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My carphone's on the pill, and my girfriend's got call waiting |
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Satan's in the bagels and my toaster's masturbating |
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My computer has hard drive, and my disk is always floppy |
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My xerox has the runs and it won't stop shitting copies |
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Help me |
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My paper wants some coffee and my mother needs recycling |
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My fax is getting acne and it needs some tetracyclene |
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My dog is late for school and my son pissed on the floor |
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The percolator's drooling and the baby's at the store |
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Would you help me please? |
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The tv's watching me and my control is in remote |
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Grandpa's sucking carpet and the vacuum stole my coat |
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And the birds are smoking cocaine and my son lives in a nest |
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My daughter just got neutered, and my cat just got fake breasts |
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Now help me please |
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Yeah tv rules the house now, mr. cartwright is the boss |
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Ginger's kissing maryann and i'm in love with hoss |
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Thurston howell iii is lusting after mary tyler |
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More is always less that mr. douglas is a styler |
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Green acres is the place to be, that eb is such a dork |
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He hit arnold the pig and so tonight we're eating pork |
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Help me |
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My coffee lost its dentures and my father needs reheating |
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My wife is always empty and the fridge is always eating |
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The dust pan's playng marbles and the kids are in the sink |
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And the heater won't quit farting and my mental health it stinks |
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Now help me please |
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My car went to the movies, and i'm locked in my garage |
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My bathroom went to art school, now i piss in a collage |
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And the blender stole my credit cards, and bought some fancy duds |
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Everyone has patriots, but all i have are scuds |
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Help me please |
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My carphone's on the pill, and my girfriend's got call waiting |
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Satan's in the bagels and my toaster's masturbating |
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Help me please |