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(My ex-girlfriend had a really weird fetish |
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Uh, she used to like to dress up as herself and then act like a ****ing bitch all the time) |
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My show is a little bit silly, and a |
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Little bit pretentious, so like |
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Shakespeare's willy or |
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Noam Chomsky wearing a strap-on |
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It's also a little bit gay, and a |
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Little bit offensive, like |
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Thanksgiving Day or |
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Noam Chomsky wearing a strap-on |
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So put your cellphones to vibrate |
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And put your vibrators to cellphone mode |
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Welcome to the show, it goes a little bit like this |
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Joke... exactly |
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Welcome to my flow, it flows a little bit like this |
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With a rap and a diss then a |
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Swift rap in the wrist, a rap in a kiss |
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Like Hershey's wrappin' a Kiss, shit |
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I got a show that'll test you kids |
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And it asks one question and the question is |
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What's funny? |
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What's funny, what's funny, what's funny? |
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What's funny, what's funny, what's funny? |
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Funny, fu-funny |
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What's funny? |
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What's funny, what's funny, what's funny? |
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What's funny, what's funny, what's funny? |
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Funny |
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Oh yeah |
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Humor is often linked to shared experience |
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Like a guy gets up and says, "Have you noticed that public restrooms have really inefficient hand dryers? " |
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"Oh my God, yes I have |
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Ha ha ha ha, really good point |
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They should fix that |
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It's good to know that somebody finally gets me |
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'Cause my wife divorced me |
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Which has consciously forced me to lose all sense of self |
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So it's nice to think about hand dryers |
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And not that cheating whore" |
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Because stand-up comedy is actually pretty easy |
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If you're an Asian comic, just get up and say, "My mother's got the weirdest ****ing accent" |
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Then just do a Chinese accent |
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'Cause everybody laughs at the Chinese accent |
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Because they privately thought that your people were laughable and now you've given them the chance to express that in public |
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Ah yeah, if you're a musical comic |
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Just give them a little weird voice inflection |
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Then take a Viagra |
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And slap them with a rock-hard misdirection |
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What's funny? |
|
What's funny, what's funny, what's funny? |
|
What's funny, what's funny, what's funny? |
|
Funny, fu-funny |
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... Tourettes! |
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What's funny? |
|
What's funny, what's funny, what's funny? |
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What's funny, what's funny, what's funny? |
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Funny |
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Oh, and the audience says |
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When I was a baby, maybe I laughed at people jiggling keys |
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Now I'm older and bolder and just get mad because I notice that the keys are to a Hummer |
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**** my life, I don't **** my wife |
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So **** my wife, and **** my life |
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And my son is gay, but not sitcom gay |
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Daughter's a whore, like another girl that used to be her mother |
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But the marriage made her Miss Mary Americana |
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I want a teen, but that's screaming prima donna |
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But the radical feminists made my wife a man |
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Oh, and if I die happy |
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The situation |
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Will be auto-erotic |
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Asphyxiation |
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I hate my life and it hates me back |
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And my friend is black |
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But I don't know what to call him |
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So I just call him |
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... What up, Jamal? |
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Even though his name is Steve |
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I hate my job, I hate my life |
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I hate my kids, I hate my wife |
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Jews would know I do it |
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Judas beat me to it |
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I'm slowly slipping into a solipsistic coma |
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And I masturbate because I'm the only one whose standards are low enough to **** me! |
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What's funny? |
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What's funny, what's funny, what's funny? |
|
What's funny, what's funny, what's funny? |
|
Funny, fu-funny |
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(Pop) It's a boy |
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What's funny? |
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What's funny, what's funny, what's funny? |
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What's funny, what's funny, what's funny? |
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Funny, yeah |
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Hopefully this |
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(Fart) |
