| Hello, welcome to the show Thought we broke up years ago What's up, | |
| I just shit my pants Gambled and I lost Good times, just blew out my knee | |
| I've fallen and I can't get up Oh shit, I think I broke my back | |
| Where's the wheelchair? I'm old school I'm played out Osteoporosis, | |
| glaucoma and neurosis The vultures circling above our balding heads | |
| Second verse, the same as the first I forgot the words again Railer, | |
| lost my inhaler Who's got a smoke for the Caper? | |
| Hold on let me catch my breath All right, | |
| I feel better now Take it to the bridge | |
| I'll never be Ozzy On stage when I'm fifty | |
| I'm gonna look like Elvis By the time I'm forty | |
| We're already bogus We're already fading | |
| We'll never be The Rolling Stones | |
| I'm staying home Dementia and senility My failing muscles atrophy | |
| I've lost all ability Falling apart Blue hair, brown teeth Failing livers, | |
| defeat Maybe we will try to pull it off For another year |