He's so proud of the books that he's never read
And there are so many books that he's never read
‘Cuz that's how doubts climb into your head
Make you think funny thoughts when you're lying in bed
Now he's got a philosophy; a simple rule,
a motto; a creed:
\"Big Words make the Baby Jesus cry\"
There once was a woman who had nothing to say
But she felt the need to say it anyway
Never understood why people stayed away
She said the newspaper is filled with lies
Planted by Gay Muslim Jewish spies
Atheists run the public schools
While Communists piss in the public pools
No matter the facts, she sees the truth
Big Words are the enemy
Report big words to the authorities
Big words are the things bad people say
If you hear a big word, run the other way
Big Words lead you down a crooked path
To William Faulkner and Sylvia Plath
When you use a big word you commit a sin
When you use a big word the terrorists win
Tonight half the nation will sit down for a show
A movie written for five-year-olds
About a brave puppy and the kitten he saves
It's no wonder James Thurber spins in his grave
Now we've got a philosophy; a simple rule,
a motto a creed:
\"Big Words make the Baby Jesus cry\"