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The perfect song for spitting whiskey soaked tobacco gobs onto dusty clusters of fly-carcass-encrusted horse shit, Mechanical Bull Rider is the scorching historical account of Bruce Longhorn - the most sadistic of mass murderers in western American during the early 1900's. Bruce's well fitting jeans and high flying mechanical bull skills hypnotized young men, turning them into quivering cumshots waiting to happen. Oce under his blue eyed spell, Bruce would take his victim home for some back door barnstorming, whereupon the horror would begin. First he'd hog tie hisnew friend, claiming it was part of his sexual antics. Then came the kerosene- Bruce would pour gallons of the flammable fluid down the shocked throat of his prey, stopping only when noticable bloated occurred. Next, a moisture proof 20-inch wick would be snaked down the esophagus and into the stomach of the convulsing, oil-filled unlucky son of a bitch. With the wick dangling from his mouth, the victim could only gurgle as Bruce sparked the wick. Blammo! A shower of greasy guts coated the room's walls with peices of innocent person while gruesome Bruce Longhorn hunched in the bloodstained corner, smiling like a maggot in a slaughterhouse. Moral of story: Never trust a guy in tight jeans. |
