Written By Steve Goodman
As Recorded By David Allan Coe
WELL, IT WAS ALL
THAT I COULD DO TO KEEP FROM CRYING'
SOMETIMES IT SEEMED SO USELESS TO REMAIN
BUT YOU DON'T HAVE TO CALL ME DARLIN', DARLIN'
YOU NEVER EVEN CALL ME BY MY NAME
YOU DON'T HAVE TO CALL ME WAYLON JENNINGS
AND YOU DON'T HAVE TO CALL ME CHARLIE PRIDE
AND YOU DON'T HAVE TO CALL ME MERLE HAGGARD/ANYMORE
EVEN THOUGH YOU'RE ON MY FIGHTING' SIDE
CHORUS: 
AND I'LL HANG AROUND AS LONG AS YOU WILL LET ME
AND I NEVER MINDED STANDING' IN THE RAIN
BUT YOU DON'T HAVE TO CALL ME DARLIN', DARLIN'
YOU NEVER EVEN CALLED ME BY MY NAME
WELL, I'VE HEARD MY NAME
A FEW TIMES IN YOUR PHONE BOOK (Hello, Hello)
AND I'VE SEEN IT ON SIGNS WHERE I'VE PLAYED
BUT THE ONLY TIME I KNOW
I'LL HEAR "DAVID ALLAN COE"
IS WHEN JESUS HAS HIS FINAL JUDGMENT DAY
REPEAT CHORUS
RECITATION: 
WELL, A FRIEND OF MINE NAMED STEVE GOODMAN WROTE THAT SONG
AND HE TOLD ME IT WAS THE PERFECT COUNTRY & WESTERN SONG
I WROTE HIM BACK A LETTER AND I TOLD HIM IT WAS NOT THE PERFECT COUNTRY & WESTERN SONG BECAUSE HE HADN'T SAID ANYTHING AT ALL ABOUT MAMA,
OR TRAINS,
OR TRUCKS,
OR PRISON, 
OR GETTING' DRUNK
WELL HE SAT DOWN AND WROTE ANOTHER VERSE TO THE SONG
AND HE SENT IT TO ME, 
AND AFTER READING IT,
I REALIZED THAT MY FRIEND HAD WRITTEN THE PERFECT
COUNTRY & WESTERN SONG
AND I FELT OBLIGED TO INCLUDE IT ON THIS ALBUM
THE LAST VERSE GOES LIKE THIS HERE:
WELL, I WAS DRUNK THE DAY MY MOM GOT OUT OF PRISON
AND I WENT TO PICK HER UP IN THE RAIN
BUT BEFORE I COULD GET TO THE STATION IN MY PICKUP TRUCK
SHE GOT RUN NED OVER BY A DAMNED OLD TRAIN
CHORUS: 
AND I'LL HANG AROUND AS LONG AS YOU WILL LET ME
AND I NEVER MINDED STANDING' IN THE RAIN
NO, A' YOU DON'T HAVE TO CALL ME DARLIN', DARLIN'
YOU NEVER EVEN CALL ME
WELL I WONDER WHY YOU DON'T CALL ME
WHY DON'T YOU EVER CALL ME BY MY NAME