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This next song is a first-hand account. |
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High-school party, senior year, |
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Boys and girls are all sippin' on beer. |
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I like soda, where's the soda? |
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Am I the only ****ing person here that likes soda? |
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I see you from across the crowd, |
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The party is bumpin' and the music is loud. |
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You're really drunk and you're looking sad, |
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It's like a date-rape ad. |
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Girl, then we start to dance, and |
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Girl, baby, this is romance, |
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Girl, I'm starting to grow down below, |
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Shit, why did I wear sweatpants? Ooh, yeah, |
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Girl, your body's like, what? |
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Conjunction junction, that's a fine ass, butt. |
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I'm like a cashew in a lollipop, |
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Just keep sucking 'til you get to the nut. |
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And I said, let's rob an Asian kitchen or stroll down the block, |
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Either way, girl, we're taking a walk [wok]. (It's...) |
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You're gonna love me the way my uncle did, |
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Except you're not gonna to go to court for doing it. |
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Be a guillotine, or my girl instead, |
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Either way, I said, you're giving me head. |
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I'm gonna love you, baby, the right way, |
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Shawty with a body, lookin' hottie when I say, girl. |
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We walk into the bedroom, exchanging nervous laughter, |
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Why is called dry humping if I always need a towel after? |
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You spread your naked legs, and I see that wound that never healed, |
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Even though you're yelling for me, I can tell your lips are sealed. |
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(I've been around.) |
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We're both aware of my erection, |
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You ask if I have protection. |
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I say, "No, I mean, I tried to buy 'em once. I was in a convenient store, my old babysitter walked in and I had to hide them near the Tic-Tacs, I was so embarrassed, I peed myself a little bit." |
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Girl, girl, yeah, well, yeah. |
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Insert a euphemism, |
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A sexy mental prism, |
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Increase my pelvic rhythm, |
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Fill you with my syllogism. |
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Know your body and I know how to please you, |
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Don't thank me, thank Wikipedia. |
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Guys don't go down, well I am, |
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What the **** is that, I should have brought my diagram. |
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Ooh, did you feel that? |
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That was an educated guess. |
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[In a deep voice.] |
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Ooh, yeah, did you feel that? Uh, that one was a sneeze, my bad. |
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I'm allergic to one type of cat. |
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High-school party, senior year, none of that happened 'cause I wasn't invited. |
