He's an ol' altar boy
 Lying out there in the street
 He's an ol' alter boy
 Bound up in leather and chains
 That's why I'm feeling so blue
 I'm an old altar boy
 What about you?
 
 Now, I can order in Latin
 Make 'em au gratin, Joe
 I'm an old altar boy
 That's why I'm so depressed
 I never got the rest of the dream
 Just the ritual
 Now I'm habitual
 Majoring in crimes that are unspeakable
 Cause I'm an old altar boy
 That's what happened to me.
 
 I'm an old altar boy
 He's hoping he can meet a woman dressed like a nun
 He knows there's got to be some around here
 Drinking across from the church
 A little Father Cribari wine
 On a Sunday morn' time.
 
 I'm an old altar boy.
 Why is he winking at this time in his life?
 He never took a wife, cause he's an old altar boy
 Oh, yeah...
 What about you?