Any entertainment there?
All right. Here we go! 1999,the year of Joey. 来罗！1999年 乔伊“快乐”的一年
We're very happy for you. 恭喜你
What's the matter? 怎么了？
We wanted to kiss at midnight, but nobody else will,so.... 我们想在午夜接吻 但其他人都没这个打算
All right,I'll take care of it. 好，交给我
It's 30 seconds to midnight, what are you gonna do? 乔伊，只剩30秒了 你能怎么办？
Will you just trust me? 相信我好吗？
Thirty-three, 32, 31 33！32！31
Who are you kissing at midnight? Rachel or Phoebe? 你0点要亲谁？ 瑞秋还是菲比？
You can't kiss your sister. 你又不能亲你妹
-Who's gonna kiss my sister? -Chandler. 那谁要亲我妹？ 钱德
Oh,man! Really? 不会吧
Would you rather have me or him kiss her? 老兄，你觉得谁比较好 我还是钱德？
That's a good point. 有道理
Since I have that whole history with Rachel,I guess Phoebe. 我和瑞秋有太多纠葛 那就菲比吧
Phoebe! Listen. Ross wants to kiss you at midnight. 菲比！罗斯午夜想亲你
So obvious. Why doesn't he just ask? 太明显了，他大可直说
-Rach! I'm gonna kiss you at midnight. -What? 瑞秋！我午夜要亲你 什么？
You can't kiss Ross. You got the history. 你亲罗斯会小尴尬
So? 所以呢？
-Would you prefer me or Chandler? -Good point. 所以你想让我亲还是让钱德亲 有道理 对吧
Three, two, one! 3！2！1！
Happy New Year! 新年快乐！
-Happy New Year. -Happy New Year. 新年快乐
-Happy New Year. -You too. 菲比，新年快乐 你也是
Happy New Year,Joey. 乔伊，新年快乐
So that do anything for you? 刚才那个吻如何？
The One with All the Resolutions 本集播出：“新年新希望”

You know what? 你们知道吗？
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say "No divorces in '99!" 我要召告天下 99年我不离婚
But your divorce isn't final yet. 但你的离婚手续还没办好
Just the one divorce in '99! 99年我只离一次婚 漂亮
I am gonna be happy this year. I am gonna make myself happy. 我今年要过得很快乐 我要让自己快乐
Do you want us to leave the room? 你要我们回避吗？
Every day I am gonna do one thing I have never done before. 我每天都要做一件没做过的事
That is my New Year's resolution. 这就是我的新年新希望
That's a good one! 好棒的希望
Mine is to pilot a commercial jet. 我是想开大型客机
Now you only have to find a planeload of people... 这个也很棒，接着你得找一群
...whose resolution is to plummet to their deaths. 希望自己坠机身亡的人
Maybe your resolution should be not to make fun of your friends. 也许你应该立志不取笑朋友
Especially the ones who might fly you to Europe for free. 尤其是会免费载你去欧洲的人
She has a better chance of flying up your nose... 她开飞机的机率
...than you do of not making fun of us. 比你不取笑我们还高
I'll bet $50 you can't go the year without making fun of us. 50元赌你无法1年不笑我们
Better yet,a week. 干脆1星期好了
I'll take that bet,my friend. 我赌了
Paying me the $50 can be... 输我那50元 就可以当你的...
...the "new thing you do" that day. “每日新鲜事”
And it starts right now! 就从现在开始
My New Year's resolution is to learn how to play guitar. 我的新年新希望是学吉他
Really? How come? 真的？为什么？
You know those special skills I have listed on my resume? 我的履历表 不是列了一堆特殊专长
I would love it if one of those was true. 我希望有一项是真的
Want me to teach you? I'm a great teacher. 你要我教你吗？ 我是个很好的老师
Really? Who have you taught? 真的？你教过谁？
Well, I taught me. And I loved me. 我教过我，我很喜欢我
That'd be great! Yeah, thanks, Phoebe. 太好了，谢谢你
My resolution is to be less obsessed with being neat and clean. 我希望自己不要那么洁癖
Really? 是吗？
No! 不要
Or something else. 换一个好了
Look. Blaire forgot her glasses. 布莱儿忘了把眼镜带走
She'll need these to keep an eye on that boyfriend. 她需要这副眼镜来盯住男朋友
Who,from what I hear, needs to keep his stapler... 听说他得把订书机...
...in his desk drawer, if you know what I mean! ...收在收屉里 你们懂我的意思吧
Maybe your resolution should be to gossip less. 或许你应该让自己别那么八卦
What? I don't gossip. 我哪有八卦
Maybe sometimes I find out things. 或许我偶尔会发现一些事
Or I hear something and I pass that information on. 或听到一些事，然后转述出去
You know, kind of like a public service. 当做一种服务
It doesn't mean I'm a gossip. Is Ted Koppel a gossip? 这并不代表我很八卦 你们会说新闻主播八卦吗？
If Ted Koppel talked about his coworkers' botched boob jobs, I would. 如果他说同事隆胸失败的话
They were like this! 她隆成这样耶
Fine, my New Year's resolution will be not to gossip. 好，我的新年新希望 就是不八卦
-It's easy. -Easy? You have never kept a resolution. 这还不简单 简单？你从来没做到过
-Yes, I have. -Okay, let's see how you did last year. 我当然有 好，来看看你去年的表现
No. No. Not my diary. You cannot read my diary. 不要拿我的日记 你不能看我的日记
"Dear diary: I'm so excited. 亲爱的日记：我好兴奋
My resolution is to write in you every day. See you tomorrow." 我的新年新希望是每天写你 我们明天见
Nothing. 什么都没写
You know,not a lot happened last year. 去年发生了很多事
All right,I will prove to you that I can keep it this time. No more gossiping. 好，我这次会证明给你们看 我再也不八卦了
I hate gossip. In junior high this girl said a lot of mean stuff about me... 讲到八卦，国中时 有个女生说了我很多坏话
...and I set her bike on fire. 我就放火烧她的脚踏车
-Wow,what did she say about you? -She said I was crazy. 她说你什么？ 她说我是疯子
But I guess she got hers. 得到报应了吧
“中央咖啡馆”
-I'll see you tomorrow. -Okay. 那就明天见 好
I just asked that girl out. 我约刚才那个女生出去
Nice! 漂亮
Is that part of your "new thing" for today? 这算是你今天的新鲜事吗？
Yes, it is. See? 没错，你们看
"Elizabeth... 伊丽莎白…
...Hornswoggle"? 宏史歪哥？
That's right. 对…
Elizabeth Hornswoggle. 伊丽莎白宏史歪哥
Horn..swoggle 宏史歪哥
You okay,Chandler? 你还好吗？
Something funny about that name? 这个姓有哪里好笑吗？
No, I just think I've heard it somewhere before. 没有，我只是觉得好像听过
Oh, really? Where? 是吗？在哪里听过？
Somewhere funny,I'll bet. 一定是个很好笑的地方
Guess what. 你猜怎么着
I have a date with Elizabeth Hornswoggle. 我要跟一个伊丽莎白… 宏史歪哥约会
Hornswoggle. Oh, this must be killing you! 宏史歪哥？ 你的嘴一定很痒
Not really. 才不会
-I haven't told you her middle name yet. -Well,don't. Just don't. 我还没说她中间的名字 拜托 不要
-See you later. -See you. 待会见
All right, Phoebe, I am ready for my first lesson.  菲比，我可以上第一课了
No, you don't touch the guitar. 不行，不能碰吉他
First you learn here, then here. 先练手，再练琴
Okay. 好吧
Lesson one: Chords. 好，第一课，和弦
Now,I don't know the actual names of the chords. 我不知道这些和弦的真正名称
But I made up names for the way my hand looks while I'm doing them. 不过我照手势帮它们取了名字
So then this is "Bear Claw." 所以这是熊爪…
"Turkey Leg"... 火鸡脚…
...and "Old Lady." 和老太太
What an interesting approach to guitar instruction. 真有趣的吉他教学方式
You know,some might find it amusing. I myself find it regular. 有些人可能会觉得好笑 我觉得很普通
Hey, everybody! 各位
Rachel was so good today. She didn't gossip at all. 瑞秋今天很乖 她都没有八卦
I didn't. Even when I found out 没错，即使我发现…
Let's say I found out something about someone... 总之我发现了某人的某件事
...and let's just say... 但是...
...she's gonna keep it. ...我不会说出来
Check this out. 菲比，你看
You nailed the Old Lady! 你搞定老太太了
I thought I was getting better, so I stopped by this guitar store 我觉得我进步了 就在回家的路上去吉他店…
Did you touch any of the guitars there? 你在店里有碰吉他吗？
Did you? 有吗？
No. 没有
Give me your hands. 手给我
Strings. This 琴弦，这一只
Pick. 弹片
-Do you want to learn to play guitar? -Yes. 你想学吉他吗？ 想啊
Then don't touch one! 那就不要碰吉他
-Hi,Ben. -Auntie Monica! 班 摩妮卡姑姑
Ross is wearing leather pants! 罗斯穿皮裤
Does nobody else see Ross is wearing leather pants? 没有人看见罗斯穿皮裤吗？
Someone comment on the pants! 谁来说句话吧
-I think they're very nice. -I really like them a lot. 很帅气啊 我很喜欢
Not what I had in mind. 我想的不是这个
People like Ross don't wear these types of pants. 罗斯这种人通常不穿这种裤子
You see, they're very tight. 这种裤子很紧
Maybe there's something in that area? 也许可以评论一下
I think they look really good. 很好看啊
Where'd you get them? 在哪里买的？
I needed a new thing for today. 我还没做今天的新鲜事
There's this leather store that always smells so good. 我一直觉得这家皮衣店很香
And I thought to myself:  "Wow. I've never owned... 于是我心想 我从来没买过...
...a really good-smelling pair of pants before." ...一条很香的皮裤
Oh,come on! 拜托啦！
What do you think? 说真的，你们觉得怎样？
You look like a freak. 好怪
Awful! 难看死了
What are you doing? 你在干什么？
-It's my New Year's resolution. -To blind my child? 这是我的新年新希望 把我儿子弄瞎？
To take pictures of us together. 不，是多照照我们的相片
It's the best resolution. Everyone can enjoy them. 我觉得这样最好 大家都会喜欢
Everyone will enjoy my music as well. 大家也都会喜欢我的演奏
My God,these pants! I'm burning up. 天哪，这条裤子热死了
Oh God! She wants to snuggle now? Is she trying to kill me? 她现在靠过来是想让我死吗？
It's like a volcano in here! 这里面跟火山一样
-Are you hot? -No. 你热吗？ 不会
It must just be me, then. 那就是我在热
That was just the pants and the couch. 那是裤子跟沙发磨擦的声音
Do you mind if I use your bathroom? 可以借用一下洗手间吗？
-Go ahead. -Thanks. 请便 谢谢
My favorite part's coming up! 我最喜欢的部分要来了 好
Oh,my God! 完蛋了
Tiger. 老虎
Dragon. 恐龙
Iceberg! 冰山
Joseph, did you even study at all last night? 乔瑟夫，你昨晚有练习吗？
Yes,I did! 我有啊
Then do lceberg. 那就把冰山做出来
G-sharp. 升C
G-sharp? 升C？
Have you been studying the real names of the chords? 你在偷学和弦名称吗？
Have you? 有没有？
Oh,my God! 我的天哪
What? I didn't touch a guitar! 怎样？我又没有碰吉他
But you're questioning my method! 但是你质疑我的教学方式
No, I'm not questioning it. I'm saying it's stupid! 我不是质疑 我根本就觉得很蠢
What? 干嘛？
Thank you. 谢谢
You know, none of my other student... 其他学生...
...thought I was stupid. ...都不觉得我蠢
Your other student was you! 你的其他学生就是你
Well, maybe you just need to try a little harder! 那又怎样，也许你应该更用功
Maybe I need to try a real teacher! 也许我应该找个正牌老师
Here! Andy Cooper. He teaches guitar. 这里，安迪古柏，他在教吉他
There's a picture of him with a kid. 这里还有他跟小朋友的合照
And the kid's got a guitar! 小朋友拿着吉他
Fine! 好，
You learn from your "qualified instructor." 你去跟你的专业老师学
But don't come crying when everyone is sick... 不过你可别哭着来找我
...of hearing you play "Bad,Bad Leroy Brown"! 等大家听腻了“坏蛋李洛布朗”
全城最坏的大坏蛋
Oh,fine. Take his side! 好啊，你去帮他啊
I can't wait to be with you. 我好想赶快去找你
I'll sneak over as soon as I can. 罗斯把小孩接走我就溜过去
I'll tell Rachel I'll be doing laundry. 我会告诉瑞秋 我要洗两个小时衣服
Laundry. Is that my new nickname? 洗衣服？那是我的新绰号吗？
You know what your nickname is, Mr. Big 你明知你的绰号是大雕
Would you stop looking at me like that? Phoebe was a terrible teacher. 别再那样看我了 菲比是个烂老师
I wasn't learning anything from her 我什么都没学到
Look I feel bad, too Forget it, we're going around in circles. 我也很难过… 算了，讲来讲去都一样
走开啦
Joey, it's Ross. I need some help. 乔伊，我是罗斯，我需要帮忙
Chandler's not here. 钱德不在
You can help me. 你可以帮我
Okay. 好
Listen, I'm in Elizabeth's bathroom. 我在伊丽莎白的浴室里
Nice! 漂亮
No, I got really hot in my pants, so I took them off. 不是，我觉得皮裤很热 就进来脱掉
But they must have shrunk from the sweat. 结果它一定是遇汗缩水
Or my legs expanded from the heat. 或是我的腿因热膨胀
I can't get them back on, Joey. I can't! 我现在穿不回去了
That is quite a situation. 这个情况蛮严重的
Do you see any powder? 你有粉之类的东西吗？
Powder! Yeah, I have powder. 有，我有爽身粉
Good, good. 很好
Sprinkle some on. It'll absorb moisture. 把它撒在腿上吸汗
Then you can get your pants on. 就能把裤子穿回去了
Yeah,hold on. 好，等一下
They're not coming on,man. 裤子还是拉不上来
Okay,cut slits in the pants, right? Then put them back on... 好，把裤子割破几刀再穿回去
...go out there and tell her you're the lncredible Hulk. 然后出去告诉她你是绿巨人
Chandler's not there? 钱德不在是吧？
That would have worked, but all right,fine. 那样真的可以，不过算了
You see any.... Oh,Vaseline? 你找得到凡士林吗？
I see lotion. I have lotion. Will that work? 我找到乳液，我有乳液 乳液行吗？
Sure, throw some of that on there. 行，把它涂在腿上 等一下
Hold on.
Sounds like it's working. 听起来有用
They're still not coming on,man. 裤子还是拉不上来
And the lotion and the powder have made a paste. 而且乳液和爽身粉糊成一团
Really. 是喔？
What color is it? 什么颜色？
What difference does that make? 什么颜色有差吗？
If the paste matches the pants, you can make paste pants... 如果跟裤子的颜色一样 你就糊一条假裤子
...and she won't know! 她就看不出来了
Do you have a minute? 乔伊，你有空吗？
Dude, what am l 我该怎么…
Rachel's here, so good luck. Let me know how it goes. 瑞秋来了，祝你好运 让我知道结果
Joey,I have such a problem. 乔伊，我遇到天大的问题
Your timing couldn't be better. 你来得正好
I'm putting out fires all over the place. 我正在到处救火
Okay. Joey, I have got to tell you something. 好，乔伊，我得告诉你一件事
What is it? 什么事？
Oh，my God！ It's so huge! But promise me. You cannot tell anyone. 天哪，这件事太大条了 但你得保证不说出去
No,no,no! I don't want to know. 不要，我不想知道
You do want to know. This is unbelievable! 你绝对想知道，太不可思议了
I'm tired of being the guy who knows all the secrets... 我不管，我不想再当知道秘密...
...and can't tell anyone. ...却不能说的人
You know secrets? 什么秘密？你知道什么秘密？
You're not supposed to gossip! 你不该八卦的
I know. I just can't keep this in. So I pick up the phone 我知道，但这件事我憋不住 我刚才拿起电话…
I'm not listening to you! 我不听
You've been in there for a long time. 罗斯，你进去很久了
I'm starting to get kind of freaked out. 我开始有点害怕了
All right, I'm coming out. 好，我要出去了
Hey,can you turn the lights off? 你可以把灯关掉吗？
Let's just leave the lights on. 不行，灯就让它开着
Oh,my God! 我的天哪
I had a problem. 我出了一点状况
I can't talk to you. I don't have a fancy ad in the yellow pages. 我不能跟你说话 我没在电话簿上登广告
Look, Phoebe, I just... 菲比，你听我说…
I want to apologize for saying your method was stupid. 我为批评你的教法道歉
And maybe ask you to be my teacher again? 我也想重新拜你为师
I promise,I won't touch a guitar until you say I'm ready. 在你说可以之前 我绝对不碰吉他
You really think I'm ready? 我真的可以了？
Wow,cool! 酷毙了
-Was the chord at least right before? -No. 那个和弦弹对了吗？ 不对
Oh,my God! 杀了我吧
We heard about your pants. I'm so sorry. 我们听说了，好惨
This year was supposed to be great. 今年应该很美好才对
It's only the second day and I'm a loser... 才第二天我就成了...
...with stupid leather pants that don't even fit! ...穿不合身的皮裤的逊人
You're not a loser. 没这回事 你不逊
Look at me! 你们看我
Hey,look! 你看
Ben drew a picture of you. 班画了你的画像
You're a cowboy. 你是牛仔喔
Because of the leather pants? 因为我穿皮裤？
He thinks you're a cowboy, not a loser. That's something. 班并不觉得你逊 他觉得你是牛仔，很棒吧
-lt really is something. -Howdy,partner. 真的很棒 牛仔哥
Maybe I should get another pair. 也许我应该再去买一条
You know,they had some... 他们有一些...
...with fringe all down the sides. ...侧边有流苏的
Phoebe,you may know this. You know strange things. 菲比，这种怪事你可能会知道
What is the boiling point of brain? 脑浆的沸点是几度？
I used to know this. 我以前知道
I'm gonna go kiss Ben good night. 我去跟班说晚安
I can't believe he thinks I'm a cowboy. 他居然觉得我是牛仔
I would make a good cowboy. 我会是个好牛仔
Now that everything's wrapped up, I'll do my laundry. 好，既然没事 我要去洗衣服了
Yeah,me too. If this shirt is dirty. 我也是，如果这一件脏了的话
I'm going to the airport. 我要去机场
If I hang around there long enough... 只要等久一点
...someone's bound to leave a plane unattended. 应该能逮到没人管的飞机
-Good luck,honey. -Bye. 祝你好运 再见
Remember that thing I was gonna tell you about? 乔伊 记得我要说的那件大事吗？
I won't tell you. But if you found out on your own... 我不会告诉你 但如果你自己发现
...that would be okay and we could talk about it. 那就没关系 我们就可以讨论了对吧？
Well,then it wouldn't be a secret. So that would be okay. 那样就不是秘密，的确没关系
Would you mind going into Chandler's bedroom... 乔伊，你去钱德的房间
...and getting that book he borrowed from me? 把我借给他的书拿回来好吗？
Now? You want me to go over there now? 现在？你要我现在去？
-Do you know something? -Do you know something? 你知道什么吗？ 你知道什么？
-I might know something. -I might know something too. 我或许知道 我也是
-What do you know? -You tell me first. 你知道什么？ 不行，你先说我才能说
-I can't. -Then I can't. 我不能说 那我也不能说
Okay,fine. 那好吧
You don't know. 你才不知道
I'll walk into his bedroom and see the thing... 不如我现在就去钱德的房间
...I think I know is actually the thing I think I know! 就可以知道我想的确实没错
-You know! -And you know! 你知道 你也知道
Yeah,I know! 对，我知道
Chandler and Monica? Oh,this is unbelievable! 钱德和摩妮卡？ 真叫人不敢相信
-How long have you known? -Too long! 你知道多久了？ 太久了
I've been dying to talk to someone about this! 天哪，我早就想找人说了
You can't say anything to anybody. They're so weird about that. 听着，我们不能告诉别人 他们两个好紧张…
It's raining. 下雨了
I don't like to fly in the rain. 我不想在下雨天飞
I am gonna go for a walk in the rain. 我要去雨中漫步
Me too. 我也要
That's weird. 怪人
I bet they're doing it. 他们一定有一腿
Okay,look. I can't take it anymore. 好，我憋不住受不了了
So you win. Okay? Here. 你赢，好吗？拿去
Flying a jet? Make it a spaceship... 菲比，开飞机？ 不如开太空船...
...so you can get back to your home planet! ...回你的星球去
Phone call for you. Tom Jones. He wants his pants back! 罗斯，有你的电话 汤姆琼斯跟你要他的裤子
And Hornswoggle? What, are you dating a character from Fraggle Rock? 宏史歪哥？ 你在跟卡通人物约会吗？