāng
[10:28.84] jīn tiān rú guǒ zài néng ràng nǐ gěi piàn le, wǒ jīn ér jiù bǎ zhè chuáng diàn zǐ chī le, dà yé
[10:34.47] ā yí, wǒ zhī chí nǐ huàn lǎo bàn ér
[10:38.34] zán zhè qián kě shì bù néng zhuǎn gěi tā, tīng jiàn méi
[10:41.34] cài míng: duō xiè tí xǐng, lái, zhuǎn qián
[10:44.88] qiáo shān: tā zhuǎn qián nǐ guǎn bù guǎn a
[10:45.85] pān cháng jiāng: zhuǎn de duì
[10:47.66] cài míng: āi yā, kuài qǐ lái ba!
[10:48.94] nǐ zhǎng de tài gāo, shàng gōng gòng qì chē wǒ hái dé gěi nǐ mǎi piào
[10:53.25] gě yōu: āi yā... āi yā...
[10:57.96] cài míng: zěn me le... zěn me le hái zi
[10:59.54] gě yōu: ér zi wú néng a! zhǐ néng ràng nǐ men èr lǎo shuì zhè zhǒng chū jí chǎn pǐn
[11:06.64] cài míng: chū jí chǎn pǐn? nà jiù shì shuō hái yǒu gāo jí chǎn pǐn le?
[11:10.74] gě yōu: tài kōng shuì mián cāng
[11:13.60] pān cháng jiāng: nà... nà shi gè shén me dōng xī?
[11:16.10] gě yōu: wǒ zhè me gēn nǐ men shuō ba
[11:17.88] wǒ yǒu yí gè tóng shì
[11:19.75] nà gè nǎo dài, ràng gōng sī de nà gè dà mén gěi jǐ méi le
[11:25.26] jiù zài zhè gè tài kōng cāng lǐ tǎng le liǎng tiān
[11:30.07] nǐ men cāi zěn me zhāo
[11:31.18] cài míng pān cháng jiāng: zěn me zhāo
[11:32.92] gě yōu: sǐ le
[11:35.42] yòu guò le liǎng tiān
[11:37.49][11:37.44] pèn ér, zhǎng chū yī xīn nǎo dài
[11:40.54] kē jì de lì liàng a
[11:44.99] qiáo shān: nǐ shì zhēn néng piàn a!
[11:46.80] gě yōu: nǐ zhè gè xié zhēn shì bù cuò a
[11:48.41] qiáo shān: bā qiān kuài qián xiàn liàng bǎn ne
[11:50.29] cài míng: yōu yōu, wǒ men yě bù yòng zhǎng shén me nǎo dài
[11:54.20] wǒ men jiù xiǎng cháng mìng bǎi suì xíng ma?
[11:57.28] gě yōu: bǎi suì zhǐ shì qǐ bù, sān wǔ bǎi suì yě yǒu kě néng
[12:03.22] cài míng: nà zán liǎ jiù chéng le lǎo bù sǐ de le
[12:06.48] pān cháng jiāng: tài hǎo le!
[12:09.17] wǒ zūn jìng de ér zi, qǐng wèn zhè tài kōng shuì mián cāng duō shǎo qián?
[12:14.34] gě yōu: shí bā wàn
[12:17.08] qiáo shān: wǒ gào sù nǐ, nǐ shì kě ér zhǐ ba
[12:18.90] nǐ xiàn zài zhè zhǒng xíng wéi, jiù shì bī zhe èr lǎo mài fáng zi
[12:22.87] cài míng: duō xiè tí xǐng!
[12:24.80] yōu yōu, wǒ bǎ fáng chǎn zhèng yā nǐ zhè ér xíng ma?
[12:27.68] gě yōu: xíng a!
[12:28.30] pān cháng jiāng: duì! gǎn jǐn zhǎo fáng chǎn zhèng!
[12:30.37] cài míng: kuài kuài, zán gē nǎ ér le
[12:31.36] qiáo shān: zhè shì yào fēng le
[12:32.73] bù xíng, wǒ dé bào jǐng
[12:34.99] nǐ bié zǒu a, wǒ gào sù nǐ
[12:36.32] pān cháng jiāng: xiǎng dān wù wǒ zhǎng gè ér, méi mén r
[12:40.85] qiáo shān: wǒ yǒu shǒu jī, wǒ dǎ shǒu jī, nǐ děng zhe
[12:44.71] bú shì, ā yí
[12:46.50] cài míng: xié
[12:48.40] qiáo shān: ā yí, ā yí
[12:50.47] wǒ zhè me shuō nǐ zěn me jiù bù míng bái ne!
[12:53.44] dí tiān lín: wǒ huí lái le!
[12:57.96] gě yōu: mā mā, zán men jiā lái rén le!
[13:00.64] dí tiān lín: duì bù qǐ! wǒ zǒu cuò mén le
[13:02.08] qiáo shān: nǐ méi cuò!
[13:04.11] dí tiān lín: xiǎo qiáo, nǐ zěn me zài zhè ér?
[13:05.42] qiáo shān: nǐ kuài guò lái, tiān lín
[13:07.32] nǐ kuài guǎn guǎn nǐ bà nǐ mā ba
[13:08.84] tā men shuō shuì zhè chuáng diàn zǐ
[13:10.17] yòu zhēn jiǔ hái néng guā shā
[13:12.00] wán le shuō gē tā nà ér shuì, yī xià jiù néng zhǎng chū gè nǎo dài
[13:14.55] nǐ bà nǐ mā xiàn zài yào zhěng gè shuì mián cāng shàng tài kōng
[13:18.64] dí tiān lín: a?
[13:20.18] qiáo shān: gěi nǐ bà běng qī bā mǐ gāo
[13:22.96] dí tiān lín: shén me?
[13:24.15] qiáo shān: āi yō, nǐ men zhè yī jiā zǐ dōu shén me lǐ jiě néng lì a
[13:27.24] qì sǐ wǒ le! hēng!
[13:30.40] cài míng: āi yā, wǒ bǎo bèi r huí lái
[13:32.32] dí tiān lín: mā, bà, wǒ huí lái le
[13:34.79] cài míng: bàn nián dōu méi huí jiā le
[13:36.20] dí tiān lín: tài máng le
[13:37.46] cài míng: lái lái lái, mā mā gěi nǐ jiè shào yī xià
[13:39.83] lái, zhè shì nǐ gē, jiào gē ge
[13:48.62] dí tiān lín: bà, nǐ zhè shì jǐ suì fàn de cuò wù zhè shì?
[13:52.10] pān cháng jiāng: wǒ jiǔ suì nà nián... shén me wán yì wǒ fàn cuò wù le?
[13:54.72] zhè shì wǒ gēn nǐ mā gāng rèn de gān ér zi
[13:57.88] qiáo shān: shén me gān ér zi, tā jiù shì gè dà piàn zi
[14:00.10] tā nòng liǎ chuáng diàn zǐ
[14:01.52] cài míng pān cháng jiāng gě yōu: wài rén bié chā zuǐ
[14:03.20] qiáo shān: wǒ qiàn ne wǒ, wǒ qiàn
[14:04.86] gě yōu: zán men cái shì yī jiā rén
[14:07.94] wǒ zūn jìng de dì di
[14:09.92] wǒ kàn nǐ de liǎn sè bù tài hǎo, shì bú shì zuì jìn shuì mián yǒu wèn tí a
[14:15.14] dí tiān lín: hái zhēn shì
[14:16.29] gě yōu: nà nǐ jiù tīng nǐ gē de, zài zhè gè diàn zǐ shàng nǐ jiù hǎo hǎo de...
[14:32.53] jiāo jǐng
[14:34.48] dí tiān lín: xíng jǐng
[14:35.65] gě yōu: xíng... wǒ kàn xíng
[14:38.85] nǐ huí lái le, gē ge jiù fàng xīn le
[14:40.42] nǐ men yī jiā zài yì qǐ duō hǎo a
[14:42.75] wǒ yǐ hòu huì cháng huí jiā kàn kàn, dōu bié sòng... dōu bié sòng
[14:47.90] dí tiān lín: shuí sòng nǐ le
[14:48.15] cài míng: bié zháo jí zǒu a, fáng chǎn zhèng hái méi ná ne
[14:50.73] pān cháng jiāng: duì!
[14:51.48] gě yōu: fáng zi jiù gěi lǎo èr ba
[14:53.67] dí tiān lín: mā, zhè fáng chǎn zhèng shì zěn me huí shì?
[14:56.00] qiáo shān: tā, yào piàn nǐ men jiā fáng zi
[14:58.07] dí tiān lín: nǐ dào dǐ shì gàn shén me de?
[15:03.73] gě yōu: tài yí hàn le, wǒ dōu tì èr lǎo cán kuì
[15:07.75] qí shí wǒ dí zhēn shí shēn fèn ne, shì fáng zhà piàn yì wù xuān chuán yuán
[15:14.39] nǐ men èr lǎo méi yǒu tōng guò wǒ men de zhè gè xiǎo cè shì
[15:18.02] zhè me gāo wǒ yě xià bù qù a
[15:21.91] nǐ men èr lǎo yǐ hòu yào cā liàng yǎn jīng, tí gāo jǐng tì, zài jiàn
[15:28.62] dí tiān lín: děng huì ér
[15:30.13] zhè xīn chéng zé líng chuáng diàn shì nǐ zài mài ma?
[15:32.66] gě yōu: mài jiù jiàn wài le, yǒu cháng jìn xiào... yǒu cháng jìn xiào
[15:35.83] dí tiān lín: xíng. wǒ men chá de zhè me jǐn, hái gǎn dǐng fēng zuò àn
[15:39.00] tǐng zhí zhuó a!
[15:40.18] zǒu! gēn wǒ dào pài chū suǒ zǒu yī tàng
[15:42.34] pān cháng jiāng: ér zi! nǐ yào gàn ma?
[15:44.65] dí tiān lín: zhè jiù shì gè dà piàn zi, wǒ dé bǎ tā zhuā zǒu, a
[15:47.51] cài míng: tiān lín!
[15:49.00] wǒ men xīn xīn kǔ kǔ gōng nǐ shàng dà xué dāng jǐng chá
[15:52.66] jiù wèi le ràng nǐ huí jiā zhuā nǐ gē ge de ma?
[15:56.02] bǎ nǐ gē fàng le!
[15:57.24] pān cháng jiāng: duì!
[15:57.86] cài míng: bǎ nǐ bà zhuā zǒu ba
[16:00.90] wǒ dōu ràng tā gěi qì hú tú le
[16:03.60] dí tiān lín: nǐ men shì zhēn hú tú le!
[16:05.47] bà, mā, lǎo nián rén dōu xī wàng zì jǐ néng gòu cháng mìng bǎi suì
[16:09.18] shēn tǐ jiàn kāng, shǎo gěi zǐ nǚ men tiān má fán
[16:11.91] wǒ lǐ jiě
[16:12.64] dàn zhèi xiē piàn zi, tā men yě shì lì yòng le zhè zhǒng xīn lǐ
[16:16.24] wǒ zhè yǒu wǎng shàng de gōng shì
[16:19.47] xīn chéng zé líng jí tuán
[16:24.14] shè xián zhà piàn, yǐ jí zhì shòu wěi liè shāng pǐn
[16:27.27] zhè huí xìn le ba
[16:30.92] cài míng: yōu yōu, nǐ zhēn de shì piàn zi a
[16:35.60] gě yōu: yī jiā rén shuō shí mǒ piàn bù piàn de
[16:38.32] dàn shì nǐ men èr lǎo yǐ hòu zài wài biān zhēn dé dàng xīn
[16:42.05] zhèng hǎo wǒ zhè yǒu yī kuǎn lǎo nián fáng zhà piàn shǒu zhuó
[16:47.14] qīn yǒu yōu huì jià
[16:49.01] qiáo shān: hái piàn ne nǐ!
[16:50.55] dí tiān lín: qiǎo le
[16:51.57] wǒ zhè yě yǒu yī fù fáng zhà piàn shǒu zhuó
[16:55.44] hái shì miǎn fèi de
[16:57.52] gě yōu: a? zhè shì méi guī jīn de ba?
[17:02.14] dí tiān lín: xīn kuǎn de, zǒu ba
[17:04.81] gě yōu: zǒu zǒu... hǎo le hǎo le... dōu bié sòng
[17:06.77] qiáo shān: hái méi guī jīn ne! nǐ tīng dǒng ya nǐ
[17:08.93] gě yōu: bù sòng, bù sòng
[17:10.09] cài míng: zài ràng wǒ kàn kàn nà gè shǒu zhuó
[17:12.22] pān cháng jiāng: yǒu nán kuǎn de ma?