If I Had $1,000,000
Barenaked Ladies
If I Had a Million Dollars
If I had a million dollars
Well I’d buy you a house  I’d buy you a house
And if I had a million dollars  If I had a million dollars
I’d buy you furniture for your house   maybe a nice chesterfield or an ottoman
And if I had a million dollars  If I had a million dollars
Well I’d buy you a K-Car  a nice reliant automobile
And if I had a million dollars, I’d buy your love
If I had a million dollars I’d build a tree-fort in our yard
If I had a million dollars you could help, it wouldn’t be that hard
If I had a million dollars maybe we could put a little tiny fridge in there somewhere.
“You know, we could just go up there and hang out.”
“Like open the fridge and stuff,
and there’d all be foods laid out for us like little pre-wrapped sausages and things.
They have pre-wrapped sausages but they don’t have pre-wrapped bacon.”
“Well can you blame them?”
“Yeah.”
If I had a million dollars   If I had a million dollars
Well I’d buy you a fur coat  but not a real fur coat, that’s cruel
And if I had a million dollars    If I had a million dollars
Well I’d buy you an exotic pet   yep, like a llama or an emu
And if I had a million dollars  If I had a million dollars
Well I’d buy you John Merrick’s remains   all them crazy elephant bones
And if I had a million dollars I’d buy your love
If I had a million dollars we wouldn’t have to walk to the store
If I had a million dollars we’d take a limousine ’cause it costs more
If I had a million dollars we wouldn’t have to eat Kraft dinner
“But we would eat Kraft dinner.”
“Of course we would, we’d just eat more.”
“And buy really expensive ketchups with it.”
“That’s right, all the fanciest Dijon ketchups.”
If I had a million dollars  If I had a million dollars
Wel I’d buy you a green dress   but not a real green dress that’s cruel
And if I had a million dollars   If I had a million dollars
Well I’d buy you some art  A Picasso or a Garfunkel
And if I had a million dollars   If I had a million dollars
Well I’d buy you a monkey   haven’t you always wanted a monkey?!
And if I had a million dollars I’d buy your love
If I had a million dollars; if I had a million dollars
If I had a million dollars; if I had a million dollars
If I had a million dollars… I’d be rich!