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I was lonelier than Kunta Kinte at a Merle Haggard concert |
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That night I strolled on into Uncle Limpy's Hump Palace lookin' for love. |
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It had been a while. |
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In fact, three hundred and sixty-five had come and went |
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since that midnight run haulin' hog to Shakey Town on I-10. |
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I had picked up this hitchhiker that was sweatin' gallons |
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through a pair of Daisy Duke cut-offs and one of those Fruit Of The Loom tank-tops. |
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Well, that night I lost myself to ruby red lips, |
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milky white skin and baby blue eyes. |
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Name was Russell. |
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Yes, a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin' |
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Yes, a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin' |
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Well I find it's quite a thrill |
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When she grinds me against her will |
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Yes a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin' |
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Well, faster than you can say, "shallow grave", |
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this pretty little thing come up to me and starts kneadin' my balls |
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like hard-boiled eggs in a tube sock. |
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Said her name was Bambi and I said, "Well that's a coincidence darlin', |
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'cause I was just thinkin' about skinnin' you like a deer." |
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Well she smiled, had about as much teeth as a Jack-O-Lantern, |
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and I went on to tell her how I would wear her face like a mask |
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as I do my little kooky dance. |
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And then she told me to shush. |
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I guess she could sense my desperation. |
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'Course, it's hard to hide a hard-on when you're dressed like Minnie Pearl. |
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Yes, a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin' |
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Yes, a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin' |
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Well I find it's quite a thrill |
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When she grinds me against her will |
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Yes, a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin' |
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So, Bambi's goin' on about how she can make all my fantasies come true. |
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So I says, "Even this one I have where Jesus Christ |
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is jackhammering Mickey Mouse in the doo-doo hole |
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with a lawn dart as Garth Brooks gives birth to something |
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resembling a cheddar cheese log with almonds on Santa Claus's tummy-tum?" |
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Well, ten beers, twenty minutes and thirty dollars later |
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I'm parkin' the beef bus in tuna town if you know what I mean. |
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Got to nail her back at her trailer. |
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Heh. That rhymes. |
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I have to admit it was even more of a turn-on |
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when I found out she was doin' me to buy baby formula. |
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Yes, a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin' |
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Yes, a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin' |
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Well I find it's quite a thrill |
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When she grinds me against her will |
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Yes, a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin' |
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Day or so had passed when I popped the clutch, |
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gave the tranny a spin and slid on into |
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The Stinky Pinky Gulp N' Guzzle Big Rig Snooze-A-Stop. |
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There I was browsin' through the latest issue of "Throb", |
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when I saw Bambi starin' at me from the back of a milk carton. |
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Well, my heart just dropped. |
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So, I decided to do what any good Christian would. |
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You can not imagine how difficult it is to hold a half gallon of moo juice |
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and polish the one-eyed gopher when you're doin' seventy-five |
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in an eighteen-wheeler. |
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I never thought missing children could be so sexy. |
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Did I say that out loud? |
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Yes, a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin' |
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Yes, a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin' |
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Well I find it's quite a thrill |
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When she grinds me against her will |
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Yes, a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin' |
