Now I've got a cousin called Kevin
He's sure to go to heaven
Always spotless, clean and neat
The smoothest you can get them
He's got a fur lined sheepskin jacket
My ma said they cost a packet
She won't even let me explain
That me and Kevin were just not the same
Oh my perfect cousin
What I like to do, he doesn't
He's his family's private joy
His mother's little golden boy
He's got a degree in economics
Maths, physics and bionics
He thinks that I'm a cabbage
'Cause I hate University Challenge
Even at the age of ten
Smart boy Kevin was a smart boy then
He always beat me at Subbuteo
Cause he flicked the kick and I didn't know
Oh my perfect cousin
What I like to do, he doesn't
He's his family's private joy
His mother's little golden boy
His mother bought him a synthesizer
Got the Human League into advise her
Now he's making lots of noise
Playing along with the Art school boys
Girls try to attract his attention
But what a shame, it's in vain total rejection
He will never be left on the shelf
'Cause Kevin he's in love with himself
Oh my perfect cousin
What I like to do, he doesn't
He's his family's private joy
His mother's little golden boy