[00:00.779] Are you looking at naked tribe's women?
[00:03.339] No, look. (Shows him the magazine.)
[00:05.622] That's a pig.
[00:07.707] I know, I know, but look at the knobs on her.
[00:10.311] (Ross enters and his hair is a mess.)
[00:14.176] Hey!
[00:15.736] Emily's cousin kicked me out!
[00:17.808] What?!
[00:18.323] Why?
[00:19.240] Well, when you're subletting an apartment from your wife's cousin and
[00:22.075] then you get a divorce, sometimes the cousin suddenly wants his apartment back.
[00:26.177] How can he do that? Didn't you sign a lease?
[00:27.691] Who needs a lease when it's family!
[00:31.657] Hey, you can stay with us! We'll take care of ya!
[00:34.476] Oh, yeah! Absolutely! Anything you need man!
[00:36.319] But you have to promise me the second you are feeling better so that we can make fun of your hair!
[00:40.764] Yeah.
[00:43.579] You got it.
[00:44.216] Okay.
[00:45.054] Thanks you guys, I really appreciate this.
[00:46.969] All right, I'm gonna get packing again.
[00:49.706] Man, I've been moving around so much I'm beginning to feel like a nomad.
[00:53.115] (Joey starts giggling.)
[00:55.883] What?
[00:56.690] He thought you said gonad.
[01:49.485] Wow, Monica, if every restaurant is as clean as yours, I'd have a tough time making a living.
[01:53.629] Oh, Larry.
[01:55.435] Umm, do health inspectors work on commission?
[01:58.143] No, bribes.
[02:00.715] It's okay to laugh right?
[02:01.438] Yeah, I was just kidding.
[02:02.308] Okay.
[02:03.858] I'll check the kitchen floors.
[02:05.108] Okay, knock yourself out, Larry.
[02:08.319] Yum-my!
[02:11.617] Larry?
[02:12.375] Oh yeah! I'd let him check out my kitchen floors.
[02:18.539] A 98. I deducted 2 points because you are not wearing your chef's hat,
[02:22.691] and that is a Section 5 violation.
[02:24.881] Uh, look, Larry honey, umm, I wrote the book on Section 5 and
[02:30.471] I know that you don't have to wear your hat unless you're in the kitchen.
[02:33.187] And where is your hat?
[02:34.411] It's in the kitchen, I'll go get it.
[02:37.384] Ahh that's the 2 points.
[02:40.244] Hey, you should really read that book you wrote.
[02:48.742] Wow! You saw the hat in the kitchen and knew that she'd have to go in there hatless to get it.
[02:55.103] You can have your own health inspector detective show!
[02:58.119] Oh, I don't know about that.
[03:00.542] Yeah, but then I can be you sidekick Vunda.
[03:04.260] Maybe uh, Vunda could give me her number and I can ask her to dinner sometime.
[03:07.503] Okay, she would love that! Y'know, 'cause you know all the clean places to eat.
[03:14.573] I-I'll call ya.
[03:15.520] Okay.
[03:21.599] He's so funny!
[03:29.842] Thanks.
[03:31.586] Thank you. Mon?
[03:32.248] Hmm?
[03:33.105] How's Ross doing? Y'know since all the Emily stuff.
[03:35.497] He's not great umm, but he's dealing with it.
[03:38.416] Oh wait a minute, you're not gonna try…
[03:39.686] Oh, honey, please, no, I can't get started with all that Ross stuff again.
[03:43.418] I mean, he's gonna screwed up for a looong time.
[03:46.022] And besides y'know, I don't, I don't go for guys right after they get divorced.
[03:49.774] Right, you only go for them 5 minutes before they get married.
[03:58.203] Two pounds of Moca Java please.
[03:59.720] Danny. Are you guys ever gonna go out again?
[04:02.423] I don't know! He hasn't called me since that one time when we went out.
[04:05.337] I see him in the hallway, we flirt, I'm all ha-ha-ha-ha, and nothing.
[04:11.598] Hey!
[04:12.389] Hi Danny! Wow! Thirsty huh?
[04:14.844] Uh, actually, actually, I'm having a party at my place on Saturday, it's sort of a house warming kind of thing.
[04:18.432] Ohh, fun!-Ohh, great!
[04:19.913] Yeah, I'm really looking forward to it.
[04:20.930] Yeah.
[04:21.793] Okay, see ya.
[04:27.889] Well, I guess we won't be warming his house.
[04:31.339] Okay. All right, I see what he's doing!
[04:35.548] He's not asking me out, because he wants me to ask him out.
[04:39.894] And you're not gonna do that.
[04:40.913] That's right! 'Cause that would give him the control!
[04:45.711] So now he's all ooh, coming up with this whole I've got a party thing y'know,
[04:49.026] trying to get me to hint around for an invitation. Blew up in his face, didn't it?
[04:55.120] So-so there is no party.
[04:56.685] No, there's a party. There's a party.
[05:00.675] But the power, that is still up for grabs. You follow me?
[05:06.713] I think so. Se, he-he's not inviting you to his party because he likes you.
[05:12.286] Exactly.
[05:22.420] Ross?
[05:24.040] Hey roomies!
[05:27.937] Love what you've done with the place.
[05:29.601] Oh, yeah I know, I know, it's a lot of boxes,
[05:31.601] but again I really appreciate you guys letting me stay here.
[05:34.964] Not a problem. And listen, hey!
[05:37.072] Since you're gonna be here for a while,
[05:38.247] why don't—I was thinking we uh, put your name on the answering machine.
[05:40.509] Oh yeah!
[05:41.526] Oh, I uh, hope you don't mind, I kinda uh, jazzed it up a little. Check this out.
[05:53.985] We will, we will, call you back!
[05:59.495] Hey, all right!
[06:00.663] Pretty cool, huh?
[06:04.877] You're fake laughing too, right?
[06:06.045] Oh, the tears are real.
[06:11.562] You look beautiful this evening.
[06:14.485] Show me the badge again.
[06:21.430] Shiny.
[06:23.370] Oh, will you mind if I wash up?
[06:24.545] Because I came straight from work and
[06:26.024] who knows where these babies (Holds up his hands) have been.
[06:27.769] You are just nonstop!
[06:40.026] We're outta here!
[06:40.807] Why?!
[06:41.776] Just walking past the kitchen I saw 10 violations! I'm shutting this place down!
[06:45.901] You have the power to do that?
[06:47.497] This does. (Shows her his badge.)
[06:50.437] Shut it down.
[07:02.557] Hey.
[07:05.819] What are you doing?
[07:07.680] Nothing.
[07:10.574] You built a fort didn't ya?
[07:14.591] Kinda.
[07:16.689] Oh my God, the air purifier! Ross's air purifier!
[07:19.783] All I heard through 4 years of college was (makes a humming noise.)
[07:25.045] Dude, you should've gone out once and a while.
[07:27.740] I hate this thing!
[07:29.038] Come on, Chandler, Ross is our friend. He needs us right now,
[07:33.192] so why don't you be a grown up and come and watch some TV in the fort!
[07:42.014] Oh, hi Danny.
[07:42.961] Hey guys, I just uh, wanted to invite you to the party tomorrow night.
[07:45.507] Oh, thanks! We'll try to stop by.
[07:47.774] Uh, actually, I think I'm gonna be busy.
[07:51.281] You are?
[07:52.598] Yeah! Remember I got that uh, gala.
[07:58.355] Yeah, what's the gala for?
[07:59.714] It's a uh, regatta gala.
[08:04.120] Really! You-you sail?
[08:05.572] No-no, but I support it.
[08:09.192] Okay, hope I see you tomorrow night.
[08:11.459] Okay.
[08:12.290] Take care.
[08:16.668] Okay.  Walked right into that one didn't he?
[08:19.473] What one? You wanted him to invite you to the party and he did it!
[08:23.464] Yeah, but he waited until the last minute!
[08:25.420] So if I said yes, he would know I had nothing better to do than wait around for an invitation to his stupid party.
[08:30.735] I said, "No!" Which puts me right back in the driver seat.
[08:35.081] Great. So the ball is in his court?
[08:37.467] Ball? There is no ball.
[08:51.261] Joey, please!
[08:52.567] Sorry.
[09:02.615] Ahhhhhhhhhh…
[09:10.285] Hello children!
[09:11.614] Hey! Wanna play some foosball? Please?
[09:16.219] Okay.
[09:16.917] No-no, no! We have to move the table into my room, yeah!
[09:19.697] 'Cause of all the boxes. Come on!
[09:28.746] All right, I have one question.
[09:30.837] What is the deal with this?
[09:32.292] (Imitates Ross's 'quiet down' maneuver, but does move his hands up and down he just flaps his hands as if he's waving good-bye.)
[09:35.163] Bye-bye little puppet Joey hand?
[09:38.116] No, the quiet down thing!
[09:40.453] You mean this. (Does the maneuver perfectly.)
[09:42.222] Um-hmm! Look, I-I-I don't know how much more of this I can take!
[09:47.509] Did you know he taped over my Baywatch tape with some show about bugs!
[09:52.991] My God! What if that had been porn?
[09:58.475] All right look, y'know, this maybe tough but come on, this is Ross! I survived college with him!
[10:03.107] All right, I guess I can hold out a little longer. Let's have a game.
[10:06.510] Okay.
[10:09.068] No-no-no-no!
[10:10.219] YES!!
[10:14.203] Uh fellas, (Does the maneuver and gives them a double thumbs up)
[10:21.613] Okay, so he's out of here.
[10:22.773] Um-hmm.
[10:29.126] Hey!
[10:29.844] Hey!
[10:31.211] You guys got anything to eat? I just went down to Johnos for some chicken and it was closed!
[10:34.509] Oh, I took Larry there to eat but it was all violated. So we shut it down!
[10:39.828] Pheebs, if this guy keeps closing down all of our favorite places, where are we gonna eat?!
[10:43.926] I don't know, clean places?
[10:45.730] Umm, yum!
[10:53.051] It's Danny.
[10:54.061] Don't let him in! I'm supposed to be at a regatta gala.
[10:57.168] (to Danny) We'll be right there! (To Rachel) Can't you just say it starts later?
[10:59.664] What? What kind of a regatta gala starts at night?!
[11:03.696] The fake kind!
[11:09.087] Hey, hi, I need a ladle. You got a ladle?
[11:11.460] We have a ladle.
[11:15.275] Thanks, see you at the party.
[11:16.585] Okay, great!
[11:18.522] Hey, guys, you know what Larry would say?
[11:20.263] He would say, "See you ladle."
[11:26.432] Well, I-I-I'm done with this. You want anything Ross?
[11:28.400] Sports? International? Apartment listings?
[11:31.879] I'll take sports.
[11:32.825] Mine!
[11:36.004] All right. Uhh, international.
[11:37.554] Oh that's mine too!I'm Italian!
[11:43.669] Well, I guess I can check out those apartment listings, even though there's never anything in here.
[11:48.277] Not even on page 7?
[11:52.054] Oh yeah! You're—hey, you're right! Here's an affordable place,
[11:55.964] two bedroom, close to work, ooh, it's available in five weeks!
[12:00.261] What about that circled one?
[12:03.554] Oh, I-I don't know, it's kind of expensive for a studio.
[12:06.732] But it's available now! Isn't it?
[12:10.081] Yes, it is.
[12:11.344] Hey, let's go look at it!
[12:14.530] Okay, let's go.
[12:15.583] Okay!
[12:16.215] There we go!
[12:17.854] Oh-oh-ooh, hey guys, I was wondering if you guys would uh,
[12:20.962] maybe chip in on some new air filters for the air purifier?
[12:23.106] I mean after all, we all are using it.
[12:27.275] Let's go quicker.
[12:28.832] Yeah!
[12:41.975] Oh my God!
[12:43.412] Yeah, well look at this kitchen, slash bathroom.
[12:47.705] Well that's great! Y'know so you can cook while in the tub.
[12:51.234] Somebody was using his head.
[12:54.466] Hey, let's check out the rest of the place.
[13:05.955] I think this is it. I don't know, maybe we should keep looking.
[13:11.799] But hey, Ross, this place is available now!
[13:14.105] Yeah, you don't want to be stuck with us for the next five weeks.
[13:16.644] Yeah.
[13:23.333] So, you-you think I should go ahead and take this place?
[13:25.854] Oh, it's perfect!
[13:31.631] How about you?
[13:33.458] It's a kitchen slash bathroom.
[13:38.729] All right, I see what you guys are saying.
[13:40.703] I'll uh, I'll go downstairs and fill out an application.
[13:48.561] We are bad people.
[13:51.368] He knew we were trying to get rid of him. He knew!
[13:56.933] You think we could get a bathtub in our kitchen?
[14:03.765] Hey, ready for dinner?
[14:05.293] Ooh, absolutely!
[14:06.700] Great! How about you wanted to go the Italian place down on Bleaker Street right?
[14:09.631] Ooh, I love that place!
[14:11.582] So, no.
[14:14.462] How about Mama Lisettie's?
[14:15.758] Enh. Sure!
[14:19.282] I wonder how long that milk has been setting out.
[14:21.889] Oh, no-no, this place is totally healthy!
[14:24.711] That—this milk is mine. I bought this today, 'cause I was thirsty for milk, y'know.
[14:29.808] (She takes a swig of it, but has to turn away from him as she makes a face to show that it has gone bad.) Okay, let's go!
[14:36.253] (Just as they're about to leave, Gunther comes out of the back carrying two garbage bags. Larry sees this and stops him.)
[14:39.017] Hey, buddy! (Flashes his badge.)
[14:40.668] Are you familiar with Section 11-B of the Health Code that requires all refuse material out the back exit?
[14:45.562] But then I'd have to go all the way around the dry cleaner place.
[14:47.832] Oh, so you're saying you'd choose convenience over health?!
[14:50.716] Okay, stop! Larry, okay, can't you just be Larry and not Larry the health inspector guy?
[14:58.926] Y'know I mean it was really exciting at first but now it's like, okay, so where are we gonna eat ever?
[15:06.240] Well, I suppose I could give him a warning.
[15:09.062] Thank you.
[15:11.429] Okay, go! Go! Go!
[15:16.332] Now, if after dinner you still really need to bust someone, I know a hot dog vendor who picks his nose.
[15:26.902] Maybe, maybe we did a good thing, helping Ross get back on his feet!
[15:30.772] Yes that was a nice place!
[15:31.990] Yeah!
[15:32.616] Not a lot of closet space, but he can just hang his stuff out the window in a bag!
[15:36.115] Yeah!
[15:41.541] What are we gonna do?
[15:42.964] I don't know. Maybe pizza?
[15:47.527] About Ross!
[15:48.235] Oh! Oh!
[15:53.855] Hello! Oh yeah!
[15:58.489] It's the apartment manager; Ross put us down as references.
[16:01.774] Ross is the greatest guy you'll ever meet! Yeah, he's very reliable.
[16:05.451] Of course he has this big huge dog! That uh, barks into the night.
[16:11.405] Well, who doesn't love dogs? Ah, he's a tap dancer!
[16:17.773] Yes, some would say that is a lost art.
[16:21.215] He's a pimp! There you go! Yes, he's a pimp.
[16:26.510] He's a big, tap dancing pimp! Hello?
[16:35.423] (Joey motions, "What the hell was that?" Chandler makes a face to say, "Think about it."
[16:42.070] Joey tries to divide 136 by 13; he's confused. Suddenly, light dawns on yonder dunder head. He gets it.
[16:42.457] Ohhhhh!
[16:45.429] (Joey motions, "Now, that's thinking!")
[16:53.967] Shoot, shoot, this is never gonna work! He's right there!
[16:56.629] Just go over and say hi.
[16:57.825] No, I have to go downstairs and come back up as if I'm coming home from the regatta gala.
[17:02.447] Okay? So just go distract him. But don't be sexy.
[17:08.249] Hey, Danny!
[17:08.835] Hey! What's going on?
[17:10.759] Oh, it's a great party! Great food.
[17:13.228] Y'know, most parties it's all chips and salsa, chips and salsa.
[17:19.777] So umm, what's this?
[17:25.770] Salad.
[17:26.935] Ooooh!And-and-and what-what's this?
[17:31.834] Bread. Aren't you a chef?
[17:38.085] Hey! Rachel!
[17:39.286] Hey! Oh right, tonight was your party.
[17:43.267] Oh wow, you look great! Glad you could make it.
[17:45.532] Oh well, y'know, the gala had to end sometime.
[17:49.507] Don't go anywhere, I'll be right back.
[17:51.397] Yeah, sure.  All right, whose court is the ball in now?
[17:58.087] I thought there wasn't a ball?
[18:01.112] Oh, come on! He's glad that I came, he doesn't want me to go anywhere, balls flying all over the place!
[18:09.268] Rachel, this is my friend Tom.
[18:10.669] This is the girl I told you about.
[18:13.096] Oh, go on! You telling people about me?
[18:17.200] You two could really hit it off! I'm gonna go mingle.
[18:23.163] So you work at Bloomingdale's, huh? My mom calls it Bloomies.
[18:33.215] Yeah, okay, at ease solider!
[18:37.984] I'm sorry?
[18:38.594] No, it's all right, you can just drop the act Tommy. I know what's going on here.
[18:42.190] Your Danny's wingman right? You guys are best buds. Frat bros!
[18:48.968] I'm gonna go talk to uh, a friend.
[18:51.833] Yeah, yeah, you go talk to your friend. You tell him, "Nice try."
[19:00.535] Man! He just keeps lobbing them up and I just keep knocking them right out of the park!
[19:08.114] I think I need a drink.
[19:09.000] Yeah!
[19:14.527] 98. 99. 100. Okay, go!
[19:21.259] Dude, I'm telling ya! I'm fine!
[19:27.218] Here we go! Here we go!
[19:28.752] Hey!
[19:30.307] Hey!
[19:32.298] Hey. So I uh, I didn't get that apartment.
[19:34.548] Some problem with my application.
[19:36.486] You're kidding!
[19:36.894] You're kidding, no!
[19:38.257] Yeah. But, the good news is that Phoebe said that I could stay at her place for a while. So…
[19:42.284] But you can't stay with Phoebe, Ross! We're-we're roomies!
[19:45.845] Look, you guys don't need me here taking up your space.
[19:48.563] Well, we got plenty of space! There-there's still some over there by-by that speaker.
[19:54.584] Please, just stay!
[19:55.592] Yeah!
[19:57.145] Are you guys sure about this?
[19:58.103] Definitely!
[19:58.663] Yes! Ross, you have to stay!
[20:02.882] All right.
[20:03.256] All right!
[20:03.989] All right, buddy!
[20:06.772] So I'm a pimp huh? It's okay!
[20:12.987] Look, I know that sometimes I can be a pain in the ass, but you just have to talk to me.
[20:16.873] Tell me if something is bothering you. Okay?
[20:19.273] And for my part I will do everything I can to keep my annoying habits just (Does the 'quiet down' maneuver).
[20:26.488] (Chandler and Joey smile, but when Ross turns away look at each other with looks of horror.)
[20:39.833] Well, I see you've had a very productive day. Don't you think the cowboy hat is a little much?
[20:45.565] Ross:(popping up behind Joey wearing an Indian headdress) Come on, it's fun!
[20:50.526] All right! (He joins them in the fort and comes up putting on a bonnet.) Isn't this a woman's hat?
[21:00.821] Dude, stop talking crazy and make us some tea!