The Waiter and the Porter and the Upstairs Maid

Song The Waiter and the Porter and the Upstairs Maid
Artist Bing Crosby
Album Jazz Singer 1931-1941

Lyrics

[00:04.100]
[00:06.710] As your genial host may I offer a toast
[00:10.890] To the wine buying guest on my right
[00:13.900] (Hooray for the wine buyer)
[00:15.980] Yes drag out the cooking
[00:17.380] Sherry for the old colonel
[00:18.680] May his bank account grow
[00:20.960] Heavy laden with dough
[00:22.930] May he spend it in here every night
[00:26.320] (Every night)
[00:29.800] Seeing this night in its glory
[00:32.810] You people so loyal so true
[00:36.610] Puts me in mind of a story
[00:41.380] Tell us about it pray do-o-o-o-o-o
[00:48.010] The people in the ballroom
[00:49.920] Were stuffy and arty
[00:51.650] So I began to get just a little bit frayed
[00:54.960] I sneaked into the kitchen
[00:56.680] I dug me a party
[00:58.400] The waiter
[00:59.070] And the porter
[01:00.040] And the second storey maid
[01:01.740] I peeked into the parlour to see
[01:03.970] What was a-hatchin
[01:05.300] In time to hear the hostess
[01:07.050] Suggest a charade
[01:08.700] But who was in the pantry a-laughin an scratchin
[01:12.070] Oh The waiter
[01:13.240] And the porter
[01:14.050] And the upstairs maid
[01:15.650] When they heard the music
[01:17.190] That the orchestra played
[01:18.930] The waiter and the porter grabbed
[01:20.800] A-hold of the maid
[01:22.470] Then they all proceeded to go into a clog
[01:26.450] Hot diggedy dog
[01:29.300] If ever I invited to some fuddy-duddy
[01:32.070]
[01:32.650] I ain a-gonna watch any harlequinade
[01:36.030] You and l find him in the kitchen
[01:38.580] Applaudin his buddies
[01:39.510] The waiter
[01:40.340] And the porter
[01:41.170] And the upstairs maid
[01:45.930]
[01:50.070] Well pardon me folks
[01:51.470] The roast is carved
[01:53.170] The wine is served
[01:54.640] Why you look half starved
[01:56.610] Pardon me sir may we be free
[01:59.860] The kitchen guard is havin a jamboree
[02:05.250]
[02:10.560] (Orchestral break)
[02:11.110] I went and got a dish
[02:12.660] Pan to use as a cymbal
[02:13.870] The porter found the regular
[02:15.320] Glass that he played
[02:16.980] The fingers of the waiter
[02:18.660] Were each in a thimble
[02:20.330] You should-a heard the music
[02:22.020] That the combination made
[02:24.600]
[02:37.820] Marchin' through the kitchen to
[02:38.960] The pantry and back
[02:40.800] Why man you should-a seen us
[02:42.320] We were ballin' the jack
[02:44.120] Once a half an hour
[02:45.730] Passed without any call
[02:48.220] Jack we had a ball
[02:51.280] The waltzes and mazurkas
[02:52.840] We hate 'em we spurn 'em
[02:54.610] We got a lot of rhythms
[02:56.240] We wanna hear played
[02:57.670] Yes and we know who to go to
[02:59.910] When we want to learn 'em
[03:01.410] The waiter and the porter
[03:02.950] And the upstairs maid