[00:03.25]Drinkers: Come on you old pest
[00:04.32]Fetch a bottle of your best
[00:05.58]What's the nectar of the day?
[00:06.66]
[00:08.74]Théardier: Here, try this lot
[00:09.75]Guaranteed to hit the spot
[00:11.36]Or I'm not Théardier
[00:12.86]
[00:13.65]Drinkers: Gissa glass a rum
[00:14.13]Landlord, over here!
[00:15.84]
[00:16.30]Théardier: Right away, you scum
[00:17.74]Right away, Monsieur
[00:18.77]
[00:19.40]Diners: God this place has gone to hell
[00:21.14]So you tell me every year
[00:22.30]
[00:24.37]Théardier:
[00:25.31]My band of soaks
[00:27.24]My den of dissolutes
[00:29.02]My dirty jokes, my always pissed as newts.
[00:32.75]My sons of whores
[00:34.82]Spent their lives in my inn
[00:38.08]Homing pigeons homing in
[00:40.57]They fly through my doors
[00:45.79]And their money's as good as yours
[00:48.72]
[00:52.00]Welcome, Monsieur
[00:53.99]Sit yourself down
[00:55.52]And meet the best innkeeper in town.
[01:00.94]As for the rest,
[01:02.74]All of 'em crooks
[01:04.46]Rooking their guestsand cooking the books.
[01:07.89]
[01:09.85]Seldom do you see
[01:13.11]Honest men like me
[01:15.82]A gent of good intent
[01:18.25]Who's content to be
[01:20.88]
[01:21.94]Master of the house
[01:23.45]Doling out the charm
[01:24.90]Ready with a handshake and an open palm
[01:27.70]Tells a saucy tale
[01:29.10]Makes a little stir
[01:30.56]Customers appreciate a bon-viveur
[01:33.32]Glad to do a friend a favor
[01:36.16]Doesn't cost me to be nice
[01:38.96]But nothing gets you nothing
[01:40.50]Everything has got a little price!
[01:42.99]
[01:44.60]Master of the house
[01:46.00]Keeper of the zoo
[01:47.40]Ready to relieve them of a sou or two
[01:50.16]Watering the wine
[01:51.60]Making up the weight
[01:52.95]Pickin' up their knick-knacks when they can't see straight
[01:55.83]Everybody loves a landlord
[01:58.50]Everybody's bosom friend
[02:01.22]I do whatever pleases
[02:02.58]Jesus! Won't I bleed 'em in the end!
[02:04.79]
[02:05.49]Master of the house
[02:06.77]Quick to catch yer eye
[02:08.10]Never wants a passerby to pass him by!
[02:10.85]Servant to the poor
[02:12.23]Butler to the great
[02:13.58]Comforter, philosopher,And lifelong mate!
[02:16.34]Everybody's boon companion
[02:19.10]Everybody's chaperone
[02:21.70]But lock up your valises
[02:23.14]Jesus! Won't I skin you to the bone!
[02:24.91]
[02:29.98]Enter Monsieur, lay down your load
[02:33.40]Unlace your boots
[02:35.18]And rest from the road
[02:38.75]This weighs a ton
[02:40.26]Travel's a curse
[02:42.20]But here we strive to lighten your purse
[02:47.66]Here the goose is cooked
[02:50.77]Here the fat is fried
[02:53.50]And nothing's overlooked till I'm satisfied...
[02:57.97]
[02:59.00]Food beyond compare
[03:00.41]Food beyond belief
[03:01.85]Mix it in a mincer and pretend it's beef
[03:04.59]Kidney of a horse
[03:06.01]Liver of a cat
[03:07.44]Filling up the sausages with this and that
[03:10.19]Residents are more than welcome
[03:13.02]Bridal suite is occupied
[03:15.74]Reasonable charges
[03:17.10]Plus some little extras on the side!
[03:20.83]
[03:21.14]Charge 'em for the lice
[03:22.54]Extra for the mice
[03:24.08]Two percent for looking in the mirror twice
[03:26.62]Here a little slice
[03:27.96]There a little cut
[03:29.34]Three percent for sleeping with the window shut
[03:32.02]When it comes to fixing prices
[03:34.81]There are a lot of tricks he knows
[03:37.55]How it all increases
[03:38.93]All those bits and pieces
[03:40.38]Jesus! It's amazing how it grows!
[03:42.32]
[03:43.05]Master of the house
[03:44.34]Quick to catch yer eye
[03:45.66]Never wants a passerby to pass him by
[03:48.37]Servant to the poor
[03:49.74]Butler to the great
[03:51.08]Comforter, philosopher, and lifelong mate!
[03:53.78]Everybody's boon companion
[03:56.50]Gives 'em everything he's got
[03:59.14]Dirty bunch of geezers
[04:00.50]Jesus! What a sorry little lot!
[04:02.58]
[04:03.74]Mrs. Théardier:
[04:08.77]I used to dream
[04:10.24]That I would meet a prince
[04:13.22]But God Almighty,
[04:14.70]Have you seen what's happened since?
[04:19.46]Master of the house? Isn't worth me spit!
[04:23.40]Comforter, philosopher? and lifelong shit!
[04:27.64]Cunning little brain
[04:29.63]Regular Voltaire
[04:31.78]Thinks he's quite a lover
[04:33.46]But there's not much there
[04:35.82]What a cruel trick of nature
[04:39.38]Landed me with such a louse
[04:42.05]God knows how I've lasted
[04:43.27]Living with this bastard in the house!
[04:45.16]
[04:46.06]Théardier & Drinkers: Master of the house!
[04:47.42]Mrs. Théardier: Master and a half!
[04:48.68]Théardier & Drinkers: Comforter, philosopher
[04:49.98]Mrs. Théardier: Ah, don't make me laugh!
[04:51.32]Théardier & Drinkers: Servant to the poor! Butler to the great!
[04:54.17]Mrs. Théardier: Hypocrite and toady and inebriate!
[04:56.84]Everybody bless the landlord!
[04:59.59]Everybody bless his spouse!
[05:02.35]Théardier: Everybody raise a glass!
[05:05.30]Mrs. Théardier: Raise it up the master's arse!
[05:07.95]Everybody raise a glass to the master of the house!
[05:10.66]