I never wanted to fall from the top of the world but here I am. And now I am tired and ******* ugly and I hate it but it's all I can be. Locked up, ****** up but I know I'm not the only one. I hear that life goes on, but I guess just not for everyone. Consumed by bliss that now all I do is miss. The memories can make me happy but now I'm ******* pissed! Hopeless. Irrationally searching every single dimension to find a way to bring me closer to you. It's night like these when my jaw is being pried off the sides of my face and it feels as if somehow I swallowed a ******* shoe. I want to tear out my throat so just for a minute I might be able to finally breathe. What has happened to me? Not a day goes by when I didn't wish I were still living in September 2005. I never wanted to live this way or to feel this pain. And I can't stop asking why. Now I see that life is just a game. Sometimes everyday with out you, is another day I wish I didn't have to go through. It still hits me like a brick everyday and it will never go away. I never wanted you to go away. I hang my head deep into my chest, tormented to realize that for now this is the best. I want my life back, I want your life back more than anything. I never wanted to fall from the top of the world but here I am, and to some degree I always feel like *******t because your...Gone, forever. Gone, taken from me. Gone, ******* ******* ******* ******* ******* ******* *******. I used to think depression had nothing to do with me. Now every day of my life I'm faced with despair and misery. Because some dumb ******* asshole made some bad choices, and he landed on you, and we all pay the price...Now I know the meaning of being alone.